arsenal vs portsmouth

despite missing el capitan cesc fabregas, the gooners shit all over portsmouth in their own stadium today. the boy rambo (is he 19 yet?) has been making a convincing case as a midfield general, showcasing ridiculous passing ability, positional sense, and most importantly the ability to score. he cleverly set up samir nasri's strike to make it 2-0, and bagged a solo goal that made me wet my pants. in addition, alex song capped off an excellent defensive performance with a beautiful header to cap off a 4-1 win.

all in all, it was an excellent evening that made me momentarily forget that my old lady is out of town and i haven't gotten any in over a week.

the goals:

AFC North Championship ≠ Respect

wtf?

Two days after the Bengals clinched the AFC North crown and were awarded their first prime-time game of the season, the Pro Bowl ballots were released.

So the Bengals were going to get a few guys in there right? I mean, Cedric Benson missed a few games but his numbers are still great, so he'll at least be the third running back, right?

Jonathan Joseph and Leon Hall are the only pair of corners in the league with 6 INTs each, and both rank in the top 10 in passes defensed. So at least one of them is in right?

Cases could also be made for Dhani Jones, who leads the team with the number four overall defense in tackles, Domata Peko, interior defensive linesman for the number two run defense and Bobbie Williams, Cincinnati's best offensive lineman. Even Ochocinco should be in the conversation with a nine TD season.

But instead not a goddamn one of them made it. Every team in the AFC excepting Kansas City and Cincinnati is sending at least one player.

I have to hope this serves as inspiration for the Bengals heading into the playoffs. It actually fits coach Marvin Lewis' mantra of "Fight Back" quite well.

AFC North Championship = respect

After a terrible first half offensively, the Bengals pulled together a respectable effort, beat a bad Chiefs team, and clinched their division.

As the snow began to fall, the Bengals began celebrating their second division crown of the Marvin Lewis era. Awful looking graphics filled the stadium, the Black Eyed Peas were played (I'll bet you can guess which song), and AFC-North 2009 Championship tee-shirts flooded the Pro Shop.

Chants of Who-Dey could be heard all around Cincinnati. So much so that people outside of Cincinnati finally heard the call.

It took literally the entire season, but the Bengals finally landed a prime-time game!

In the last week of the season there is no Monday Night Football game, and the Sunday Night game isn't announced until a week before the game. This is to ensure that the best possible matchup lands the spot, as many teams are eliminated from the playoffs by then. With the Jets facing a win-and-you're-in scenario, and the Bengals chasing a higher seed than the Patriots, the powers in New York decided to put Bengals-Jets in the final prime-time spot of the regular season.

I was ready to write a post about the Bengals getting overlooked by a national audience, possibly due to some sort of conspiracy theory. After all, the Browns - who finished a half game worse than the Bengals last season - had TWO primetime games, a Thursday nighter against the Steelers and a Monday Night Football showdown with the Ravens.

The Raiders got a Monday Night game against the Chargers, and the Thanksgiving game against the Cowboys despite being only a half game ahead of the Bengals last year.

A lot of mediocre teams from last year received multiple primetime games as well. The Redskins, Broncos, and Packers each got two or more despite finishing at or below .500. Was there really no room for the Bengals?

Well there is now. We'll see Sunday night if the Bengals can finish the season with a bang. If they do, it will be the final game ever played in Giants stadium, and the first time Cincinnati has ever won there.

This rant is over.

Tony Allen throws it down on Corey Brewer

It wasn't but a week and a half ago when Corey Brewer threw it down hard on Derek Fisher, but this time around it was Brewer on the receiving end. Although I can't stand him, Eddie House makes a great steal and then saves the ball from going out of bounds with a beautiful behind the back pass. Tony Allen catches the pass and throws it down hard on Brewer.

awesome

andrei as marty mcfly dodging stevie gerrard and his liverpool teammates, and covering them in shit. makes me feel slightly better after the draw at burnley. love eboue's cameo as the shopkeeper!
z

Cheering Up

Alright.

It's been a really rough day for Bengals fans.

I think we could all use a break from death and grief.

Here's the best diversion I could come up with.

Slim wouldn't want y'all to sit around crying

It's OK to laugh a little right now.

We need it.

Peace.

RIP Slim

I'm sure everyone's heard by now, but Chris Henry died this morning at 6:36 am after a dispute with his fiancee yesterday in Charlotte, in which he fell off the back of a pick-up truck that she was driving. I don't even know what to say, man. I really had faith that he could one day be a consistent contributor for the Bengals and it seemed like this was going to be the year prior to him breaking his arm. This is truly a tragic day. Let's hope the tigers can run the table the rest of the season and win it all in Miami as a tribute to Slim.

LeBron Trophy

It's almost the end of the year and it's time for Dank-Game to reflect.

First on the docket will be the award for the best writing on Dank Game this year.

After careful consideration we decided that since we're all Ohioans, and there aren't enough of us doing this shit done, we should name our award after Cleveland Cavaliers living legend and Ohio native LeBron James.

So let us know if SlimMcFavorite's NBA musings, Teenage_Mustache's NFL observations, newcomer Nick Perkins' additions, or occasional sneaker news from Sean has been the most interesting to you this year.

I guess if you wanted to, you could nominate ANDY HAMS too, but honestly, that dude kind of sucks. I mean, he covers soccer. He probably likes baseball too.

Beasley making big plays on both ends

After watching most of the Heat's brutal blowout loss to the Grizzlies, I couldn't bring myself to watch the Heat vs. Raptors game last night. Thankfully, they turned things around against the Raptors with a blow out win of their own and Michael Beasley had a huge game, tying his career high with 28 points (he hasn't scored 30 yet, seriously?!?) and pulling down 11 rebounds. The above sequence is encouraging and I hope to see more of this from Mike.

LOLZ!!!

stuckey fuckin' murks AI on this one:

still real excited about dude. interested to see what he could do with the right people around him...

***edit - i would like to put a moratorium on all dank game lebron dicksucking. i know were ohioans and all, but c'mon. there are millions of people out there doing this shit for us, we do not need to acknowledge his talent. i would prefer that we highlight examples of his supreme bitchassness, which are ample. dude needs to man up on the real. they already changed the rules to let him travel (crab dribble!), call anything that resembles a foul on him and force the announcers to felate him at all times. let's get fucking real.

