Funny Bengals Tweets - Training Camp Edition

Twitter would indicate that the Bengals are enjoying training camp in Georgetown, KY. Although we don't have Hard Knocks in G-Town this year, the proof is in the funny tweets:

Defensive tackle Tank Johnson (TankJohnson99) finds Georgetown, Kentucky amusing, but training camp exhausting:

• Saw a chick wit one tooth and a tongue ring in long john silver today! Justa clickin that thang against dat 1 tooth! #ahhgeorgetown so funny
• Seriously considering driving from dorms to meetings! Its a 45 second walk and a 1 min drive!
  

Punt Returner Quan Cosby (Cosby12) is a man who doesn't mind having his sleep interrupted and likes crappy game shows:

• Oh and I forgot to thank NFL drug testing for costing me an hr and a half of sleep this morning. God bless u! Haha
• I dont think I can be beaten in family feud! I don't watch it very much but skills stay on point! Mind is a terrible thing to waste!
  

Cornerback Rico Murray (Mr513RicoMurray) has an opinion about teammate Chad Ochocinco and about the hardest working man in Georgetown:

• The only thing that can't be stopped is that man's [Ochocinco's] mouth...
• The most memorable person in Georgetown. the little Caesar guy who dances all day long..I thought my job was hard
  

New wide receiver Terrell Owens (terrellowens) also had an anecdote about Chad:

• Chad is n his room playing FIFA by himself b/c no1 will play with him! Lol.

Chad (OGOchoCinco) got everyone back though:

• Just finished my weight workout early as hell, no meetings till 10:15, i should wake players up in their dorm rooms with the blow horn
• My vuvuzela came in handy early this morning, im sure i woke some folks up screaming gooolll and blowing my vuvuzela.

Linebacker Rey Maualuga (maualuga58) wishes for one night he could be somewhere else:

• Wish I was going to the Rascall Flatts concert 2morrow. My favorite country band. #dontjudgeme

Rookie cornerback Brandon Ghee (BGhee) is growing up and giving culinary advice:

• Chillin wit @GenoStacks [rookie defensive tackle Geno Atkins].....you know your getting old when you start arguing about taxes...ha ha
• Bout to eat some chipotle. If you don't like chipotle it's something wrong with you

With training camp wrapped up, that's all the funny Bengals tweets for now.

NFL's Biggest Collection of Jackasses?

Well, the Bengals done signed Terrell Owens. Owens doesn't have the best reputation as a teammate, though Mike Brown thought highly enough to make him a last minute addition to the team. And Cincinnati might now have the most jackass-filled roster in pro football, although it should be noted that the presence of Roethlisberger alone puts Pittsburgh way up there. On the bright side, they could very well join other jackass filled teams in Lombardi trophy history (1970's Steelers and Raiders, I'm looking at you).

So I'm taking a look at all the guys on the roster who seem like assholes. This isn't about arrests (Leon Hall is not on the list in spite of a DUI arrest last offseason for example), but I'm factoring some in.

Asshole index:

Adam Jones (CB) - HIGH - He has missed two entire seasons of football in a five year career because of off-the-field incidents - no, catastrophes. I'm honestly surprised he wasn't suspended for life. His most recent team, Dallas, hired around the clock security to keep him out of trouble and he ended up getting in a fight with a bodyguard. If he hadn't said and done all the right things since coming to Cincinnati (after sitting out last year and probably going broke making it rain too many times) I'd make a special category that only he and Ben Roethlisberger could fill.

Terrell Owens (WR) - HIGH - has called out the following teammates in public: Jeff Garcia (49ers), Donovan McNabb (Eagles) and Tony Romo (Cowboys). He has also claimed to have intentionally dropped passes when his team didn't include him enough in the game plan. He did however play nice in Buffalo last season.

The Ultimate Catch Episode 101 Review

The wait is over - VH1's Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catch debuted last night with 85 women meeting Chad in Pasadena, California's Rose Bowl.

