The Future of the Cincinnati Bengals

It's time to face the music. Unless the 2010 Cincinnati Bengals go on a massive winning streak, they won't be playing post-season football this year. At worst they can lose two more games and still play January football.

Also worth noting is the staggering number of impact players for the team who's futures are in jeopardy. Some players are simply entering their prime while closing out their rookie deals, like starting cornerbacks Leon Hall and Jonathan Joseph. Other players are mid-career pickups who owner/General Manager Mike Brown likes to low-ball into short performance-incentive-based contracts like CB "Pacman" Jones, WR Terrell Owens and most notably RB Cedric Benson.

In a third category are aging superstars with long term contracts nearing their ends. Bengals fans are probably familiar with WR Chad Ochocinco and QB Carson Palmer, who is owed something like $12 million next season.

Anyone familiar with how Mike Brown runs this team knows we aren't getting all of these players back. Either CB Hall or Joseph will likely be retained along with the far less expensive Pacman, but probably not both. Unless no one else is willing to pay him, on the strength of a good season T.O. is likely headed out of town. Chad is headed into a Club-option year in his contract and will either whine for a new contract, a trade or simply for the Bengals to not use the option and give him up to free agency. Regardless of how all these lower priority Bengals contracts pan out, the team will look much different next year than it does right now.

But the biggest difference will be at either quarterback or running back. With Benson not under contract at all beyond this season and Palmer owed more money than he is likely worth at this stage in his career, it seems extremely unlikely Mike Brown will pony up the cash to keep them both. But assuming he keeps one (he really could lose both), the other position will have to be addressed in the 2011 draft.

Enter Mike Brown first round draft pick speculation:

Doushmandzadeh

After being released by the Seattle Seahawks there was a great deal of speculation about where former Bengals receiver TJ Houshmandzadeh would wind up. A return to Cincinnati was seen as a possibilty, although not particularly likely. There were rumors he'd go to Minnesota, the third team courting him in free agency last offseason. The Browns and Jets were listed as teams possibly targeting the talented malcontent. Last night the Raiders and the Redskins were supposedly the front runners for TJ's services.

But no. Housh signed with the Baltimore Ravens, Cincinnati's chief rival for the division crown in 2010. It was bad enough when Baltimore had former Bengals kicker Shayne "Where-da-party-at" Graham on their roster (who they eventually sent packing), but TJ

Housh was a hero in Cincinnati from 2005-2007, a starting wide receiver in what at the time was on the league's premier duos. It just isn't right to have to see him in the uniform of a division rival. Seeing him in a Seahawks jersey was one thing, and I even could have tolerated the Brown's signing him. But when Housh makes his return to Cincinnati with the Ravens week two, get ready for some loud booing.

Who Dey Think Gonna Play 4 Dem Bengals?

Tomorrow is cut down day for the entire NFL. By 6:00 pm tomorrow the Bengals have to pare down their 75 player roster into only 53.

This may be the most promising Bengal's season of my lifetime, as the Bengals have actually enjoyed quality play at all starting positions, with the only real roster battles at back up and special team positions. What this tells you is that for once the Bengals are returning a starting roster that is actually talented (minus a few key pieces who've been replaced by reasonably sound free agent pickups, cough cough, TO).

So what Bengals can we look forward to watching on the bench this season and which can we mournfully send packing?

TE Dan Coats (86) vs. FB Joe Tronzo: Fui Vakapuna seems like an extended longshot to make the squad after missing the entire preseason with a shoulder injury. Tronzo, an undrafted rookie, has played well in his place, but Coats has a few years experience and the "versatility" to play tight end and fullback. It's highly unlikely both guys will make the squad, but I'm pulling for Tronzo. He'll almost certainly be on the practice squad if he doesn't make the team.

WR Jerome Simpson vs. WR Dezmon Briscoe: Since Cosby announced via Twitter that he has been informed he has made the squad, presumably only one WR spot remains open. Since nobody really thinks Matt Jones or Maurice Purify are going to make the team, it's down to the rookie Briscoe or the as of yet unproven Simpson. Since Simpson has finally started playing special teams, he'll probably make the team. Briscoe absolutely will make the practice squad if another team does not claim him however.

DL Pat Sims vs. DL Frostee Rucker (92): Rucker has more versatility on the defensive line, but Sims has been more consistant, starting a few games in place of Tank Johnson. Rucker has also spent much of his Bengal's career injured. Most would assume Sims makes the team over Rucker, but the "Snowman" has always seemed to be a Marvin Lewis favorite. Either could make it as a backup with another team, and one of them will probably get the chance.

S Kyries Hebert vs. S Rico Murray: This one's kind of a no win. Hebert is a great special teams player, but clearly not a great option at safety. Murray isn't spinning anyone's head himself. Safety is possibly the weakest position on the roster, so hopefully both guys are cut in favor of a better free agent cut from another team. Otherwise, I would think Hebert has the slight edge.