Jock Jams New Years

Let's get ready to rumble!

Dank Game is proud to present a New Years Eve to remember. Be at Reis Court in Mayfield Arena at 10:30 pm on Thursday, December 31st to celebrate the arrival of 2010.

And remember to wear a jersey!

Ya'll ready for this?!?

T-Wolves spoil Deron Williams' big night

After big wins last week against the Spurs, Lakers, and Magic, the Jazz fell to the Timberwolves for the second time this season. Despite the loss, Deron Williams posted a career high in points with 38 and he also dropped 13 dimes with only 1 turnover. He just couldn't manage to knock down the potential game winner.

I mainly wanted to do this post because of the slick move Deron pulls at the 0:16 mark on the above video. On a 2-on-2 fast break, Williams does a behind-the-back pass fake that Corey Brewer bites on just enough to give Williams room for a beautiful finger roll finish. Williams really doesn't get enough credit outside of true hoop fans. He's yet to make an All Star team, which is downright shameful. If he were in the East, I'm sure he'd have made multiple All Star teams by now. Unfortunately, the presence of point guards in the West like Chris Paul and Steve Nash could likely keep him from making it yet again this year.

Williams is also one of the best players in the league at the crossover. His lateral quickness is off the charts. Check these two videos from a recent game against the Lakers. You can find tons of more videos on youtube of Deron breaking ankles. I love them green throwback unis, by the way.

Down but not out

OK, we've all had a chance to digest Cincinnati's 30-10 loss to the Vikings yesterday, and it's time to approach the situation with some clarity.

The team mostly looked bad, especially on offense. Too many penalties, too little pass protection, and an offense that was too conservative (with the exception being the first touchdown drive) doomed the Bengals pretty early in the day. Although the defense held the Vikings in striking distance most of the day, the inability of the offense to stay on the field and score points would eventually doom them to their worst performance of the year.

It seems most local and national coverage is already giving up on the tigers. This was supposedly their preview of postseason football, and the Bengals clearly failed. Plus, this team hasn't won a playoff game since 1990 (the longest draught in the league, naturally). So while I don't necessarily blame them, I think I can see a bigger picture.

After each of the Bengal's losses, they have responded very well the next week. After Denver, they came and beat the Green Bay Packers in Lambeau. At the time the Pack were the darlings of the preseason, and even now they're almost certainly a playoff team. This was a total win, with great offensive and defensive efforts

After the somewhat embarrassing loss to the Texans, the Bengals responded by destroying the Chicago Bears. This was clearly the high water mark for this offense, and should be a reminder of what can be done, but far too often isn't.

Lastly, after a totally embarrassing loss to the Raiders (I think this is embarassing - the Raiders are hard to figure out - they did beat Philly and Pittsburgh, too), the Bengals responded by totally controlling the Browns game. Although they didn't score a lot of points, it never looked like the Browns would seriously threaten the lead.

Well, I guess back to back games against two of the league's four worst teams, maybe the Bengals had gone a little soft. Really though, it comes at a good time. Even with the loss, Cincinnati would still steal the 2nd seed in the playoffs from the Chargers with a win, plus another win or two to close the season.

Because optimism for this team isn't running high right now, this isn't the scenario that most people are looking at. Analysts have been using any number of stats to point to the Bengal's recent futility in the passing game and inability to score touchdowns in the second half even before the Vikings game. Obviously there's some truth to this, but I cannot believe that a nine win team that swept its division is going to be one and done in the playoffs.

Why not? Because last year the team that met that description was the Arizona Cardinals, who made it to the Superbowl.

Be patient, Bengals fans. It's not January yet.

Fast Break Perfection

First off, we have the Cavs with all five players on the floor playing a part in the break. That's how basketball is supposed to be played right there.


Next, we have the Lakers also running the fast break to perfection. It's not quite as impressive as the Cavs' full court break, but that between the legs pass by Odom gives it that Showtime flair.

the genius of jens lehmann, and sweet victory over liverpool

ex-arsenal keeper jens lehmann has always been a complete lunatic, but he has been outdoing himself lately. here, he abandons the goal to piss in a trashcan by the sidelines during a recent match for stuttgart. jens is smart enough to know that you can't effectively tend goal with a full bladder.


lehmann will always be remembered for getting himself sent off in the fucking champions league final (first player ever to do so) for arsenal several years back, and he works his magic in the CL here for stuttgart:


today, jens' successor did what he could to try and throw the game away for us with his complete inability to deal with crosses, but was rescued by liverpool defender glen johnson's hilarious own-goal and andrey arshavin's brilliant strike in the second half:

love his celebration, and the fact that he runs over to wenger for a pat on the head after the goal. relieves me of some of my anxieties that he has completely given up on his career with arsenal. while i would still be surprised if he didn't end up at barcelona after this season, i am glad that he is relishing in his current role as main striker. hopefully he can get us through our van persie-less spell, which looks as though it will be pretty long.

An Open Letter to Brandon Jennings

Dear B Jennings,
I just want to see you get a better than 2 to 1 assist to turnover ratio. Your game tonight against the Blazers was near perfect. You had 11 assists on only 4 turnovers and you didn't have to give up your offense to do it. You still took 17 shots which seems good--hell, you could even take more considering your team's other options. Hopefully you'll get Michael Redd back to normal production, but if you play it just right I think you could get your team to the playoffs without his shots. You just need to remember not to gamble too much and a better than 2 to 1 assist ratio is a great sign of that.

Stay up player, Nicolas Perkins.

PS-You're so close to that 2 to 1 already--5.7 to 3!

Corey Brewer destroys Derek Fisher

Of course the Lakers would go on to win this one, but I'm sure Derek Fisher is still feeling salty after that dunk.

Throwback Posterization: Dirk Minniefield

I just happened to stumble upon this old school dunk by a dude named Dirk Minniefield who played for the Kentucky Wildcats. The video is from sometime between 1979 and 1983. Unfortunately, he's most remembered for blowing a game against rival Louisville in the 1983 NCAA Mideast Regional Final. In the final moments of the game, UK had a small lead and he drove the lane only to be blocked by Louisville center Charles Jones. Louisville tied the game to force overtime and proceeded to take the game over in a 80-68 victory. As a Lexington native, Minniefield heard about this for years to come. To make matters worse, in 2007 he admitted that he and several teammates had smoked weed the night before. He still suspects that the marijuana affected his game. After being drafted by the Mavericks 33rd overall in the 1983 NBA Draft, he would play just three seasons as a journeyman.

