"Reggie Miller Stop Pursuing Married Women"

According to Larry Altman of the Daily Breeze, an airplane with a banner flew from Malibu to the South Bay this weekend that read, "Reggie Miller stop pursuing married women." This was during the AVP Hermosa Beach Open, so it definitely got some exposure.

Celebrity web sites have speculated that the ad might have been payed for by Alex von Fürstenberg, who is the son of fashion designer Diane von Fürstenberg and the stepson of media mogul Barry Diller. Apparently Reggie met von Fürstenberg's fiancée Ali Kay at a party last year and after running into her again at a grocery store in Malibu, he waited outside for her for an hour. He was also accused of sending Kay 53 text messages in less than four hours. Yikes, Reg. That's pretty damn creepy.

According to the Daily Mail, von Fürstenberg filled out a request for a restraining order – which was never filed – after confronting Reggie. According to von Fürstenberg, during this confrontation Miller threatened him.

"He said he had friends with guns. He implied I would get hurt if I didn't stop questioning him on his inappropriate pursuit of my fiancée and his attempts to subvert his efforts," von Fürstenberg wrote in the document.

After the issue was resolved, von Fürstenberg issued this statement: "I was very upset about Reggie's behavior towards my fiancée. I think people in Malibu share my views that being a famous basketball player should not provide some sort of shield against inappropriate behavior," he said.

"Reggie sincerely apologized to me on a phone call with Ronald Richards (Von Fürstenberg's attorney) and myself. I cannot comment further on the matter as I believe it has been resolved."

My Take on the Matter
I'm really hoping that this somehow gets Reggie fired from his broadcasting position with TNT, although it's doubtful considering Barkley was brought back after driving drunk. In my opinion, Reggie is by far the most annoying commentator for the NBA. He constantly mispronounces words (so does Barkley, but anything Barkley does wrong is endearing), he's all up on Kobe's dilsnick to the point of making me nauseous, and on a nightly basis he says straight up dumb shit that adds no insight to the game whatsoever. I liked Reggie as a player, but his broadcasting career and now this have really tainted my perception of him.

Channel Ocho

Chad Ochocinco has taken on a new role: sportscaster.

In retrospect, this isn't a surprising development. Ocho started his own "TV Show" on uStream a while back as I detailed in our first Ochocinco post. He claimed when he started it that we don't even need ESPN anymore, now that Chad found a way to broadcast himself continuously (and he does, almost every time I've checked his uStream he's been on - amazing he hasn't got tired of doing it by now!).

Now I assumed that Chad's insane egotism led him to believe that people only watch ESPN to see occasional clips and interviews of him. Apparently I was wrong, as he thinks he can do it himself.



Background:

For those that haven't been keeping up with the NFL preseason, the Bengals have one of only two unsigned draft picks remaining, and from the sound of things, negotiations between number 6 pick Andre Smith and Bengals owner/general manager Mike Brown have not been going smoothly.

So it was quite surprising when Chad tweeted yesterday that Smith had signed. Furthermore, he went on to say "the new source = Ocho Cinco, not ESPN, thank you, stay tuned for more info." So apparently Ocho thinks he can compete with ESPN now.

Hurting Chad's journalistic credibility a little, Smith hasn't signed yet. But information emerging from this situation are that the two sides are indeed close, possibly within 24 hours of a deal.

Meanwhile, Chad has not given us any updates.



UPDATE:

Check out this photo Chad posted to his Twitter account.

Jordan Ballin' on Kenny Rogers

Yes, I'm serious. Thanks to J.E. Skeets of Ball Don't Lie and the Basketball Jones, I present to you footage from Kenny Roger's "Classic Weekend" in 1988. The video features NBA legends Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, Dominique Wilkins, as well as country music legend Kenny Rogers. There are several pretty amazing moments in the game and some hilarious lines from the late Lakers play-by-play legend, Chick Hearn. That sure is a lot of legends in one video.

So Farve From Over

Alternative headline:

"So Favre away / Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore"




Alright, well I think I have to mention the Brett Favre un-retirement at least once on this blog. After all, for the second straight year, Favre's will-he-or-won't-he play-this-season antics have dominated the offseason.

And for good reason. In football nothing happens for like 6 months, aside from the draft. And for all the hoopla that goes into mock drafts and rookie workouts, it's really pretty insanely boring.

So while some desperately bored football junkies try to get their fix from the draft, Canadian football, and sometimes even baseball, let's be glad their is a man who can entertain for months at a time just by avoiding answering a yes or no question.

I'd argue that Brett Favre is not the good-natured southern-boy, tractor-drivin, Wrangler-wearing, indecisive honky that we're led to believe. In actuality, Brett Favre is the greatest showman in professional sports (sorry Ochocinco). Why? Because he has been able to lead Michael-Jordan-level unretirement excitement twice now (which realistically is more than Jordan, as his second comeback lacked the fanfare of the first). And I'll bet he's got another one in him.