QB Jordan Palmer vs. QB Carson Palmer: There's only room for one Palmer brother on this team. Can Jordan oust Carson? Just wondered if anyone was still reading this.

Oh, it's kind of sad. I'm probably talking about some of these players for the last time.

[Indoor Practice] Field of Dreams

If you build it, they will come ... and stay.

Last season the Bengals' lack of an indoor practice facility became a public issue when the team embarrassingly had to travel 20+ miles up to Mason to use an indoor soccer field. Blogs like WhoDeyRevolution.com have noted for some time that Cincinnati is the Northernmost NFL team to not have such a facility, and given that football is played into December (if not January and February, knock on wood) it should be a no-brainer that inclement winter weather will interrupt practice sometimes in Southern Ohio. It is simply pathetic to take a team by bus to a soccer field. This is one of many reasons why Cincinnati has a long standing issue getting free agents to want to play for the Bengals.

Fast forward to 2010 and we find Head Coach Marvin Lewis in the final year of his contract after eight years with the team. It is no easy task to make the Mike Brown run Bengals into a success [see: 1991-2002] so anyone who thinks Lewis isn't crucial is dreaming.

But for once the chips are not on Mike Brown's side of the table. After a surprise 2010 playoff appearance and division championship, Lewis is in a position to make demands. Brown is a notoriously private owner, refusing to comment on negotiations with Lewis except to assure that they are ongoing. However it is widely assumed that Lewis would like more control over personnel decisions, if not the hiring of a General Manager not named Brown or Blackburn.

One nugget of negotiation that has emerged however (via James Walker of ESPN - the only ESPN journalist who has any clue about the Bengals) is that "an indoor practice facility appears to be one point of contention between Bengals ownership and . . . Lewis."

So the situation is eerily similar to the movie Field of Dreams. Mike Brown wants to honor his sports figure father's legacy (Paul Brown). He catches wind that good things will happen if he builds a field (the indoor practice facility). And if he builds it, they will come (good free agents, coaches, etc).

More accurately, if he builds it, he will stay. Surely Lewis will want more than just the indoor facility, but it would be an excellent start. Even if Lewis does not stay with the Bengals beyond the 2010 season, this is a step that still serves the long term interests of the team. Especially if the salary cap does not come back after this season, the Bengals will need to do everything they can to lure talent to remain competitive as one of the smaller market teams.

Enough useless talk already; Mike Brown, please just build the damn indoor practice field (of dreams).

Going Favre Beyond the Call of Duty

I complained several months ago that Brett Favre needed to add some new wrinkles to his offseason playbook. In that post, I posited that "Favre-watch" is one of the most interesting things to happen in the otherwise dull and football-less offseason. So far this offseason had been a bust for one of football's greatest entertainers, and needless to say we here at Dank Game were dissapointed. Well maybe Brett reads Dank Game, because in the last couple of weeks he came through in a big way!

The difficulty with this offseason was that Brett was still under contract with the Minnesota Vikings, the only team he was at all likely to play for in 2010. Unlike in 2008, when the Packers made it clear they were hoping he stayed retired, or in 2009 when the Jets drafted a first round rookie quarterback and a new head coach, Favre couldn't cook up interest based on where he'd play. And the sole notion of if he'll play is an old storyline now. He's been reliving it for about six straight years.

But if you thought Favre was done keeping us guessing, you were dead wrong.

NFC West Preview

Alright, let's get things rolling in the NFC division previews, starting in the West again. This division has basically been wide open since the Seahawks demise over the last three years. The Cardinals stepped in on the strength of the career Renaissance of quarterback Kurt Warner, but he retired this spring. The Rams were the top team in the league ten years ago, but won only a single game last season. That basically leaves the rising 49ers, with their top-tier defense and running game. But like each of these teams, San Francisco has serious question marks at quarterback. This is the only division where every team really has a chance to win the thing.

Division Winner: San Francisco 49ers

I think when it's all said and done, none of these teams will truly belong in the post season. But the closest to it will be the 49ers. Frank Gore is an excellent running back in his prime and head coach Mike Singletary has built the defense into a formidable unit. The big question is quarterback play. This team has been through seemingly dozens of starting quarterbacks just in the past few years including Bengals back-up J.T. O'Sullivan. Every other starting QB seems to be the nth chance for former number one overall pick Alex Smith. And once again Smith is penciled in to start the season under center. If his play is even halfway steady this season, San Francisco will win the division they nearly stole from the Cardinals last year. Nine wins ought to do it, sadly.

Division Runner-Up: Arizona Cardinals

Make no mistake, the Cardinals lost a lot since losing the Superbowl after the 2008 season. Losing Kurt Warner is the biggest blow, but they also lost two of their best defensive play-makers to free agency. The best things going for Arizona are that Ken Whisenhunt is still their head coach and there running game is poised to improve greatly in Beanie Wells' second year. The biggest question by far for this team is whether former first round draft pick Mat Leinart can finally have a breakthrough season. He's had nearly as many chances as Alex Smith, but arguably has enjoyed more success. There are also questions about whether the defense will survive the losses of Dansby and Rolle. I'm going with eight wins in a close race with the 49ers.