Of course the 85 women thing was clearly just a play on his name/number, as he was eliminating women within minutes of seeing them for the first time. In all, he cut 68 girls over the course of an afternoon. As ridiculous as this "dating mini-camp" was, it is still a relatively fresh idea in the overcrowded genre of dating shows. Events at the mini-camp included trash talking, touchdown dances and hugging pads with pictures of Ochocinco on them.

The seventeen survivors were invited to a soiree at an LA mansion where Chad, Vikings receiver Bernard Berrian and free agent wide receiver Terrell Owens entertained the lucky ladies. Bernard let the ladies do the talking, of course discovering that some of these women are certifiably insane. TO kept trying to get the ladies numbers for himself, trying to find out if any of them weren't truly there for Chad. At the end of the night the three discussed the positives and negatives of the seventeen ladies, setting up the cliffhanger for next week. Chad will immediately cut one of the ladies and proceed to rank the other sixteen setting up an NCAA March Madness style bracket.

Ultimately, this show was quite bad. Hopefully I've given you enough of a description that you won't feel the need to watch it yourself, although you can on VH1's website. You might have to watch several soap and Starburst commercials, as well as spots for "Dinner for Schmucks" which likely only schmucks will enjoy. Overall I did like the show more than "Dancing With the Stars" if for no other reason than there were neither cranky British judges or that douche from America's Funniest Home Videos that isn't Bob Saget.

Did Carson and Chad Lose Each Other's Phone Numbers?

For the second off season in a row Bengals quarterback "Uncle" Carson Palmer and wide receiver Chad "Fred Astaire Can Kiss My Ass" Ochocinco are exchanging words via the press. And once again the two aren't exchanging words via a traditional phone call, e-mail or even the USPS.

It makes you wonder if the two haven't simply misplaced each others phone numbers.

Obviously Palmer wishes Chad would pack up his dancing shoes and come back to Cincinnati (it's so lovely in the summertime - all the drunk shirtless Kentuckians roaming the various downtown beer and sausage festivals). According to ProFootballTalk, Carson believes "the team is constructing the biggest overhaul of the team's passing game of his career." So you'd assume the team's number one receiver would want to be there.

But Uncle Carson knows that simple logic won't work on a lunatic that changed his last name to two Spanish numbers. He has to make it into some sort of public challenge. So forget the phone call - Carson just tells the media, according to a tweet by reporter Josh Katzowitz, that perhaps the Bengals are "trying to find a new No. 1 receiver, because it's hard to work your offense w/out that guy." Harsh words for Ochocinco's ears, as he would not relinquish a starting spot gracefully.

But Chad took the challenge more as a spar of wits (read: schoolyard diss session) and struck back the only way he knows how - electronic communications excluding telephones that aren't connected to ESPN. From his Twitter account (OGOchoCinco):

• About Carson Palmer -- I missed what my quarterback said about me not being at OTA'S -- they aren't even mandatory -- he misses Ochocinco -- cute!
• tell Carson when I see him I'm gonna Hulk Hogan leg drop his ass then tie him to the goalpost and throw wet toilet paper at him.

At some point though Chad kicked it into a lower gear, stating on a phonecall to ESPN's NFL Live, "I think Carson is right, when I come back I want to be at my best, I have a commitment to be in tip top shape, I understand where he's coming from, I'm going to be there as soon as possible."

But the root of the whole problem (aside from the football perspective, which this post is only moderately interested in) is the telephone. Another Chad quote from NFL Live proves the most illuminating, but I made you read this whole article to get to it(!): "[Uncle Carson] never calls my phone, this is his way of talking to me."

Hopefully they remember to exchange numbers at the Mandatory minicamp later this month.

----------

Other Bengals News:

The party apparently is in Baltimore; Shayne "Where-da-party-at?" Graham is now a Raven. So hopefully he'll ruin their season by missing a clutch kick. Doesn't he owe Cincinnati that much?

The Bengals kicker, incidently, will probably be former Ohio State Buckeyes/New York Jets/some-other-teams-for-like-10-minutes-that-I-don't-feel-like-looking-up Mike "I Wish My Name Was Ted" Nugent, who happens to hail from my hometown. Do not feel any need be excited by this.