Go ahead, roll your eyes. Comment (politely) that you're actually really sick of hearing about Favre and that you wish he'd just go away. I think you're either a liar or Packers fan, and I'll address each of you separately.

Those of you that are sick of him probably don't think he's all that good anymore. And compared to his MVP heyday, you're probably right. But he's still solid enough that more than one team would like to have him, and he's only a year and a half removed from the NFC championship game. Obviously he didn't repeat this success with the Jets, but there was more than Brett Favre wrong with that team.

And anyway, even if he does stink this year, won't it be fascinating to watch the meltdown (unless you're a Vikings fan)? I mean, what's coach Brad Childress going to do? Bench the most noteworthy player of the last 20 years? Good luck "Chilly" (as Brett's already calling him).

Regardless of his potential play, what's not to love about his offseason retirement musings? It's like a Hitchcock plot: full of unexpected twists and perfect timing (from an entertainment standpoint). Last year he picked the most boring moment in the entire NFL calendar to announce his desire to return to the Packers, and when they said they didn't want him, his pre-training camp showdown was legendary. He threatened to show up to training camp and "compete" for a starting spot, he contemplated accepting a two-year $20 million dollar package to NOT play football, and he ended up in New York where his new coach (actually younger than him!) made his newborn son's middle name Brett.

He upped the anty this year though. The Jets called his retirement bluff and just cut him. Brett was now free and could play for whomever would have him. This gave him tremendous negotiating power. After months of speculation, much of it driven by the Favre camp, and once all signs pointed toward Minneapolis (again during the most boring part of the offseason), he suddenly said he couldn't do it. Training camp was now underway, and it certainly looked like he wouldn't play this year, even after subtly hinting that he still possibly could.

Aha! Training camps winds down, and Brett Favre finally becomes a Viking after at least six months of speculation. Honestly, I'm pretty sure he just didn't want to practice. I won't fault him for this too much. After all, who reading this entry hasn't slacked off at work when possible before? And if you're reading this at work, I double my point.

So now we just have to wait and see if the grey-bearded Favre can do some serious damage with a pretty good Vikings team.




Now, Packer fans: I can understand why you'd be upset that your most beloved star is now playing for a division rival. But I'd like to point out that he wanted to come back to you and your coach and G.M. said no and traded him away. I think if you really appreciate the years of service and Superbowl victory he gave you, you should respect his desire to keep playing. But you can still root for the Vikings to lose!


///


Seriously, are you not entertained!




As a side note, Vinny Testaverde played until he was 44. Brett turns 40 this season. Don't be surprised if he retires/untires a couple more times. I know I'll be hanging on every word. So long as they're during the offseason.

Adidas Does the NBA Right

After a pathetic attempt at creating NBA team Superstars (the Heat colorway was quite possibly the worst of the bunch), Adidas has redeemed themselves with this new collection of Eastern Conference themed Centennial Mids. All five designs are on point, although I think my favorites are the Heat and Knicks, mainly just because of how they're logos look on the tongue. I'm really feeling the overall color of the Cavs and Magic joints, though. I'm not sure when these are supposed to drop, but I've got to get me a pair of the Heat colorway.

Shaq in a Pink Speedo

Esteban Ochocinco

GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!



How did he do it? How the hell did a wide receiver convince his coach to let him kick an extra point?

Yes, it's just a meaningless preseason game. Yes, Bengals kicker Shayne "Where-da-party-at" Graham was out with a groin injury. And yes, apparently he did really play youth soccer (and he was probably pretty good at it). And yes, this is the Bengals - not a real professional franchise.

But seriously? Did that really happen?

Awesome!

Here's what the Ocho had to say about it:

"Esteban Ochocinco is back. The most interesting footballer in the world. Everyone has to remember, I've always said that soccer is my No. 1 sport. I think Ronaldinho would be proud of me right now."

(HAMS, penny for your thought!)

SlimMcCraveDick even sent me the Youtube link:

Oops...

Nice tattoo, Mike, but maybe you should have cropped the dime bags out of the photo.

Michael Beasley posted this photo of his new "Supercool Beas" tattoo (the name of his first Twitter account) on his second Twitter account, GorillaBeas. Although the photo's resolution is too low to clearly make it out, it's hard to think of anything else that could be in those two bags besides weed. Shortly after the photo started to elicit controversy, Beasley's Twitter account was erased. However, shortly before the account disappeared, these three "tweets" came through:

• "Y do I feel like the whole world is against me!!!!!!! Back on my FTW!!!!! I can't win for losin!!!!!!!!!!"
• "Feelin like it's not worth livin!!!!!!! I'm done"
• "not feelin this at all!!!!!"

