Scorching Suns and Crumbling Nuggets

Throughout this season, I've had a tendency to underestimate the Suns and overestimate the Nuggets. It's my own personal biases influencing my skewed perceptions and now that the Western Conference playoff race is getting realer than real, it's becoming clear that the Suns are capable of catching fire in the playoffs and the Nuggets maybe aren't quite as solid as I had thought. Awful puns, I know.

Fatburger - Atlanta, GA

Slim, am I allowed to do a restaurant review for Dank Game? What if the restaurant were owned by former Bengal great Willie Anderson? Well I already wrote the article, so if you don't like it you can go to hell. Or just delete it.

As readers may know, I have taken on the task of following any Bengals players - current or former - that I can find on Twitter. It's a near thankless task, with only one write-up yielded so far, as well as some random thoughts from Chad Ochocinco.

Well, if you follow Willie Anderson (WillAnderson79), sooner or later he will start hawking Fatburgers. He owns several locations in Atlanta, GA and like any good business man will use free publicity, including Twitter. One bold claim stuck with me; "Best veggie burgers in Atlanta."

My curiosity piqued from this bold proclamation, I drove by a Fatburger earlier this evening with an empty belly. I was disappointed that a drive-through service was not available, but I made the trek from my Honda Civic to the restaurant's interior undeterred. One word comes to mind to describe said interior: humble.

After taking a quick look around, I looked at the relatively simple menu and decided to order the Veggie burger, as well as "fat" fries, which also come in a "skinny" variety. Giving my order to the cashier, I added a heartfelt "to go, please." However, I would have to wait 8-10 minutes for my food to be cooked.

I snooped around the restaurant looking for evidence of Anderson's ownership. Sure enough, there was a bulletin board with several letters addressed to him as well as a photograph. There were also many banners with vaguely clever sayings, including "Did man really climb his way to the top of the food chain to eat soy." Ironic that I was about to find out the answer to that very enigma.

I was handed my bag of freshly prepared food and exited the fine establishment. On the drive home I ate all the fries while driving with my left hand. Nothing special, but if you want french fries you won't be disappointed.

But then I arrived home. And when I shoved that first bite of Fatburger into my mouth I knew Willie wasn't lying. The rather large soy patty, loaded with cheese, onions, tomatoes, lettuce and a truly special sauce quite possibly is the best veggie burger in Atlanta. Willie really wouldn't lie about that!

If man is supposed to eat soy, this is what it should taste like.

Seanz Snax Vol. 2

Damn. Back by popular demand. Long overdue, Seanz Snax Vol. 2 features these Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Covered Mini Pretzels. I don't shop Trader Joe's often or ever, but my work does, and I eats this shit. I've had a fair amount of chocolate covered pretzels in my day, but, axe me, these are pound for p-p-p-pound, the best around. In fact, my admiration for these little beauts reached such a fever pitch that I started having dreams that revolved around them. No lie. Anyway, stop off at your nearest Trader Joe's and get some. Or, better yet, have your work do it for you.

Until next time, which hopefully won't be three months from now.

Thursday Throwback Posterization: Phi Slamma Jamma's Finest

I mentioned Phi Slamma Jamma in last week's Throwback Posterization, so I figured I'd follow it up with another Clyde Drexler posterization from that era. The Glide's victim in this clip is a 5'11" point guard from Memphis State named Andre Turner AKA The Little General.

Damn, what an insane dunk. Truly mesmerizing.

By the way, if anyone knows what that song is, let me know.

As a bonus, I'm throwing in another short but sweet video highlighting Phi Slamma Jamma. It also has a real tight Camp Lo song, which is obviously a big plus.

Josh Smith's Buzzer Beating Putback Dunk

Just a week ago, Josh Smith was on the "NOT List" of Dank Games's HOT or NOT Column (I know this doesn't exist, but it could?) for his busy hands rubbing all over Mike Bibby. This week, he put his busy hands to good use with a buzzer beating putback dunk to defeat the Magic. It's hard for me to say this play should vault Josh Smith from the NOT List to the HOT List, but it is an amazing play.

Artest Gets Odom Down with Orange Slices

Referee: Look out, Kobe! Artest's gonna stab you in the back!

Kobe: Huh?

Artest: I was just cuttin' some orange slices for Lamar! I'd never do Kobe dirty like that!

Odom: He cool, ref. Just helpin' me kick my Now and Later habit.

According to Lakers columnist Kevin Ding, Ron Artest has turned infamous candy addict Lamar Odom onto orange slices. Odom has taken such a liking to them that the Lakers bring a bag to the bench for every game. It seems the Vitamin C did him well tonight in San Antonio, as Odom contributed 19 points and 13 boards in a 92 - 83 victory over the Spurs.

During last year's playoffs, Odom insisted he played well when he ate candy for breakfast. Can Lamar's new found love of orange slices help him go cold turkey on Skittles and Starburst Jellybeans?

Nope.

Because Lil Wayne is Lamar Odom's dude, and Lil Wayne is also a known candy addict. Weezy's addiction is so bad that he's had a grill fitted on his teeth to hide how rotted they've become. It's just a matter of time before Lil Wayne lures Lamar back into his binge candy eating. Before long, Lil Wayne will have Odom back on Supercool.

All this talk of candy reminds me... Aren't we due for another installment of Seanz Snax?

Dancing With the Stars Review

That's right. Teenage Mustache watched Monday night's debut episode of this season's Dancing With the Stars. I did it for one reason only - Chad Ochocinco!

My complete review is basically, 'This show sucks.' Thank God Chad was on first, as it meant I didn't have to watch the whole thing.

I had never seen any previous episode of any previous season of DWTS, despite a regular NFL presence. I generally find competition style reality shows to be generic and lame. DWTS did not change my opinion in that regard. Can someone explain to me why Americans feel we can only be judged accurately by Europeans?

Anyway, Chad is clearly taking the show seriously and putting in a lot of effort. I hope he does well, but more than that I wish they'd just put him on camera more.

If any of you were wondering if I plan on watching more episodes, my answer is maybe if Chad makes it to the finals. But even then, I'll probably just read about it online or something.