The Ultimate Catch

Attention VH1 reality TV show fans / Cincinnati Bengals fans. The two entertainment powerhouses have teamed up to bring you the reality dating show that is now (and I assume finally) titled Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catch.

Originally the show was going to be called The Tournament with Ochocinco, but the producers were scared away by my sample artwork. Anyway, in the time since the show was announced, my interest has waned enormously. The thing is, in the time since Ocho appeared on the over-rated Dancing With the Stars, I realized that I don't like VH1 reality shows. Furthermore, most avid Bengals fans probably don't like them either.
Here's a Venn Diagram expressing my point. It may not be a scientific, but I figure it's fairly accurate.

So I'll give you the newest details of the show in the event that you're still reading. The Ocho will be dating 85 women, quickly whittling the pool down to 16. These sixteen women will live in a "huge Los Angeles mansion," which could technically be one of the run down old mansions in South Central. Just sayin'

He will then pair up the women for some sort of competitive dating. Naturally one of the women will go home at the end of each of these. There will be 10 episodes this summer, running from July until the week before the regular season starts.

As bad as this show will probably be, at least it can serve as an unofficial count down until football season begins.

Wait, the Bengals Are Good Now?

The national media will always hate the Bengals. The Browns, Ravens and especially the Steelers have so many homers that for most pundits the 2006 crime spree is the only thing the Bengals conjure. But those who actually follow the Bengals closely have all reluctantly started to admit that this team is looking really good.

Just about every local Bengals publication I puruse with any regularity (with the sole exception of CBSsports) has Cincinnati poised to repeat a winning season and a playoff berth. Of course every team is optimistic after the draft, not knowing just how much production they'll get from their rookies and dreaming about the best. But Bengals fans are not the most optimistic of NFL fans - in fact outside of maybe Detroit they're probably the most pessimistic.

So it really means something when some Bengals beat writers actually give the team credit. And if every other blog in town is going to write a Bengals-to-the-Superbowl? article in May, I will not be left out. So let's look at some examples of what others are saying.

Cincyjungle.com has run posts from practically all of their writers with the proclaimation that the Bengals are poised to repeat a successful season, and in theory will be even better than last year. Pat Kirwin of NFL.com believes the Bengals are a "Tier 2" team, meaning that they should make the playoffs. Even WhoDeyRevolution, who exist to insist that owner Mike Brown shouldn't make football decisions for his team, have admitted that the Bengals, somehow, are good. I could go on.

Dancing With the Stars Review

That's right. Teenage Mustache watched Monday night's debut episode of this season's Dancing With the Stars. I did it for one reason only - Chad Ochocinco!

My complete review is basically, 'This show sucks.' Thank God Chad was on first, as it meant I didn't have to watch the whole thing.

I had never seen any previous episode of any previous season of DWTS, despite a regular NFL presence. I generally find competition style reality shows to be generic and lame. DWTS did not change my opinion in that regard. Can someone explain to me why Americans feel we can only be judged accurately by Europeans?

Anyway, Chad is clearly taking the show seriously and putting in a lot of effort. I hope he does well, but more than that I wish they'd just put him on camera more.

If any of you were wondering if I plan on watching more episodes, my answer is maybe if Chad makes it to the finals. But even then, I'll probably just read about it online or something.

Funny Bengals Tweets Vol. I

I left out Ochocinco (OGOchoCinco) since his Twitter account is basically a constant best-of-twitter. But here's the best of what the rest of the team has recently offered.

Tank Johnson (TankJohnson99) had the following to offer:

• Watching white folks eat fried chicken may be one of my most enjoyable things to do! Its like a 5 year old w a rubicks cube!
• The don't [know] where to start or when its all done lmao! My best friend is white so I'm NOT racist! Its just very funny!
• The dismay on they face makes it soooo funny! Do I bite it, use a fork, no a spoon, let's watch Tank.
• Let's not take this outta context we talkin bout chicken mane! Chic chic chicken mane! I challenge everyone to observe and report!
  