Division Third Place: St. Louis Rams

It's been a dismal three years for the once-proud Rams. They have won six games in three years and were the worst team in football last season. But there's a glimmer of hope with the acquisition of Heisman-winning quarterback Sam Bradford, the number one overall pick of this year's draft. While it's way to early to know if Bradford will pan out, the Rams do still have All Pro running back Steven Jackson moving the chains and Bradford will more than likely be an upgrade over the oft-injured and now departed Marc Bulger. This team should have enough pieces in place now to upgrade to four wins.

Division basement: Seattle Seahawks

The problem with the Seahawks is that after years of dominating this otherwise weak division, age has caught up to them. Now they have their third head coach in as many season, but still have Matt Hasselbeck at quarterback. He spent a good portion of each of the last two season injured, and the Seahawks have struggled to win more than a handful of games. I wouldn't expect much more of him this season. I'm guessing new coach Pete Carrol simply wasn't hot on any of this years QB prospects in the draft and is biding his time. This team also isn't particularly talented at the other offensive skill positions. Clearly a rebuilding year in Seattle, who I think will win all of three games.

AFC North Preview

Fear not Ohio sports fans - they're are still two good Pro teams in Ohio. They just both happen to be in Cincinnati (yes, I'm counting a baseball team and yes it does feel a little dirty).

The AFC North is almost always a three team race, but this year I think the Steelers probably have too much to overcome to make a serious push at the division. No doubt the Ravens are a good team, but the Bengals topped them last year with a surpringly superior defense. Meanwhile, many facets of the Ravens are just getting old (Ray Lewis, Ed Reed), while the strengths of the Bengals' defense are young. While both teams attempted to improve their weak spots in the draft and free agency, I think the Bengals Defensive Line, wide receivers and tight ends improved much more than Baltimore's secondary, wide receivers and tight ends.

Division Winner: Cincinnati Bengals

The Bengals are essentially returning the Division winning team from last season minus the broken parts (LS Brad St. Louis, WR L. Coles, and they drafted a TE who will definitely replace Dan Coats). They picked up two wide receivers who will probably each be more productive than Coles in veteran Antonio Bryant and rookie Jordan Shipley, the Texas Longhorn's record holder for most catches. Plus last year's number four ranked defense returned EVERYBODY. With mostly solid draft picks and improved health thus far I see the Bengals taking 11 wins despite a brutal schedule. Ten might be enough for the division again this year however, as every team is looking at an uphill climb schedule-wise.

Division Runner-Up: Baltimore Ravens

This team received a lot of praise for the draft and free agent acquisitions. I can't say I don't agree with the speculation, but most of those writing off the Bengals can only point to an historic inability to repeat success. Oh, I'm supposed to be talking about the Ravens. They'll be good, but I think their defense will decline a little this year and I sincerely doubt their offense will take the step so many seem to expect. Flacco is still quite young, Boldin is a great wide receiver and a good addition, but they don't have a true number one like Cincy has in Chad Ochocinco, and TE Todd Heap is getting pretty old. Oh, and they have as bad a pair of starting cornerbacks as you're likely to come across in the NFL. Good team - good enough for nine, maybe ten wins against this schedule. It will depend on the rest of the Conference to see if that's good enough for another wild card berth.

Division Third Place: Pittsburgh Steelers

The Iron City has had as rough an offseason as you can imagine. Rapistbergergate led to a suspension of their starting quarterback and they lost a key member of their already porous offensive line for the year when RT Willie Colon tore his Achilles. They brought back Byron Leftwich to fill in at QB, but he'll probably get sacked about 20 times (30 if Ben's suspension does last the full six games instead of the optional four). In the meantime, Pittsburgh has done very little to upgrade their team. They had some decent draft picks, but it seems like their team is regressing while Cincinnati and Baltimore are rising. Given the Steelers seem to post respectable records even when bad, I'll give them seven wins, but the Browns may be closer than they're willing to admit.

Division Basement: Cleveland Browns

Fucking Cleveland. There's not much to say about Cleveland's chances this year. They're not good. They scrapped together five wins by grace of God last year, mostly at the end of the season against other teams already out of postseason contention. Every time this team takes one step forward it takes two steps backward. The phrase "rebuilding project" has hovered around ever since they returned as an expansion in the '90s. I'd like to think they're moving in the right direction this time, but the jury is very much still out on rookie QB Colt McCoy and second year RB Jerome Harrison. It'll be another long year in Cleveland, and against this schedule four wins could be expected but no more.

Let the Speculation Commence - AFC West Preview

I've already half- (but only half!) jokingly picked the Bengals as 2010 NFL champions. But since this part of the NFL calendar is exceptionally slow, I've decided to go ahead and start division by division previews. For no particular reason, I'm starting in the AFC West.

