Bengals, Bearcats and even the Redlegs

Yesterday was a monster day in Cincinnati sports. The Bengals had to whittle down their rosters while keeping an eye on the waiver wire and possible trades. The Bearcats played their first game under new head coach Butch Jones, Former coach Brian Kelly coached his first game with the Notre Dame Fighting Irish, and the Reds were smack in middle of their final series against arch-rival St. Louis Cardinals.

Let's start with the Bengals: our boys in stripes made some surprising roster moves, but started the day with more obvious ones. Thanks to Twitter, this year fans were able to see in close to real time the actual order players were released, which was a good distraction during extremely non-competitive afternoon SEC football games. First to go were WR Matt Jones (18), K Dave Rayner and a rookie whom they clearly hope will be one their practice squad, WR Dezmon Briscoe.

Next on the chopping block was S Kyries Hebert, OT Issac Sowells and S Marvin White. Hebert thus far was the only cut you could call a surprise, though no one could truly have been happy with Cincinnati's depth at safety.

HOF Game Heroes and Villians

Hey, it's Dank Game's 400th post, right as football season is upon us! As we just celebrated our 1 year anniversary, I won't make a big deal about our latest milestone. But I think we'll have to do something for 500 posts, a la Eddie in Time Square, but better.

Anyway, I have to say the Hall of Fame Game last night could have put me in a better mood. It's still preseason and many starters barely played, but the team didn't truly look ready. In Coach Marvin Lewis' defense, the first preseason game usually comes after another full week of training camp. But either way, much needs to be worked on.

So let's get started with HOF Game Villians:

1. QBs J.T. O'Sullivan and Jordan Palmer - what was that? Those interceptions were pitiful. I realize that most NFL teams don't truly have a viable backup quarterback, but we have some of the worst. We're going to have a lot of problems should Carson go down to injury for any stretch. Which brings me to number two.

2. The Offensive Line (that's like 14 players) - As many feared, the Bengals pass protection looked unstable. None of the Bengals quarterbacks had much time to get the ball downfield, so I'll forgive a little bit of sloppy play from Carson and company. This unit is the biggest question mark on the team in my opinion, and I'm not encouraged by what I saw last night.

3. Tight End Daniel Coats - Every time Coats suits up in a Bengals uniform a little piece of my soul dies. Pray no other tight ends get hurt so he doesn't make the roster.

4. Cornerback Adam Jones (24) - He really didn't have that bad of a game, but he isn't quite ready to go against number one WRs again. Having been out of football for over a year, I think he'll be more ready to go by when the season starts. Won't it be nice when both Leon Hall and Jonathan Joseph start though?

Ready? Let's GO!

Football begins anew this coming Sunday when our beloved Cincinnati Bengals fight the hated Dallas Cowboys at the Hall of Fame game in Canton, OH. The season kick-off is accompianied by lots of HOF ceremonies, including the induction of the new class. This year's inductees include WR Jerry Rice, RB Emmit Smith and former Bengals/Steelers coach and Lions CB Dick LeBeau.

Anyway, it's always one of the worst football games of the year, as it's essentially an extra preseason game for each team. But it's still our first chance to catch the tigers in action, and if they can knock pretty boy Tony Romo on his ass once, it'll be worth it.

Here are the 6 things Mustache is looking forward to seeing this Sunday:

1. RB Bernard Scott - His name keeps getting dropped as a second year player to watch. He had a pretty solid rookie outing, with a hundred yard game against the Raiders and a kickoff return for touchdown against the Steelers. So if as the Bengals "change-0f-pace-back" and kick returner he is poised to have an even bigger year, I for one am excited.

2. LB/DE Michael Johnson - Another name that is consistently mentioned as a potential break-out player, the 6-7 third round pick from last season is earning a solid reputation. The team is actually moving him to a new position, linebacker, and despite the learning curve everyone seems to be impressed. It sounds like he could lead the team in sacks this season, even coming off the bench.

3. TE Jermaine Gresham - Finally in camp, everyone is excited to see what Gresham can add to this team. I'd put him higher, but given that he's only been practicing with the team for a few days it's unlikely he'll do much. We'll see though.

4. The Offensive Line - I'm not so much eager as nervous to watch this unit. The OL got a lot of praise last season for exceeding expectations, but that's because they were so low after the miserable 2008 campaign. In my opinion, this is the team's biggest weakness. OT Andre Smith, first round pick from last year, won't be playing, but let's hope the line can block without him. We'll probably have to get used to that scenario.