Former Bengals right tackle Willie Anderson (WillAnderson79) noted:

• BIGGE and SHAQ stater the BIG Man is In Campaign in the early 90's. They put us on the map! Lol BIG Men rule now! Lol
• Men should make up a holiday call "REAL MEN'S DAY" For all the REAL MEN Out here that do what their supposed to Do! Lol
• And Hell Yes we expect gifts! Lol

Linebacker Keith Rivers (rivers55) made the observations:

• everyone like pulp fiction but I guess not very many fans of hollywood shuffle*

*link added by me

Linebacker Dhani Jones (DhaniJones), referencing his "Dhani Tackles the Globe" show for the Travel Channel, suggested:

• Send me to space... How about a petition to send me to the moon or anywhere else for that matter
• "Dhani Tackles Space"

Former linebacker David Pollack (davidpollack47), watching the NCAA basketball tournament observed:

• Purdue vs Duke I can't say I'm looking forward to that to much. Alot of white men that can't jump on that floor
• White men can't jump was on TV today and man do I love that movie. I never watch the ending though bc it's way to depressing

Until next time, same Dank time, same Dank place

And You Thought Howard Stern Was the King of All Media

Two offseasons ago, Chad Johnson went on a tirade against the Cincinnati Bengals, trying to force a trade out of town.  Eventually, he changed his last name to Ochocinco.

Last offseason the Ocho discovered Twitter and UStream and took up a well publicized boxing regiment while looking forward to starring in HBO's Hard Knocks.

This offseason Chad has apparently decided to conquer reality television.  According to ProFootballTalk.com, Chad will not only compete in Dancing With the Stars but will host a VH1 dating show tentatively titled The Tournament.

I tracked down the details, via ESPN.go.com:  The first 10 episodes will feature Ochocinco finding 85 women interested in dating him, which will then be whittled down to sixteen lucky ladies.  Specifically there will be four from each region of the country.  So it's kind of like a March Madness bracket.  That must be why it's called The Tournament.

Another fun fact: When Chad chooses a girl to advance he gives them a "game ball."

Now some fun quotes from Executive Vice President of VH1 Jeff Olde, via ESPN.go.com:

"Ochocinco is one of the most electrifying individuals in sports today.  His bigger-than-life personality on- and off-the-field and his notorious skills as a social networker, connecting daily with his fans, makes him a perfect fit for VH1.

"This Show will not only give viewers a look inside his professional life, but also reveal his softer more romantic side when playing a very different kind of game."

Well I can't imagine not watching it now!

Surefire Gambling Tips - DWTS

Dancing With the Stars has become something just short of a major cultural phenomenon on American television.  So much so that Vegas now offers odds on who will win the damn thing.

Now, I've never watched the show, but I know that several NFL players have competed and done well in prior seasons of DWTS.  I specifically recall hearing about Jason Taylor and Jerry Rice.

Well, BoDog.com has posted their odds on this season.  Chad Ochocinco has received the third best odds of winning, coming in at 5/1.  I think all us Ocho fans know that a fool's ransom could be made by putting money on the "Black Mexican."  

Let's put it this way:  The only two contestants with better odds are Evan Lysacek and Erin Andrews.  I've never even heard of these people.  The longest odds go to Kate (minus Jon + 8) Gosselin and Buzz Aldrin (who is 80, but would probably win if the contest was held on the moon), both at 15/1.

My second favorite contestant is Niecy Nash, perhaps best know for playing Reneesha on Reno 911.  Her odds are 10/1, which seem high considering how much ass she'll have to move around the dancefloor.

So take if from me - a guy who's never seen the show.  Ochocinco is your horse, just like the time he raced a horse.

Lastly, I have to post this some time even though I don't know what the fuck it is.  I heard it might be part of some Reebok campaign. Enjoy.

Bailando con la Ocho

Rough translation: Dancing with the Ocho.

As you probably already know, Chad Ochocinco will be joining this Spring's cast of ABC's Dancing with the Stars.  After watching Hard Knocks with the Bengals last season, this actually seems really unexciting.  But you take what you can get as a writer in the offseason.