But let's get back to that dunk, which I'd much rather him be remembered for. That might be one of the nastiest dunks I've ever seen. Minniefield was only 6'3" and it looks like his head goes above the rim. He does seems to push off the defender's chest somewhat with his knees, but that's still some ridiculous shit. This video has reminded me of other vintage facial dunks, so don't be surprised if "Throwback Posterizations" become a regular here on Dank Game.

Hard Knocks Is on YouTube

FINALLY! Hard Knocks is now on YouTube. The quality is pretty good, and it looks like every episode was split into 5 parts.

I have no idea how this hasn't been taken down yet. But if you missed the thing because you don't have HBO (like me), do yourself a favor and watch these before they get removed!

Friends and loved ones: if you don't hear from me this weekend, you'll know why.

Another Dank Game Conspiracy Theory: The Cosmic Powers of Great Lakes' Christmas Ale

It's been made no secret that us Dank Gamers enjoy beer, and last night was certainly no exception. It began as a typical night of drinking and watching football, but quickly turned into a drunken dream world thanks to Cleveland's infamous Christmas Ale. Not only does it get you drunk faster due to it's 7.5% ABV (Alcohol By Volume), but it also affects the balance of the universe in inexplicable, cosmic ways. Seriously. How else would the Cleveland Browns sack Ben Roethlisberger eight times en route to a 13-6 victory over the Pittsburgh Steelers? It's gotta be the Christmas Ale.

I'm sure you're reading this and thinking it's some kind of joke, and I don't blame you for doubting me. I know, it sounds ridiculous, but hear me out. I have plenty of evidence that proves Christmas Ale is truly an otherworldly beverage that affects Cleveland's sports teams when consumed in high volumes. This isn't the first time we at Dank Game have dabbled in conspiracy theories, and it certainly won't be the last.

Great Lakes only produces Christmas Ale during the holiday season, and the Cleveland Cavaliers have yet to win a championship despite having arguably the most gifted athlete to ever set foot on a basketball court. What's the connection here? If Great Lakes continued to produce Christmas Ale throughout the NBA Playoffs and Cleveland sports fans consumed large quantities of it, I honestly believe that the Cavs would finally bring home the Larry O'Brien Trophy. If only Clevelanders had the self control to ration their Christmas Ale for the playoffs. Of course, that's asking way too much of Clevelanders, though.

Still not convinced? You will be after reading the following paragraph.

According to Wikipedia, there was a shortage of Christmas Ale in 2007 due to high demand and low production owing to a shortage of honey. The very same year, the Browns had a breakthrough season after trading starting quarterback Charlie Frye to the Seattle Seahawks and promoting backup Derek Anderson to a starter. In his first start, Anderson led the Browns to a 51-45 win over the Cincinnati Bengals, tying the franchise record of five touchdown passes in a single game. The Browns would finish the season at 10-6, which was their best record since 1994. Despite these accomplishments, they barely missed the playoffs due to a tie-breaker. What would the Browns' fate have been that season had there not been a shortage of Christmas Ale?

What is it that makes Christmas Ale such a mystical beer? I suspect Great Lakes uses some secret ingredient that allows it to affect Cleveland sports in mysterious ways. They claim that its main ingredients are sweet barley with a hint of cinnamon, ginger, and honey, but I don't think they're letting us know everything. Maybe it's a drop of "water" from the Cuyahoga, or a pinch of talcum powder collected from LeBron James' pregame ritual. Whatever it is, I'm going to get to the bottom of it. Who wants to join me in a road trip to Cleveland to sneak into the Great Lakes Brewery? I guess we can go to a Cavs game while we're there, too.

Do you trust this man?

If you're not following Chad Ochocinco's Twitter account by now, you're missing out.

The most ridiculous thing about him this season is that for every joke, touchdown celebration, or challenge that comes out of his head - more or less unfiltered - into Twitterdom, he actually follows through on half of them. The most ridiculous example is up first.

A few weeks back, Ochocinco started talking about starting a day care called Child Please Daycare Center. The punchline of this joke: Hours from 7am to kiss the baby. Haha Chad, you were able to work both your 2009 catchphrases into the same joke. The rest of us moved on. Chad upped the ante:

He actually had graphics printed and hung out with some kids. I'm not sure that he actually opened a daycare center, and I hope to God he didn't. Honestly, what parent would send their kid to a caretaker who eats McDonalds for every meal and spends most of his waking hours playing Xbox?

Oy, what's next? Oh yeah, Ochocinco condoms. "They'll catch everything your Johnson shoots," according to Chad. Another good joke, this time working his former name in. When I heard it a month or so ago, I thought I'd heard the last of it. I was wrong:

No word on whether tiger skin condoms are as effective as lambskin, but it would be kind of cool to have a striped penis, right? What's next?

When a Japanese broadcaster that covers the NFL in the far East suggested that Chad change his last name again, this time to the Japanese eight-five translation Haichi Go, I was sure it was just a goof. Chad laughed at the suggestion, and had a uniform made up. But now he posts a picture of it under the banner "coming soon." Can he be the Black Mexican and eat sushi? It'll be hard since they don't have any at McDonalds.

Chad also promised to deliver an all Spanish interview on ESPN. I don't know if he delivered, but he claims his "espanol is on point." No word on whether he'll learn Japanese if he changes his name again.

So what's next for Chad? He says he's going to steal the bugle horn of the Vikings mascot and use it as a prop after he scores a touchdown in Minnesota. Will he do it? I figure there's about a 50% chance.

Who Knows About Computers?

Dank-Gamers.

Help me out!

Something is wrong with my computer.

It started about 11:00 pm Tuesday night. I had finished watching a movie (Thelma and Louise was terrific, thanks for asking) and decided to check out some stuff on the internet.

But something went horribly wrong. After looking at some of my favorite websites and blogs, I looked up some NBA scores. And my screen is telling me that the Memphis Grizzlies beat the Cleveland Cavaliers!

