Hank Snow

So I've been on a country kick lately, as I am every so often. While in the past it's been all about Hank Williams, Lefty Frizzell, or Jimmie Rodgers, this kick's been all about the other great Hank of country, Hank Snow (not to be confused with Al Snow). While normally I'm pretty against Canadians in country music (see Shania Twain) Snow's just got one of those voices built for it. On top of that, he's a snappy dresser. Rather than get real analytical, I'm just gonna post YouTube videos. Just look at how fun TV used to be. Also, on second thought, "You're Still the One" is pretty good I guess.

Crazy Enough for Breakfast Cereal

I'm going to start off by saying, this is an actual product. Ochocinco has a breakfast cereal, naturally enough named "OchocincO's!

It will be available at the Newport, KY Kroger Marketplace Store and online according to Sports Business Digest. The cereal was manufactured by PLB Sports who apparently made a Terrell Owens themed breakfast cereal last year for the ever elusive Buffalo market.

This finally gives Ochocinco the edge he needs to get back into the Ron Artest insanity race. Artest's perfectly reasonable victory lap after finally earning an NBA title has given Chad ample time to make up ground. He may have started to do so with The Ultimate Catch and numerous nonsensical Batman references, but this may prove to be the coup d'etat.

How, you ask, can an endorsement deal make Chad crazier? Well, if this were a sports drink or a sneaker it simply couldn't. But this is breakfast cereal, where America's most insane creations meet to try and woo unsuspecting children to eat ever more sugary treats.

Let's take a quick look at Chad's company in the cereal aisle: Toucan Sam, Lucky the Leprechaun, Count Chocula, Captain Crunch, the Trix Rabbit, Snap, Crackle, Pop and Sunny the Cuckoo Bird (who is advertised specifically as being "co-co for Cocoa Puffs" mind you). And if you branch out to other breakfast foods you can throw in Mrs. Butterworth and Poppin' Fresh AKA the Pillsbury Doughboy. It's quite simply the most insane collection of characters ever assembled, and Ochocinco is now proudly part of it

Ron Artest, your days are numbered!

*as a final thought, do you like how instead of licensing the Bengals' jersey they just made a really shitty imitation.

**final final thought - does this put Chad in direct competition with Tony the Tiger as far as striped cereal mascots?

There's Basketball on Television Again!

Last night after playing some hoops, I was flipping through channels and stumbled across a replay of the FIBA exhibition game between USA and Spain. Luckily, I had yet to check my usual basketball websites so I was unaware of the outcome. It turned out to be a super entertaining game and has got me pumped to tune into future FIBA games. Here's some of my observations:

Spain Has Got Some Ballers

Spain is obviously the biggest threat to USA's basketball supremacy. They came close to beating the Redeem Team in the '08 Olympics, which is a game I have still yet to watch. Apparently Chauncey Billups hasn't either, so that makes me feel a little better.

Ricky Rubio's court vision is certainly not all hype. He made some creative passes in transition, and the Pistol Pete comparisons are certainly justified. He's also very disruptive with his length on defense. Former Memphis Grizzly Juan Carlos Navarro was also impressive. He appears to be Spain's go-to offensive weapon, especially during crunch time. I wish he would have stuck around in the NBA, but there's just as much money to be made in Europe so I can't say I blame him for choosing Europe over the US. Marc Gasol played a decent game, but it was also really interesting to see some Spanish players who have never played in the NBA, like Fran Vazquez and Felipe Reyes.

Team USA Was Inconsistent Yet Exciting

Besides Durant, who had an excellent all around game, many of USA's players were making some really great plays but following them up with really stupid plays. For instance, Stephen Curry at one point crossed over Ricky Rubio and finished with a beautiful floater and shortly thereafter stole it from Rubio and finished with a reverse layup on the break. Soon after though, he committed a turnover and missed a jumper on consecutive possessions. Andre Iguodala was making plays but struggled shooting. Russell Westbrook missed a fastbreak dunk after getting a steal early in the game, but redeemed himself with a nice drive and a behind the back pass to Durant on the break. Derrick Rose had flashes of brilliance, especially down the stretch, but also turned it over five times.

Overall, Team USA seems impressive in transition but they still need time to mesh as a team and adjust to the international rules, as there were several travels called throughout the game.

Lamar Odom and Chauncey Billups provide veteran leadership, but Durant is clearly the leader with Derrick Rose playing second fiddle. KD was brilliant on offense and had two crucial blocks at the end of the game, including one on Rudy Fernandez as time expired.

Props to Coach K

Mike Krzyzewski deserves plenty of credit for this win, as he switched to zone during Spain's final possession of the game. Spain wanted to run the pick and roll with Navarro, so Coach K switched it up after running man-to-man for almost the entire game. Spain's Fran Vasquez said that they weren't surprised by the move, but it did prove to be a decision that affected the outcome of the game. With that said, Durant deserves the bulk of the credit for his stifling D on Fernandez.