Woe is you, Supercool Beas. It seems like Beasley is shaping up to be last year's Greg Oden – the silly kid that starts to believe the world is out to get him. As much as I want to believe in Beasley, he just doesn't seem capable of avoiding stupid mistakes like this. He does have superstar talent and potential, but it seems he doesn't have superstar smarts. With that said, he's still just a kid and I personally could care less about this on a moral level. But you have to wonder if all of this bad publicity is going to affect his game.

Update: According to Adrian Wojnarowski of Yahoo! Sports, Michael Beasley has checked into a rehabilitation center in Houston where he will stay for at least 30 days with little outside contact. Goddamn... I didn't think this was going to get quite so serious. Here's to hoping he can sort everything out.

Reunited?

According to Dime magazine, Allen Iverson has reached an agreement with the Charlotte Bobcats to sign a contract sometime next week. However, Rick Bonnell of the Charlotte Observer claims that a reliable source has refuted this report. Bonnell does go on to say that there have been serious discussions with the Bobcats and a reunion between Iverson and former coach Larry Brown remains a possibility. Brown has seemed open towards coaching A.I. again, but has also acknowledged that there are several obstacles preventing such a reunion. The Bobcats are very close to the luxury tax threshold and restricted free agent Raymond Felton has yet to resign. If the Bobcats do sign Iverson, the money likely won't be great. Another issue is how the Bobcats would divvy up minutes, with second year guard D.J. Augustin, Raja Bell, and Raymond Felton – if he's resigned – all vying for playing time. Iverson does make sense going to Charlotte on a number of levels. The Bobcats were last in the league in scoring last season and Iverson is obviously a proven scorer. Charlotte also could use a big name player like Iverson to sell tickets and merchandise. But everyone saw what went down in Detroit last year and Iverson could bring a lot of baggage along with him.

Stoudemire "50-50" on Returning to Phoenix

According to Marc Spears of Yahoo! Sports, Amare Stoudemire is "50/50" on whether he will accept his $17.6 million player option to return to the Suns for the 2010-11 season.

“I was really looking forward to my entire career being in [Arizona],” Stoudemire said. “It kind of put a hold on a few of my decision-making things. … I don’t know if I’m sure if I want to play one more year here, or be gone, or sign an extension and play here for another six years or so.

“If they are loyal to me, I’m loyal to them. I’m a loyal person and always have been. My word is bond. I’d love to stay; the Suns have been phenomenal so far. But anything can change.”

Although I don't doubt that Amare is a loyal person, nor do I doubt that his word is bond, what is going to convince him to stick around in Phoenix? An aging Steve Nash? An even older Grant Hill? Jason Richardson? Sideshow Bob? The ugliest human of all time? Phoenix is going to have to make some type of move if they really want Amare to stick around.

As a Heat fan who's growing more and more skeptical of Miami's chances of landing Lebron (like there was ever a chance) or Chris Bosh, the thought of picking up Amare is definitely enticing. Bosh would be ideal next to Wade, but Amare certainly would be more than just a consolation prize. With that said, I've always been wary of Amare's diva act, as he's constantly making a fuss about being the first option on offense. If he comes to Miami, he's obviously going to have to defer to Wade and possibly even Beasley depending on his development next season.

Another concern about adding Stoudemire to the Heat is his defense. He's never been known as a great defender and if he were to be the Heat's starting center, a frontcourt of Beasley and Stoudemire might give up a lot of points inside. Although on the other end, they could be one of the best center/power forward duos in the league.

Back to reality, Amare recently finished a 10 day recovery from a minor operation to remove fluid from his right eye that involved lying face down, staring at the floor for 22 hours a day. Stoudemire says it was by far the hardest thing he's ever had to do in his life, which says a lot considering he's had to recover from microfracture knee surgery. The operation was a follow-up procedure to previous surgery to repair his partially detached retina. According to Stoudemire, his new pair of goggles will be bigger than what James Worthy wore back in the day.

“Being cool is definitely a big thing of mine, being swaggered up,” Stoudemire said. “But you definitely want to protect yourself, man. That’s the most important thing.”

Air Stoner

Chad Ochocinco

SlimMcLeastFavorite,

As requested, here is my post about the NFL's #1 raving lunatic, Chad 85.

Of course after listening to Artest's song, I may have to admit defeat before beginning. But if it's worth tracking Ron Ron's every move, it is at least nearly as entertaining following 85's.

As this is Dank Game's first Chad post, I'll get everyone caught up to speed. Born Chad Johnson, he is fairly well known for his touchdown celebrations (unfortunately he only had 4 TDs last year)! For several years he also has been keeping a list of all the cornerback's he'll be playing against in a season in his locker so he can brag about how badly he'll burn past them.

Because Cincinnati has blown so much since 2006 (and for the 15 years before 2005), Chad hasn't been in the national limelight as much as he'd like. Here's how he's compensated:

He legally changed his name to a bastardized Spanish version of his number. His new name is now Chad Javon Ochocino (Eightfive as a literal translation)! This stems from a joke jersey he made for a 2006 games during the NFL's "Spanish Heritage Month."This mimics George Costanza's ridiculous idea to name his future son after Mickey Mantle's number. What makes it plain sad is that he wanted a space between the numbers, but because his legal name doesn't have one, the NFL won't let him have one. And he had to wait an entire season to debut it on his jersey due to some BS merchandising rule.