Playoff Picture: Bottom of the West

The Suns are in the midst of a 5-game winning streak and hold the 5th seed in the West, just a game behind the Jazz. They could easily extend their win streak to ten games, as the rest of March is against teams currently out of the playoffs. April could be a tough month for them with games against the Bucks, Spurs, Thunder, Nuggets, and Jazz.

It's definitely possible that the Suns make it out of the first round, but I doubt they can go any further. Despite having the best offense in the league, they're still a lousy defensive team, ranking 22nd in the league. They also rely heavily on their three-point shooting, which will be hard to maintain throughout an entire seven-game series. It will be interesting to see if this team's core remains intact after this season, as their championship window is closing if it's even open at all anymore. Steve Nash is still one of the best point guards in the league at age 36, but I get the feeling he might be moved for younger talent if they're bounced in the first round. As for Amare, who knows what'll happen with him.

Projected Record: 52 - 30

Opponent if Playoffs Started Today: Utah Jazz

The Spurs sit two games behind Phoenix, tied with the Thunder for the 6th seed. They have a rough schedule ahead of them, so the Thunder could squeeze past them. In March, they face the Lakers, Cavs, and Celtics. In April, they have games against the Magic, Lakers, Suns, Nuggets, and Mavs. They also will face the Grizzlies in April, who could be fighting for their playoff lives.

Tony Parker's broken right hand at the beginning of March was a big set back for the Spurs, but they were struggling after the All-Star break even before he went down. George Hill has filled in capably and Ginobili has also taken on some point guard duties in Parker's absence. Parker is expected to return before the end of the regular season, which is good news for San Antonio, but I still have trouble seeing them as a real threat in the playoffs. They just aren't the same team they used to be. They haven't been the same on defense since Bruce Bowen retired, and Richard Jefferson hasn't seemed to fit in their system. They still have Duncan, Ginobili, and Parker though, so you can't count them out.

Projected Record: 49 - 33

Opponent if Playoffs Started Today: Dallas Mavericks

The Thunder are tied with the Spurs for the 6th seed and have a chance to pass them up. They'll have to close the season strong though, as they have a difficult schedule down the stretch. In March, their toughest games will be against the Lakers, Blazers, and Celtics. In April, they'll face the Mavericks, Jazz, Nuggets, Suns, Blazers, and finish the season against the Grizzlies. They'll have to do it largely without injured rookie James Harden, and his beard. The beard is clearly the bigger loss.

Everyone knew the Thunder would eventually be good, but nobody knew they'd be this good this soon... except for Teenage Mustache, of course. Many people have compared this year's Thunder to last year's Blazers, who made the transition from talented bunch of youngsters to playoff threat quicker than expected. Portland went into the playoffs last year with a "nothing to lose" mentality, and were put in their place by Artest and the Rockets in the first round. I think the Thunder will have more of a collective focus than last year's Blazers, but will ultimately have the same fate. They'll need a better bench and a more imposing presence at center than Nenad Krstic before they take that next step. I'll still be watching and hoping they prove me wrong (if they play someone besides the Nuggets).

Projected Record: 50 - 32

Opponent if Playoffs Started Today: Denver Nuggets

The Blazers sit just a game behind the Thunder at the 8th spot, with the Grizzlies four games behind them. I'm going to assume that the Grizz won't sneak in the playoffs, but it ain't over 'til it's over. Portland has a road heavy schedule ahead of them, which isn't a huge concern since they've been decent on the road. In March, their toughest games are against the Mavs and Thunder. They're schedule in April is manageable other than games against the Nuggets, Mavericks, Lakers, and Thunder.

It's been a tough year for Portland, as injuries have taken out several important players. Not long after losing Greg Oden for the year, center Joel Przybilla also had a season ending injury that has forced them to use 37-year old Juwon Howard at center. Not only is Howard old, but he's also not a center. Despite these and other setbacks, Portland has maintained playoff positioning throughout the season. Unfortunately, they'll probably end up getting bounced in the first round yet again at the hands of the Lakers or Nuggets. Even if everyone was healthy, I still think they lack the type of gritty, hard-nosed player you need in the playoffs.

Projected Record: 49 - 33

Opponent if Playoffs Started Today: Los Angeles Lakers

Playoff Picture: Bottom of the East

The Bucks hold the 5th seed in the East with a relatively comfortable three-game lead over the Heat. Picking up John Salmons at the trade deadline has proved to be a good move, as the Bucks have gone an impressive 16-2 since the trade. This run has included wins against the Cavs (sans LeBron), Celtics, Jazz, Nuggets, and Hawks. I expect the Bucks to win out the rest of their games in March except for the last one against Cleveland. To finish out the season, they'll play the Celtics and Hawks at home, and then the Celtics again in Boston. These games will be very important for Milwaukee, because they'll likely match up with either Boston or Atlanta in the playoffs.

Milwaukee's big turn around this season has been sparked by the inspired play of Australian center Andrew Bogut, dynamic rookie point guard Brandon Jennings, and John Salmons. They have also gotten a surprising amount of production out of Carlos Delfino and Ersan Ilyasova, who played in the Euroleague the past couple of seasons. Much credit is also due to head coach Scott Skiles, who's emphasis on defense has made the Bucks the 4th best defensive team in the league. Their defensive prowess makes them a scary first round opponent, especially because they've been on such a tear lately. You just have to wonder about their offense, which ranks 22nd in the league. I also wonder if Jennings can play consistently enough to win a seven-game series.

Projected Record: 47 - 35

Opponent if Playoffs Started Today: Atlanta Hawks

The Heat hold the 6th seed in the East, but Toronto and Charlotte are both just a game behind. The Heat have a very light schedule to close out the season, but with the way they've played this year, I'd almost prefer them playing contenders instead of sub-.500 teams. They're toughest games are coming up this month against the Bucks and Raptors. In April, they'll exclusively play the worst of the worst in the NBA. Here's to hoping they can capitalize.

I've tried to maintain optimism with this Heat squad all year, but they're inconsistency has made it tough. They have been a streaky team to say the least. While their defense has been encouraging, ranking 8th in the NBA, their offense has been downright atrocious at times, ranking in at 19th out of 30 teams. Because they're one of the slowest paced teams, you would think that they have a moderately formidable half court offense. The truth is they can be painful to watch when trying to run an offense, as their ball movement is usually stagnant at best. I would like to see them get out and run more, for the sake of entertainment and potentially easier buckets. For the Heat to make it out of the first round, I think Quentin Richardson will have to be hitting the three-ball consistently and Jermaine O'Neal will have to be big on both ends of the court. If Michael Beasley can produce that would be an added bonus, but my confidence in the kid is quickly declining. Also, Dwyane Wade will have to be on Jordan-mode throughout the entire series.