Also Worth Noting

Durant and Marc Gasol exchanged words at one point during the game, which is something I'm not used to seeing from either of those players. Maybe there's a chance that Nenad Krstic will have the opportunity to throw chairs in KD's defense after all.

They kept running some awful chocolate milk ad with Chris Bosh and some woman Olympic athlete. There's a close-up of Bosh talking about the benefits of chocolate milk, and this woman keeps popping up next to him to fill in certain words and phrases. When the camera cuts to a wide shot, it's revealed that he's soooo tall that she has to jump on a trampoline to reach his height. It's a piss poor concept to begin with and Chris Bosh doesn't help, as he has the personality of a rock.

Ochocinco Drops His Ultimate Catch

In a story that should surprise NO ONE, reality TV star Chad Ochocinco is no longer with whichever slut won his bracket-style dating show Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catch.

Apparently he is now dating another VH1 reality star, Evelyn Lozada of Basketball Wives. I'm not really sure how if she's a basketball wife she's dating Chad, but I'd much rather assume she got divorced or something than investigate yet another terrible VH1 reality program.

According to TMZ (eww!) VH1 is "pissed at Ochocino about the relationship," as Ultimate Catch does not wrap up it's season for another few weeks. Apparently it is a "spoiler" that Chad does not stay with the girl he picks. I'm not aware of any successful relationship being started by a reality dating show, and I sincerely doubt anyone watching Ultimate Catch actually gives a damn about Chad's relationship. Clearly they're tuned in for either Chad's personality, really slutty girls making incredible asses of themselves, or both.

Anyway, let's hope VH1's alleged ire at Ocho is enough to prevent a second season of Ultimate Catch from coming to fruition. I can't take it anymore!

Preseason Week 2 Heroes and Villains

I present another edition of Preseason Heroes and Villains. Sorry to have disappointed last week, but I was unable to watch the game and writing one of these based solely on highlights is just pointless.

Before I get into the whole song a dance, I'd like to point out that for a third straight week a Bengals preseason game was nationally broadcast. The HOF Game was on NBC, the Denver "Tebow" game was on NFL Network and last night's game against the Eagles was on FOX. No more Bengals games will be on national TV, but it's fascinating that out of five preseason games, three were seen by a national audience. Only three regular season games are slated for primetime for the Bengals this season, so their preseason popularity is odd. I suppose the Tebow debut and the last minute TO signing had a lot to do with it though.

About TO - I would make him a hero, but I've got a lot already. Basically he's doing exactly what he's expected to do (get open downfield and catch the ball) which is good because L. Coles never could last season.

Alright, we'll start with the bad:

Villains

QB J.T. O'Sullivan - The guy just does not have a great deal of consistency or accuracy. The start of the third quarter was horrendous offensively. He did get things going a little bit at the end of quarter, but a missed field goal kept his efforts off the score board.

K Dave Rayner - Speaking of the missed field goal, come on! It was only from about 35 yards. Rayner supposedly had the edge over oft-injured Mike Nugent, but missing from so close probably evens the battle. It would be nice to have a dependable kicker (like Philly - Akers never missed). I wouldn't be surprised if the Bengals signed a kicker off the waiver wire in the final cut down days.

QB Carson Palmer - I'm kind of short on villains, otherwise I wouldn't lump him in here. But he did throw two interceptions, the first of which was especially ugly. The larger beef in my mind is that despite spurts of activity, Carson could not maintain drives. I don't think the Bengals first team offense ever went three and out, but picking up one first down then punting doesn't do a lot for you.

OT Andre Smith - Well he certainly looked like he'd only been practicing for a few days. Two holding penalties, one false start, one sack allowed, several pressures allowed. Smith needs to clean up his performance quickly or we'll have to rely on Dennis Roland again who is actually worse than Smith even when Smith's conditioning isn't great.

Investment Opportunity

Wow.

Sometimes money just stares you in the face. I'll ask you all to observe this promotional video for the "Shake Weight:"



Alright. I'm sure this thing does get you "ripped" (and based on the ad, really really gay). And I'm not claiming that you can make any money simply by getting into shape (you can't.)

But if you have a brain in your head (which the faggots demonstrating the Shake-Weight obviously do not), you can tell this product is bull shit. Thought it may very well help you get in shape, it obviously will cause Carpel Tunnel Syndrome. I mean, if computer video games can cause this nerve disorder, then a product that's only purpose it to shake the shit out of your wrist is bound to.

So my advice (I have no degree in economics, law, medicine nor physical education; I just happen to be among the slim portion of Americans who aren't retarded) is to buy a Shake Weight. And use it. It couldn't possibly take but five years before the class action lawsuit arrives. If typing can give you Carpel Tunnel Syndrome, the Shake Weight likely only accelerates the process.

