Oh Cleveland!

Could Delonte Heat Up Potential LA vs. Miami Rivalry?

Rumor has it that the Lakers are close to acquiring Delonte West. Apparently LA had been trying to trade Sasha "The Machine" Vujacic and a draft pick for West to rid themselves of Vujacic's salary. West was traded to Minnesota on Tuesday and is expected to have his contract bought out by the Timberwolves, making him a free agent. If the Lakers can move Vujacic, sources say the Lakers will sign him.

This acquisition would be interesting for several reasons. First off, if the rumors about Delonte's affair with LeBron's mother Gloria James are indeed true, it will add a new layer to the potential rivalry between the Heat and the Lakers. Gloria James might be torn between who to support if the two teams end up meeting come next June.

Another reason this would be interesting is that the Lakers would have arguably the two most insane players in the NBA on one roster in Ron Artest and Delonte. West just recently pleaded guilty to traffic and weapons charges after having been pulled over on a three-wheeled motorcycle and found with a 9mm Beretta pistol, .357 Magnum and a Remington 870 in a guitar case back in September. He was sentenced to electronic monitoring, unsupervised probation, 40 hours of community service and psychological counseling. At this point, you might even say West is crazier then Artest.

Lastly, this acquisition would be interesting because it sets up a potential reality show for West if he winds up in Hollywood. Maybe it couldn't get off the ground until he's off probation, but the opportunity is there now that he's out of boring old Cleveland. I mean, who wouldn't want to watch Delonte rap in fast food drive-thrus on television. And if we're really lucky, maybe Artest and West could join forces to make a reality show of the NBA's craziest players. In fact, "Artest and West" would be a pretty good name for the show, although I do really like Artest's forthcoming reality show's name: "They Call Me Crazy."

LeBron Cavs Gear All The Rage With South Beach Homeless

According to Sports Illustrated, Clevelander Beau Miller has started a campaign with three of his friends to collect LeBron James jerseys and clothing, which will be sent to homeless shelters in South Beach.

"It's like any breakup," Miller said. "You want to give all your stuff back."

The past week Cleveland fans have been donating their LeBron gear to Yours Truly Restaurants in Northeast Ohio.

I would have assumed that they would have a poor turnout considering that the majority of Cavs fans burned their LeBron jerseys, but Miller says that the response has been "extraordinary."

Miller and his friends saw the heartbreaking situation in Cleveland as an opportunity to do something positive. In addition to donating LeBron gear to South Beach homeless shelters, they also started a website called breakupwithlebron.com, where they are selling T-shirts that say "It's Not Us, It's You." Proceeds from the $15 shirts are going to the Cleveland City Mission, although it appears the website is no longer online, so uh, never mind that.

With Cleveland's economy on the decline, it surprises me that they didn't decide to donate the LeBron gear to local shelters. But then again, you can never underestimate the pride of Clevelanders, as their local homeless would probably scoff at the idea of wearing a LeBron jersey. Even though this is meant to be a good cause, I get the feeling the effort is just as much out of spite as it is goodwill. I'm sure Clevelanders would be satisfied if images of homeless people wearing LBJ Cavs jerseys haunted LeBron's dreams as he tries to sleep in his new South Beach mansion.

Stay Strong Cleveland

Tom Green watches "The Decision" and enjoys Vitamin Water with Clevelandites, I mean Clevelanders.

A Miami Heat Fan's Reaction To "The Decision"

If there's one word to describe how I feel about the arrival of LeBron James to South Beach, it's conflicted. Obviously bringing LeBron to the Heat is an excellent basketball move, and Pat Riley deserves all the praise in the world for pulling off the greatest heist in NBA history, but as a Heat fan soaking this all in right now I just feel, well, dirty.

I feel dirty for rubbernecking through that entire broadcast last night, watching as Cleveland fans' hearts were scraped from the asphalt after LeBron announced "The Decision." I feel dirty because, at the expense of the Cleveland faithful, my favorite team has transformed like Voltron into a Yankees-esque super team.