Projected Record: 45 - 37

Opponent if Playoffs Started Today: Boston Celtics

The Raptors are tied with the Bobcats for the 7th seed, with the season series currently tied between the two teams. I expect the Bobcats to surpass the Raptors by the end of the season. Toronto's next two games will probably be losses, as they play the Nuggets and Jazz. After that, they have the Heat and Bobcats, which I also think will be losses. Their schedule in April is fairly light besides games against Cleveland, Boston, and Atlanta. This team has been so inconsistent that any game could be a loss, though.

While the Raptors have a high powered offense, good for 5th in the league, they are the absolute worst team on defense. While I haven't actually watched an entire Raptors game this season, I think it's pretty safe to say this team is going nowhere in the playoffs. The Hedo Turkoglu signing is turning out to be a mistake, as he will be making pretty big money for the next four years and his production will probably continue to decrease. Factor in Chris Bosh's possible departure in free agency, and you have a team that could be in shambles for years to come.

Projected Record: 41 - 41

Opponent if Playoffs Started Today: Orlando Magic

The Bobcats are tied with the Raptors for the 7th seed, but I think they'll pass them up. Their schedule in March is light with the Raptors being their toughest out. April is also pretty easy despite games against the Bucks and Hawks. They do have two games against the Bulls in April though, who are just two and a half games back and will be fighting for their chance to make the playoffs. Their games against the Hornets and Rockets are also far from guaranteed wins.

Much like the teams they're battling against for playoff positioning (Heat, Raptors, Bulls), the Bobcats have been very inconsistent this year. With Larry Brown at the helm, the Bobcats have become the second best defensive team in the league, but they rank 22nd offensively. The midseason trade for Stephen Jackson has given them a big boost on offense and has been one of the main reasons they've been able to get into playoff contention. Charlotte will probably end up facing the Cavs or Magic, so expect to see a lot of Michael Jordan sitting in the crowd frowning with his arms crossed. Even if they manage to get Boston in the first round, I just don't think they'll have the offense to win a seven-game series against them.

Projected Record: 43 - 39

Opponent if Playoffs Started Today: Cleveland Cavaliers

Amare Stoudemire Destroys Anthony Tolliver

It happens to the best of them, Anthony. Unfortunately, you're not one of the best of them. You're just a D-League call-up that's been dunked on a lot. At least you're in the NBA, I suppose. Keep at it, guy.

Funny Bengals Tweets Vol. I

I left out Ochocinco (OGOchoCinco) since his Twitter account is basically a constant best-of-twitter. But here's the best of what the rest of the team has recently offered.

Tank Johnson (TankJohnson99) had the following to offer:

• Watching white folks eat fried chicken may be one of my most enjoyable things to do! Its like a 5 year old w a rubicks cube!
• The don't [know] where to start or when its all done lmao! My best friend is white so I'm NOT racist! Its just very funny!
• The dismay on they face makes it soooo funny! Do I bite it, use a fork, no a spoon, let's watch Tank.
• Let's not take this outta context we talkin bout chicken mane! Chic chic chicken mane! I challenge everyone to observe and report!
  

Former Bengals right tackle Willie Anderson (WillAnderson79) noted:

• BIGGE and SHAQ stater the BIG Man is In Campaign in the early 90's. They put us on the map! Lol BIG Men rule now! Lol
• Men should make up a holiday call "REAL MEN'S DAY" For all the REAL MEN Out here that do what their supposed to Do! Lol
• And Hell Yes we expect gifts! Lol

Linebacker Keith Rivers (rivers55) made the observations:

• everyone like pulp fiction but I guess not very many fans of hollywood shuffle*

*link added by me

Linebacker Dhani Jones (DhaniJones), referencing his "Dhani Tackles the Globe" show for the Travel Channel, suggested:

• Send me to space... How about a petition to send me to the moon or anywhere else for that matter
• "Dhani Tackles Space"

Former linebacker David Pollack (davidpollack47), watching the NCAA basketball tournament observed:

• Purdue vs Duke I can't say I'm looking forward to that to much. Alot of white men that can't jump on that floor
• White men can't jump was on TV today and man do I love that movie. I never watch the ending though bc it's way to depressing

Until next time, same Dank time, same Dank place

Thursday Throwback Posterization: Drexler Throws Down on Laimbeer

For this week's late Thursday Throwback Posterization, I give you Clyde "The Glide" Drexler with a vicious one handed slam on Bill Laimbeer. This is from the 1990 NBA Finals, which would culminate with the Detroit Bad Boys winning in five games for their second straight title. This Blazers squad led by Drexler, Terry Porter, and Cliff Robinson would make it to the Finals again two years later only to fall prey to another back-to-back champion in the Chicago Bulls. Drexler would eventually get that elusive ring with the Rockets and fellow Phi Slamma Jamma alumni Hakeem Olajuwon in 1995.

Despite being one of the most highly regarded defenders of his era, Joe Dumars gets absolutely burned by Drexler. With Dumars left in the dust, Drexler goes up strong for the dunk on the late arriving Bill Laimbeer for the and 1. Laimbeer was notorious for hard fouls, so Drexler turns up the speed and throws it down extra hard to make sure he gets the bucket. It appears that Drexler didn't get a technical for slamming the ball, which would be a guaranteed technical in today's NBA.

Cavs Clinch the Central (Big Surprise)

The last couple of weeks for the Cavs have been a bit boring, despite the clinching of the Central division title. One thing that did work out really well for the Cavs has been the rest for Lebron James. They only had 2 games in 9 days so Lebron had another little all star break to rest his tweaked ankle.

They went 1-1 in the games, losing to a hot Milwaukee Bucks team, big ups to Brandon Jennings. That one loss could make a difference in the race for home court with the Lakers, but it was worth it to rest Lebron for 9 days. They still have a 3 1/2 game lead on the Lakers for the best record in the league and home court advantage throughout the Playoffs.