He keeps talking about his TV show. I watched it once. He sits in front of his computer and more or less does nothing. He talks on the phone and sometimes answers questions from people watching. It is exactly like Stephon Marbury's 24 hour uStream marathon, except that this is basically never ending. If he didn't have to go to practice and occasionally spend time with his kids, he'd probably do it about 10+ hours everyday. You'd think he'd lose interest in it or something, but I guess the idea that anyone is watching this thing is feeding his ego.

He has a new catch phrase; "Child please." Real people don't have catch phrases, sitcom characters do.

He was planning on tweeting during games and halftime. The NFL told him he couldn't. I have a feeling he will anyway. Shouldn't the ongoing game weigh heavy enough on his mind?

He plans to change his list this year to to Defensive Coordinators instead of cornerbacks. I guess this is probably by far the least crazy thing I've mentioned.

Last one for now: He wants to race Usain Bolt. He thinks he can beat the world's fastest human in a 20 yard dash. He also said at one point that he wanted to swim against Phelps, but I think he has since dropped this challenge.

Ochocinco is pretty entertaining, but I think I have to admit he takes a backseat Artest. For now.

Ron Artest's "Michael Michael"

This is pretty old news, but since it came up in the radio interview from my previous post, here's an mp3 of Ron Artest's tribute to The King of Pop, "Michael Michael." I must say, the little guitar loop is actually pretty sweet, but the rest of the song sounds like some high school band that's really into O.A.R. According to the interview, Ron wanted the verses to sound messed up, so that people wouldn't like the song and that it would be a heartfelt message to Michael... or something like that. Apparently the song is huge in China.

I'm anxiously awaiting your rebuttal of why Chad Johnson is crazier than Ron Ron, Teenage_Mustache.

Ron Ron Update

Ron Artest is still being his crazy old self. He recently did a radio interview with 790 The Ticket in Miami while he was chilling in China with this homegirl Shin Shin. I must say, all of this hanging out with Shin Shin is starting to make me question his earnestness in giving a shout out to relationships. Anyhow, there was more than a few entertaining moments, most notably him talking about sneaking into the White House and rejecting Obama, who was going for a lay-up. He also gives his phone number away on air. Here are some transcripts from Sports Radio Interviews thanks to Tas Melas of The Basketball Jones.

On mimicking Shaq and showing up to the White House uninvited:

“I actually snuck in the White House one time. I seen Barack Obama playing basketball. I snuck in the back, and he tried to go up for a lay-up and I blocked his shot and ran out. And, Secret Service was trying to catch me and they couldn’t catch me. I promise you, they couldn’t catch me. (Host: You snuck in the White House and you blocked Obama’s shot?) Blocked Obama’s shot; fullcourt block, get it outta here (laughs).”

On trying to be more popular than Kobe Bryant and Yao Ming in China:

“I’m not trying to compete with them on that level but I’m definitely trying to reach out to the fans, and as you know, I gave my number to all the fans in China, a lot of people in China’s calling me. So, I’m definitely trying to do things different from other people. I get called at all times at night, people just calling my phone, calling for Shin Shin, and just wanna talk, and I answer the phone and talk. I can talk to anybody from someone in jail to just somebody, a nice kid who’s going to school. I spoke to a little 8-year-old kid the other day, he was so happy I answered the phone.”

On playing with the Lakers:

“The opportunity was unbelievable. I get a chance to play with Kobe, Michael Jordan’s my favorite player, Kobe’s probably the closest person to Michael Jordan, so I get to kind of relive that whole Chicago Bulls thing growing up, that was my favorite team. So, Phil Jackson, you got Kobe Bryant, you got myself at the three like Scottie Pippen, you have a clutch shooter in Derek Fisher like a Steve Kerr, you have Lamar Odom like a Toni Kukoc, it’s just fun, it’s a dream. I thank God so much to be in this situation, get a chance to win, playing with the defending champs, and I’m in LA ’cause you know I love the spotlight.”

Some quotes that amused me:

Ron is discussing how he was surprised by how metropolitan Beijing was, and that he was expecting something more like a Bruce Lee film. When the radio host asks if he was expecting to see temples, Artest replies, "I thought it was just temples and just people probably floating in the air on mats and things like that, y' know?"

When the radio host mentions that Shaq practiced martial arts while in China, Artest says something about Shaq Fu and how that's more of Shaq's thing. Although he does go on to say that, "[he] would like to be like a, y' know, like a panther ninja type of person. That would be kinda cool."