I've never watched the show before, but I would consider possibly watching a little of it this season.  And look who shares my predicament; Carson Palmer.  Said Palmer of Chad joining the hit show, "I've never seen it before.  But I'll be a fan of it now because I'm a fan of his."

Coach Marvin Lewis also gave his blessing.  He knew Chad probably wouldn't come to the voluntary workouts he'll be missing for the show anyway, and he noted that this will keep him in shape.

Chad's dancing partner on the show will be Cheryl Burke.  A quick Google search revealed to me that she is a professional dancer who has twice before won the show.  Chad described her as tough and beautiful with a will to win and a great personality.  So good luck Chad.

And if you think this is the only dance/music thing Chad has been up to lately, you are sorely mistaken.  Chad also recently appeared in a music video for R&B chanteuse Monica.  Naturally, it is posted below.

The video appears to center around Chad and Monica almost getting divorced, but then they don't.  They also have a daughter, who maybe also got kidnapped by the woman that is stalking Chad or something.  Also, Chad is shirtless for a while.  Well, enjoy.

Shaq Hacked!

The hand is part of the ball, right? Unfortunately for the Cavs, Shaq is out 6-8 weeks after thumb surgery. Shaq was injured on a brutal hack by Big Baby, "I wish I was Ochocinco," Davis. Clearly Davis was going for the ball, which includes Shaq's thumb, because there was no foul called on the play. Shaq did tell an ESPN reporter today that he would only miss 6 weeks, which would be the start of the Playoffs.

I think this will probably hurt the Cavs chemistry in the Playoffs because they won't get much time to perfect playing together. Hopefully that transition will be as seem less as Danny Ferry thought the Jamison transition would be. They lost three straight after the Jamison trade. It doesn't matter too much if you loose three straight in the regular season, but you can't do that in the Playoffs.

P. S. Come on Big Baby, you know you want to be Ochocinco, stealing his blonde mohawk, and trying to steal his nickname method. You might as well 'kiss the baby' on trying to change your name cause it ain't happenin' Big Baby.

Finally The Ocho Does Something Else Dank Game Worthy

At long last! The king of the NFL circus returns with something interesting. In this case it's not particularly interesting, but it did allow me to do some ridiculous Photoshopping, so I won't complain.

As I noted in an earlier post, Chad Ochocinco has been lobbying his team to get pending free agent wide receiver Terrell Owens to Cincinnati next season. This went as far as TO "promising" to change his name to Ocho Uno if he winds up a Bengal since he wears number 81. It sounded like mostly a joke, so the story pretty much left the minds of the media.

But perhaps you're forgetting that now that he has a Twitter account, Ochocinco thinks he is a member of the media as the OCNN. And he was not going to let the issue die, as much as the Bengals front office probably wishes it would.

And then ESPN NFL insider Adam Schefter entered the ring with his own Twitter account. Schefter tweeted that "OCNN missed on T.O. to Bengals. Not Happening. Hey, get in line, Ocho. It has happened to all of us." Schefter was probably kind in actually implying OCNN was a media network and not a way for a player to try to force his hand, but the Ocho considered it a slam nonetheless.

So naturally he responded via a tweet. Directed at Schefter, Ocho believes the two "can settle this all ESPN analyst to all OCNN analyst in PAINTBALL WAR." The image featured depicts what I believe this would look like.

His arms probably wouldn't be white, but I got a little lazy about it. The ridiculous looking helmet was part of the original image.

Can't think of a pun with T.O. in it

Straight from Superbowl week in Miami (Chad Ochocinco's home town): Jay Glazer reported via a tweet that Ochocinco believes that Terrel Owens might be headed to Cincinnati for the 2010 season.

TO was once a top five receiver, but is now in the twillight of his career. He played on a one year deal last season in Buffalo putting up mediocre numbers for the first time since his rookie season. Then again, his quarterbacks were Trent Edwards and Ryan "Crazylegs" Fitzpatrick, so that may have been part of the problem.