The rest was really about being healthy for the Playoffs and I think he is definitely healthy now. Lebron has looked really strong in the 4 games since his return. He carved up the 76ers with 10 assists on only 1 turnover even though his shot had a little rust (3-10 on 3 pointers, 6-12 at the line). He played really well down the stretch against Boston, scoring 30 points. Then he had a triple double against Detroit and a near triple double against the Pacers the following night. I think its fair to say he's running away with the MVP despite missing those two games.

Josh Smith's Busy Hands

So this is probably the weirdest NBA-related video that I've seen in a long time. During a timeout, Atlanta's Josh Smith gets a little too friendly with teammate Mike Bibby. As Hawks' coach Mike Woodson talks to the team, Josh Smith gently touches Bibby's shoulders and head. You definitely see borderline homoerotic stuff in the NBA on the sidelines during timeouts quite a bit, but usually it doesn't seem so affectionate and drawn out. Typically it's just a quick pat on the head or butt, or an arm resting on a teammate's shoulder. Clearly this isn't normal conduct, as Smith's gentle caress eventually makes Bibby uncomfortable, prompting him to push Smith's hand away and say something to the effect of "Stop touching me!"

Upon further inspection of this video, it seems the rest of the Hawks must have been fucking with Bibby, because after he pushes Josh Smith's hand away, Zaza Pachulia picks up right where Smith left off. When the camera angle cuts to a wider shot at the end, Pachulia begins massaging Bibby's shoulder, who looks back at Pachulia in disgust.

via Trey Kerby of Ball Don't Lie

Just barely worth posting

While I try to hunt down on YouTube the new Reebok commercial Chad is in, I bring you Oakland Raiders quarterback JaMarcus Russell driving while talking to a reporter.

The reporter is Comcast SportsNet's Kate Longworth (I'm sure you're all familiar with her).  It's the top video on this link.  Sorry I could not imbed it here.  Damn encryption.

Me posting this should tell you two things:

1. Oakland is doomed.  They know JaMarcus will never lead the team to success, but they're hopeful anyway.

2. The offseason isn't giving me enough to write about.  I neglected to post about the Bengals signing two more wide receivers (one of them, Antonio Bryant, is actually good), but I just had no spin for it.

Playoff Picture: Top of the West

The Lakers currently sit atop the West with the Nuggets just three games behind them and the Mavericks three and a half. I expect LA to hang onto the top spot. Their schedule in March is pretty light besides games against the Spurs, Thunder, and Hawks, but only two of their nine games are at home. I think they can handle all three of those teams, though. April looks a bit more tough, with games against the Jazz, Spurs, Nuggets, and Blazers.

To defend their championship the Lakers will have to start functioning more as a unit. Since Kobe has returned from injury, they haven't appeared on the same page. Kobe has been trying to do too much on his own, Pau Gasol has looked frustrated and lost at times, and Artest has never really found his way in the triangle offense. Rumor has it that the Lakers might start to rely less on the triangle, so it will be interesting to see if this helps Artest adjust or throws the team off after having relied on it for so long. I think the key for the Lakers is getting into a rhythm in which everyone feels involved. Andrew Bynum should get some touches early in games, Gasol needs to get involved by hitting the offensive glass and getting easy buckets, and Lamar Odom needs to come off the bench and produce.

Projected Record: 60 - 22

Opponent if Playoffs Started Today: Portland Trail Blazers

Despite injuries, the Nuggets have been playing well and currently hold a 6-game winning streak. They could surpass the Lakers, but I think LA will turn it up to close the season out. The Nuggets also have some tough games down the stretch and will mostly be on the road this month. In March, they play the hot Bucks, the Celtics, Magic, and Mavericks. Their long road trip closes against Orlando and Dallas, so that will be a big test for them. In April, their toughest competition includes the Blazers, Thunder, Lakers, Spurs, and Suns. They also play the Grizzlies at the end of the season, who might be fighting to slip into the playoffs.

The Nuggets biggest concern heading into the playoffs is health. Kenyon Martin has been out with knee problems, and has opted to have blood injected into his knee (apparently this is a standard procedure) rather than have surgery. Martin is a great post defender, so it will be important for him to be on the floor. Rookie point guard Ty Lawson has also been out with a shoulder injury and probably won't be back for a while. His ability to come off the bench and change the game's pace could make a big impact in the playoffs. According to Basketball-Reference, Denver is 2nd in offense but only 15th in defense in the NBA. The Nuggets tend to play to their competition, so they will need to control the tempo of games to be successful. As I've mentioned before, if J.R. Smith can play to his potential throughout the playoffs, the Nuggets will be a tough out.

Projected Record: 56 - 26

Opponent if Playoffs Started Today: San Antonio Spurs

The Mavericks 13-game winning streak came to an end last night... against the Knicks... by 34 points. What an embarrassing way to end such a good run. Give credit to New York though for bringing it. Dallas has a moderately difficult schedule to finish the season, but eight of their fifteen games are at home. This month, they have games against the Celtics, Blazers, and Nuggets. In April, they'll have the Magic, Thunder, Blazers, and the Spurs. They also face the Grizzlies twice more, who won't be an easy out.

The Mavericks trade deadline deal that sent out the inconsistent Josh Howard and brought in Caron Butler, DeShawn Stevenson, and Brendan Haywood may have been the best trade this season. All three players bring a toughness that was lacking on past Mavericks teams. Although swingman Caron Butler was the biggest name in that trade, Stevenson and Haywood bring a lot to the table. Stevenson provides solid perimeter defense and Haywood gives them a much needed upgrade over center Eric Dampier, or as Shaq would say, "Erica" Dampier. With their championship window closing, success in the playoffs is crucial for Dallas. If they come up short again, Mark Cuban might have to start from scratch.

Projected Record: 55 - 27

Opponent if Playoffs Started Today: Phoenix Suns

The Jazz sit in the 4th seed with the hot Thunder dangerously close, just half a game back. The Thunder beat the Jazz last night, who have now dropped two straight. The rest of this month looks light, with their toughest games being against the Suns and Celtics. April will be tougher, as they face the Lakers, Thunder, and Suns. Eight of their fifteen remaining games are at home, which is significant because the Jazz fare much better at home than on the road.