He also does a verse from a song he's written for the Lakers and champions in general aptly titled "Champions." Here's a sample of the verse:

I'm in the spotlight when they turn the lights down
Only a champ swing the hardest in the 12th round
I love the 4th quarter
I love the 9th inning
I love game 7
Bring on the competition
'Cuz in my heart can't nobody do it better
Can't slow me down, won't stop me never
I'm so Cassius Clay
I'm Tyson in his prime
You're little league with it
I'm Barry Bonds with mine

Considering the subject of my previous Artest update, I found it especially funny that he says he loves game 7.

Ron Artest's phone number is 832-361-0108

Listen to Ron Artest on 790 The Ticket in Miami

Jordan Exhibit at the Basketball Hall of Fame a Corporate Affair?

I just came across this article from the New York Times lamenting that the new Jordan exhibit at the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame in Springfield, MA was put together with Nike/Jordan Brand having complete control. The exhibit is to honor Jordan's induction, which will take place on September 11. I'm not quite as disillusioned by the whole thing. I'm even considering making a trip to go check it out. Sure, it'd be nice to have some artifacts like his rings or game worn shoes and jerseys, but judging by the few pictures I've seen, it looks to be pretty sweet. And besides, there was no other athlete before Jordan to turn his image into a business like he did with Nike, so it feels somewhat appropriate. I can see where they're coming from in the article, but I'm still interested to see it.

On the subject of corporations honoring Jordan's induction into the hall of fame, here's Gatorade's contribution, created with 19,000 Gatorade bottles in the south side of Chicago.


Photo of exhibit courtesy of the New York Times

Blazer Mid Supreme TZ Sail/Metallic Gold

Nike Sportswear has been on point basically since it's inception, so it should be no surprise that their Blazer Mid Supreme TZ in Sail/Metallic Gold is on it as well. This is the first Blazer Mid to drop in like 5 years that doesn't look like absolute shit (probably hyperbole, but Blazers have seriously fallen off lately), so that in and of itself should be incentive enough. These have been out since August 8 at select Nike Sportswear retailers, a.k.a. nowhere in the Midwest. Ubiq is currently taking phone orders.

Photos courtesy of hypebeast and probably also nikesportswear.com

That's a lot of shouts, someone should send me some free shoes.

Football Conspiracy Theorist

Overview

A somewhat widely believed conspiracy theory is that President John F. Kennedy was assassinated as part of a centuries-old Masonic ritual known as the Killing of the King.

Freemasons are also often accused of staging the 1969 (and subsequent) moon landings, being devil worshippers, and leaving a treasure map on the back of the $1.00 bill for Nicholas Cage to stumble upon (or something like that. I never actually saw either of those movies).

Well, bear with me world, because I am here to propose a new and exiting Masonic conspiracy theory, and this one involves Football.

Background

Flash back about 700 years or so and what we might today call a trade union was formed by united European stone cutters. Presumably done to ensure fair wages and proper treatment, this is clearly the humble beginnings of the Free-Masons. In the ensuing centuries the outfit evolved into a secret society. Perhaps they still cut stones??

Flash back about 250 years ago and the United States is being founded by a group of former British subjects at what might have been the height of Freemason popularity. Multiple founding fathers were freemasons including George Washington and Ben Franklin. Freemasonry was spread through the colonies, and west of the Appalachians where the British had previously not allowed their colonists to settle.

Flash back about 70 years ago, and the Pirates of football are founded in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania - at the time a booming manufacturing town. In fact, the city's steel production was so prominent that a short while later the team changed it's name to the "Steelers"

After winning it's 6th superbowl, the city changed it's name to "Sixburgh" (they seriously did this officially for a day, or an hour, or something. And the mayor breifly changed his name to Steelerstahl).

Getting to the Point

I am suggesting that the success of the Pittsburgh Steelers is engineered by the Freemasons. I have the following evidence:

1. If you've ever heard Terry Bradshaw talk you'd think that the only way this guy could have won 4 world championships is if they were in the Special Olympics. Surely this couldn't have been the best quarterback in football. Roethlisberger, while seemingly a little more mentally nimble, doesn't fare much better.

2. A drive through Western Pennsylvania, West Virginia and Central/Eastern Ohio will reveal a shocking number of Masonic Lodges. Just look for the compass and square. Even Cincinnati and Cleveland have quite a few, but these cities also have a shocking number of Steelers fans.

3. Pittsburgh is much too small of a city to field such a popular and successful football team. Generally the wildly popular and most successful American sports teams seem to be based in the largest metropolitan areas (New York Yankees and Giants, Boston Celtics and Redsocks, LA Lakers, Dallas Cowboys, Chicago Bulls, etc).

But the Steelers don't seem to have the limited number of fans to draw from that plagues other smaller town teams. Their fan base is so spread out across the country, one has to wonder if Freemasonry and Steeler fandom aren't linked.

4. Steel working is basically the 2oth century equivalent of stone masonry. Steel is clearly as important to major construction today as stone was in centuries past.

