2009 Bengals - Inside scoop

Yesterday, yours truly worked for 12 hours at ground zero: Paul Brown Stadium.

The best part: I spent some of that time in the Bengal's locker room.

So guys, pay attention. This is likely the only time I will have any sort of "scoop" on a sports team. Unfortunately I could not take any pictures, but here's what I've got:




First and most important - Carson Palmer. I didn't see him run or throw footballs, but he was walking around nimbly without any brace on his ankle. It appears that he is already recovered from the ankle he sprained in the preseason.

Next up Andre Smith. Fuck. Whoever reported that his stress fracture would only keep him out for 7-10 days is either a spin-master or a moron. Days after the injury, he was milling around on crutches at the pace of an elderly woman. Maybe it doesn't matter so much. He wasn't likely to contribute much in the early goings of the season anyway after his 90 day holdout. I anticipate that he'll be place on the Physically Unable to Preform list to start the season, and not placed on the active roster until the last possible moment.

Rey Maualuga. Dude is hilarious, and might as well live at Paul Brown Stadium. On a day with no practices he still put in something like 12 hours. Interestingly enough, he and Shayne "Where-da-party-at" Graham were palling it around for much of the day. Quite the odd couple.

Graham is returning from a groin injury, but looked fine. The club had confidence enough to release their camp replacement kicker, so I'm sure he's recovered fully. David Jones is also recovering from an injury, but he looked to be in good shape, walking around quickly and pain free. Scott Kooistra (unsurprisingly nicknamed Kooister by his teammates) - another injured Bengal backup - didn't look to far from returning to the playing field either.

I saw several other players as well, including Bernard Scott, Michael Johnson (who is tall as fuck), Brandon Johnson, Dhani Jones (super nice guy) and Dennis Roland, plus coach Marvin Lewis. The only real disappointment is that Chad Ochocinco was there, but didn't really say or do anything entertaining. Not that he was an asshole or anything, but I've come to expect nonstop antics from him. He did work out in boxing shoes and a big robe that says Ocho Cinco on the back, so that's a least one nice touch. He was also incredibly ripped. Apparently that boxing regiment he endured this off season paid off.

Well, that's all I've got. Until next time (which as far as Dank Game inside scoops go might be never) this is Mustache signing off.

Let's see you get an exclusive scoop on the Heat, SlimMcFatTits!

Nike Dunk Hi Autoclave

I meant to post about these the other day, but instead, risking what I can only assume is a really substantial amount of clout in the sneaker game, I'm posting about it now. I've never really been that huge of a Dunk fan, but, as I mentioned in my previous Blazer post, Nike Sportswear is seriously on it. Where Nike SB, or even Nike proper, might release some technicolor bullshit to keep the 15 year old mallrats happy, NSW opts to keep it simple, instead using materials ("premium" canvas) and construction (vulcanized midsole?) to set it apart. The Nike Dunk Hi Autoclave (btw, an autoclave is a device to sterilize equipment and supplies by subjecting them to high pressure steam at 121° C or more-Wiki) is set to release September 29th, once again at select NSW retailers (sorry Ohio).

via NSW

arshavin goals

i know this is 10 minutes long, but there aren't any annoying slo-mo replays, just tons of goals and a few crazy assists. there are some mind numbing clips... i don't understand how dude does what he does. he's listed at just over 5' 7", but i am pretty sure he is smaller than that. all of these are pre-arsenal, and there's a lot of these moves i would love to see him pull off for us this season.



as a bonus, the goal he scored in the tragic loss against those faggots last weekend, several minutes after he was denied an obvious penalty:

asleep at the wheel

been a minute since my first post, but i seriously doubt my fellow dank gamers were losing any sleep over the lack of arsenal coverage. i am gonna try to not write too much about the day to day politics of the team, cuz there's a lot of people who do that shit way better than me, but i am gonna talk some shit occasionally and post nasty goals.

speaking of nasty goals, which i was, peep this one from the boy boy aaron ramsey for the welsh under-21 team against italy today (check the backheel flick he takes to set it up):



our midfield is so deep this year! even with nasri, rosicky and wolcott injured, we still have so many options. song, cesc and denilson (first goal of the season!) as a starting midfield trio is a great combination of creativity and defensive ability, and behind them we have the likes of ramsey, wilshere, and merida to come in and attack off the bench. i am very encouraged by the pairing of gallas and vermaelen at centerback... let's pray the boy stays fit.

man city is next weekend, and i will be shocked if we don't beat the shit out of them. it will be toure and adebayor's first visit to emirates since their departure, and the crowd will be hostile. ade might score, but i really doubt they'll beat us.

guess that's it... i might post this arshavin goals compilation in a second. shit is outrageous.

2009 NFL preview - NFC

And in an obvious follow up to yesterday's post, here's Dank Game's NFC season preview that you were so excited about.

West

I see a lot of flux in this division as compared to last year. I do not see Arizona repeating a playoff run, although their offense will likely continue to put up big points. San Francisco is a rising star in a poor division, and just good enough to edge out a Cardinals team that will win few games outside the division.