And let's face it - if you're taking advice from a website called Dank-Game.Blogspot.com, you weren't going to make any money in the meantime anyway.

Shake Weight is your future!

OKC's Nenad Krstic Gets All WWF on Greece

The Thunder's Nenad Krstic has never seemed like much of a violent guy. In fact, he would probably benefit from playing with some more aggression on the basketball court. In a recent exhibition game with his native Serbia going up against Greece, Krstic showed that he is willing to mix it up, but he didn't show it by setting hard screens or banging on defense in the paint. When a scuffle broke out in the middle of the game, Nenad showed that he is willing to ride out for his fellow countrymen as he threw several punches, stomped on a fallen player for Greece and even threw a chair all WWF-style.



It kind of makes sense now that he hasn't shown much of a mean streak in the past, as Krstic seems absolutely clueless of how to throw a punch. Not that I'm much of a scrapper, but I at least know to punch with my knuckles rather than the soft bottom of my fist. Nenad looks more like he's playing Whac-A-Mole with his fists than he does fighting.

I think the real question here is whether Nenad is willing to get violent like this in defense of his OKC brethren. I really can't imagine Durant, Westbrook or any other member of the Thunder getting in a fight so we'll probably never know.

Nike Twilight Runner (Fall 2010)

Another slick runner from Nike. Not too sure about the background of this shoe, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna do any research. What am I, a journalist? Needless to say, these are d-d-dope. Colorway is pretty perfect, materials (ripstop, leather, nylon) are durable for the upcoming Fall season. It's a winner. Out now. Availability is limited to select accounts.

Via hypebeast

[Indoor Practice] Field of Dreams

If you build it, they will come ... and stay.

Last season the Bengals' lack of an indoor practice facility became a public issue when the team embarrassingly had to travel 20+ miles up to Mason to use an indoor soccer field. Blogs like WhoDeyRevolution.com have noted for some time that Cincinnati is the Northernmost NFL team to not have such a facility, and given that football is played into December (if not January and February, knock on wood) it should be a no-brainer that inclement winter weather will interrupt practice sometimes in Southern Ohio. It is simply pathetic to take a team by bus to a soccer field. This is one of many reasons why Cincinnati has a long standing issue getting free agents to want to play for the Bengals.

Fast forward to 2010 and we find Head Coach Marvin Lewis in the final year of his contract after eight years with the team. It is no easy task to make the Mike Brown run Bengals into a success [see: 1991-2002] so anyone who thinks Lewis isn't crucial is dreaming.

But for once the chips are not on Mike Brown's side of the table. After a surprise 2010 playoff appearance and division championship, Lewis is in a position to make demands. Brown is a notoriously private owner, refusing to comment on negotiations with Lewis except to assure that they are ongoing. However it is widely assumed that Lewis would like more control over personnel decisions, if not the hiring of a General Manager not named Brown or Blackburn.

One nugget of negotiation that has emerged however (via James Walker of ESPN - the only ESPN journalist who has any clue about the Bengals) is that "an indoor practice facility appears to be one point of contention between Bengals ownership and . . . Lewis."

So the situation is eerily similar to the movie Field of Dreams. Mike Brown wants to honor his sports figure father's legacy (Paul Brown). He catches wind that good things will happen if he builds a field (the indoor practice facility). And if he builds it, they will come (good free agents, coaches, etc).

More accurately, if he builds it, he will stay. Surely Lewis will want more than just the indoor facility, but it would be an excellent start. Even if Lewis does not stay with the Bengals beyond the 2010 season, this is a step that still serves the long term interests of the team. Especially if the salary cap does not come back after this season, the Bengals will need to do everything they can to lure talent to remain competitive as one of the smaller market teams.

Enough useless talk already; Mike Brown, please just build the damn indoor practice field (of dreams).

Throwback Posterization: Drexler Dunks on Sean Elliot

This week's Throwback Posterization features Clyde "The Glide" Drexler dunking over the Spurs' Sean Elliot, who was a favorite of mine growing up. From what I hear, he's an awful commentator these days like so many other former players... I'm looking in your direction, Reggie Miller. I'm not sure what year this is from but it has to be sometime after 1995 when Clyde was traded midseason by the Blazers to the Rockets. If this was indeed the '95 season, the Rockets would go onto defeat the Spurs in the Western Conference Finals as Hakeem Olajuwon schooled MVP David Robinson.

Ok, onto the dunk. Terry Cummings gets trapped under the basket by Olajuwon and company, forcing him to make a bad pass that Kenny "The Jet" Smith picks off. While the Spurs struggle to get back on defense, Smith takes the ball up court and makes a nice bounce pass to Drexler trailing on the wing. Sean Elliot tries to draw the charge but Drexler goes up and throws it down hard, causing both players to fall to the floor.