While true Miami Heat fans like myself do deserve a winning team after sitting through one year of atrocious Heat basketball (2007-08) and the following two years of expiring contract mediocrity, Cleveland fans certainly don't deserve this. I would have been completely content with Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade surrounded by role players in Miami, while LeBron continued to toil away in Cleveland. But clearly, LeBron wasn't content with that fate.

Now my favorite team will forever be linked to that ridiculous broadcast last night. It seemed as if the King was a mere pawn during The Decision, as many are speculating that LeBron's marketing team LRMR pushed him into making his choice on live television. LeBron was clearly uncomfortable and flustered with his speech, at one point saying, "One thing you can't control is you never know." Maybe that's some way out there transcendental shit that's over my head, like some George Harrison lyrics or something, but my best bet is that LeBron was so caught up in the moment that he hardly knew what he was saying.

I understand and respect LeBron's choice to join Wade and Bosh with the Heat, but the television special was a huge misstep by him and his camp. Although it did raise millions of dollars through advertising for the Boys and Girls Club of America, there has to have been another way to give back to charity that spared LeBron's former fan base. As Dank Game's own Teenage Soul Patch has been quick to point out, Kevin Durant signed a lucrative long-term contract with the Thunder without any of the hype. Of course LeBron's decision carried a lot more weight, but he certainly could learn a thing or two from Durant's humility.

Will "The Ringleader" Follow Wade And Bosh To Miami? (UPDATE)

Finally, I can go to sleep at night knowing that I won't be stuck in NBA purgatory for the next several years as a Miami Heat fan. Chris Bosh has officially announced that he will be joining Dwyane Wade in South Beach as a member of the Miami Heat.

Now, the big question remains: Where will LeBron James wind up?

LeBron claimed in his Larry King interview that he was "The Ringleader" of the 2010 free agent class, but during the past week it has seemed that Bosh is more deserving of that title. Both Wade and LeBron have made no secret that they would like to play alongside Bosh, which has made Bosh's decision the primary domino in deciding where the other pieces would fall. Now that Bosh is indeed joining the Heat, LeBron appears to be torn between his loyalty towards Cleveland and the opportunity to form a three-headed monster in Miami. The Heat is capable of making this fantasy team a reality if they can trade away Michael Beasley's contract for cap space or if Bosh and Wade agree to take less money to accommodate LeBron.

Tomorrow night at 9 pm Eastern time, LeBron will announce his decision on ESPN in an unprecedented one-hour television special. Apparently the proceeds from the telecast will go to the Boys and Girls Club of America, which in my mind is a way to divert attention from the ludicrous ego trip this telecast truly is. As you can probably deduce from my tone, I'd rather LeBron stay in Cleveland and have Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh be the foundation of the Miami Heat going forward. My guess is that's exactly what will happen. I find it difficult to see LeBron participating in a one-hour special that would conclude by breaking the collective heart of his hometown.

If LeBron does decide to leave, what would this moment become known as in Cleveland's infamously long list of disappointing moments in sports? "The Telecast" or "The Departure" perhaps?

UPDATE: Multiple sources have reported that LeBron will leaved Cleveland to join Wade and Bosh in Miami. His television special tonight has been dubbed "The Decision" so I have to assume this will be the name given to LeBron's departure in Cleveland.

Another Dank Game Conspiracy Theory: The Cosmic Powers of Great Lakes' Christmas Ale

It's been made no secret that us Dank Gamers enjoy beer, and last night was certainly no exception. It began as a typical night of drinking and watching football, but quickly turned into a drunken dream world thanks to Cleveland's infamous Christmas Ale. Not only does it get you drunk faster due to it's 7.5% ABV (Alcohol By Volume), but it also affects the balance of the universe in inexplicable, cosmic ways. Seriously. How else would the Cleveland Browns sack Ben Roethlisberger eight times en route to a 13-6 victory over the Pittsburgh Steelers? It's gotta be the Christmas Ale.

I'm sure you're reading this and thinking it's some kind of joke, and I don't blame you for doubting me. I know, it sounds ridiculous, but hear me out. I have plenty of evidence that proves Christmas Ale is truly an otherworldly beverage that affects Cleveland's sports teams when consumed in high volumes. This isn't the first time we at Dank Game have dabbled in conspiracy theories, and it certainly won't be the last.