Last year the Broncos unexpectedly pulled to the front of the division with a 6-0 start. They more or less proved that streak to be a fluke when they won only two games the entire rest of the season. The Chargers have held the AFC West for several years now, with the last Division champion being a very different Broncos team in 2005. And with Kansas City in the middle (or possibly even beginning) of what looks to be a lengthy rebuilding project and the Oakland Raiders still being owned by "Count" Al Davis, it will be an uphill climb for anyone to unseat San Diego.

Division Winner: San Diego Chargers

Unless quarterback Phillip Rivers goes down, the Chargers will win the AFC West for a fifth straight year. They have arguably been on a slow decline since their stunning 14-2 2006 season, but not nearly slow enough for the rest of the weak division to catch up. Their defense might not be elite, but when the offense routinely scores thirty points per game it doesn't need to be. They took a running back in the first round as their projected starter, and he'll be put in a good situation. Ten wins should be enough to take the division, but I wouldn't be surprised if they hit eleven or twelve.

Division Runner-Up: Oakland Raiders

I'm not sure any team in football has done more to improve their roster this offseason than Oakland. And a big chunk of that improvement was just giving up on former first overall draft pick JaMarcus Russell. Replacing that quarterback will be former Redskins starter Jason Campbell, who unlike Russell has actually proved why people keep saying he has potential. I think the move will benefit both the franchise and Campbell and the Raiders may actually prove competitive this year. A wild-card berth still seems pretty unlikely though; Raiders fans should be happy to hit seven or eight wins.

Division Third Place: Denver Broncos

I still don't believe Josh McDaniels is a good head coach. After he somehow pulled together an excellent first half-season with somewhat mediocre talent last year, the team tanked big time to end the season. And then they drafted Tim Tebow - in the first round. Tebow will probably take several years to develop, if indeed he ever does and with a team that proved somehow able to win now, why not let Kyle Orton continue quarterbacking and get a player that can come in a contribute right away. Had the Broncos approached their draft and free agency differently I easily could have placed them second making a run at first. Instead I expect about six or seven wins.

Division Basement: Kansas City Chiefs

This team wisely has a serious youth movement going on. No one thought the shell of the once mighty early aughts Chiefs team was going anywhere fast, so they surrounded their young quarterback with young talent to develop. It will take a few more years for Kansas City to make any real noise, but they're probably only a season or two away from getting out of the division cellar. If the Browns managed to win five games last year, the Chiefs should be able to replicate the feat in 2010.

Offseason Bengals Arrests Now At Three

It's not a "spree" just yet, but it's getting there:

I'm way late to report this, but Bengals starting running back Cedric Benson was recently arrested. This makes three arrests of Bengals players since the end of the season in January.

I detailed the first arrest in great fear after linebacker Rey "I finally remember how to spell his last name without looking it up" Maualuga's DUI arrest in Covingtion, KY. I specifically feared a 2006-esque Bengals crime spree.

Then Maurice "I'm sure you don't know who I'm talking about" Purify was arrested for assault or something. I don't remember for sure what the charge was, and I don't feel like looking it up. His chances of making the team next year were next to nothing before the arrest, as he was a practice squad project for a year and half and then made the roster for about three games.

But now with Benson's arrest I'm getting a little edgy. It's a weird story. Basically, he was accosted at a bar in Austin, Texas (He was a Longhorn in his college years) and possibly retaliated with a punch. The facts are very much contradictory right now, but every day it seems more and more likely he'll escape prosecution and hopefully even a suspension. Still, it's disheartening that a guy who's career was once derailed by trouble with law (two DUI's in one year) is still putting himself in bad situations.

The one thing going for Benson here is that it took a full month for charges to be pressed against the star player and that no two people seem to have their stories straight. The unfortunate thing for Cedric is that the ongoing investigation has completely derailed contract talks with the Bengals. Benson's contract ends after the season.

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To end this post on a positive, I'd like to let readers who aren't aware that Maualuga has been widely reported as talking about his DUI arrest and subsequent clinical treatment for alcoholism as a complete success. He says he hasn't had a single alcoholic drink since January, that he's in the best shape of his life, and that Chad Ochocinco helped keep him on the straight and narrow with his patented Red Bull and cranberry juice concoction.

Now if only Ron Artest could get him down with orange slices and winning championships too.

Did Carson and Chad Lose Each Other's Phone Numbers?

For the second off season in a row Bengals quarterback "Uncle" Carson Palmer and wide receiver Chad "Fred Astaire Can Kiss My Ass" Ochocinco are exchanging words via the press. And once again the two aren't exchanging words via a traditional phone call, e-mail or even the USPS.

It makes you wonder if the two haven't simply misplaced each others phone numbers.

Obviously Palmer wishes Chad would pack up his dancing shoes and come back to Cincinnati (it's so lovely in the summertime - all the drunk shirtless Kentuckians roaming the various downtown beer and sausage festivals). According to ProFootballTalk, Carson believes "the team is constructing the biggest overhaul of the team's passing game of his career." So you'd assume the team's number one receiver would want to be there.