A Belated OKC perspective on "The Decision"

I'm not here to lampoon LeBron James and his ludicrus "The Decision" ESPN special. Dank Game, among many, many others, has done that plenty already.

Instead I've allowed a little time to pass, hopefully instilling reason into my OKC-themed reaction. So here it goes:

Kevin Durant will be the 2010-11 NBA MVP. And the runner-up will probably be Kobe Bryant.

Here's why:

James won MVP honors as the defacto leader of a Cavaliers team built around him. And it is a regular season award, so any talk of him not truly stepping up in the playoffs is inconsequential. LeBron was the undisputed focus of the team that won the most regular season ball games in the NBA in the 2009-10 season.

And the runner up was Kevin Durant, from the somewhat more team-oriented Oklahoma City Thunder. OKC was only able to muster an 8th seed in a crowded Western Conference, but coming off a truly bad debut season for the OKC franchise the year before, Durant quickly reestablished himself as a young superstar. He cemented this status by supplanting James as the NBA scoring leader and again winning the All-Star weekend HORSE competition (I know nobody cares about that, but I love mentioning it).

So now, with the "Three Headed Monster" in Miami, how can James (or Wade and Bosh for that matter) truly put up MVP stats? LeBron's points per game will almost have to go down, as the offense will no longer depend on him nearly every possession; the days of him playing point-forward should be over. Although his post-season aspirations should benefit as a result of this, the fact remains James is no longer the heart and soul of his team.

But Durant is. And unless Kobe has a season that makes him look a decade younger, Durant should easily be able to repeat as scoring champion. With the Lakers getting another year older, the window is opening for the Thunder, and I definitely see them enough games (55?) to put them in the top half of the West. That coupled with his prolific scoring ability will push Kevin Durant to an MVP season.

And Kobe, the likely runner-up, will have to watch as the West begins to slip away from his Lakers.

Funny Bengals Tweets - Training Camp Edition

Twitter would indicate that the Bengals are enjoying training camp in Georgetown, KY. Although we don't have Hard Knocks in G-Town this year, the proof is in the funny tweets:

Defensive tackle Tank Johnson (TankJohnson99) finds Georgetown, Kentucky amusing, but training camp exhausting:

• Saw a chick wit one tooth and a tongue ring in long john silver today! Justa clickin that thang against dat 1 tooth! #ahhgeorgetown so funny
• Seriously considering driving from dorms to meetings! Its a 45 second walk and a 1 min drive!
  

Punt Returner Quan Cosby (Cosby12) is a man who doesn't mind having his sleep interrupted and likes crappy game shows:

• Oh and I forgot to thank NFL drug testing for costing me an hr and a half of sleep this morning. God bless u! Haha
• I dont think I can be beaten in family feud! I don't watch it very much but skills stay on point! Mind is a terrible thing to waste!
  

Cornerback Rico Murray (Mr513RicoMurray) has an opinion about teammate Chad Ochocinco and about the hardest working man in Georgetown:

• The only thing that can't be stopped is that man's [Ochocinco's] mouth...
• The most memorable person in Georgetown. the little Caesar guy who dances all day long..I thought my job was hard
  

New wide receiver Terrell Owens (terrellowens) also had an anecdote about Chad:

• Chad is n his room playing FIFA by himself b/c no1 will play with him! Lol.

Chad (OGOchoCinco) got everyone back though:

• Just finished my weight workout early as hell, no meetings till 10:15, i should wake players up in their dorm rooms with the blow horn
• My vuvuzela came in handy early this morning, im sure i woke some folks up screaming gooolll and blowing my vuvuzela.

Linebacker Rey Maualuga (maualuga58) wishes for one night he could be somewhere else:

• Wish I was going to the Rascall Flatts concert 2morrow. My favorite country band. #dontjudgeme

Rookie cornerback Brandon Ghee (BGhee) is growing up and giving culinary advice:

• Chillin wit @GenoStacks [rookie defensive tackle Geno Atkins].....you know your getting old when you start arguing about taxes...ha ha
• Bout to eat some chipotle. If you don't like chipotle it's something wrong with you

With training camp wrapped up, that's all the funny Bengals tweets for now.

Death Haunts This Team

We've all heard the stories about last season's tragedies:

First Mike Zimmer tragically coming home to find his wife had died. Then the Samoan tsunami that affected the friends and families of Maualuga, Peko and Fanene (though fortunately none lost any relatives). And finally their teammate Chris Henry fatally falling out of the back of a truck. The 2009 Cincinnati Bengals season had something of a hex on it, although instead of losing games the team was losing something more precious.

Unfortunately for the franchise, the 2010 season is not starting out any differently. Shortly before the Bengals preseason home opener, 1988 Superbowl season hero running back Ickey Woods (creator of this celebration dance) tragically lost his son. Elbert Jovante Woods died three days after suffering a major asthma attack, and just days before he would have started his junior year of high school.

