Ready? Let's GO!

Football begins anew this coming Sunday when our beloved Cincinnati Bengals fight the hated Dallas Cowboys at the Hall of Fame game in Canton, OH. The season kick-off is accompianied by lots of HOF ceremonies, including the induction of the new class. This year's inductees include WR Jerry Rice, RB Emmit Smith and former Bengals/Steelers coach and Lions CB Dick LeBeau.

Anyway, it's always one of the worst football games of the year, as it's essentially an extra preseason game for each team. But it's still our first chance to catch the tigers in action, and if they can knock pretty boy Tony Romo on his ass once, it'll be worth it.

Here are the 6 things Mustache is looking forward to seeing this Sunday:

1. RB Bernard Scott - His name keeps getting dropped as a second year player to watch. He had a pretty solid rookie outing, with a hundred yard game against the Raiders and a kickoff return for touchdown against the Steelers. So if as the Bengals "change-0f-pace-back" and kick returner he is poised to have an even bigger year, I for one am excited.

2. LB/DE Michael Johnson - Another name that is consistently mentioned as a potential break-out player, the 6-7 third round pick from last season is earning a solid reputation. The team is actually moving him to a new position, linebacker, and despite the learning curve everyone seems to be impressed. It sounds like he could lead the team in sacks this season, even coming off the bench.

3. TE Jermaine Gresham - Finally in camp, everyone is excited to see what Gresham can add to this team. I'd put him higher, but given that he's only been practicing with the team for a few days it's unlikely he'll do much. We'll see though.

4. The Offensive Line - I'm not so much eager as nervous to watch this unit. The OL got a lot of praise last season for exceeding expectations, but that's because they were so low after the miserable 2008 campaign. In my opinion, this is the team's biggest weakness. OT Andre Smith, first round pick from last year, won't be playing, but let's hope the line can block without him. We'll probably have to get used to that scenario.

5. Wide Receiver Battle - there an enormous logjam at the WR position in Cincinnati, and from the sound of it everyone is bringing their A-game. Given that the first team usually only plays a few series in this somewhat meaningless game, the WRs on the roster bubble will likely play much of the game. Andre Caldwell and Jordan Shipley (11) are both practically locks to make the team, but it will be good to see Shipley in stripes for the first time as well as discovering if Caldwell is really "the most improved player" as Coach Lewis called him at one point. Also, Jerome Simpson has really been impressing, to the point where even national media (who trust me, don't really follow the Bengals closely) have noticed. Rookie Dezmon Briscoe (88), practice squad veteran Maurice Purify and free agent pick-up Matt Jones will also be showing their stuff, although I'm not sure any of those three will make the team. Oh, and there's this TO fellow!

6. Shit, who care what else. It's finally football season again (although the preseason is its own kind of torture). I just hope the game isn't hopelessly boring.

I TOLD YOU!!!

Remember my inside scoop guys? When I worked in the Bengal's locker room and unloaded ALL KINDS of insider information on this very blog?

In case you thought I was bullshitting you, go back and take a refresher course. Note how I said 1st round pick Andre Smith looks like he's in terrible shape and that the report that he might be back in a couple weeks is clearly wrong.

Well, now read this article.

As you can see, I was dead on in my assessment. Never doubt me, Dank-Gamers - I am your God.

Just to rag on the Bengals a little bit for being so stupid: Why are they wasting a roster spot on Smith when they could have put him on the P.U.P. list? (I'm pretty sure they didn't do this, but I don't feel like looking it up, so I'll just assume I'm right - I usually am). If they'd done that, he wouldn't have been eligible for the first 6 weeks of the season, but clearly we won't be playing by then anyway. Why cut a guy like DeDe Dorsey to make room for a player who can't play?

2009 Bengals - Inside scoop

Yesterday, yours truly worked for 12 hours at ground zero: Paul Brown Stadium.

The best part: I spent some of that time in the Bengal's locker room.

So guys, pay attention. This is likely the only time I will have any sort of "scoop" on a sports team. Unfortunately I could not take any pictures, but here's what I've got:




First and most important - Carson Palmer. I didn't see him run or throw footballs, but he was walking around nimbly without any brace on his ankle. It appears that he is already recovered from the ankle he sprained in the preseason.

Next up Andre Smith. Fuck. Whoever reported that his stress fracture would only keep him out for 7-10 days is either a spin-master or a moron. Days after the injury, he was milling around on crutches at the pace of an elderly woman. Maybe it doesn't matter so much. He wasn't likely to contribute much in the early goings of the season anyway after his 90 day holdout. I anticipate that he'll be place on the Physically Unable to Preform list to start the season, and not placed on the active roster until the last possible moment.

Rey Maualuga. Dude is hilarious, and might as well live at Paul Brown Stadium. On a day with no practices he still put in something like 12 hours. Interestingly enough, he and Shayne "Where-da-party-at" Graham were palling it around for much of the day. Quite the odd couple.

Graham is returning from a groin injury, but looked fine. The club had confidence enough to release their camp replacement kicker, so I'm sure he's recovered fully. David Jones is also recovering from an injury, but he looked to be in good shape, walking around quickly and pain free. Scott Kooistra (unsurprisingly nicknamed Kooister by his teammates) - another injured Bengal backup - didn't look to far from returning to the playing field either.

I saw several other players as well, including Bernard Scott, Michael Johnson (who is tall as fuck), Brandon Johnson, Dhani Jones (super nice guy) and Dennis Roland, plus coach Marvin Lewis. The only real disappointment is that Chad Ochocinco was there, but didn't really say or do anything entertaining. Not that he was an asshole or anything, but I've come to expect nonstop antics from him. He did work out in boxing shoes and a big robe that says Ocho Cinco on the back, so that's a least one nice touch. He was also incredibly ripped. Apparently that boxing regiment he endured this off season paid off.

Well, that's all I've got. Until next time (which as far as Dank Game inside scoops go might be never) this is Mustache signing off.

Let's see you get an exclusive scoop on the Heat, SlimMcFatTits!

Channel Ocho

Chad Ochocinco has taken on a new role: sportscaster.

In retrospect, this isn't a surprising development. Ocho started his own "TV Show" on uStream a while back as I detailed in our first Ochocinco post. He claimed when he started it that we don't even need ESPN anymore, now that Chad found a way to broadcast himself continuously (and he does, almost every time I've checked his uStream he's been on - amazing he hasn't got tired of doing it by now!).

Now I assumed that Chad's insane egotism led him to believe that people only watch ESPN to see occasional clips and interviews of him. Apparently I was wrong, as he thinks he can do it himself.



Background:

For those that haven't been keeping up with the NFL preseason, the Bengals have one of only two unsigned draft picks remaining, and from the sound of things, negotiations between number 6 pick Andre Smith and Bengals owner/general manager Mike Brown have not been going smoothly.

So it was quite surprising when Chad tweeted yesterday that Smith had signed. Furthermore, he went on to say "the new source = Ocho Cinco, not ESPN, thank you, stay tuned for more info." So apparently Ocho thinks he can compete with ESPN now.

Hurting Chad's journalistic credibility a little, Smith hasn't signed yet. But information emerging from this situation are that the two sides are indeed close, possibly within 24 hours of a deal.

Meanwhile, Chad has not given us any updates.



UPDATE:

Check out this photo Chad posted to his Twitter account.