But Uncle Carson knows that simple logic won't work on a lunatic that changed his last name to two Spanish numbers. He has to make it into some sort of public challenge. So forget the phone call - Carson just tells the media, according to a tweet by reporter Josh Katzowitz, that perhaps the Bengals are "trying to find a new No. 1 receiver, because it's hard to work your offense w/out that guy." Harsh words for Ochocinco's ears, as he would not relinquish a starting spot gracefully.

But Chad took the challenge more as a spar of wits (read: schoolyard diss session) and struck back the only way he knows how - electronic communications excluding telephones that aren't connected to ESPN. From his Twitter account (OGOchoCinco):

• About Carson Palmer -- I missed what my quarterback said about me not being at OTA'S -- they aren't even mandatory -- he misses Ochocinco -- cute!
• tell Carson when I see him I'm gonna Hulk Hogan leg drop his ass then tie him to the goalpost and throw wet toilet paper at him.

At some point though Chad kicked it into a lower gear, stating on a phonecall to ESPN's NFL Live, "I think Carson is right, when I come back I want to be at my best, I have a commitment to be in tip top shape, I understand where he's coming from, I'm going to be there as soon as possible."

But the root of the whole problem (aside from the football perspective, which this post is only moderately interested in) is the telephone. Another Chad quote from NFL Live proves the most illuminating, but I made you read this whole article to get to it(!): "[Uncle Carson] never calls my phone, this is his way of talking to me."

Hopefully they remember to exchange numbers at the Mandatory minicamp later this month.

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Other Bengals News:

The party apparently is in Baltimore; Shayne "Where-da-party-at?" Graham is now a Raven. So hopefully he'll ruin their season by missing a clutch kick. Doesn't he owe Cincinnati that much?

The Bengals kicker, incidently, will probably be former Ohio State Buckeyes/New York Jets/some-other-teams-for-like-10-minutes-that-I-don't-feel-like-looking-up Mike "I Wish My Name Was Ted" Nugent, who happens to hail from my hometown. Do not feel any need be excited by this.

Could Science Explain Rapistberger's Actions?

I suppose you could mark this one under the Dank Game conspiracy files. As you are undoubtedly aware, I have not shied from Steeler-related conspiracies in the past.

Well, here's some background if you need it:

The starting quarterback of the Pittsburgh Steelers, Ben Roethlisberger, keeps going around raping women, crashing motorcycles and generally acting like an asshole. Even after winning two Superbowls with the team, even the often incompetent Pittsburgh citizenry is getting tired of Ben's antics. Ultimately, Ben has been suspended for the first six games of the 2010 season.

I'll cut to a quick Steel Legends (one of Pittsburgh's finest) to explain what this means for the Steelers:

The most interesting thing about Rapistberger-Gate isn't so much how much of terrible of a person Ben really is. What's fascinating is that people are trying to hard to figure out WHY he's such a turd. After his 2006 motorcycle accident and multiple on-field concussions some think that head trauma is at least in part responsible for his more sociopathic actions.

A Face Only Pittsburgh Could Love

I'm not going to bother getting into the specifics, but for the second offseason in a row, Ben Roethlisberger has made rape charges more or less go away. Maybe he didn't do it, maybe it was consensual, whatever. I do want to type Rapistberger once, but if I am to respect the letter of the law I must point out that Big Ben was never proven guilty.

However, look at this fucking picture. Jesus Christ, the only fatter starting quarterback in this league has got be JaMarcus Russell, and I'm thinking Ben could give him a run for his money. Then there's his hair. Did he comb it with a fork and crisco on his way out of the Waffle House?

This is the press conference where he apologized to Pittsburgh fans! He could shave? He couldn't iron his shirt? At least he's wearing a belt, although it is a bit sad he needed cue cards for his apology.

Good God man, pull it together. Maybe that motorcycle accident from a few year ago knocked the brain out of his head.

Favre Needs New Wrinkles For Offseason Playbook

I'll be the first to admit it. I like what Brett Favre has added to the last few years' NFL offseason. Let's face it, nothing else is going on (except - yawn - baseball).

The last three years it seemed all anyone in the media could talk about was whether or not Favre would come back for another year. But although Brett has not yet committed to playing football in 2010, no one seems to care. Well Teenage_Mustache cares. Favre just needs some new ideas to keep offseason interest piqued.

The problem is the now-familiar pattern. We hear almost nothing from Favre after the season, save maybe a quick half-hearted retirement. Then rumblings emerge that he has started leaning toward playing again, often creating problems for the team currently carrying his contract. Then once training camp is largely over, Favre reports to play for whomever he signs on with. This pattern is so widely assumed now, and he played so well with the Vikings last year, that the media and fans simply expect this to happen.

Despite this, Favre has done nothing to build anticipation for either playing or potentially hanging up his cleats for the 2010 season. Maybe he's too busy with his new grandchild - that's right, Brett Favre is a 40-year-old grandfather. Or maybe he's too busy playing pick-up football games with those Wrangler-wearing good-old-boys. Or maybe he really is just sitting around on a tractor in Mississippi.