Paul Brown Stadium observed a moment of silence before Sunday's game against the Broncos. Much like the Bengals bounced back to dismantle the Ravens after Vicki Zimmer's death, Cincinnati pulled together to take down the Denver Broncos in an otherwise meaningless victory.

The real question is if it takes tragedy to propel this team, is winning even worth it? Let's all hope this is the last truly sad news coming out of the Bengals' camp for a while.

Throwback Posterization: Pippen Absolutely Destroys Ewing

In honor of Scottie Pippen's induction to the Hall of Fame, this week's Throwback Posterizaation features one of the most famous posterizations of all time. This is from the second round of the 1994 NBA Playoffs, which was the Bulls' only playoff run without Michael Jordan between his first retirement and comeback. The third-seeded Bulls would fall to the second-seeded Knicks in seven games, and the Knicks would ultimately fall to the Rockets in the Finals in seven games. Game three of this series featured one of Pippen's most infamous moments in his career, when he refused to return to the game because Phil Jackson drew up the last shot for Toni Kukoc. Kukoc would hit the winning shot, but there wasn't much celebration due to the drama. It was a blemish on Pippen's otherwise stellar career.

Ok, onto the dunk. Horace Grant blocks a layup attempt by Derek Harper (I think) which sparks a fastbreak led by B.J. Armstrong. Armstrong sends a bounce pass across court to Pete Meyers, who immediately bounces it to Pippen. Pippen catches the pass and elevates over Ewing to throw down a vicious dunk. As Ewing falls to the floor, Pippen swipes at him as he comes down from the dunk. This would cost him a technical foul. After landing, Pippen defiantly walks over Ewing and stares him down. Pete Meyers tries to give Pippen a high five, but Scottie's just too fired up to bother. This dunk serves as a reminder of the physicality and intensity of '90s Playoff basketball.

Nike SB Dunk High "Tecate"

This Nike SB Dunk quickstrike release is set to make its way to stores sometime this month. For some reason, this shoe's color scheme is inspired by the Mexican beer Tecate, which is the main reason I decided to post this. It just seemed a little bizarre to me, but then again, Nike did release another SB Dunk earlier this year that was inspired by, well, dank. Of course, that particular Dunk released on April 20th.

I'm usually not into shoes that use metallic materials in large doses, but something about that striped metallic gold against the red suede really catches my eye. The white outline on the red patent leather Swoosh is also a nice touch. Unfortunately, there's no word on when Nike will release the Modelo and Negra Modelo inspired Dunks, but The Most Interesting Man In The World has informed me that the Dos Equis colorway will see a quickstrike release next month.

More photos after the jump.

Chad Ochocinco Dickin' Around at Target

While Teenage Mustache has been busy getting serious in writing about the Bengals, I'm picking up the slack on his lazy coverage of Ochocinco, who he once claimed was the craziest athlete in sports. I think 'Stache now realizes that Ron Artest is clearly more insane, and has all but waved the white flag with his recent lack of Ochocinco coverage. Even 'Stache admits that Chad's VH1 reality show disaster The Ultimate Catch is more stupid than it is insane. With that said, Ochocinco is still pretty amusing, if not all that crazy. And so, here are some photos of him dicking around at Target, complete with his own captions from Facebook.

My feet hurt so but they won't let me use the motorized scooter at target right now

Acting out the movie 300 with Nerf axes and a garbage pail top

Safety is key

ARod can't hit inside the aisles of Target

A true hole in one

Damn! I'm going to jail for trying to steal PADS, heavy absorbency 42 count for my homegirl Bon Qwee Qwee

Oh, He Mad Light Though

So I realize this post might come off as a "ironic" in that oh-so-pejorative sort of way, but think what you like. Sean Paul is actually the shit.

He's been outta the light (get it?) for a bit now, but some people, namely me, really wish he'd come back. I mean do you remember 2003? Dude was everywhere. His album Dutty Rock is practically a greatest hits collection in and of itself. Check the tracklist here. The success he gained off that one album is pretty unreal, especially for a guy who's largely unintelligible. But the catchiness of the music is undeniable, and I'm glad it happened.

I think the last big hit dude had was "Temperature" which was back in '05 or some shit. It's been too long. Make more hits please.

Steve Carrell is Taking His Appetite to Outback Steakhouse

Somehow I missed this parody of "The Decision" from the ESPYs featuring Steve Carell and Paul Rudd. I was skeptical at first, but it's actually pretty damn funny. Steve Carrell's former restaurant of choice, Chili's, has even responded to his decision with a scathing letter to its patrons typed in Comic Sans. Check out the letter after the jump.

HOF Game Heroes and Villians

Hey, it's Dank Game's 400th post, right as football season is upon us! As we just celebrated our 1 year anniversary, I won't make a big deal about our latest milestone. But I think we'll have to do something for 500 posts, a la Eddie in Time Square, but better.