This is not the first time Ochocinco has linked himself with TO. In 2008, when Chad was trying to get himself traded out of Cincinnati, he suggested going to Dallas, then TO's team. I don't feel like looking up the exact quote, but he implied that it would be extremely entertaining.

However, a trade to Dallas never looked likely. The Bengals simply weren't willing to trade Chad, and I doubt the Cowboys were interested. This time around, the move seems much much more plausible. The Ocho went as far as to say that "he's sure of it," according to Glazer. Chad even posted a picture of himself and TO in Miami on his Twitter account.

As I wrote a few weeks ago, the Bengals need another solid threat at wide receiver. Although I didn't consider TO at the time, he is still a serviceable WR, especially paired with 85. The biggest drawback is TO's reputation of being a poison in the locker room. However, no serious reports came out of Buffalo depicting him in the negative. Also, it's impossible to believe that Bengals owner Mike Brown would worry about this anyway.

So we may just get Terrell Owens in stripes next season. Take if for what it's worth.

Update:

Chad tweeted this morning, directed at Owens, "bruh pack yo bags and head to cincy damit, see you in training camp, one goal in mind superbowl."

Need a reason to watch the Pro Bowl?

So people actually like the NBA and MLB all-star games. And for good reason - it's the best players in the league trying to one-up each other. The NFL has a little problem - it's called the Pro Bowl.

The thing is, injury is too much a risk in football. Players who are already beaten up after a long season don't want to exert themselves further. In the past the NFL tried to battle this lethargy by playing the game a month after the Superbowl to rest players. And they played the game in Hawaii, hoping the free trip would entice the NFL's best and brightest to it's annual all-star game.

This approach had one fatal problem though - No one is looking for football in early spring. Sadly, us football fans have moved onto other things. Even those that haven't are already thinking about next season and the upcoming draft.

So the league decided they should move the Pro Bowl to a week before the Superbowl to help its ratings. And they're playing it in Miami for reasons that aren't very clear to me. The result is that no one playing in the Superbowl can play in the Pro Bowl as they prepare for the big game. That's right, no one from the two best teams in the league can play in the all-star game - that makes a lot of sense.

But there's more. Because the season just ended, a lot of players are banged up - especially those from playoff teams. So the number of players that have dropped out of the Pro Bowl or declined to be named as an alternate is astonishing.

So I'll finally cut to the chase: why bother watching the Pro Bowl this year?

Up until this morning, I didn't have an answer for you. But I should have had more faith in Chad Ochocinco (that is still his name right - I'm expecting that to change back to Johnson or to something else any day now).

According to Chad's twitter account (AKA OCNN) and Profootballtalk.com, Chad has promised to kick field goals and even PUNT in the Pro Bowl. And that he's been practicing both all week. In fact, he claims he's good for field goals up to 48 yards.

Personally, I've seen an extra point and a kickoff from him. I'd love to see a punt though!

Glen Uno Uno Davis? Really?

Let's admit it:  Ocho Cinco is a stupid nickname.  But Chad has so much charisma that he makes his D+ Spanish 101 endearing.  I can hardly imagine Glen "Big Baby" Davis can do the same.

But after hearing our own Dank Game post about his supposed new nickname becoming "Uno Uno" in homage to Ochocinco, I began to imagine the horrors if this homage goes any further.  For Example, will Chad's infamous Mohawk from 2006 be sitting atop Davis' big baby head anytime soon?  If it does, it will look the image to the right.

Here's a question - given that most pro teams are located in big cities, and most big cities have Hispanic populations anymore, why is it Cincinnati and Boston where we've got players doing Spanish-related nonsense?  Why not in a city like LA, Chicago, New York, or Miami?

Optimism?

OK, let's admit it. The Bengals blew it.

After starting the season with more momentum than anyone expected, the team basically disappeared at the end of the year. This trend continued into the playoffs, although their final effort (minus Shayne Graham at least) wasn't completely embarrassing.

But when you look at the overall picture, you see a young team with a few serious weak points. And these things can now be addressed seriously without worrying about losing any major players.