Is it possible that the steel unions and the Masons have a united cause, with the Steelers the symbolic fighters of such teams as the Tennessee Titans (of Industry), or the New Orleans Saints (assuming they really are devil worshippers)?

Conclusion

A quick search of NFL Freemasons revealed only one name: John Elway. Another search found no connection between the Steelers and the Freemasons (hopefully this post will change that). I also know of no other Freemason conspiracy theories that involve sports in any way.

So what I'm saying is that I have no evidence whatsoever to back up any of this. Which actually seems to be a common theme among conspiracy theories, so maybe this is a good one!

It may also be worth investigating if the New England Patriots success is somehow related to the Yale-based secret society Skull and Bones.

What do you think Dank Game universe?

More Artest Insanity

Charley Rosen of Fox Sports: "Last spring, the Rockets were preparing to face the Lakers in the seventh and deciding game of the Western Conference semifinals. The most critical game of Houston's season.

Traditionally, players are required to show up in the locker room 90 minutes before game time or else face a fine, a suspension, or both. Since the Rockets were away from home, bus transportation was provided from the hotel to the Staples Arena.

The first bus was timed to arrive at Staples two hours before tip-off. Expected on board were the rookies, who always had to come early to get taped; any veterans who wanted to get some extra shooting practice; the public relations staff; as well as the assistant coach who was responsible for transcribing the scouting report on the grease board mounted in the locker room.

The next departure from the hotel was designed to get the rest of the players and the rest of the coaching staff to the arena before the 90-minute cutoff. Since the coaching staff always commences their pre-game scouting report 45 minutes before the game begins, the players on this bus would have 45 minutes to dress, get taped, and do some extra shooting on their own.

The third bus contained team officials, guests, wives, girlfriends and assorted hangers-on, and would arrive at Staples 30 minutes before tip-off. Time to grab something to eat in the media room and get comfortably settled in their assigned seats.

Artest missed the first bus, and missed the second bus. He did board the third bus, but was dressed only in his underwear!!!"

This is from an article comparing and contrasting the insanity of Rodman and Artest in order to evaluate whether Phil Jackson and the Lakers will be able to keep Artest in check and productive. I think tracking crazy stuff that Ron Artest does might become one of my primary objectives on Dank Game. It's pretty easy to run into this stuff online, although it's difficult to track every crazy thing he does. I will try my best.

Christian Throwback Jersey

A proud sponsor of Jesus Christ

I'm not even sure what to say about this.

What are the implications of the Heat acquiring Quentin Richardson?

Quentin Richardson has been traded a lot this summer. From New York to Memphis for Darko Milicic and cash, to the Clippers for Zach Randolph, to Minnesota for Sebastian Telflair, Mark Madsen, and Craig Smith, and finally to the Miami Heat for 7-foot softie, Mark Blount. Although I'm pretty unfamiliar with Richardson's game, I feel a little apprehensive that the Heat are acquiring someone that's been tossed around so much during the offseason. I do think it was a good trade to make though, as Mark Blount's career in Miami has mostly been on the bench. At least Richardson might have some impact, but whether it will be positive or negative remains to be seen.

When considering what role Richardson will have in Miami, many of the questions surrounding the Heat's roster become magnified. If Richardson will play primarily at the two, will he be a back-up to Dwyane Wade, or will he play alongside him when Wade takes over duties at the point? Although Richardson seems pretty inconsistent, he could be capable of providing some scoring when Wade is on the bench, which was one of the Heat's main weaknesses last season. If he plays alongside Wade, what will become of Daequan Cook? Cook remains a big question mark for the Heat. Sometimes he is the three-point threat that the Heat covet to have beside Wade, and sometimes he disappears (i.e. the second half of last season after winning the three point contest). Cook's potential remains a mystery, and Richardson might be an impediment to his development. I think gauging Cook and the other young players like Chalmers and Beasley ought to be a priority for this season.

If Richardson spends more time at the three, what becomes of the other Heat small forwards? James Jones was never at full health last season, so his ability to mesh with the team remains unknown. If his hand has completely healed, will he be able to return as the three-point specialist he's been in the past? I like Jones but I have concerns about his athleticism, which is an important attribute for a small forward. Jamario Moon had the athleticism I wish Jones possessed, which was why it was tough to see him leave for the Cavs. And what about Yakhouba Diawara and Dorrell Wright? Diawara is a solid perimeter defender and a decent three-point shooter, but when all is said and done, he doesn't seem to be much of a difference maker. Dorrell Wright remains to be a project that has yet to show what he is capable of. When Riley coached, he mostly rode the pine because of Riley's lack of trust in young players. Since then, nagging injuries and inconsistent play have hampered his career. This season could be the final straw for Dorrell, as it is essentially his last chance to prove his worth. I still have a delusional hope that he can become a solid contributor at small forward, but more than likely he will end up falling short due to unreliability or a lack of playing time because of the Heat's glut at small forward. When he had the chance to play during that painful 2007-08 season, he showed some flashes of promise on both ends of the floor. As if those aren't enough questions at the small forward position, will Michael Beasley end up putting minutes at the three? I'm in the line of thinking that he should be the Heat's starting power forward next season. I think the only time he should be at the three is when the opposing team is playing a small forward with offensive deficiencies. Most starting small forwards in the league will take advantage of Beasley's poor defensive footwork, blowing by him over and over. It also might make sense to slide him to the three when Udonis Haslem's defense and rebounding is needed at the power forward position. This way, the Heat would still have Beasley's scoring on the offensive end and Haslem's defense on the other end.