Anyway, I have to say the Hall of Fame Game last night could have put me in a better mood. It's still preseason and many starters barely played, but the team didn't truly look ready. In Coach Marvin Lewis' defense, the first preseason game usually comes after another full week of training camp. But either way, much needs to be worked on.

So let's get started with HOF Game Villians:

1. QBs J.T. O'Sullivan and Jordan Palmer - what was that? Those interceptions were pitiful. I realize that most NFL teams don't truly have a viable backup quarterback, but we have some of the worst. We're going to have a lot of problems should Carson go down to injury for any stretch. Which brings me to number two.

2. The Offensive Line (that's like 14 players) - As many feared, the Bengals pass protection looked unstable. None of the Bengals quarterbacks had much time to get the ball downfield, so I'll forgive a little bit of sloppy play from Carson and company. This unit is the biggest question mark on the team in my opinion, and I'm not encouraged by what I saw last night.

3. Tight End Daniel Coats - Every time Coats suits up in a Bengals uniform a little piece of my soul dies. Pray no other tight ends get hurt so he doesn't make the roster.

4. Cornerback Adam Jones (24) - He really didn't have that bad of a game, but he isn't quite ready to go against number one WRs again. Having been out of football for over a year, I think he'll be more ready to go by when the season starts. Won't it be nice when both Leon Hall and Jonathan Joseph start though?

Lost in the Reality Shuffle

I wanted to post something about the Bengals today, given that preseason starts in mere hours. But I kind of ran the gamut on current Bengals stuff to talk about in my last few posts (minus Roseanne Barr National Anthem). But in the spirit of Who Dey, I will talk about Dhani Jones.

Dhani is the only Bengals player I've actually talked to, and it's no surprise why he was the first Bengal with his own reality show, Dhani Tackles the Globe. Jones is entertaining and engaging, and his show is actually considerably more watchable than either TO's or Chad's (including Dancing With the Stars).

OK, so I've only seen part of one episode a year ago. But I got the gist of it; Dhani goes to some non-US part of the world and learns and competes at a local sport. Usually it is something rough, like rugby or sumo wrestling or something. This description really does the show no justice, but I assure you once again that it is much better than the TO Show or Ultimate Catch.

For some reason, when Bengals reality TV shows are mentioned since the TO signing, which is frequently, DTtG rarely gets mentioned. And it's a shame, because it's totally the best one. I guess folks like VH1 better than the Travel Channel.

Anyway, the season starts in a couple of hours, so we can forget about the reality shows now. Yeah!

Nike Air Force 1 Hi Light Charcoal/White

Sorry to bombard you with shoes all of a sudden, but I had to find something to post about in order to push down Teenage Butt Rash's throwaway post featuring Roseanne's horrendous rendition of the National Anthem. I guess it's sorta funny, but c'mon 'Stache, you're better than that.

Anyhow, I'm really feeling these charcoal grey nubuck Air Force 1s. These classic kicks always look real nice in a clean, simple colorway. This particular pair are quite possibly my favorite Air Force 1s I've ever seen, but I've always had a soft spot for grey shoes. For real though, it don't get much cleaner than this.

You can purchase these for a cool $100 at Nike Sportswear retailers and the Nice Kicks store in Austin, TX.

Size? X Nike Blazers Releasing Right In Time for Bengals Season

UK retailer Size? will be releasing these fresh Nike Blazers later this month in a Cincinnati Bengals friendly colorway. I already got my Bengals-themed Air Max 90s ready for the season through Nike iD, so I think I'm gonna have to pass on these. There's also a third colorway that's mostly orange, but details on that pair's release are vague. I'm not crazy about Size?'s question mark logo replacing the usual NIKE on the back (picture after the jump), but otherwise I'm really feelin' these.

Props to the fine folks at Nice Kicks.

Roseanne Barr National Anthem

Most Dank Game readers know that I refuse to be outdone by SlimMcDonalds. And although I can't actually top Marvin Gaye's rendition of the National Anthem in terms of musical quality and originality, I can top it in turns of overall entertainment value. Ladies and gentlemen, Roseanne Barr singing the National Anthem at a San Diego Padres game on July 26th 1990:



I know, I know - it's baseball. But it's still hilarious, and I don't totally hate baseball right now since the Reds are actually good this year.

Ready? Let's GO!

Football begins anew this coming Sunday when our beloved Cincinnati Bengals fight the hated Dallas Cowboys at the Hall of Fame game in Canton, OH. The season kick-off is accompianied by lots of HOF ceremonies, including the induction of the new class. This year's inductees include WR Jerry Rice, RB Emmit Smith and former Bengals/Steelers coach and Lions CB Dick LeBeau.