Great Lakes only produces Christmas Ale during the holiday season, and the Cleveland Cavaliers have yet to win a championship despite having arguably the most gifted athlete to ever set foot on a basketball court. What's the connection here? If Great Lakes continued to produce Christmas Ale throughout the NBA Playoffs and Cleveland sports fans consumed large quantities of it, I honestly believe that the Cavs would finally bring home the Larry O'Brien Trophy. If only Clevelanders had the self control to ration their Christmas Ale for the playoffs. Of course, that's asking way too much of Clevelanders, though.

Still not convinced? You will be after reading the following paragraph.

According to Wikipedia, there was a shortage of Christmas Ale in 2007 due to high demand and low production owing to a shortage of honey. The very same year, the Browns had a breakthrough season after trading starting quarterback Charlie Frye to the Seattle Seahawks and promoting backup Derek Anderson to a starter. In his first start, Anderson led the Browns to a 51-45 win over the Cincinnati Bengals, tying the franchise record of five touchdown passes in a single game. The Browns would finish the season at 10-6, which was their best record since 1994. Despite these accomplishments, they barely missed the playoffs due to a tie-breaker. What would the Browns' fate have been that season had there not been a shortage of Christmas Ale?

What is it that makes Christmas Ale such a mystical beer? I suspect Great Lakes uses some secret ingredient that allows it to affect Cleveland sports in mysterious ways. They claim that its main ingredients are sweet barley with a hint of cinnamon, ginger, and honey, but I don't think they're letting us know everything. Maybe it's a drop of "water" from the Cuyahoga, or a pinch of talcum powder collected from LeBron James' pregame ritual. Whatever it is, I'm going to get to the bottom of it. Who wants to join me in a road trip to Cleveland to sneak into the Great Lakes Brewery? I guess we can go to a Cavs game while we're there, too.

Who Knows About Computers?

Dank-Gamers.

Help me out!

Something is wrong with my computer.

It started about 11:00 pm Tuesday night. I had finished watching a movie (Thelma and Louise was terrific, thanks for asking) and decided to check out some stuff on the internet.

But something went horribly wrong. After looking at some of my favorite websites and blogs, I looked up some NBA scores. And my screen is telling me that the Memphis Grizzlies beat the Cleveland Cavaliers!

Now I'm no IT guy, but clearly I must have some virus, or some sort of system malfunction on a grand scale. Because I was told the Cavs were basically unbeatable.


HA! Go Thunder, who incidently are back in the playoff picture. Shit, they'd be a 5th seed if they were in the East (read: L'East).

Football vs. Basketball

It's ON in Cleveland!

(graphic courtesy of SlimMcFavorite . . . it was my idea though)

Specifically, Browns "star" (he's really not that good) Braylon Edwards and Cavaliers mega-super-all-time-greatest-to-ever-wear-23-according-to-himself-best-of-all-time-floats-like-a-butterfly-stings-like-the-manta-ray-that-killed-the-crocodile-hunter-(what-too-soon?)-star LeBron James are in the middle of an ugly public feud.

So, LeBron is apparently friends with some Cleveland-area events promoter named Edward Givens. At roughly 2:30 in the morning, Braylon approached Givens, who was talking with people outside a nightclub. The conversation quickly went sour.

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer, according to Givens:

"Braylon comes up and started saying things, degrading me. He said if it wasn't for LeBron or the Four Horsemen, I wouldn't have what I have, nor would I be able to get girls. Everyone knows Braylon has a problem with LeBron. So I had to speak up for myself. The conversation started to escalate. As some of his teammates started to pull him back, he punched me. I have a black eye and a cut. I'm not a violent guy.

"As long as I've known Braylon, I've allowed him and his friends to come into our events free of charge. Whatever jealousy he has with LeBron, he felt he needed to take it out on me."

Juicy! The best part is the revelation that "everyone knows Braylon has a problem with LeBron." Well if they didn't, they sure do know! And Edwards may be facing assault charges.

