Slim's Sneaker History

It's been a while since I've written about kicks, as nothing new has really caught my eye enough to inspire a post. So I've decided to take a moment to let you in on how my sneaker obsession began. I'm sure you're just dying to know. I trace the obsession back to my days in the first grade, when my good friend Ryan, of Half Court Heave fame, moved in next door to the Mayfields on good ole Shuman Lane in Finneytown.

Up until this point, I had never owned a pair of Nike Airs and it wasn't until I saw Ryan and his older brother rocking them that I began to covet them more than anything else in the world. My desire to own a pair grew so strong that one time, while eating at a restaurant with my family, I noticed a waitress wearing some and loudly exclaimed, "She's wearing Nike Airs!"

One morning after a sleepover at Ryan's house, I noticed a pair of black and white Nike Air trainers sitting in the basement. They were an old pair of Ryan's brother's shoes and they fit me perfectly. I asked if I could buy them, despite being pretty worn in, and before long a deal was struck for $5-10. It should also be noted that after Alonzo Mourning was traded to Miami, I bought my second Starter jacket from his brother which was a Miami Heat pullover.

I remember walking around in my used kicks and looking at the Nike Air logo on the back of my heel to soak in the glory of wearing a true pair of Nike Airs. Yeah, I was a dweeb. From this point on, an obsession was born. The obsession wouldn't be fully realized until after graduating college, but the seed had been planted nonetheless.

If I still have your attention, take a moment to marvel at some of the freshest sneakers I rocked during my formative years.

Throwback Posterization: Kukoc Takes It To Zo

For those who don't know, Alonzo Mourning was my favorite player growing up. When he was traded there in 1995, I became a Miami Heat fan. Zo was regarded as one of the best shot blockers throughout the 90s, but as with any shot blocker, he got dunked on quite a bit too. For this week's Throwback Posterization, I present you Toni "The Croatian Sensation" Kukoc dunking on Mourning. Yeah, that really wasn't his nickname. This dunk is from the first round of the 1995 NBA Playoffs. The Bulls would go on to beat the Hornets three games to one, but would lose to the Orlando Magic in the following round. This was Jordan's first trip back to the playoffs since his infamous attempt at a baseball career.

Mourning hits a nice hook shot and as he's getting back on defense, he notices that Kukoc has an open lane to the basket. Larry "Grandmama" Johnson is in Zo's way as he's trying to defend Kukoc, so he shoves his own teammate out of the way. This moment is very likely indicative of the tension that grew between Mourning and Johnson. Mourning closes out too much on Kukoc, which opens up a small path to the rim. Kukoc makes a slight change of direction to get a step on Mourning and then takes it strong to the basket to dunk it over Zo's outstretched arm.

Cincinnati - We always need more Johnsons!

2005 was a great year for the Bengals. I'm not talking about winning their division. I'm not even talking about going to the playoffs for the first time in over a decade.

I'm talking about the world's most fantastic collection of Johnsons!

Wide receiver Chad Johnson and running back Rudi Johnson were the star skill players of the offense. Rudi ran behind fullback Jeremi Johnson, and Chad practiced running short routes against linebacker Landon Johnson. It was a great time for Johnsons. It was a great time for Cincinnati.

2006 almost saw more of the same. The team even added backup QB Doug Johnson, increasing the number of Johnsons to five. But the magic was no longer there, and by the end of the season the team appeared impotent.

The Bengals bottomed out in 2008. Landon Johnson had left in free agency, Rudi was banished to the wastelands of Detroit, Jeremi was too fat, Doug disappeared or something, and Chad infamously changed his last name to Ochocinco. Needless to say, the team only won 4 games. Things had to change. Cincinnati needed more Johnsons.

Enter the 2009 Cincinnati Bengals. Jeremi regained his physique and rejoined the team. The Bengals signed defensive tackle "Tank" Johnson in free agency. And the team drafted defensive end Michael Johnson (nickname: Giraffe). Things were looking up, and the team went 7-2 to start the season.

But there was a problem. Coach Marvin Lewis and owner Mike Brown knew from 2005 that the magic number of Johnsons was four. They scanned the NFL far and wide for weeks, but could not find a suitable Johnson. Until last week.

Running back Larry Johnson finally pissed off Kansas City enough following his "fags" rant that they cut him from the team. Apparently in Kansas City, multiple accounts of violence against women is less offensive than saying fags a few times in a press conference, but that's another post. The point is, Larry Johnson was perfect for Cincinnati.

The team debuted their four Johnson attack this week in Oakland. The results were less than stellar, but the Johnsons looked OK. Actually, they looked pretty bad, with Jeremi losing a fumble, and Tank and Michael registering zero sacks. But only time will tell if this collection of Johnsons is as powerful as the 2005 variety. The experiment will be exciting.

So welcome to Cincinnati, Larry Johnson. Please stay away from our nightclubs and women.