Now I'm no IT guy, but clearly I must have some virus, or some sort of system malfunction on a grand scale. Because I was told the Cavs were basically unbeatable.


HA! Go Thunder, who incidently are back in the playoff picture. Shit, they'd be a 5th seed if they were in the East (read: L'East).

The Nugget Ceiling

Kenyon Martin on the Denver Nuggets has always seemed unexciting to me, even as a long time Cincinnati Bearcats fan. But this year, and last year too, I think Kenyon is finally getting over the injuries that plagued him after he left New Jersey (and hopefully getting over not having the 3-4 easy dunks Jason Kidd got him every game).

Just hearing Kenyon talk defense on hoopshype.com got me excited about the possibilities for this years playoffs: "Could you talk about the defensive mindset that you bring to Denver? Kenyon Martin: Everybody can’t score in the league and you have to be able to do something different. I have always been known as a defensive player, paying attention to detail mostly, helping with the game plan, how we should play pick and rolls or post up. I always tend to draw the assignment of the tough post player. I just try to do all I can to make sure we are successful."

I can almost hear the ghost of Bob Huggins at the Shoe in his voice. And really, with their front line of Martin, Nenê, and the Birdman, I think they can be a damn good defensive team if they strive for it. Especially when you consider Chauncey Billups skills in game management, learned in Detroit from the best in the business, Larry Brown. I mean, the Lakers are great now, it would be extremely tough for the Nuggets to make the NBA finals, but the 2004 Pistons led by Billups beat a Lakers team with arguably more talent than this Lakers team (though certainly not the chemistry of this year). Kenyon thinks they have a chance, check his answer to the question on hoopshype.com: "Can the Nuggets earn a berth in the NBA Finals without making any deals? Kenyon Martin: I think so. We have a great team in place. As long as we get better each and every game we play and every month we play and learn from our mistakes… As long as we get the team to focus in on the defensive end because we can score with anybody in the league… If we lock in on defense, the sky is the limit for us."

Forget the Superbowl Shuffle!

First off, BIG thanks to Cincy Jungle for posting this link, and HUGE thanks to whoever put it on YouTube in the first place.

This was the rap song made by the Superbowl bound 1988 Bengals, written by wide receiver Mike Martin and featuring the likes of Ickey Woods, Soloman Wilcots and other Bengals greats.

So bear with me as I stumble through my first Hiphop article on Dank Game:

For starters, this song kicks the shit out of the 1985 Bears' "Superbowl Shuffle." The beat is actually listenable, the lyrics are a little less trite, the chorus is catchier, the rapping is much smoother, they have one guy that can actually sing pretty soulfully, and they kept the white players out of the recording studio.

Speaking of the recording studio, it made a much better setting than the awful looking blue smoking lounge the 1985 Bears shot in. Plus the editing was actual interesting to watch. Props to Local 12 in Cincinnati for putting the thing together.

I once heard the "Superbowl Shuffle" accused of setting back Chicago's rap scene by 10 years. Alternately, I'm pretty sure this song set up the all too brief golden age of Cincinnati rap, leading to Scribble Jam, producer Hi-Tek, and that Mood group that hiphoppers from Cincy are always talking about.

Dank-Gamers, how'd I do? Should I keep writing about rap?

///

Unrelated, but awesome:

OchoCinco posted a picture of the Bengals Snuggie he had made to his Twitter account:

"Sometimes I have a weak stream."

Further proof that Steve Nash is hilarious.

Lions Loss Leaps Bengals to winning season

For the first time since 2005, and only the second time since 1991 (this goddamn team) the Bengals will finish with a winning record.

Beating the Detroit Lions isn't much of an accomplishment, but the game is still riddled with meaning for Cincinnati.

For starters, Marvin Lewis tied franchise founder Paul Brown for 2nd most wins by a coach in club history. As noted above, it also guarantees them a winning season, with their record now notched at 9-3 - tied for second best in the AFC. We also saw the successful return of running back Cedric Benson, and first round pick offensive tackle Andre Smith got playing time for his second NFL game.

Furthermore, with Pittsburgh losing to Oakland and Baltimore possibly losing to Green Bay tonight, only one more win may be necessary to ensure an AFC North crown for the Bengals.

However, this game was boring! The first half was kind of exciting, but the second was slow and painful. Detroit's offense looked terrible after starting the game strong, and the Bengals probably could have posted about 14 more points had it not been for needless interceptions from Carson Palmer. On the plus side, I didn't mind watching the Bengals defense pound quarterback Matt Stafford into the ground repeatedly - welcome to the Jungle indeed.

So I am going to celebrate Brian Leonard for his 100th leap over a defender (unofficial stat). WhoDeyRevolution call him the "White Weapon," a nickname that absolutely needs to catch on. He only gets two or three carries per game, but he makes them count. If you Google Image Search the guy, at least a third of the pictures are of him leaping over would-be tacklers - a trend that dates back to at least his Rutgers days.

So the unnofficial Dank-Game player of the week is Brian Leonard, with Chad "taking the Black Mexican thing really seriously" Ochocinco a close second.

Hang in there, big guy

Greg Oden will likely be out for the rest of the season after fracturing his left knee cap in a collision with Rockets guard Aaron Brooks in the first quarter of a 90-89 Blazers win. After an MRI, the Blazers have reported he will need surgery and they have given no timetable for his return. The injury is yet another dent to Portland's roster, which has been plagued by injuries. Starting small forward Nicholas Batum needed shoulder surgery before the season began and forward Travis Outlaw fractured his right foot in November and will also undergo surgery. Guard Rudy Fernandez is also out with sciatic pain and is scheduled for an MRI.

You can't help but feel sorry for Oden after missing his entire rookie season and twenty some games last season. He seems like such a nice dude, who's worked hard to stay healthy. I've really wanted to see him succeed after all of the whispers that he's just another Sam Bowie. Sure, in hindsight the Blazers probably should have picked Kevin Durant instead of Oden, much like they should have picked Jordan instead of Bowie in '84, but you can't blame them for using their number one pick on a big man. Quality centers are so hard to come by these days and if Oden could stay healthy, I'm sure he would eventually develop into one of the best big men in the league. Oden was averaging 11.7 points and 8.8 rebounds as a starter this season, which aren't overwhelming numbers, but solid nonetheless. Plus, he affects games in ways that don't show up in the box score. For instance, his presence alone in the paint is enough to make players think twice about driving to the hoop. Coach Nate McMillain has even said that he was Portland's most consistent player so far this season, which is quite the compliment for such a deep team that features an All Star guard in Brandon Roy.