Despite all of these question marks, I think this is ultimately a good trade to have made. Richardson has proven to be a legit three-point threat in the past with Phoenix, setting the Suns single-season record for three-point field goals in 2004-05 by surpassing Dan Majerle's record of 199. He also has a career 35% three-point field goal percentage. The Heat highly value three-point shooters to surround Wade, and this trade gives them plenty of options with Richardson, Cook, Jones, as well as Beasley, who shot just over %40 from three last season. Another positive aspect is that Wade and Richardson are both Chicago natives and friends. Regardless of how this trade works out on the court, it seems as though it will at least improve morale. But there are still plenty of concerns, one of which is Richardson's conditioning. He appeared somewhat out of shape during his stint with the Knicks. Fortunately, he is busy working out in Chicago this summer alongside Wade, Jermaine O'Neal and Dorrell Wright with Tim Grover, who aided Wade in returning to superstar form last summer. Because his contract expires after next season, Richardson will likely only be in Miami for a year, so it's not like this is a high risk move. Let's just hope that this trade actually pays dividends rather than serve as simply a move to lose Mark Blount's contract. And most of all, let's hope this isn't a move that stunts the growth of any of the Heat's young talent.

Nike Air Penny II Triple Black

I'm pretty in love with the Nike Air Penny II. Although no colorway will ever compare to the highly sought original Atlantic Blue, this Triple Black edition has me fidgeting in my seat. I already own three pairs of the Miami Heat colorway (it's a long story involving multiple eBay mishaps followed by a nasty email that won me a free pair) that dropped this year, and I must say they're some of the most comfortable basketball shoes I've ever worn. The way they slide onto your feet is truly an experience. I'm also in love with the crazy space age design, which I think is probably Nike's most successful attempt ever at creating a futuristic look. I sort of promised myself I wouldn't buy anymore shoes for a while as I've been on quite a tear lately, but I sure wouldn't mind having a pair of these sitting on my shoe rack.

NBA's Top 10s 0f 2008-09

In spite of this Andy Hams fellow, I'm going to continue to wax nostalgic on the 2008-09 NBA season. Fútbol is all well and good, but I definitely started this blog to talk primarily about the best sport ever. So I present to you, the NBA's Top 10s of the 2008-09 season. I meant to post this shit a while ago, but my computer died on me after I had written about the Top 10 Plays and I couldn't figure out how to widen the blog to fit 6x9 format videos.


Top 10 Plays
10. Somehow I missed out on this one during the season. Rodriguez getting that pass through such a small window is pretty unbelievable. Too bad we won't get to see more of Fernandez and Rodriguez together now that Rodriguez is on the Kings.
9. I swear that shit was staged, but it was amusing nonetheless.
8. Definitely one of the best posterizations of the year. It reminds me of why I loved Tyrus when I lived in Chicago during his rookie season. I can't help but feel for J.O. on that one. Dude got shat on so many times this year trying to block shots jumping off of one leg.
7. The fact that Kobe throws the ball off the glass to himself for a layup is ridiculous enough as is, but the fact that he's being guarded by one of the best perimeter defenders in the league and finishes with that one 7'6" Chinese dude under the hoop makes it totally absurd.
6. As if Vince Carter hadn't shat on Toronto enough already.
5. This is one of the few plays on here that I was lucky enough to catch live. At a Heat-Pacers game in Indianapolis, I snuck down to the good seats and happened to sit in front of Daequan Cook's cousin. She was cool as hell and I told her that I totally lost my shit when Daequan threw down Wade's lob. I also met Elton Brand's mom at Conseco Fieldhouse. She was a total sweetheart.
4. As far as I'm concerned, that was the best buzzer beater of the year, although Devin Harris' weird juggling heave coming up at #3 was definitely tight. That insane arc followed by the perfect swish is truly a thing of beauty.
3. This was another one I happened to catch live this season. I tuned in for the end of the game when I noticed it was close, and caught Devin's final shot. I thought that Iguodala had blocked him and was about to turn it off until I noticed the crowd going nuts. The refs having to review it killed the mood a little, but still, what an insane buzzer beater.
2. That was a pretty ballsy move by Wade, considering the Heat had a time-out left. I remember watching this live and seeing Brad Miller looking like he was about to cry, which was pretty hilarious. Unfortunately, they cut it out of this video, but Wade sort of swats a fan's hand away going for a high five as he steps up on the scorer's table to yell, "This is my house!"
1. I decided to go to the bar during this game and paused my DVR in hopes of coming home to watch it later. Of course, it didn't work. And of course, I missed out on one of the best finishes in the playoffs. Lebron's reaction is pretty hilarious.