Whatever is occupying Favre's time though, he needs to start thinking about occupying other people's time. Brett needs to make other people keep guessing what his next move is. Perhaps he should take up minor league baseball or dogfighting or fighting fans at NBA games. After all, those activities certainly drummed up media flurries for other star athletes. I simply don't have the answer, as I am not the entertainer that No. 4 is.

Well, whatever Favre is doing, he'd better start making noise after the draft. Because that's when the offseason gets really boring.

Me No Longer Responsible for Correctly Spelling Coles' First Name

Per ProfootballTalk.com, wide receiver Lavornius (sic) Coles is no longer a Bengal. And I'm off the hook for spelling his ridiculous first name correctly.

Due a huge roster bonus tomorrow (the first day of the league year), the Bengals decided to cut ties with Lewvarnoose (sic) Coles. After a surprisingly unproductive first year with the team in 2009, Lowvairineese (sic) simply wasn't worth his large contract for 2010. The move ideally puts Cincinnati in the market for one of the other free agent wide receivers on the market. Names include Terrell Owens, Kevin Walter, and Antonio Bryant - all guys that could easily have better years with the Bengals than Loewveeranus (sic) did.

Today also marked the deadline to put tenders on restricted free agents. All you need to know is that the Bengals did nothing to keep tight ends J.P. Foschi and Daniel Coats or defensive tackle Shaun Smith. My bet is that J.P. Foschi ends up back on the team playing for the league minimum. This is much cheaper than offering a restricted free agent tender, but the team runs the risk of losing Foschi to another team for no compensation. This really isn't much of risk, as he isn't very good.

Kudos for the Bengals for applying tenders to players who actually deserve them and not to those who don't. And kudos for getting rid of Leaveroomforanus (sic) Coles.

Also, tomorrow is the beginning of free agency, so hopefully you'll see a headline tomorrow like "Bengals sign tons of great players." Don't count on it though.

First Good News of the Off-Season

In the end, injuries really hurt the Bengals defense. I can only imagine the team the Bengals were fielding at the beginning of the year winning their playoff game. But without Odom, Maualuga and Roy Williams, and with many others banged up, the defense just wasn't quite the same.

But although the year didn't end particularly well for the unit, they still finished as the fourth overall defense in the NFL. You'd think a defense like this coupled with a Carson Palmer-led offense would be even better . . .

Anyway, that's a sufficient enough intro. The good news is that the Bengals were able to resign defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer to a three year contract according to NFL.com. Zimmer had been expected to be one of the hottest free-agent coaches available, and given the Bengals track record of retaining free agents (see: Corey Dillon) I was sure Cincinnati would be losing him.

Actually, mark this down as great news. Do you guys remember the Bengals defense before Zimmer? I remember the offense scoring 45 points one game and then LOSING. Now they're a top five unit?! And the Redskins were rumored to be among the teams luring him. Do you know how much money 'Skins owner Daniel Snyder throws at players and coaches he wants?

Maybe, just maybe, this is a sign the Bengals front office is changing. Players and coaches actually want to be in Cincinnati, and the Bengals can compete for a postseason berth regularly - instead of twice every twenty years. I'm probably getting ahead of myself, but we can hope right?

As a side note, I found the fake baseball card randomly on Google image search. The internet has not let me down today!

Optimism?

OK, let's admit it. The Bengals blew it.

After starting the season with more momentum than anyone expected, the team basically disappeared at the end of the year. This trend continued into the playoffs, although their final effort (minus Shayne Graham at least) wasn't completely embarrassing.

But when you look at the overall picture, you see a young team with a few serious weak points. And these things can now be addressed seriously without worrying about losing any major players.

We certainly don't need to lose sleep over Cincinnati's running back stable, linebacker corps, or starting defensive backs.

Unless the speculation that Carson's elbow is indeed still damaged from last season's injury, we shouldn't have to worry about quarterbacks either - and even if he is hurt, he has another offseason to recuperate. We could probably get a better back up, but this isn't critical.

I figure there are three main areas to improve, and another three that could use tweaking. The most important is wide receiver. Chad Ochocinco (I have a strong feeling that last name will be changing again soon) is still solid, but probably not the elite guy he was from about 2003-2007. I figure to see two more good seasons out of him. After that, the Bengals have close to nothing. Andre Calwell shows flashes and is probably a good third option, but maybe not starter material. Coles isn't close to being worth the money we'll owe him, and I expect him to get cut. Anyone else is just a footnote so far.

There's a chance that both Anquan Boldin of the Cardinals and Joshua Cribbs of the Browns will be available this offseason. The Bengals need to aggressively pursue these guys, or any other type of number two wide receiver that becomes available. The Bengals haven't done a good job of developing young WRs in recent years (see: Jerome Simpson - 2nd round pick, 1 reception in 2 seasons), and we need someone who can step up right away - like Coles was supposed to this year.