But it totally doesn't end there. LeBron had more than a little bit to say on the matter, per the Associated Press:

"I've never crossed paths with Braylon before, but it seems like there's a little jealousy going on with Braylon and me and my friends. I have no idea why. I've never said anything to Braylon at all. But for him to do that is very childish. My friend is 130 pounds. Seriously. It's like hitting one of my kids. It doesn't make sense."

Not the harshest of words, but a slight escalation. Speaking later to the Cleveland Plain Dealer, James pushed the envelope:

"I know how to handle myself as a professional athlete and I take care of my friends and my family. It is unfortunate that some guys don't understand that. You are a role model to kids and you should carry yourself that way on and off the field. And I carry that. I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize myself or my family. I'm one of the guys that look at being a professional athlete at more than just being out on the court."

James more or less does seem to carry himself well as a professional athlete, but clearly this comment will only inflame this "rivalry." I shudder to call it that though, as Edwards will never have the cachet that LeBron does in Cleveland. Why he choses to carry beef with LeBron, who claims they've never met, seems pretty pointless.

On a wider scale, it seems odd that an NFL player would bother beefing with an NBA player. The NFL is currently considerably more popular. But if it were going to happen anywhere, it would have to be Cleveland. The Mistake on the Lake is probably the only city hosting both an NBA and NFL team were the NBA team has eclipsed the NFL team in popularity.

In Indianapolis, Philadelphia, Washington and Dallas, the NFL teams are more popular - no contest. As much as Boston loves the Celtics, they are nuts for the Pats. Even during Jordan-mania, Chicago seemed to more-or-less equally love their Bears.

But in Cleveland, the Cavs are the only glimmering hope for a city that is currently most famous for having low budget tourism videos written about how shitty it is (I won't even mention the Indians World Series appearance from a few years back, as baseball is boring).

But maybe, just maybe this will be the beginning of an all out-war between the two greatest American sports. Is it possible that Miami-residents Dwayne Wade and Jason Taylor carry a deap-seated hatred of each other? Could Kevin Garnet and Randy Moss fight for the hearts of Boston? Will Steve Nash and Kurt Warner prove that the old guys in Phoenix want in on the fight?

Or maybe some drunk asshole just punched some dude.

UPDATE:

Braylon Edwards was traded to the New York Jets this morning.

Bring the Royals Back to Cincinnati!

According to Ryan Lillis and Tony Bizjak of the Sacramento Bee, current mayor of Sacramento and former 3-time All-Star point guard Kevin Johnson has said that the Kings might leave Sacramento if efforts to build a new arena fall through. KJ became aware of the issue when the NCAA bypassed Sacramento's bid to host the regional round of the men's basketball tournament in 2013 at Arco Arena. Although details remain vague, NCAA officials claim they were concerned about the conditions at Arco Arena.

Ok, Cincinnati... this is the moment we've all been waiting for, right? RIGHT?!? Ok, so maybe I'm one of few Cincinnatians that dreams of one day bringing the Royals back to the Queen City, but if you ask me, NOW is the time to take action. This is a golden opportunity we can't let slip away. Cleveland has three professional sports teams, and we all know Cincinnati is better than Cleveland.

So far, I've started creating an online petition at iPetitions.com, but I got stuck at the part where you're supposed to list your sponsors. I'm guessing a blog called Dank Game probably wouldn't be the most effective sponsor for this cause, so if anyone out there is reading this and knows of a legit sponsor hoping to bring pro basketball back to Cincinnati, let me know in the comments section. I'm sure there's someone out there, right? Ok, probably not.

A coworker of mine told me that Cincinnati Royals legend Oscar Robertson frequently eats at Montgomery Inn, so I'm thinking that the best plan of action at this point is to eat ribs night after night until I see the Big O in person, with BBQ sauce covering his face. I'm sure if I state my case he'll get behind it both morally and financially, right? So, if anyone is in the mood for ribs tonight and every other night until we see Oscar, get at me. I know I'm hungry for the world's greatest ribs, how about you?