I hope that this setback will just motivate him to come back even stronger and more focused, but you can't help but wonder if Oden will ever be able to stay healthy for an entire season. At least he has an adorable dog to hang out with.

I'm ready to leave L.A. now

As some of you know, I'm in L.A. right now. After watching this game at a lame sports bar by

myself, I'm ready to come back to Ohio. God damn it, that was heartbreaking. Kobe even said it

was his luckiest shot.

LeBron James: The Making of an MVP

An excerpt from the new book LeBron James: The Making of an MVP by sportswriters Terry Pluto and Brian Windhorst of the Cleveland Plain Dealer has been featured on the ESPN blog Truehoop. The excerpt is from the 18th chapter of the book called "I Have to be 10 Times Better" and it describes LeBron's reaction to the Spurs sweeping the Cavs in the 2007 NBA Finals. It was an eye-opening moment for LeBron in which he realized the Cavs simply weren't good enough at the time to win it all. His response was to keep improving himself both on and off the court... some true motivational shit, if you will.

Cavs Suns

Lebron's game against the Suns on Wednesday was a typical bad game for James. He only took 15 shots for the game, making 6. He never really looked comfortable from the floor until that sick fall away shot he hit right before he came out. No other player affects the game like Lebron when having a bad game. He wasn't a scorer, but he didn't need to be. He had 8 rebounds and 10 assists on 3 turnovers. Now 8 rebounds might not seem like much for some teams, but the Cavs are such a great rebounding team 8 is no slouch for real. I mean look at the rest of the team: Shaq with 9, Hickson and Varejao with 8 as well. There are only so many opportunities for boards on a team like this, you can't take 'em from you own team... unless you're Zach Randolph. Seriously, you put Lebron on a team like Golden State and, I swear, he'd get at least 10 a game. Lebron's assist numbers are a career high and it's no wonder with the depth on this team: Anthony Parker can hit the open three, Shaq on the block, plus everyone from last year. I mean, sure Shaq is old (he kinda looks like George Foreman now, right?), but they only gave up Ben Wallace and Sascha Pavlovic to get him—that's a steal. Color me excited about the Lebronaliers! Look at that D! Held the best offensive team in the league, according to them John Holligner stats on espn.com, to only ninety points, ah ah ah, ah yeah.

It's official: Ron Artest is crazier than Ochocinco

Finally, we have a winner. I'm sure the battle will still go on, but with the latest news about Ron Artest, you can now rest assured that Ron Ron is crazier than Ochocinco. In an interview with Sporting News Magazine, Artest said that he used to drink Hennessy at halftime while playing for the Bulls. Seriously. Now, I know Chad Ochocinco is pretty crazy, but with this news, he now just seems eccentric relative to Artest. Ochocinco is going to have to go to great lengths to catch up to Ron on this one. I'm talking crystal meth or PCP during halftime.

In the interview, Ron discussed other crazy shit he did in his past, like being a "single" pimp as a 19-year-old attending St. John's. I don't know why he specifies that he was a single pimp (hence the quotes), as I thought all pimps were single, unless you count their bottom bitch as a significant other.

The ball's back in your court, Mustache. I'll be astounded if you find a way to rebound from this one. By the way, what's up in the NFL?

Can't spell Philadelphia without A.I.

In an unlikely reunion, Allen Iverson has officially signed with the Philadelphia 76ers. After playing for the Sixers for 10 years, his tenure ended in 2006 with him feuding with former head coach Maurice Cheeks and refusing to play the fourth quarter of his final game against the Bulls. And now, he's back after a brief "retirement" following a three game stint with the Memphis Grizzlies.

With guard Lou Williams out with a broken jaw and rookie Jrue Holiday the only other capable point guard, Iverson has been guaranteed a starting spot. Apparently, when coach Eddie Jordan told Iverson he would like for him to start, Iverson was "like a kid on Christmas." I'm sure if he had been told he wasn't starting he would have acted like a kid on X-Mas who didn't get a PSP, or whatever it is the kids want these days.

So, is this really a basketball move or a business move? Team president Ed Stefanski insists that it's not simply to improve Philly's poor tickets sales this season, but I think it's pretty obvious that it is a move to get the city excited for the team again. The Sixers have lost seven straight games and look to be on their way to a loss to 'Stache's OKC Thunder as I write this. Apparently it has the city buzzing, as people have been calling into radio stations to talk about the signing. Whatever the motivation is for this move, I can't say I blame the Sixers for giving it a try. It's not a huge risk financially, and I'm guessing that the transition will be easy for Iverson due to the nostalgia. And let's face it, the Sixers aren't contending for shit this year, so they might as well have done it in hopes of getting a return from ticket and jersey sales. And if it actually does help the team, great.

The last remaining question is whether Iverson's isolation style of play will fit in with coach Eddie Jordan's Princeton offense, which puts an emphasis on ball movement. The Sixers' marquee player Andre Iguodala has even brought up this very issue when questioned about Iverson prior to the signing. Will Eddie Jordan move forward with his offense or try to adapt to Iverson's style? Despite his reputation to dominate the ball, Iverson does have a career average of 6.2 assists per game, so maybe he can find a way to fit in. But you also have to take into account that he has averaged 41.4 minutes per game over his career, which inflates his stats. It will be interesting to see how it plays out. I just hope that this can lead to Iverson ending his career on a respectable note, because it has definitely been rough for him since arriving in Detroit, even if it is largely his own stubbornness that got him there.

In4mation & Vans team up for some fly shit

I'm in L.A. right now, so you can be sure I've seen my fair share of Vans around. In fact, I copped me a pair of navy suede Eras in the LBC. While I'm definitely still feeling my new kicks, this pair of Chukka Lows has got me craving another pair of Vans. Teaming up with the skateboarding company In4mation, Vans has delivered one fresh looking pair of sneakers right here. I'm really feeling the blue canvas with red accents and brown gum sole. The houndstooth interior is a nice touch as well. These will release December 12 at the In4mation retail store and their online store.