The Jazz are currently dealing with several injuries, as Andrei Kirilenko, Mehmet Okur and Ronnie Price all missed last night's game against the Thunder. Deron Williams has also struggled with injuries this year, most recently having problems with his shoulder. The Jazz will need Kirilenko to be healthy in the playoffs, as he has had a big season after a couple of disappointing years. And of course, Deron Williams needs to be healthy for them to succeed. Although the Jazz have shown signs that they're on the up this year, being in the top ten in both offensive and defensive ratings, they still have many issues that have plagued them over the years. They're still a pretty lousy team on the road, which is a big concern in the playoffs. If the Thunder finish ahead of them and they lose home court advantage in the first round, there'll be even more cause for concern.

Projected Record: 54 - 28

Opponent if Playoffs Started Today: Oklahoma City Thunder

BOOM SHAKA LAKA!!!

I haven't owned a video game system since the Playstation 1 and Nintendo 64 days, but the return of NBA Jam is tempting me to cop a Wii. I was a straight beast at NBA Jam Tournament Edition on Super Nintendo.

Big up to Courtside Basketball for the head ups.

Playoff Picture: Top of the East

Cleveland became the first team to clinch a playoff berth, and it looks like they'll be able to maintain their #1 spot in the East. With 5 games separating them from the Magic and a relatively light schedule, the Cavs are in good position. Nine of their remaining sixteen games are at home, and their toughest competition will be a game against the Magic and two against the Hawks in April. They do have two more against Boston (one of which is on ABC tomorrow at 3:30) but the Celtics have been so out of sorts lately that it's hard to consider them a threat to the Cavs right now. I can't completely write off Boston though, especially with Cleveland missing Shaq. They also play the Spurs at the end of March, but San Antonio seems to be fading away similarly to Boston. I'll go ahead and assume the Cavs can handle them.

Although the Cavs will likely finish the season strong, there are concerns heading into the playoffs. The primary concern is how Mike Brown will utilize Cleveland's frontline. Antawn Jamison (who has missed some time with knee stiffness) has had minimal time to play alongside Shaq since his thumb injury and the return of Big Z could complicate matters even further. Power forward Leon Powe recently returned from knee surgery three weeks ago, so that's another piece to work in. Powe has started in Jamison's absence but might not see much playoff action. Cleveland will have a very deep frontline, but only so many minutes to go around. A lot of these players haven't even been on the court together, so chemistry is a concern.

Projected Record: 64 - 18

Opponent if Playoffs Started Today: Toronto Raptors

The Magic are the hottest team in the East right now with seven straight wins. They'll likely maintain the 2nd seed in the East, as Boston and Atlanta are both four games behind. Their toughest competition in March includes games against the Spurs and Nuggets, although they do play Miami, who has beaten them twice this season. I expect Orlando to put them in their place this time around, though. In April, they'll face Dallas (the hottest team in the league), San Antonio again, and Cleveland. I think they can beat Cleveland if Shaq is still out, while the game against the Mavericks will be one to watch. Mark your calendars for April Fool's Day.

Orlando seems to be hitting their stride at the right time. Vince Carter is bringing it together after a questionable start to the season and Matt Barnes is providing a nastiness they sorely missed in the playoffs last season. I am personally hoping to see more of Brandon Bass, who was signed from Dallas in the offseason. He has been seeing more playing time lately after having been out of the rotation through much of the year. He's a monstrous power forward with the ability to hit the mid-range jumper. Unlike Cleveland, Orlando will be able to evaluate their rotations down the stretch of the season, as everyone seems to be pretty healthy right now.

Project Record: 59 - 23

Opponent if Playoffs Started Today: Miami Heat

As mentioned earlier, Boston has been pretty awful lately. They recently lost to possibly the worst team ever in the Nets, got destroyed by the Grizzlies, and were two Ray Allen three-pointers away from losing to the Wizards. If they keep this up, there's a good chance Atlanta could slip past for the third seed. They are coming off a blow out win against the Pacers, but that's to be expected. They have some tough competition in March with the Cavs, Mavericks, Jazz, Nuggets, Spurs, and Thunder. Despite another game against Cleveland, April looks pretty manageable for them. They play the Bucks twice though, who have been hot and beat them just the other night.

It seems everyone is beginning to completely write off Boston, but I'm hesitant to do so just yet. I am close to joining that camp though, as the trade for Nate Robinson seems to be a stupid move. Eddie House fit in nicely and often hit big threes in the playoffs. It surprised me to see on Basketball-Refence that they have the best defensive rating in the league, because I was under the impression that they had been slipping on that end. The Celtics success in the playoffs will hinge on their aging superstars' health and ability to get back on the same page. Rondo will have to take it to another level like he did in last year's playoffs, too.

Projected Record: 51 - 31

Opponent if Playoffs Started Today: Charlotte Bobcats

The Hawks have been very inconsistent lately, with no "statement wins" and plenty of losses to teams they should beat. They recently lost to Miami (second time in two months! Go Heat!) and New York. They also lost to the Warriors back in February, which just shouldn't happen. The rest of March looks pretty light for them other than games against the Spurs, Magic, and Lakers. April also doesn't look too bad besides playing Cleveland twice. With that said, they have the Bucks and Raptors twice more this season, which are hardly guaranteed wins for this relatively shaky Hawks squad.

Atlanta is one of the more interesting teams in the NBA, because they are one of few teams that have improved mainly from internal growth. The addition of Jamal Crawford certainly has bolstered their roster, but they have improved season after season largely with the same team. This year's playoffs come with very high stakes for Atlanta, because anything short of reaching the Conference Finals will be considered a failure. Playoff success is especially crucial with Joe Johnson's impending free agency. If the Hawks are bounced in the first or second round, it could very well be the end of this core's run.

Projected Record: 52 - 30

Opponent if Playoffs Started Today: Milwaukee Bucks

Asics GT II/Gel Lyte Speed

Normally I don't get too worked up about Asics. They're pretty lame on the regular. But a couple of their recent releases have caught my eye. I've been getting more into throwback runners in the last year so these pretty much fit the bill. The first, the GT II, isn't exactly a release. Apparently some dude named Ronnie Fieg who works at David Z in New York designed these, got a sample made, and they never went into full production. Nevertheless, he's giving them away March 17th on Twitter. So if you wear a size 9, hit him up. Details. Regardless of the scarcity, they're nice.