Top 10 Dunks


Top 10 Blocks


Top 10 Assists


Top 10 Plays of the Finals


Top 10 Lakers Playoff Highlights

basketball doesn't start until october: booooooooring!

while my boy slim here waxes nostalgic about the 08-09 NBA season, i am busy preparing for a far more stressful and important endeavor that is about to get really real in like 8 or 9 days: arsenal's coming premier league, champion's league, carling cup, and FA cup campaigns. i've only been following the team for one season, but the i'm already feeling the nausea and anxiety that comes with supporting a football[1] club. in the offseason, we have replaced kolo toure at centerback with thomas vermaelen, and sold striker emmanual adebayor. there is a possibility that we'll bring in this moroccan dude who looks like a brown cristiano ronaldo as a replacement for adebayor, which i am pretty much ambivalent about, especially given dude's appearance. while i would welcome any player that could help us win games, i'd rather see our current talent show than import somebody who whines to the media and bears a resemblance to my least favorite footballer in the world. besides our more proven strikers: van persie and eduardo (please stay fit!), we have three other forwards in vela, walcott and, yes, bendtner who i believe are capable of winning a trophy in at least one of the aforementioned competitions this season. in the midfield, i am real excited about seeing more from last year's midseason acquisition andrey arshavin, seen here scoring a physically impossible winning goal in the 90th minute last weekend at the emirates cup (a preseason competition):



and for posterity's sake, his four-goal appearance against liverpool:



our captain, cesc fabregas (no youtube testimonial necessary), could well have the best season of any footballer in the world. nasri, who scored on his debut against the third most hated club in the premiership: manchester united, is sure to continue producing and enforcing once he's back from injury. denilson will prove the haters wrong, and youngsters aaron ramsey and jack wilshere are ready for breakout seasons, especially in the FA and carling cups. wilshere's two-goal performance against rangers last weekend has him in the discussion for england's world cup side:



[1} i know it sounds pretentious, but it just sounds retarded to refer to the english game as soccer. whatevs...

Re: Nike's Cooking Up Something Amazing

This is what Do...I mean Slim was talking about earlier. Hyperizers are Fog Raw (Mo Williams), Ice-O (Rashard Lewis), Chief Blocka (Andre Iguodala) and Velvet Hoop (Kevin Durant). I haven't decided which one's funniest, Fog Raw (the way he says "what's your problem?" is pretty absurd) or Velvet "OOO-WEE" Hoop. Actually, it's probably that old dude playing guitar at the end.

SLAM Online's Top 100 Dunks of 2008-2009

I know it's pretty much impossible to get it right, but I'm not totally sold on the order. It's entertaining as hell and that's really all that matters. At #13, Wade throwing it down on Okafor after splitting two defenders is quite possibly my favorite of the year. Tyrus Thomas over J.O. at #11 was also a memorable one, even without the sick block on Bosh that initiated the fastbreak. Watch for yourself and draw your own conclusions.

SLAM Online's Top 100 Dunks of 2008-2009

Malibu

Mailbu thought if he hammed up his endearing stoner demeanor, people would forget that fateful moment when he was humiliated in front of the American Gladiator faithful. Malibu thought they would remember him as that funny surfer guy, not that jackass who got totally served by some regular dude who actually exercised rather than smoking weed all day while roidng it up. Malibu thought he was back on top, convincing audiences that he was heterosexual and enjoyed the finer things in life, like beer and Mother Nature. Malibu didn't think he'd be forever linked to the most excellent hit of his life. Malibu thought he'd get on with his life. Malibu was wrong. Malibu didn't foresee the internet and viral videos. Malibu, you are truly amazing.

Multiple interpretations from the internet of Malibu eating it hard:


The Unedited Original Broadcast. No obnoxious editing by youtube members, yet it unfortunately lacks Malibu's painful collision with the mat.


You're Simply the Best. A solid collection of Malibu getting owned, but it contains some mild Tim & Eric-esque rapid repetitive editing, which is sort of annoying.


Malibu Tribute. A somewhat silly, yet amusing creation of Malibu footage with inspirational 80s rock, which I think is Journey. Most inspirational 80s rock is Journey, right?


Malibu Sucks. This guy doesn't appreciate how amazing Malibu is, but he did manage to put together a youtube video including quality, slow motion Malibu footage accompanied by a sweet Commodores song. I'm pretty conflicted as to whether this dude is sweet or not. I'm leaning towards him being not sweet, although that Commodores song is tight.