Check out Nice Kicks for more photos, as usual.

Black Friday for the Black Mexican

First thing's first. Happy belated thanksgiving, Dank-Gamers. I'm sure you all said a word about being thankful for this truly amazing blog. Enough of that.

OK, so Ron Artest has come back strong in the past couple of weeks in the Ochocinco-Artest craziest athlete battle. Both have certainly been entertaining this season, but Chad's newfound maturity (not sure they'd call it that for any other players) has left him seeming a little sane.

So even if Ron Ron is looking to have a leg up in the competetion, I want to know how his "Black Friday" went.

Chad bought tons of stuff, according to his twitter account. He hit up Best Buy, Target, and even tweeted that he was going to fall asleep in Value City Furniture.

As a bonus, he took a picture of him trying on his new $5.00 Snuggie (that's right - The Blanket You Can Wear!) And yes, he apparently was still in the store when he first put it on.


No word yet on if he'll turn into a lazy, slobbering, obese loser like the 10% of Americans that already own Snuggies. But he probably will when all that McDonald's catches up to him.

B Jennings 55 point game

Brandon Jennings going off for 55 was incredible. If you
haven't seen it, you should watch it here, there's three parts: (
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUa7wf3cavg ). As the Bucks announcers
rightly point out, He played the two man game with Bogut to
perfection. Bogut was hitting tough screens, Jennings doesn't need
much space, good combo. Towards the end of the game he was taking
tougher shots when Bogut got into foul trouble, but it didn't matter
because he was still draining 3 pointers with a hand in his face (7/8
on the night).

I think Brandon Jennings is proof that college is not that
great for preparing players to be professionals. Playing in a real pro
league with a coach who would not let him have the keys to the offense
has helped his maturity. A college coach would have let him play his
game more, but he wouldn't have learned as much about how to play as
part of a team.

Despite that, his relationship with Scott Skiles will certainly
be strained as a scoring point guard. I do think his defense looked
pretty good at times, especially with the way he was playing the zone,
which will certainly help his cause with a defense coach like Scott
Skiles. You watch his footwork in the zone, at the 1:57 mark of the
second part of the you tube replay, and he played the ball well,
forced Ellis into a tough shot and picks up the defensive rebound; I'm
sure Scott Skiles was proud. Defensive rebounding is an indicator of
good defense and he is averaging 4.3 rebounds a game with 3.5 of
those on the defensive end. I don't think he would be doing that
without a coach like Scott Skiles to harp on him and he may not have
been as prepared to receive that without his experience with
Lottomatica Roma.

At first I thought Jennings looked like the next Iverson, but
his shooting percentage as a rookie is higher (though 12 games is a
small sample compared to the 76 on record for Iverson's rookie year).
Looking at his game, he's got some Rondo-like qualities. His
rebounding is very good for a point guard, much like Rondo. Rondo is
really efficient with his turnovers always being low, but Jennings is
more of a scorer, which will always lead to higher turnovers. I think
it bodes well for Jennings that there is no easy comparison, he will
make his own name.

Artest continues to distance himself from Ochocinco

Just when I thought Ron Ron had finally started to settle down, he went and tossed Trevor Ariza's shoe during a game. And now, he recently appeared on the "Jimmy Kimmel Live" show... in his undies. Ok, so they're pretty big, unrevealing shorts so it's not all that crazy, but still. Ochocinco looked pretty dapper when he did his Top Diez List on David Letterman. It's also worth noting that Ron has "Jimmy Kimmel Live" shaved into the back of his head. Also, he likes drum rolls and loves Hersheys.

Click here for part 2, when Ron discusses walking in on Kobe taking a shower, who's skin apparently emits steam.

Cincinnati - We always need more Johnsons!

2005 was a great year for the Bengals. I'm not talking about winning their division. I'm not even talking about going to the playoffs for the first time in over a decade.

I'm talking about the world's most fantastic collection of Johnsons!

Wide receiver Chad Johnson and running back Rudi Johnson were the star skill players of the offense. Rudi ran behind fullback Jeremi Johnson, and Chad practiced running short routes against linebacker Landon Johnson. It was a great time for Johnsons. It was a great time for Cincinnati.

2006 almost saw more of the same. The team even added backup QB Doug Johnson, increasing the number of Johnsons to five. But the magic was no longer there, and by the end of the season the team appeared impotent.

The Bengals bottomed out in 2008. Landon Johnson had left in free agency, Rudi was banished to the wastelands of Detroit, Jeremi was too fat, Doug disappeared or something, and Chad infamously changed his last name to Ochocinco. Needless to say, the team only won 4 games. Things had to change. Cincinnati needed more Johnsons.

Enter the 2009 Cincinnati Bengals. Jeremi regained his physique and rejoined the team. The Bengals signed defensive tackle "Tank" Johnson in free agency. And the team drafted defensive end Michael Johnson (nickname: Giraffe). Things were looking up, and the team went 7-2 to start the season.

But there was a problem. Coach Marvin Lewis and owner Mike Brown knew from 2005 that the magic number of Johnsons was four. They scanned the NFL far and wide for weeks, but could not find a suitable Johnson. Until last week.

Running back Larry Johnson finally pissed off Kansas City enough following his "fags" rant that they cut him from the team. Apparently in Kansas City, multiple accounts of violence against women is less offensive than saying fags a few times in a press conference, but that's another post. The point is, Larry Johnson was perfect for Cincinnati.

The team debuted their four Johnson attack this week in Oakland. The results were less than stellar, but the Johnsons looked OK. Actually, they looked pretty bad, with Jeremi losing a fumble, and Tank and Michael registering zero sacks. But only time will tell if this collection of Johnsons is as powerful as the 2005 variety. The experiment will be exciting.

So welcome to Cincinnati, Larry Johnson. Please stay away from our nightclubs and women.