We certainly don't need to lose sleep over Cincinnati's running back stable, linebacker corps, or starting defensive backs.

Unless the speculation that Carson's elbow is indeed still damaged from last season's injury, we shouldn't have to worry about quarterbacks either - and even if he is hurt, he has another offseason to recuperate. We could probably get a better back up, but this isn't critical.

I figure there are three main areas to improve, and another three that could use tweaking. The most important is wide receiver. Chad Ochocinco (I have a strong feeling that last name will be changing again soon) is still solid, but probably not the elite guy he was from about 2003-2007. I figure to see two more good seasons out of him. After that, the Bengals have close to nothing. Andre Calwell shows flashes and is probably a good third option, but maybe not starter material. Coles isn't close to being worth the money we'll owe him, and I expect him to get cut. Anyone else is just a footnote so far.

There's a chance that both Anquan Boldin of the Cardinals and Joshua Cribbs of the Browns will be available this offseason. The Bengals need to aggressively pursue these guys, or any other type of number two wide receiver that becomes available. The Bengals haven't done a good job of developing young WRs in recent years (see: Jerome Simpson - 2nd round pick, 1 reception in 2 seasons), and we need someone who can step up right away - like Coles was supposed to this year.

The next most pressing need is nickle cornerback. Jonathan Joseph and Leon Hall did as good a job as any team should need shutting down the number one and two WRs as any defense should need, but the slot guy made the Bengals pay time and time again. With the risk of losing one of them to free agency in the next few years, having a young guy to develop wouldn't be a bad thing.

Defensive line is also worrying, as it seems injury prone. Antwan Odom and Pat Sims both ended their seasons early. Domata Peko and Robert Geathers both missed games to injury. Tank Johnson seemed to end up on the injury report every other week. This unit frequently didn't generate the kind of pressure it needed to late in the season. This is supposedly a D-line heavy draft, and then Bengals should pounce on one of these guys as early as round one, depending of course on who's available.

First on my list of secondary issues is tight end. The big question marks here are who will be back and what kind of offensive scheme Cincinnati will run next year. If they're looking for more of a pass catching tight end, maybe last year's pick, Chase Coffman will be up to NFL speed. Although not signed for next season, it seems likely the Bengals could bring Reggie Kelly back. I expect J.P. Foschi to be back, but probably not Dan Coats.

Safety is a position where the Bengals defense could improve. They've got pretty good starters in Roy Williams, Ndukwe and Chris Crocker, but if their is an outstanding rookie safety available, I have to think they'll got after him.

Last I have offensive line. This unit probably over-performed this season, and if the right guy is available in the draft Cincinnati should take him. The current offensive line is good, but it does stand room for improvement in pass protecting. Hopefully the further development of Andre Smith leads to this need diminishing.

So, I figure the Bengals draft will look something like this:

Round 1 - Defensive Tackle or End
Round 2 - Cornerback
Round 3 - Safety
Round 4 - Offensive Lineman
Round 5 - Wide Receiver
Round 6 - Tight End
Round 7 - Kicker

It will be interesting to see if I get any of these right

Do you trust this man?

If you're not following Chad Ochocinco's Twitter account by now, you're missing out.

The most ridiculous thing about him this season is that for every joke, touchdown celebration, or challenge that comes out of his head - more or less unfiltered - into Twitterdom, he actually follows through on half of them. The most ridiculous example is up first.

A few weeks back, Ochocinco started talking about starting a day care called Child Please Daycare Center. The punchline of this joke: Hours from 7am to kiss the baby. Haha Chad, you were able to work both your 2009 catchphrases into the same joke. The rest of us moved on. Chad upped the ante:

He actually had graphics printed and hung out with some kids. I'm not sure that he actually opened a daycare center, and I hope to God he didn't. Honestly, what parent would send their kid to a caretaker who eats McDonalds for every meal and spends most of his waking hours playing Xbox?