Secondly are these Gel Lyte Speeds. Real simple colorway (I guess we can call it OG, but let's not say it out loud, it sounds dumb) with some nice details like the speckling on the heel. They might be tough to keep clean for the next month or so, but what can you do? Releasing at "select Asics accounts" next month, which, as we all know by now, means probably not Ohio. Check the innernettes. Keep it up Asics.

And You Thought Howard Stern Was the King of All Media

Two offseasons ago, Chad Johnson went on a tirade against the Cincinnati Bengals, trying to force a trade out of town.  Eventually, he changed his last name to Ochocinco.

Last offseason the Ocho discovered Twitter and UStream and took up a well publicized boxing regiment while looking forward to starring in HBO's Hard Knocks.

This offseason Chad has apparently decided to conquer reality television.  According to ProFootballTalk.com, Chad will not only compete in Dancing With the Stars but will host a VH1 dating show tentatively titled The Tournament.

I tracked down the details, via ESPN.go.com:  The first 10 episodes will feature Ochocinco finding 85 women interested in dating him, which will then be whittled down to sixteen lucky ladies.  Specifically there will be four from each region of the country.  So it's kind of like a March Madness bracket.  That must be why it's called The Tournament.

Another fun fact: When Chad chooses a girl to advance he gives them a "game ball."

Now some fun quotes from Executive Vice President of VH1 Jeff Olde, via ESPN.go.com:

"Ochocinco is one of the most electrifying individuals in sports today.  His bigger-than-life personality on- and off-the-field and his notorious skills as a social networker, connecting daily with his fans, makes him a perfect fit for VH1.

"This Show will not only give viewers a look inside his professional life, but also reveal his softer more romantic side when playing a very different kind of game."

Well I can't imagine not watching it now!

Thursday Throwback Posterization: A.I. Put Back Over Camby

Allen Iverson is in the midst of some troubling times, so I figured this week was an appropriate time to pay homage to his legendary career with a Throwback Posterization. Iverson has recently parted ways with the Philadelphia 76ers, which could likely be the end of his career. His remarriage with the Sixers ended after he had been missing games to attend to his daughter, who has had an undisclosed illness. Shortly after this, news broke that he and his wife are in the process of being divorced. To make matters worse, Stephen A. Smith has revealed that Iverson has been struggling with drinking and gambling problems to the point that he's been banned from casinos in Detroit and Atlantic City. Needless to say, it's been a rough year for A.I.

But let's forget about all that, and take a moment to appreciate what this guy could do on the court. Iverson brought a style of play to the NBA that was incomparable to anyone that had played the game. Ultimately his game and attitude kept a championship just out of reach, but he did manage to carry a 76ers team to the Finals in 2001 that really had no business making it all the way to June.

Now, let's get back to the dunk. Eric Snow misses the short jumper, and Iverson soars up for the put back dunk over fellow 1996 draftee Marcus Camby. A.I. gets some serious air, which makes me pine for the days before his athletic ability began to fade. To add insult to injury, Iverson hangs on the rim over Camby for a moment, as Camby tries to inbound the ball and move on from a moment he'd like to forget.

J.R. Smith with the 360° Alley Oop

If dude can keep it together during the playoffs, the Nuggets could go far.

Surefire Gambling Tips - DWTS

Dancing With the Stars has become something just short of a major cultural phenomenon on American television.  So much so that Vegas now offers odds on who will win the damn thing.

Now, I've never watched the show, but I know that several NFL players have competed and done well in prior seasons of DWTS.  I specifically recall hearing about Jason Taylor and Jerry Rice.

Well, BoDog.com has posted their odds on this season.  Chad Ochocinco has received the third best odds of winning, coming in at 5/1.  I think all us Ocho fans know that a fool's ransom could be made by putting money on the "Black Mexican."  

Let's put it this way:  The only two contestants with better odds are Evan Lysacek and Erin Andrews.  I've never even heard of these people.  The longest odds go to Kate (minus Jon + 8) Gosselin and Buzz Aldrin (who is 80, but would probably win if the contest was held on the moon), both at 15/1.

My second favorite contestant is Niecy Nash, perhaps best know for playing Reneesha on Reno 911.  Her odds are 10/1, which seem high considering how much ass she'll have to move around the dancefloor.

So take if from me - a guy who's never seen the show.  Ochocinco is your horse, just like the time he raced a horse.

Lastly, I have to post this some time even though I don't know what the fuck it is.  I heard it might be part of some Reebok campaign. Enjoy.

John Mayer is Stealing Teenage Mustache's Thunder

Anyone that follows Dank Game with the slightest bit of regularity knows that Teenage Mustache is as big of a Thunder fan as you can find. When it was announced the Thunder's mascot Rumble the Bison (quickly becoming a Dank Game hero) won NBA Mascot of the year, he brought you the news. When the Thunder, um... wait, that's about the only relevant news regarding the Thunder that 'Stache has ever posted here on Dank Game. But still, believe me, this guy bleeds Thunder cyan, orange, navy and marigold... I guess that metaphor works better with teams that have a limited color palette, but you get my point. 'Stache is devoted to the Thunder. I mean, would a fair weather fan drive all the way to Oklahoma City from Atlanta for every Thunder home game dressed likes this? I don't think so.

Which brings me to John Mayer.

John Mayer has revealed his allegiance with the Thunder and it seems he's more than just a casual fan. Not only does he sport a Thunder jersey, but it appears that he sports a customized Thunder jersey. That's a number 1 on his jersey, which no player on the Thunder wears. This leads me to believe that his jersey reads "MAYER" on the back and the number 1, of course, indicates that he is the Thunder's #1 fan.

It's time to take your Thunder fandom to new heights, 'Stache. This is supposed to be your team. A few years down the road when the Thunder become a legit title contender and you can finally grow a full mustache, you could become that unmistakable figure sitting courtside at every game. You could be to the Thunder what Spike Lee is to the Knicks or Jack Nicholson is to the Lakers. They play in Oklahoma City, so you probably have as good of a chance as the next guy. Only problem is that John Mayer stands in your way. Are you going to sit back and let some douche like John Mayer represent your team? I would hope not.