Anyway, it's always one of the worst football games of the year, as it's essentially an extra preseason game for each team. But it's still our first chance to catch the tigers in action, and if they can knock pretty boy Tony Romo on his ass once, it'll be worth it.

Here are the 6 things Mustache is looking forward to seeing this Sunday:

1. RB Bernard Scott - His name keeps getting dropped as a second year player to watch. He had a pretty solid rookie outing, with a hundred yard game against the Raiders and a kickoff return for touchdown against the Steelers. So if as the Bengals "change-0f-pace-back" and kick returner he is poised to have an even bigger year, I for one am excited.

2. LB/DE Michael Johnson - Another name that is consistently mentioned as a potential break-out player, the 6-7 third round pick from last season is earning a solid reputation. The team is actually moving him to a new position, linebacker, and despite the learning curve everyone seems to be impressed. It sounds like he could lead the team in sacks this season, even coming off the bench.

3. TE Jermaine Gresham - Finally in camp, everyone is excited to see what Gresham can add to this team. I'd put him higher, but given that he's only been practicing with the team for a few days it's unlikely he'll do much. We'll see though.

4. The Offensive Line - I'm not so much eager as nervous to watch this unit. The OL got a lot of praise last season for exceeding expectations, but that's because they were so low after the miserable 2008 campaign. In my opinion, this is the team's biggest weakness. OT Andre Smith, first round pick from last year, won't be playing, but let's hope the line can block without him. We'll probably have to get used to that scenario.

5. Wide Receiver Battle - there an enormous logjam at the WR position in Cincinnati, and from the sound of it everyone is bringing their A-game. Given that the first team usually only plays a few series in this somewhat meaningless game, the WRs on the roster bubble will likely play much of the game. Andre Caldwell and Jordan Shipley (11) are both practically locks to make the team, but it will be good to see Shipley in stripes for the first time as well as discovering if Caldwell is really "the most improved player" as Coach Lewis called him at one point. Also, Jerome Simpson has really been impressing, to the point where even national media (who trust me, don't really follow the Bengals closely) have noticed. Rookie Dezmon Briscoe (88), practice squad veteran Maurice Purify and free agent pick-up Matt Jones will also be showing their stuff, although I'm not sure any of those three will make the team. Oh, and there's this TO fellow!

6. Shit, who care what else. It's finally football season again (although the preseason is its own kind of torture). I just hope the game isn't hopelessly boring.

7 Reasons the Bengals Will Win the Superbowl This Year

For serious this time!

This is as good a Bengals team as Mike Brown has ever put together in twenty years (20!!!) of being owner/general manager. If they don't get it done this year, they simply might never win the big one in Big Mikey's lifetime. And given the uncertainty of the salary cap and labor agreement beyond the current season, it's always possible the NFL turns into an MLB-style major market hell hole. No way will the Bengals compete for a championship in that environment - more likely they'd turn (back) into football's version of the Orioles/Pirates.

But cheer up, because this is the year Cincinnati gets it done. And here's why, in order:

1. Defensive Coordinator Mike Zimmer - How in the hell did we get this guy? A successful defensive coordinator in Dallas for over a decade, Zimmer got stuck in the implosion that was the post-Bad Newz Kennelz Atlanta Falcons. Cincinnati almost literally pulled a phoenix out of the ashes, and in two seasons Coach Zim turned one of the least respected units in football into the number four overall defense. Even more amazing, Mike Brown was actually able to re-sign him this offseason. There are whispers that Zimmer secretly holds the heir to the head coaching throne, as Marvin Lewis is not yet under contract beyond this season. The only (realistic) arrangement where I wouldn't be totally pissed if the Bengals lost Lewis is if they were to hand it over to Zimmer. Despite a schedule against most of the best offenses of last season, I still believe the Bengals defense will repeat their top five performance, and Zimmer is why.

2. Starting cornerbacks Jonathan Joseph and Leon Hall - These are the guys that allow the "Z-fence" to work. They are simply the best pair of cornerbacks in the NFL. Nobody is going to pass all over these two. 'Nuff said.

3. Running Backs Cedric Benson, Bernard Scott and Brian Leonard - With the TO signing and the Gresham and Shipley draft picks people aren't talking much about the Bengals running backs - but they should be. The trio is quite possible to best in the NFL, each offering a unique talent. Benson hit the mythical 100 yard mark in six games last season, adding a 100+ game in the postseason. Scott always seems ready to break off a run for a few dozen yards, and many whispers are coming out of camp that he is primed for a break through season. If he were to improve on his outstanding rookie season to the point where he "broke through" beyond that, we'd really be talking about a game changing player (I have to admit, I'm a big Scott fan). And then there's the White Weapon, Leonard, who simply wills the team to win.