Oy, what's next? Oh yeah, Ochocinco condoms. "They'll catch everything your Johnson shoots," according to Chad. Another good joke, this time working his former name in. When I heard it a month or so ago, I thought I'd heard the last of it. I was wrong:

No word on whether tiger skin condoms are as effective as lambskin, but it would be kind of cool to have a striped penis, right? What's next?

When a Japanese broadcaster that covers the NFL in the far East suggested that Chad change his last name again, this time to the Japanese eight-five translation Haichi Go, I was sure it was just a goof. Chad laughed at the suggestion, and had a uniform made up. But now he posts a picture of it under the banner "coming soon." Can he be the Black Mexican and eat sushi? It'll be hard since they don't have any at McDonalds.

Chad also promised to deliver an all Spanish interview on ESPN. I don't know if he delivered, but he claims his "espanol is on point." No word on whether he'll learn Japanese if he changes his name again.

So what's next for Chad? He says he's going to steal the bugle horn of the Vikings mascot and use it as a prop after he scores a touchdown in Minnesota. Will he do it? I figure there's about a 50% chance.

Forget the Superbowl Shuffle!

First off, BIG thanks to Cincy Jungle for posting this link, and HUGE thanks to whoever put it on YouTube in the first place.

This was the rap song made by the Superbowl bound 1988 Bengals, written by wide receiver Mike Martin and featuring the likes of Ickey Woods, Soloman Wilcots and other Bengals greats.

So bear with me as I stumble through my first Hiphop article on Dank Game:

For starters, this song kicks the shit out of the 1985 Bears' "Superbowl Shuffle." The beat is actually listenable, the lyrics are a little less trite, the chorus is catchier, the rapping is much smoother, they have one guy that can actually sing pretty soulfully, and they kept the white players out of the recording studio.

Speaking of the recording studio, it made a much better setting than the awful looking blue smoking lounge the 1985 Bears shot in. Plus the editing was actual interesting to watch. Props to Local 12 in Cincinnati for putting the thing together.

I once heard the "Superbowl Shuffle" accused of setting back Chicago's rap scene by 10 years. Alternately, I'm pretty sure this song set up the all too brief golden age of Cincinnati rap, leading to Scribble Jam, producer Hi-Tek, and that Mood group that hiphoppers from Cincy are always talking about.

Dank-Gamers, how'd I do? Should I keep writing about rap?

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Unrelated, but awesome:

OchoCinco posted a picture of the Bengals Snuggie he had made to his Twitter account:

Lions Loss Leaps Bengals to winning season

For the first time since 2005, and only the second time since 1991 (this goddamn team) the Bengals will finish with a winning record.

Beating the Detroit Lions isn't much of an accomplishment, but the game is still riddled with meaning for Cincinnati.

For starters, Marvin Lewis tied franchise founder Paul Brown for 2nd most wins by a coach in club history. As noted above, it also guarantees them a winning season, with their record now notched at 9-3 - tied for second best in the AFC. We also saw the successful return of running back Cedric Benson, and first round pick offensive tackle Andre Smith got playing time for his second NFL game.

Furthermore, with Pittsburgh losing to Oakland and Baltimore possibly losing to Green Bay tonight, only one more win may be necessary to ensure an AFC North crown for the Bengals.

However, this game was boring! The first half was kind of exciting, but the second was slow and painful. Detroit's offense looked terrible after starting the game strong, and the Bengals probably could have posted about 14 more points had it not been for needless interceptions from Carson Palmer. On the plus side, I didn't mind watching the Bengals defense pound quarterback Matt Stafford into the ground repeatedly - welcome to the Jungle indeed.

So I am going to celebrate Brian Leonard for his 100th leap over a defender (unofficial stat). WhoDeyRevolution call him the "White Weapon," a nickname that absolutely needs to catch on. He only gets two or three carries per game, but he makes them count. If you Google Image Search the guy, at least a third of the pictures are of him leaping over would-be tacklers - a trend that dates back to at least his Rutgers days.

So the unnofficial Dank-Game player of the week is Brian Leonard, with Chad "taking the Black Mexican thing really seriously" Ochocinco a close second.