Artest Pays Tribute to the NBA's Pioneer of Insanity

It's been a while since Ron Artest has done anything very crazy, but now he's back. For Sunday's game against the Magic, Ron Ron decided to pay tribute to an NBA legend who paved the way for him: Dennis Rodman. Recording artist Shin Shin, who is Ron's pal and business partner, suggested that he dye his hair Lakers' purple and gold. Of course, he thought it was a sweet idea and decided that he should use purple to write "Defense" in Japanese, Hebrew and Hindi.

To get the proper characters, Artest did what any American would do: consult Twitter.

Roethlisberger Strikes Again?

According to TMZ, Ben Roethlisberger has been acused of sexual assault by a woman in Georgia. It has been reported that the alleged incident happened in the bathroom of a club called Capital City in Milledgeville, Georgia. Formal charges have not been placed at this point.

This is the second time that Roethlisberger has been acused of sexual assault. He is already being sued by a woman named Andrea McNulty, who claims that he raped her in 2008 in a hotel at Lake Tahoe. Roethlisberger has denied the allegations and asked for counter-damages.

As much as I dislike Roethlisberger, I will refrain from calling him Rapelisberger. But if he's proven guilty, I will use that nickname as often as possible.

Derrick Rose Dunks On Z-Bo

That's just nasty. Great pass from Brad Miller.

Beasley with the Putback Dunk Over Gasol

Michael Beasley has been in quite a slump lately, which continued last night as he scored just 6 points. It could be the result of his minutes being cut down, but I guess that's what you get when you can't lead your team past bottom feeders like the Timberwolves while Dwyane Wade is out. Unfortunately, that game made Charles Barkley's assertion that the Heat are a bunch of Tito Jacksons without Wade seem pretty true. At least he had this highlight worthy play on Gasol, but of course he followed it up with a dumb technical for yelling in Gasol's face. It seems like Beasley often has trouble containing his emotions after big plays like these. Hopefully he can start to turn it around as the playoff race heats up (pun definitely intended).

What a Show

As mediocre as the Heat has been the past two seasons, they always manage to show up against the Lakers. Maybe Dwyane Wade is determined to always put on a show when Miami is on primetime or maybe the Heat somehow match up well against the Lakers. Whatever it is, these two teams have had some classic games and last night was no exception. There were 31 lead changes and 19 ties, making it the most back and forth game of the season.

Luckily this one didn't end like their last meeting, although it did come frighteningly close. After Quentin Richardson hit a three pointer to put the Heat up 99-97 with 11.1 seconds left, everyone was expecting Kobe to drain a three for about his 18th game winner of the season. Instead, Kobe drove on Wade and pulled up for a short jumper to knot the game at 99 with 3.3 seconds remaining. On the ensuing play, Wade couldn't get a good look with Lamar Odom all over him and into overtime it went.

Kobe tried to singlehandedly take over the game in overtime, which ultimately led to the Lakers coming up short. Kobe knocked down several ridiculous jumpers in isolation plays, but the Heat kept answering with big shots by Haslem and Arroyo. The key play for Miami came with 18.7 seconds left, when Jermaine O'Neal drew a charge on Kobe driving the lane. Two free throws by Carlos Arroyo would seal the game for Miami. During overtime, J.O. told his teammates that he would be waiting to draw the charge on the next player to drive the lane, and he came through on that promise.

Damn, it feels good to see the Heat finally beat a contender rather than wilting under pressure. They're now back at .500 with the 8th seed, just a game and a half in front of Charlotte but also a game and a half behind Toronto and the 5th seed. The East is still inferior to the West, but at least the playoff race is interesting.

Me No Longer Responsible for Correctly Spelling Coles' First Name

Per ProfootballTalk.com, wide receiver Lavornius (sic) Coles is no longer a Bengal. And I'm off the hook for spelling his ridiculous first name correctly.

Due a huge roster bonus tomorrow (the first day of the league year), the Bengals decided to cut ties with Lewvarnoose (sic) Coles. After a surprisingly unproductive first year with the team in 2009, Lowvairineese (sic) simply wasn't worth his large contract for 2010. The move ideally puts Cincinnati in the market for one of the other free agent wide receivers on the market. Names include Terrell Owens, Kevin Walter, and Antonio Bryant - all guys that could easily have better years with the Bengals than Loewveeranus (sic) did.

Today also marked the deadline to put tenders on restricted free agents. All you need to know is that the Bengals did nothing to keep tight ends J.P. Foschi and Daniel Coats or defensive tackle Shaun Smith. My bet is that J.P. Foschi ends up back on the team playing for the league minimum. This is much cheaper than offering a restricted free agent tender, but the team runs the risk of losing Foschi to another team for no compensation. This really isn't much of risk, as he isn't very good.

Kudos for the Bengals for applying tenders to players who actually deserve them and not to those who don't. And kudos for getting rid of Leaveroomforanus (sic) Coles.

Also, tomorrow is the beginning of free agency, so hopefully you'll see a headline tomorrow like "Bengals sign tons of great players." Don't count on it though.

Thursday Throwback Posterization: Barkley Dunked On by 3 Bulls

This week, we have Charles Barkley during his 76ers days getting dunked on by three different players on the Bulls. I'm not entirely sure if this is all in the same game, but all three dunks are at the Chicago Stadium, so it is possible.

For the first dunk, Scottie Pippen rebounds a missed shot by Barkley, takes it coast to coast, and runs right through two 76ers to deliver the jam over Sir Charles. This sequence makes it pretty clear why Barkley got fed up playing for Philly back then. His teammates basically watch Pippen go in for the dunk, while Barkley actually makes an attempt to get the block. Scottie gets some serious air on that one.

The second Bull to victimize Barkley is none other than Michael Jordan. MJ gets the pass down low, spins around the defender, and serves it up so hard that Barkley falls straight on his ass. I love how Jordan hangs on the rim for a moment looking down at Barkley as if to say, "Don't even try to block me, son."

Lastly, Jordan initiates the fast break off of a Sixers' turnover and finds Horace Grant running the floor with a perfect bounce pass. Grant, who unfortunately isn't wearing his famed Rec Specs, takes it up strong over Barkley. Because the video quality looks different on this dunk, it makes me question if it's from the same game as the first two. But Barkley's defeated body language after the dunk makes me suspect that it could be from the same game.