4. Terrell Owens - He will not single-handedly improve the offense, but just him wanting to come here is a sign that this is a new era in Bengals football. The onus of the '90s is finally starting to disappear, and some people realize that the Bengals are no longer perpetually bad. At worst Owens is a slight upgrade over L. "I'm-not-even-going-to-try" Coles being that he is much bigger and taller. At best he is explosive enough to replace TJ Houshmandzadeh and Chris Henry, depending on where he lines up. TO will likely not lead the team in catches or yards, but his presence will allow multiple other players to have career years.

5. Jermaine Gresham - If Gresham is half of what he's advertised to be, third down will never be a problem for the Bengals. He's 6'-5" and quick as hell. But he's also quite strong, and unlike fellow tight end Chase Coffman has more natural potential to block. Given that Coffman is said to have made mighty strides in the offseason and with Reggie Kelly back healthy, the Bengals are suddenly somewhat strong at TE. But Gresham is the cream of the crop, and is expected to have an enormous impact even as a rookie.

6. Carson Palmer - Did everyone forget about our quarterback, the Heisman winning number one overall pick of the 2003 draft? Well, he's still good, if not fantastic. In the fantasy football era, people base quality of play on putting up video game numbers. Well, yes, Palmer has become more of a first-rate game manager than game changing canon-armed hot shot who had the entire team's success on his shoulder. But he won this team games when it really counted last year, and a much better offense is in place now. Even if he doesn't throw for 4,000+ yards, Palmer will win games for this team in 2010. Reports out of training camp are fairly good, and supposedly his full arm strength has finally returned after his 2008 elbow injury.

7. 2010 - It's the Year of the Tiger. It's in the fuckin' stars! Get excited people!

Oh Cleveland!

Throwback Posterization: Shaq Throws Down Oop on Hakeem

For this week's Throwback Posterization, I'm going with a classic alley oop by Shaq over Hakeem from the 1995 NBA Finals. I chose this particular posterization by Shaq because recently a typed letter has surfaced on the internet that Shaq left with Olajuwon after the Rockets swept the Magic in the Finals. In the letter, Shaq challenges Hakeem to one-on-one, which many are speculating was the launching pad for their classic Taco Bell Ads. I really hope that that's true, but regardless, it's a pretty amusing letter.

As I'm sure most of you have heard, this letter isn't the only reason that Shaq has been in the news. After courting team after team (San Antonio, Miami, Atlanta) to try to come to terms on a contract, the Boston Celtics have signed Shaq to a one-year deal for the veteran's minimum. This proves yet again that Danny Ainge isn't afraid to take risks with potential locker room cancers, as he signed Stephon Marbury and Rasheed Wallace in the past two seasons respectively. Shaq will join fellow washed-up-center-with-an-Irish-sounding-name Jermaine O'Neal, as the two provide an insurance policy for the injured Kendrick Perkins. We'll see how that works out.

Now, finally, onto the dunk. Shaq gets good position on Hakeem under the rim, and does his patent "black tornado" to free himself from Olajuwon. The ball handler on the perimeter (I can't figure out who it is) takes notice of Shaq getting open and tosses a perfect lob to O'Neal. Shaq finishes the oop strong, throwing it down right in Hakeem's face. Olajuwon tries to contest the dunk, but it's just too late by the time he goes up. It was a small victory for Shaq in a series that saw Olajuwon score over 30 points in all four games.

Marvin Gaye Sings the National Anthem at '83 NBA All-Star Game

I read about this today in Bill Simmons' The Book of Basketball and decided that it needed to make its way onto Dank Game. This is the one and only Marvin Gaye performing the National Anthem for the 1983 NBA All-Star Game at The Forum in Los Angeles. It don't get much better than this.

Also, check out this Nike commercial that combines Marvin's performance with footage of the 2008 Men's USA Basketball National Team. Props to Mario Aguirre for the heads up on this one.

Going Favre Beyond the Call of Duty

I complained several months ago that Brett Favre needed to add some new wrinkles to his offseason playbook. In that post, I posited that "Favre-watch" is one of the most interesting things to happen in the otherwise dull and football-less offseason. So far this offseason had been a bust for one of football's greatest entertainers, and needless to say we here at Dank Game were dissapointed. Well maybe Brett reads Dank Game, because in the last couple of weeks he came through in a big way!

The difficulty with this offseason was that Brett was still under contract with the Minnesota Vikings, the only team he was at all likely to play for in 2010. Unlike in 2008, when the Packers made it clear they were hoping he stayed retired, or in 2009 when the Jets drafted a first round rookie quarterback and a new head coach, Favre couldn't cook up interest based on where he'd play. And the sole notion of if he'll play is an old storyline now. He's been reliving it for about six straight years.

But if you thought Favre was done keeping us guessing, you were dead wrong.

The Power of Pizza

No wonder my views on nutrition are so out of whack. Also my views on bedazzled denim vests re: them being ok to wear in public. Although I still think tying your sweatshirt around your waist is a good idea sometimes. Shit gets hot.