Playoff Stretch Preview

I meant to post this before this weekend's crop of games, but oh well:

That's right folks. It's time to start talking about the NFL playoff picture. I've drawn up a neat little chart of how I think the post season will shake down, right up to the Saints-Bengals superbowl!
Seeding is really important to any sports postseason, and the NFL is no exception. I see the current top seeds of both conferences staying put. It's very hard to imagine the undefeated Saints and Colts not capturing the top spots. A one-loss Vikings team looks to have a lock on the second spot in the NFC, while a 7-2 Bengals should coast through the remaining easy schedule to nail down the number two spot in the AFC. Even after an unexpected Raiders loss, I still think the Bengals will win nearly all of their remaining games. These four teams will be rewarded with a first round bye.

In the AFC East, it's pretty clear that the Patriots will run away with the division. The race was even in the AFC West, but the Broncos are on a serious decline after an unthinkable 6-0 start, and the Chargers have slowly but surely gained momentum and taken control of the division.

The wild card spots are quite interesting in the AFC, however, with at least 5 teams in hot contention for the last two playoff spots. I've kept the Ravens and Steelers out of the playoff picture because they have two meetings left this season. So they'll probably beat each other out of the race, while a "little-engine-that-could" Dolphins team that has lost three of its starters but has gotten better, and a pretty good Texans team will sneak in. The Broncos and possibly the Jaguars will join the Steelers and Ravens as teams just barely missing the post-season in the AFC.

In the NFC, the Cardinals have practically already won the West notwithstanding an extreme last season comeback by the initially dominant 49ers. The East is usually the Division to beat in the NFC, but this year the top three teams look wobbly. I see Philly bouncing back to win the division, the Cowboys season crashing late, and the Giants reemerging with a late season playoff berth in the 6th spot. The Falcons possibly have the easiest path to a wildcard in the NFC, and I think they'll get the 5th spot over the Giants.

Outside of the Bengals and Saints taking it all the way to the Superbowl, the Chargers will win a few January games, as will the Eagles. The only other wins I forecast are divisional round victories by the Patriots and Giants.

So there you have it, Dank-Game.

Until this looks ridiculous in 3 weeks and I redo it.

What is beef?

Beef is when your crew starts shit with a 68-year-old sportscaster backstage on the "Jimmy Kimmel Live" show. According to the Los Angeles Times, 50 Cent's entourage was hostile towards Marv Albert, who was in town for the Lakers/Bulls game, as he arrived at the show.

"As Albert arrived, with an entourage of one, TNT public relations specialist Jeff Pomeroy, there was a sudden scuffle when a multitude of 50 Cent protectors seemed unfamiliar with Albert. There was shouting ("It's Marv Albert," yelled a Kimmel show guard, a pronouncement that seemed to have no effect on the 50 Cent phalanx.) There were obscenities. A fist or two flying. A 'Don't you put your hands on me' pronouncement.

And finally Albert made it to his waiting room, relatively unruffled but slightly puzzled. 'Did you see that?' Albert said. 'I thought they were kidding, but then I realized they weren't.'"

It's about time 50 Cent got past beefing with lightweights like Ja Rule, but I don't think 50 and his crew know quite what they're up against. Marv comes with it realer than real. He doesn't beef to make it on some documentary, he beefs for blood. Look out for the release of the fifth installment of the Beef documentary series, in which Marv Albert and his entourage of one bring the pain to 50 Cent and his entire wanksta crew. Word has it that Beef V will also include the legendary beef between LeBron/Jay-Z and DeShawn Stevenson/Soulja Boy.

Miami of Ohio Heat

The Heat have finally come back down to earth after an unexpected 6-1 start, but first I want to address something else: that dick Teenage Mustache spreading lies about me. In his recent Thunder vs. Heat Dank Game Showdown post, 'Stache claims that as a child I thought the Miami Heat were a local team based in Oxford, which is widely known as Miami of Ohio. While it was meant to be fun and games, more people than I'm comfortable with have taken 'Stache's silly joke seriously. So let me clear the air and make it known that I have always been aware that the Miami Heat were based in Miami, FL. I'm sure 'Stache is off in Newark, OH (pronounced "Nurk") cackling with satisfaction as he reads this. Now, back to the Miami of Ohio Hea... I mean... the Miami Heat... of Florida. I swear, I've known all along.

The Heat have dropped two straight back-to-back games, which seemed due to happen at some point. In the Dank Game Showdown between the Heat and Thunder, Oklahoma City's height was just too much for the Heat. Thabo Sefolosha has been gaining a reputation as a lockdown defender, and he looked the part guarding Dwyane Wade who couldn't seem to get a good look at the basket. Sefolosha's length pestered Wade, as Thabo kept Wade in check and at one point stripped the ball from him as he was driving which led to an easy fastbreak dunk. Another matchup in which height gave OKC the advantage was 6'9" Kevin Durant against 6'6" Quentin Richardson. I thought that coach Spoelstra should've utilized 6'9" Dorell Wright against Durant, who's played some good perimeter defense when given the chance. Dorell guarded LeBron better than anyone else on the Heat. With the young point guard showdown, Russell Westbrook picked up where he left off last season in murdering Mario Chalmers. Westbrook more or less finished the Heat off halfway through the 4th after hitting a deep three to put the Thunder up 87-72. The only bright spot was that Daequan Cook found his three-point stroke in the fourth quarter, almost making it a game. But of course, it was too little too late.

I only watched the second half of last night's game against the Hawks, so I don't have much insight on this one. With Udonis Haslem out and Beasley finding himself on the bench due to foul trouble, Shavlik Randolph (pictured above) played a lot more than I would've liked. By the way, I mainly just used that image because Shav (which I can only assume he likes to be called) has that certain white bread look that you can't find outside of Oxford's campus. Anyhow, Shav had yet to play a game this season and he looked pretty shook out there. Again, coach Spoelstra went with a lineup at the beginning of the fourth that made no sense to me. For some reason he saw it fit to throw Shav, Carlos Arroyo, Daequan Cook, James Jones, and Joel Anthony on the floor together. The Hawks' lead would go from 7 to 12 in a matter of minutes with this group. By the time Spoelstra put a real lineup on the floor, the Heat looked like they had already accepted a loss. This team really needs to get it together, as the past few games they haven't played with any urgency.

Also, I knew I would regret not putting the Hawks in the playoffs. Wishful thinking, I guess.

rambo rapes scotland

18-year old aaron ramsey, after creating the first two goals, scores a third for wales in a friendly against scotland. watch him break mcmanus' ankles with an artful move, before man united's douchebag enforcer darren fletcher unsuccessfully tries his hand, giving what could have been a penalty in the process. love this shit.



shit like this keeps my mind off the senseless injury to robin van persie, and the official waving of the white flag by the new orleans hornets franchise. fuck...

