Ochocinco Drops His Ultimate Catch

In a story that should surprise NO ONE, reality TV star Chad Ochocinco is no longer with whichever slut won his bracket-style dating show Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catch.

Apparently he is now dating another VH1 reality star, Evelyn Lozada of Basketball Wives. I'm not really sure how if she's a basketball wife she's dating Chad, but I'd much rather assume she got divorced or something than investigate yet another terrible VH1 reality program.

According to TMZ (eww!) VH1 is "pissed at Ochocino about the relationship," as Ultimate Catch does not wrap up it's season for another few weeks. Apparently it is a "spoiler" that Chad does not stay with the girl he picks. I'm not aware of any successful relationship being started by a reality dating show, and I sincerely doubt anyone watching Ultimate Catch actually gives a damn about Chad's relationship. Clearly they're tuned in for either Chad's personality, really slutty girls making incredible asses of themselves, or both.

Anyway, let's hope VH1's alleged ire at Ocho is enough to prevent a second season of Ultimate Catch from coming to fruition. I can't take it anymore!

The Ultimate Catch Episode 101 Review

The wait is over - VH1's Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catch debuted last night with 85 women meeting Chad in Pasadena, California's Rose Bowl.

Of course the 85 women thing was clearly just a play on his name/number, as he was eliminating women within minutes of seeing them for the first time. In all, he cut 68 girls over the course of an afternoon. As ridiculous as this "dating mini-camp" was, it is still a relatively fresh idea in the overcrowded genre of dating shows. Events at the mini-camp included trash talking, touchdown dances and hugging pads with pictures of Ochocinco on them.

The seventeen survivors were invited to a soiree at an LA mansion where Chad, Vikings receiver Bernard Berrian and free agent wide receiver Terrell Owens entertained the lucky ladies. Bernard let the ladies do the talking, of course discovering that some of these women are certifiably insane. TO kept trying to get the ladies numbers for himself, trying to find out if any of them weren't truly there for Chad. At the end of the night the three discussed the positives and negatives of the seventeen ladies, setting up the cliffhanger for next week. Chad will immediately cut one of the ladies and proceed to rank the other sixteen setting up an NCAA March Madness style bracket.

Ultimately, this show was quite bad. Hopefully I've given you enough of a description that you won't feel the need to watch it yourself, although you can on VH1's website. You might have to watch several soap and Starburst commercials, as well as spots for "Dinner for Schmucks" which likely only schmucks will enjoy. Overall I did like the show more than "Dancing With the Stars" if for no other reason than there were neither cranky British judges or that douche from America's Funniest Home Videos that isn't Bob Saget.

The Ultimate Catch

Attention VH1 reality TV show fans / Cincinnati Bengals fans. The two entertainment powerhouses have teamed up to bring you the reality dating show that is now (and I assume finally) titled Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catch.

Originally the show was going to be called The Tournament with Ochocinco, but the producers were scared away by my sample artwork. Anyway, in the time since the show was announced, my interest has waned enormously. The thing is, in the time since Ocho appeared on the over-rated Dancing With the Stars, I realized that I don't like VH1 reality shows. Furthermore, most avid Bengals fans probably don't like them either.
Here's a Venn Diagram expressing my point. It may not be a scientific, but I figure it's fairly accurate.

So I'll give you the newest details of the show in the event that you're still reading. The Ocho will be dating 85 women, quickly whittling the pool down to 16. These sixteen women will live in a "huge Los Angeles mansion," which could technically be one of the run down old mansions in South Central. Just sayin'

He will then pair up the women for some sort of competitive dating. Naturally one of the women will go home at the end of each of these. There will be 10 episodes this summer, running from July until the week before the regular season starts.

As bad as this show will probably be, at least it can serve as an unofficial count down until football season begins.

And You Thought Howard Stern Was the King of All Media

Two offseasons ago, Chad Johnson went on a tirade against the Cincinnati Bengals, trying to force a trade out of town.  Eventually, he changed his last name to Ochocinco.

Last offseason the Ocho discovered Twitter and UStream and took up a well publicized boxing regiment while looking forward to starring in HBO's Hard Knocks.

This offseason Chad has apparently decided to conquer reality television.  According to ProFootballTalk.com, Chad will not only compete in Dancing With the Stars but will host a VH1 dating show tentatively titled The Tournament.

I tracked down the details, via ESPN.go.com:  The first 10 episodes will feature Ochocinco finding 85 women interested in dating him, which will then be whittled down to sixteen lucky ladies.  Specifically there will be four from each region of the country.  So it's kind of like a March Madness bracket.  That must be why it's called The Tournament.

Another fun fact: When Chad chooses a girl to advance he gives them a "game ball."

Now some fun quotes from Executive Vice President of VH1 Jeff Olde, via ESPN.go.com:

"Ochocinco is one of the most electrifying individuals in sports today.  His bigger-than-life personality on- and off-the-field and his notorious skills as a social networker, connecting daily with his fans, makes him a perfect fit for VH1.

"This Show will not only give viewers a look inside his professional life, but also reveal his softer more romantic side when playing a very different kind of game."

Well I can't imagine not watching it now!