Seattle dominated this division for years, and lost their own Superbowl to Pittsburgh, but even with the addition of T.J. Houshmenzadeh, the window on this team has likely closed. Meanwhile the Rams, who have been terrible for a couple years now, will just barely edge out Seattle for the number three spot in the division while still falling under .500

South

I see the NFC South getting shaken up as well. I really believe New Orleans has done enough to upgrade their defense to win this division, as tough as it may be. The offense will be as potent as last season, and the Saints will likely run up the score on the NFL's bottom feeders.

Last year's division winner, Carolina will remain in the playoffs, although through the wild card. They will be chased by a good Atlanta team, who will just barely miss the playoffs. Meanwhile, it appears Tampa Bay has collapsed. With a new head coach and still not fully decided starting quarterback situation, Tampa will be in a distant fourth.

North

I didn't make any changes in this division. However, I do think the Bears will make the playoffs this year via the wild card, and Green Bay may very well have a winning record. Detroit to bottom out the division is too painfully obvious to bother explaining.

The Vikings are a hot team this year following the Brett Favre signing. The team is basically the same as the one that won the division last year, but with at least a slightly better quarterback situation. And Chicago will be imporved with Jay Cutler behind center instead of Kyle Orton. And Detroit will win at least one game.

East

I briefly wrestled with the question of whether to put Philadelphia or New York on top of this division. I'm starting to think that much-hyped Eagles are over-hyped and I don't see what the Michael Vick signing really does for them. But they are still a more complete team than the rest of the NFC, and Donovan McNabb is a better quarterback than Eli Manning. New York will be close to a wild card berth, possibly losing out on a tie-breaker scenario.

Most expect Washington to finish the division in last place, but I think they're a better team than advertised. Dallas fans seem to use T.O. as a scapegoat for last seasons playoff miss, but I do not think this team has improved, and see them falling probably a game behind the Redskins.

Playoff Picture

NFL 2009 preview - AFC

Just what you need. Another season preview!

I have to post these now, a week before the regular season begins, so we can either look back at how much of a genius I was, or (more likely) make fun of me for wasting my time with a ridiculously incorrect outlook. To that end, I will predict the playoff teams, but not actual playoff results. I'll do that come January, so in February we can either praise me as a football-savant, or (more likely) make fun of me!

So let's begin:

West

This is as good a place to start as any. The Chargers have locked up this division for several straight years, and given how bad the Raiders and Chiefs have been for a while, the Chargers are virtual locks to repeat. Denver was within one game of winning the division last year, but a late season meltdown (and that's being kind) and a rookie head coach have led to a disastrous offseason. They lost their Pro Bowl quarterback and will probably lose their leading receiver. I wouldn't be surprised if the Broncos were the worst team in football this year. Yes, worse than the Lions.

I have the Raiders in second, largely because they will win games in a weak division and have the talent to take a few surprise games here and there. The new regime in Kansas City is more promising than in Denver, but the turnaround is very unlikely to happen quickly.

South

This is a tough division to predict. For years it has been dominated by the Colts until the Titans burst through with the best record in football. The Jaguars were pegged as the hot team last season, but collapsed almost immediately after a solid postseason to tend their 2007 campaign. The Texans keep going 8-8.

While I don't think the Titans will have the best record in football again, and although they lost star defensive lineman Albert Haynesworth, I think they still have the pieces in place to repeat a division crown. I think Houston is poised for a decent year, and are possible rising stars. A wild card berth seems possible. I'm sure I'll regret this prediction, but this will be the first year the Colts don't go to the playoffs in a long time, although they may still post a 9-7 record. I find it unlikely that Jacksonville can find their stride in such a tough division.

North

Yeah that's right. I put the defending Superbowl champs at third in their own division. Ben Roethlisberger was sacked a ton last year, and their relatively poor offensive line wasn't fortified with any notable free agents or draft picks. It seems likely he could go down this season. The Ravens will meanwhile continue to have a serviceable offense while maintaining a top notch defense, despite losing Terrel Suggs.

Cincinnati appears on the rise after a solid offseason. If Carson Palmer stays healthy a wild card berth seems within reach so long as they can win divisional games. The Browns will be one of the bottom three teams in football. Not only is their new coach, Eric Mangini, not a very good coach, but he is stepping into one of the worst rosters in football. Ten days out from the start of his season and he hasn't named a starting quarterback!

East

It's almost impossible to imagine the Patriots not winning this division. Without Tom Brady last season they still hit 11-5, and if it weren't for a tie-breaker with the even-record Dolphins they would have won the division. It is doubtful that they'll have another perfect regular season, but on paper this team is just as good. Meanwhile, Miami will take a step backward, probably ending the season around .500.

Elsewhere, the Jets are in rebuilding mode, and will probably have a long season ahead of them. Buffalo I think could be an exciting team, and while I don't neccesarily think that they'll be playoff contenders, I do think end the season with a winning record.

Playoff Picture

Ron Artest Sings that Song from Titantic

It's been a while since any new Ron Artest craziness has surfaced on the internet, so I was pretty excited to come across this hilarious video of Ron Ron singing my "Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion. I dare you to find Ochocinco doing something more bizarre than this, Teenage_Mustache.
I must admit, Chad buying earrings at Claire's in Kenwood Mall last week on Hard Knocks was pretty bizarre.