The next most pressing need is nickle cornerback. Jonathan Joseph and Leon Hall did as good a job as any team should need shutting down the number one and two WRs as any defense should need, but the slot guy made the Bengals pay time and time again. With the risk of losing one of them to free agency in the next few years, having a young guy to develop wouldn't be a bad thing.

Defensive line is also worrying, as it seems injury prone. Antwan Odom and Pat Sims both ended their seasons early. Domata Peko and Robert Geathers both missed games to injury. Tank Johnson seemed to end up on the injury report every other week. This unit frequently didn't generate the kind of pressure it needed to late in the season. This is supposedly a D-line heavy draft, and then Bengals should pounce on one of these guys as early as round one, depending of course on who's available.

First on my list of secondary issues is tight end. The big question marks here are who will be back and what kind of offensive scheme Cincinnati will run next year. If they're looking for more of a pass catching tight end, maybe last year's pick, Chase Coffman will be up to NFL speed. Although not signed for next season, it seems likely the Bengals could bring Reggie Kelly back. I expect J.P. Foschi to be back, but probably not Dan Coats.

Safety is a position where the Bengals defense could improve. They've got pretty good starters in Roy Williams, Ndukwe and Chris Crocker, but if their is an outstanding rookie safety available, I have to think they'll got after him.

Last I have offensive line. This unit probably over-performed this season, and if the right guy is available in the draft Cincinnati should take him. The current offensive line is good, but it does stand room for improvement in pass protecting. Hopefully the further development of Andre Smith leads to this need diminishing.

So, I figure the Bengals draft will look something like this:

Round 1 - Defensive Tackle or End
Round 2 - Cornerback
Round 3 - Safety
Round 4 - Offensive Lineman
Round 5 - Wide Receiver
Round 6 - Tight End
Round 7 - Kicker

It will be interesting to see if I get any of these right

Down but not out

OK, we've all had a chance to digest Cincinnati's 30-10 loss to the Vikings yesterday, and it's time to approach the situation with some clarity.

The team mostly looked bad, especially on offense. Too many penalties, too little pass protection, and an offense that was too conservative (with the exception being the first touchdown drive) doomed the Bengals pretty early in the day. Although the defense held the Vikings in striking distance most of the day, the inability of the offense to stay on the field and score points would eventually doom them to their worst performance of the year.

It seems most local and national coverage is already giving up on the tigers. This was supposedly their preview of postseason football, and the Bengals clearly failed. Plus, this team hasn't won a playoff game since 1990 (the longest draught in the league, naturally). So while I don't necessarily blame them, I think I can see a bigger picture.

After each of the Bengal's losses, they have responded very well the next week. After Denver, they came and beat the Green Bay Packers in Lambeau. At the time the Pack were the darlings of the preseason, and even now they're almost certainly a playoff team. This was a total win, with great offensive and defensive efforts

After the somewhat embarrassing loss to the Texans, the Bengals responded by destroying the Chicago Bears. This was clearly the high water mark for this offense, and should be a reminder of what can be done, but far too often isn't.

Lastly, after a totally embarrassing loss to the Raiders (I think this is embarassing - the Raiders are hard to figure out - they did beat Philly and Pittsburgh, too), the Bengals responded by totally controlling the Browns game. Although they didn't score a lot of points, it never looked like the Browns would seriously threaten the lead.

Well, I guess back to back games against two of the league's four worst teams, maybe the Bengals had gone a little soft. Really though, it comes at a good time. Even with the loss, Cincinnati would still steal the 2nd seed in the playoffs from the Chargers with a win, plus another win or two to close the season.

Because optimism for this team isn't running high right now, this isn't the scenario that most people are looking at. Analysts have been using any number of stats to point to the Bengal's recent futility in the passing game and inability to score touchdowns in the second half even before the Vikings game. Obviously there's some truth to this, but I cannot believe that a nine win team that swept its division is going to be one and done in the playoffs.

Why not? Because last year the team that met that description was the Arizona Cardinals, who made it to the Superbowl.

Be patient, Bengals fans. It's not January yet.

Lions Loss Leaps Bengals to winning season

For the first time since 2005, and only the second time since 1991 (this goddamn team) the Bengals will finish with a winning record.

Beating the Detroit Lions isn't much of an accomplishment, but the game is still riddled with meaning for Cincinnati.

For starters, Marvin Lewis tied franchise founder Paul Brown for 2nd most wins by a coach in club history. As noted above, it also guarantees them a winning season, with their record now notched at 9-3 - tied for second best in the AFC. We also saw the successful return of running back Cedric Benson, and first round pick offensive tackle Andre Smith got playing time for his second NFL game.

Furthermore, with Pittsburgh losing to Oakland and Baltimore possibly losing to Green Bay tonight, only one more win may be necessary to ensure an AFC North crown for the Bengals.

However, this game was boring! The first half was kind of exciting, but the second was slow and painful. Detroit's offense looked terrible after starting the game strong, and the Bengals probably could have posted about 14 more points had it not been for needless interceptions from Carson Palmer. On the plus side, I didn't mind watching the Bengals defense pound quarterback Matt Stafford into the ground repeatedly - welcome to the Jungle indeed.