Where there's Thunder, there's Heat

It's on!  Slim's McFavorite team (the Miami Heat) vs. yours truly's favored Oklahoma City Thunder.  Tomorrow night, baby!

Some background:

Slim started Dank Game back in July of 2009 to fill the large void in opinionated sports writing on the internet.  Suffering from a lack of charisma, Dank Game turned to Cincinnati wunderkind Teenage Mustache (actual name). 

For the most part, a decision was reached that Slim would continue to focus on the NBA, while America's real pro sport was covered by the 'Stache.  We even got some dick from Columbus to cover English football (you know, soccer), just to round out our coverage.  Naturally, baseball was considered non essential.

However, football season will end (hopefully after the Bengals win the Superbowl for the first time), and the 'Stache needs to keep this good thing going.  Without a Cincinnati team to root for (until we bring the Royals back), Mustache scanned the league for a team worthy of his fandom.  Not surprisingly, his heart landed in Oklahoma City.

Slim meanwhile has been rooting for the Heat since boyhood.  Mistaking Miami, FL for Miami of Ohio (and thus thinking it was a local team), Slim nevertheless stuck with his choice after discovering his initial mistake.  He was rewarded with a Miami NBA championship, thanks almost entirely to the addition of Shaquille O'Neal to the team.

Flash forward to Tuesday, Nov. 16th - the first Thunder-Heat showdown since Dank Game was launched.  Bragging rights will be established, fun will be had, I will be working :(

OK, so it's not a perfect night.  But once the Thunder have secured victory, it won't matter.  Game on.

No, make that Dank-Game on!

Ron Artest wins by any means necessary

The only problem is the Lakers didn't win. Early in the Lakers game against the Rockets, former Laker Trevor Ariza's shoe fell of during a scramble for a rebound. As Ariza attempted to grab his shoe, Ron Ron grabbed his shoe and tossed it out of bounds. To add insult to injury, after the Lakers secured the ball on a miss by Luis Scola, Artest nailed a three. During the replay at the end of the video, you can see Ariza's reaction. I'm guessing he said something along the lines of, "Are you fucking serious?"

Who Dey! WHO DEY! Who dey think gonna beat dem Bengals!

It's time to print the playoff tickets! At 7-2, and with four extremely easy games on tap, it's nearly impossible to imagine anything but a playoff berth for the tigers of 2009.

What (besides a healthy Carson Palmer) is the difference between the 2008 and 2009 Bengals? I'm gonna say the pass rush. Cincinnati had zero sacks against the Steelers last season. This year, I don't have the exact count, but it is closer to five or six. And many of them came at crucial moments.

Despite multiple red zone trips by Pittsburgh, Cincinnati held the Steelers to mere field goals. After an unexpected Bernard Scott kickoff return for a touchdown, 4 FGs weren't going to cut it.

Although he missed a 51 yard field goal (which apparently would have been the longest ever at Heinz Field), Shayne Graham quickly remembered "Where-da-party"s at, making four clutch field goals. Brandon Johnson filled in admirably for the injured Keith Rivers, knocking down a key 3rd down pass. And Fanene, filling in for Antwan Odom, had two sacks. Plenty more accolades can and will be given, but in the meantime let's just rest assured that the 2009 Cincinnati Bengals are winners.

Nothing feels better than beating the Steelers. Except beating the Steelers twice!

Making up for missed time

I know, I've fallen off pretty hard from posting on Dank Game, so I'm just going to post a couple videos of Dwyane Wade being sweet from the past week.

First off, we have Dwyane absolutely decimating Anderson Varejao. Being from Ohio, a lot of people question why I'm a Miami Heat fan and not a Cavs fan. This dunk more or less sums up why. Anderson Varejao is a total punk, and Dwyane Wade is totally sweet. Plus, if I became a Cavs fan, I'd be shamelessly jumping on the LeBron bandwagon. I must admit, I am jealous of Cleveland actually having an arena that fans show up to, but as my colleague Teen Mustache pointed out to me, people in Cleveland have nothing better to do than go support the Cavs.

Lastly, we have Dwyane's game winning three-pointer from tonight against the Nets. Despite missing Jermaine O'Neal and losing Mario Chalmers four minutes into the game with a strained right shoulder, the Heat looked pretty pathetic against the still winless Nets. I love watching D-Wade hit game winning shots, but I'd much rather see the Heat come out and win in convincing fashion. Especially since the Nets were missing several players, including two of their best players in Devin Harris and Courtney Lee. Still, that was one of Dwyane's best clutch shots. From the moment of the release, I just had that feeling it was going to sink.

Ochocinco Updates

It's been too long since Dank Game checked in on 85. I take the blame. Chad did plenty of noteworthy things in the last several weeks, but there was never any one totally brilliant moment, forcing me to drop everything and let the world know. Or likely remind them, as I don't think Dank-Game has yet become anyone's first-stop shop for Bengals info. Perhaps in time.

On to the point: The most outrageous of Ochocinco's recent prank was trying to "bribe" the replay official. With a $1.00 bill.

Baltimore had challenged Ochocinco's catch, as it appeared he had stepped out of bounds. To keep his catch ruled a catch, he attempted to hand the official the dollar. I'd explain the whole thing to you in more detail, but this kid does a pretty good job:

And here is some recorded-off-TV-screen replay of it. Sorry, I could not find a better Youtube video of the actual incidence:

Chad was fined $20,000 for the "bribe." I think it was pretty clearly a joke but either way, Ocho is undeterred. On his Twitter page, he challenged, "child wait till you see what I do in Pittsburgh, remember I set aside fine fund before the season started, I'm just starting!!!"

Ochocinco also sent a care package of deodorant to the Raven's defense, since they were probably sweating the thought of covering him. No word on whether this was effective, as Ray Lewis was nowhere to be found after the game

According to ProFootballTalk, Chad also wanted to send mustard to the Steelers, presumably because they play at Heinz (ketchup) field. Marvin Lewis said no, but given Chad's recent tweet, he'll find something else ridiculous to do.