Don't worry, Charles. There's brighter days ahead playing alongside Kevin Johnson and Dan Majerle in Phoenix. I hate to break it to you though, but in the end, the Bulls get the best of you once again. Sorry, Chuck.

Bailando con la Ocho

Rough translation: Dancing with the Ocho.

As you probably already know, Chad Ochocinco will be joining this Spring's cast of ABC's Dancing with the Stars.  After watching Hard Knocks with the Bengals last season, this actually seems really unexciting.  But you take what you can get as a writer in the offseason.

I've never watched the show before, but I would consider possibly watching a little of it this season.  And look who shares my predicament; Carson Palmer.  Said Palmer of Chad joining the hit show, "I've never seen it before.  But I'll be a fan of it now because I'm a fan of his."

Coach Marvin Lewis also gave his blessing.  He knew Chad probably wouldn't come to the voluntary workouts he'll be missing for the show anyway, and he noted that this will keep him in shape.

Chad's dancing partner on the show will be Cheryl Burke.  A quick Google search revealed to me that she is a professional dancer who has twice before won the show.  Chad described her as tough and beautiful with a will to win and a great personality.  So good luck Chad.

And if you think this is the only dance/music thing Chad has been up to lately, you are sorely mistaken.  Chad also recently appeared in a music video for R&B chanteuse Monica.  Naturally, it is posted below.

The video appears to center around Chad and Monica almost getting divorced, but then they don't.  They also have a daughter, who maybe also got kidnapped by the woman that is stalking Chad or something.  Also, Chad is shirtless for a while.  Well, enjoy.

Shaq Hacked!

The hand is part of the ball, right? Unfortunately for the Cavs, Shaq is out 6-8 weeks after thumb surgery. Shaq was injured on a brutal hack by Big Baby, "I wish I was Ochocinco," Davis. Clearly Davis was going for the ball, which includes Shaq's thumb, because there was no foul called on the play. Shaq did tell an ESPN reporter today that he would only miss 6 weeks, which would be the start of the Playoffs.

I think this will probably hurt the Cavs chemistry in the Playoffs because they won't get much time to perfect playing together. Hopefully that transition will be as seem less as Danny Ferry thought the Jamison transition would be. They lost three straight after the Jamison trade. It doesn't matter too much if you loose three straight in the regular season, but you can't do that in the Playoffs.

P. S. Come on Big Baby, you know you want to be Ochocinco, stealing his blonde mohawk, and trying to steal his nickname method. You might as well 'kiss the baby' on trying to change your name cause it ain't happenin' Big Baby.

Remember Antwan Odom?

Well, if you didnt remember him you will.

While I work on getting more info about Chad Ochocinco appearing on the next season of Dancing with the Stars, I have a quick good-for-a-laugh type post.

Injury-prone Bengals defensive end Antwan Odom debuted his new website via his twitter account.

Turn on your speakers (not too loud) and take a quick look. Seriously. Look at it before reading the rest of this article. Here's another chance at that hyperlink.

http://antwanodom98.com/

Yes, that's the Cincinnati skyline. And some lightning. And Antwan Odom as some sort of floating specter. And then half of him turns into a tiger.

The pictures on the bottom links of the page are great too. I particularly like the one of him in his car.

Well, Chad post coming later. Goodnight Dank Gamers!

Do the Rumble!

Not only is the Oklahoma City Thunder's mascot Rumble the NBA's best mascot, but he can also rap. Yup, that's right. A superhuman bison that can rap.



If you have any further questions about Rumble the Bison, please view this informative video.*



*You actually shouldn't watch the video or listen to the song, because they're both stupid as fuck.

"Do the Rumble" via Trey Kerby at Ball Don't Lie

Sean Payton vs. Jerry Jones

First off, I apologize for a serious 'Stache absence of late from the blog. Truth is, not much has really happened of interest. There's always something going on in the NFL, but this time of year it's all combine workouts and restricted free agent tenders. If you don't know what these things are, I assure you it's just as unexciting as it sounds. I do promise some Ochocinco stories coming soon.

I did come across this hilarious item via Peter King of Sports Illustrated. With all the NFL coaches and general managers in Indianapolis for the scouting combine, all the high priced restaurants are quite busy. And thus Saints coach Sean Payton and Cowboys owner Jerry Jones had both made reservations at St. Elmo's Steakhouse on consecutive nights.

Apparently Jones also made a reservation for a particular expensive-sounding bottle of wine, Caymus Special Selection cabarnet sauvignon. So when Payton sits for his meal the night before Jone's reservation and asks for the same bottle of wine, the wait-staff informs him that their only remaining bottle is reserved.

You'd think the story would end here. Who would give away a bottle reserved by a billionaire? Well, apparently Sean Payton is a very persuasive man. He not only convinced the restaurant to give him the bottle, but he convinced them to present the empty bottle to Jones the next night with a special message:

WHO DAT!

World Champions XLIV

Sean Payton

ha!

Yeah, I'll be much happier when the offseason is over too.

Patta x Nike Air Max 1 Burgundy (UPDATE)

Once again, Amsterdam's Patta has created a slick new interpretation of the Air Max 1. I can't decide if I like it more than their last effort, but I think I might be leaning towards this latest rendition. Hard to say.

This photo of the shoes has been floating around the internet for a while now, but it wasn't until a couple of weeks ago that these were confirmed to be released. When the photo first surfaced, there was confusion as to whether these were another Patta creation, or the work of Dutch artist Parra. As it turns out, Patta and Parra are down with one another and they collaborated on the shoe. From the looks of this Parra jacket, he seems to have had a hand in the selection of the colors, which is most noticeable in the multi-colored sole.

I really like the colors of these and I'm also into the use of different colors on the swoosh and eyelets on the inside and outside of the shoes. As usual, Patta is on point with the materials. They didn't go as far out with the materials as they did on their last Air Max 1, but this version seems to be more about the colors and unique details in the design. Burgundy suede makes up the majority of the shoe, while a burgundy mesh is also included. The swooshes and the light blue Parra patch on the tongue use a carpet material, which is one of my favorite details.

UPDATE: These are set to release on March 13th and more detailed photos are now online at Nice Kicks.