So I am going to celebrate Brian Leonard for his 100th leap over a defender (unofficial stat). WhoDeyRevolution call him the "White Weapon," a nickname that absolutely needs to catch on. He only gets two or three carries per game, but he makes them count. If you Google Image Search the guy, at least a third of the pictures are of him leaping over would-be tacklers - a trend that dates back to at least his Rutgers days.

So the unnofficial Dank-Game player of the week is Brian Leonard, with Chad "taking the Black Mexican thing really seriously" Ochocinco a close second.

Cincinnati - We always need more Johnsons!

2005 was a great year for the Bengals. I'm not talking about winning their division. I'm not even talking about going to the playoffs for the first time in over a decade.

I'm talking about the world's most fantastic collection of Johnsons!

Wide receiver Chad Johnson and running back Rudi Johnson were the star skill players of the offense. Rudi ran behind fullback Jeremi Johnson, and Chad practiced running short routes against linebacker Landon Johnson. It was a great time for Johnsons. It was a great time for Cincinnati.

2006 almost saw more of the same. The team even added backup QB Doug Johnson, increasing the number of Johnsons to five. But the magic was no longer there, and by the end of the season the team appeared impotent.

The Bengals bottomed out in 2008. Landon Johnson had left in free agency, Rudi was banished to the wastelands of Detroit, Jeremi was too fat, Doug disappeared or something, and Chad infamously changed his last name to Ochocinco. Needless to say, the team only won 4 games. Things had to change. Cincinnati needed more Johnsons.

Enter the 2009 Cincinnati Bengals. Jeremi regained his physique and rejoined the team. The Bengals signed defensive tackle "Tank" Johnson in free agency. And the team drafted defensive end Michael Johnson (nickname: Giraffe). Things were looking up, and the team went 7-2 to start the season.

But there was a problem. Coach Marvin Lewis and owner Mike Brown knew from 2005 that the magic number of Johnsons was four. They scanned the NFL far and wide for weeks, but could not find a suitable Johnson. Until last week.

Running back Larry Johnson finally pissed off Kansas City enough following his "fags" rant that they cut him from the team. Apparently in Kansas City, multiple accounts of violence against women is less offensive than saying fags a few times in a press conference, but that's another post. The point is, Larry Johnson was perfect for Cincinnati.

The team debuted their four Johnson attack this week in Oakland. The results were less than stellar, but the Johnsons looked OK. Actually, they looked pretty bad, with Jeremi losing a fumble, and Tank and Michael registering zero sacks. But only time will tell if this collection of Johnsons is as powerful as the 2005 variety. The experiment will be exciting.

So welcome to Cincinnati, Larry Johnson. Please stay away from our nightclubs and women.

Playoff Stretch Preview

I meant to post this before this weekend's crop of games, but oh well:

That's right folks. It's time to start talking about the NFL playoff picture. I've drawn up a neat little chart of how I think the post season will shake down, right up to the Saints-Bengals superbowl!
Seeding is really important to any sports postseason, and the NFL is no exception. I see the current top seeds of both conferences staying put. It's very hard to imagine the undefeated Saints and Colts not capturing the top spots. A one-loss Vikings team looks to have a lock on the second spot in the NFC, while a 7-2 Bengals should coast through the remaining easy schedule to nail down the number two spot in the AFC. Even after an unexpected Raiders loss, I still think the Bengals will win nearly all of their remaining games. These four teams will be rewarded with a first round bye.

In the AFC East, it's pretty clear that the Patriots will run away with the division. The race was even in the AFC West, but the Broncos are on a serious decline after an unthinkable 6-0 start, and the Chargers have slowly but surely gained momentum and taken control of the division.

The wild card spots are quite interesting in the AFC, however, with at least 5 teams in hot contention for the last two playoff spots. I've kept the Ravens and Steelers out of the playoff picture because they have two meetings left this season. So they'll probably beat each other out of the race, while a "little-engine-that-could" Dolphins team that has lost three of its starters but has gotten better, and a pretty good Texans team will sneak in. The Broncos and possibly the Jaguars will join the Steelers and Ravens as teams just barely missing the post-season in the AFC.

In the NFC, the Cardinals have practically already won the West notwithstanding an extreme last season comeback by the initially dominant 49ers. The East is usually the Division to beat in the NFC, but this year the top three teams look wobbly. I see Philly bouncing back to win the division, the Cowboys season crashing late, and the Giants reemerging with a late season playoff berth in the 6th spot. The Falcons possibly have the easiest path to a wildcard in the NFC, and I think they'll get the 5th spot over the Giants.

Outside of the Bengals and Saints taking it all the way to the Superbowl, the Chargers will win a few January games, as will the Eagles. The only other wins I forecast are divisional round victories by the Patriots and Giants.

So there you have it, Dank-Game.

Until this looks ridiculous in 3 weeks and I redo it.