5. Wide Receiver Battle - there an enormous logjam at the WR position in Cincinnati, and from the sound of it everyone is bringing their A-game. Given that the first team usually only plays a few series in this somewhat meaningless game, the WRs on the roster bubble will likely play much of the game. Andre Caldwell and Jordan Shipley (11) are both practically locks to make the team, but it will be good to see Shipley in stripes for the first time as well as discovering if Caldwell is really "the most improved player" as Coach Lewis called him at one point. Also, Jerome Simpson has really been impressing, to the point where even national media (who trust me, don't really follow the Bengals closely) have noticed. Rookie Dezmon Briscoe (88), practice squad veteran Maurice Purify and free agent pick-up Matt Jones will also be showing their stuff, although I'm not sure any of those three will make the team. Oh, and there's this TO fellow!

6. Shit, who care what else. It's finally football season again (although the preseason is its own kind of torture). I just hope the game isn't hopelessly boring.

NFL's Biggest Collection of Jackasses?

Well, the Bengals done signed Terrell Owens. Owens doesn't have the best reputation as a teammate, though Mike Brown thought highly enough to make him a last minute addition to the team. And Cincinnati might now have the most jackass-filled roster in pro football, although it should be noted that the presence of Roethlisberger alone puts Pittsburgh way up there. On the bright side, they could very well join other jackass filled teams in Lombardi trophy history (1970's Steelers and Raiders, I'm looking at you).

So I'm taking a look at all the guys on the roster who seem like assholes. This isn't about arrests (Leon Hall is not on the list in spite of a DUI arrest last offseason for example), but I'm factoring some in.

Asshole index:

Adam Jones (CB) - HIGH - He has missed two entire seasons of football in a five year career because of off-the-field incidents - no, catastrophes. I'm honestly surprised he wasn't suspended for life. His most recent team, Dallas, hired around the clock security to keep him out of trouble and he ended up getting in a fight with a bodyguard. If he hadn't said and done all the right things since coming to Cincinnati (after sitting out last year and probably going broke making it rain too many times) I'd make a special category that only he and Ben Roethlisberger could fill.

Terrell Owens (WR) - HIGH - has called out the following teammates in public: Jeff Garcia (49ers), Donovan McNabb (Eagles) and Tony Romo (Cowboys). He has also claimed to have intentionally dropped passes when his team didn't include him enough in the game plan. He did however play nice in Buffalo last season.

So close to Kentucky

So that's it! That's what's wrong with the Bengal's front office. With the rolling hills of Kentucky so close to Paul Brown Stadium - literally right across the Ohio River PBS is so proudly perched - they must have given into temptation.

Mike Brown & co. has been drinking the moonshine.

How else can you explain yesterday's signing of Wide Receiver Matt Jones, memorably nicknamed "Moonshine" by ProFootballTalk.com's Mike Florio? Are they sitting around drunk on power and moonshine, joking that it would be funny to have a player named moonshine?

Furthermore, this explains why they have recently worked out cornerback Adam "Pacman" Jones. Perhaps they have an old Pacman machine in the bowels of the stadium that they play after downing their sweet Kentucky swill?

It also could have a lot to do with their supposed interest in former Browns wide receiver Dante Stallworth. What do these three men have in common by the way? All three did not play football in 2009 due to legal ramifications!

On the more serious now (but not totally serious), Mike Brown's tendency to find talent in the NFL's scrap heap has been well documented. Is he just goofing now, showing interest in some of the NFL's biggest fuck ups? Pacman played college ball at West Virginia with our dearly departed Chris Henry. He is often credited as the guy that taught Slim how to get arrested.

Donte Stallworth isn't nearly as big a dumbass as Pacman, but he simply isn't that great of a receiver. And he DUI killed a guy in 2009. Just stay away, it's amazing he's even out of jail already.

Matt Jones actually might not be the worst idea ever. I think TO might be a better fit, but he comes with a much larger price tag ($6 million for one season last year in Buffalo). Dude is 6' 6" and pretty quick. Although he never lived up to his potential in Jacksonville, pairing him with Ochocinco is an interesting line up, and could very well open up the passing game.

So let's just hope that whatever sociopaths Mike Brown signs this offseason limit the Bengals' arrests to hopefully just that unfortunate Maualuga DUI.