The MJ controversy

With Michael Jordan's recent comments that he could put up 100 points in todays NBA, I just had to chime in. This isn't the first time that an old guard player has gone off about the quality of play in the modern NBA; I've heard Oscar Robertson rip the league too. I think it is ridiculous for MJ to say he could score 100 points. I kind of hope Kobe does it just to shut him up. The talent pool for the NBA is WAY bigger now then in Jordan's time. Basketball is truly a world sport now, ironically enough thanks in part to the dream team. Look at the Lakers, their second best player is Pau Gasol. The second best team in the world now is probably the Spanish National team. When MJ played, the depth of international talent was much lower. MJ was on a whole different level than everyone else when it came to conditioning. Now I think it is a different story with many more athletes getting in better condition. Just look at Lebron, man. Don't let MJ fool you, there is still plenty of physical defense in the NBA (ahem, Ron Artest). I mean, did you watch the Finals last year? It was a slugfest!

I guess Ochocinco Could Be a WWE Nick Name

Guess who's appearing in an upcoming WWE event? If you guessed Ron Artest, you ain't even close.

That's right, Ochocinco will be making a guest appearance at the WWE's Monday Night Raw at US Bank Arena, according to the Cincinnati Enquirer. Says the WWE's website, "when Raw rolls into his home turf of Cincinnati, Ohio, Ochocinco will be on hand to soak up all the action." Couldn't have said it better myself.

As pro wrestling is by far the craziest "sport" in the country, this is major points for Chad against Ron Artest in the ongoing Dank Game insanity wars. After appearing in the cereal aisle in the grocery store I didn't think Chad could find crazier cohorts. But I hadn't thought of the WWE, home of such lunatics as the cast to the immediate left.

After thinking about pro wrestling for much longer than I ordinarily would, I started to wonder to what Chad would look like if he was a WWE Wrestler. I even planned on doing some Photoshopping for this post. Then I quite randomly stumbled upon this picture of a wrestler known as Big Daddy V. Question answered, Photoshop not required.:

Crazy Enough for Breakfast Cereal

I'm going to start off by saying, this is an actual product. Ochocinco has a breakfast cereal, naturally enough named "OchocincO's!

It will be available at the Newport, KY Kroger Marketplace Store and online according to Sports Business Digest. The cereal was manufactured by PLB Sports who apparently made a Terrell Owens themed breakfast cereal last year for the ever elusive Buffalo market.

This finally gives Ochocinco the edge he needs to get back into the Ron Artest insanity race. Artest's perfectly reasonable victory lap after finally earning an NBA title has given Chad ample time to make up ground. He may have started to do so with The Ultimate Catch and numerous nonsensical Batman references, but this may prove to be the coup d'etat.

How, you ask, can an endorsement deal make Chad crazier? Well, if this were a sports drink or a sneaker it simply couldn't. But this is breakfast cereal, where America's most insane creations meet to try and woo unsuspecting children to eat ever more sugary treats.

Let's take a quick look at Chad's company in the cereal aisle: Toucan Sam, Lucky the Leprechaun, Count Chocula, Captain Crunch, the Trix Rabbit, Snap, Crackle, Pop and Sunny the Cuckoo Bird (who is advertised specifically as being "co-co for Cocoa Puffs" mind you). And if you branch out to other breakfast foods you can throw in Mrs. Butterworth and Poppin' Fresh AKA the Pillsbury Doughboy. It's quite simply the most insane collection of characters ever assembled, and Ochocinco is now proudly part of it

Ron Artest, your days are numbered!

*as a final thought, do you like how instead of licensing the Bengals' jersey they just made a really shitty imitation.

**final final thought - does this put Chad in direct competition with Tony the Tiger as far as striped cereal mascots?

Chad Ochocinco Dickin' Around at Target

While Teenage Mustache has been busy getting serious in writing about the Bengals, I'm picking up the slack on his lazy coverage of Ochocinco, who he once claimed was the craziest athlete in sports. I think 'Stache now realizes that Ron Artest is clearly more insane, and has all but waved the white flag with his recent lack of Ochocinco coverage. Even 'Stache admits that Chad's VH1 reality show disaster The Ultimate Catch is more stupid than it is insane. With that said, Ochocinco is still pretty amusing, if not all that crazy. And so, here are some photos of him dicking around at Target, complete with his own captions from Facebook.

My feet hurt so but they won't let me use the motorized scooter at target right now

Acting out the movie 300 with Nerf axes and a garbage pail top

Safety is key

ARod can't hit inside the aisles of Target

A true hole in one

Damn! I'm going to jail for trying to steal PADS, heavy absorbency 42 count for my homegirl Bon Qwee Qwee

Press Hop 2

This is DJ Steve Porter's sequel to his internet sensation Press Hop. This is the same guy that did those annoying ass NBA commercials that were on during the end of last season and the Playoffs. It features some entertaining footage of Ochocinco dancing shirtless on Dancing With The Stars, but sadly it only has one tiny clip of Ron Artest saying "psychiatrist" which is spliced in with Allen Iverson bitching about coming off the bench. You would think that DJ Steve Porter would have been able to milk Artest's amazing NBA Finals post-game interviews to greater effect.

Could Delonte Heat Up Potential LA vs. Miami Rivalry?

Rumor has it that the Lakers are close to acquiring Delonte West. Apparently LA had been trying to trade Sasha "The Machine" Vujacic and a draft pick for West to rid themselves of Vujacic's salary. West was traded to Minnesota on Tuesday and is expected to have his contract bought out by the Timberwolves, making him a free agent. If the Lakers can move Vujacic, sources say the Lakers will sign him.

This acquisition would be interesting for several reasons. First off, if the rumors about Delonte's affair with LeBron's mother Gloria James are indeed true, it will add a new layer to the potential rivalry between the Heat and the Lakers. Gloria James might be torn between who to support if the two teams end up meeting come next June.

Another reason this would be interesting is that the Lakers would have arguably the two most insane players in the NBA on one roster in Ron Artest and Delonte. West just recently pleaded guilty to traffic and weapons charges after having been pulled over on a three-wheeled motorcycle and found with a 9mm Beretta pistol, .357 Magnum and a Remington 870 in a guitar case back in September. He was sentenced to electronic monitoring, unsupervised probation, 40 hours of community service and psychological counseling. At this point, you might even say West is crazier then Artest.

Lastly, this acquisition would be interesting because it sets up a potential reality show for West if he winds up in Hollywood. Maybe it couldn't get off the ground until he's off probation, but the opportunity is there now that he's out of boring old Cleveland. I mean, who wouldn't want to watch Delonte rap in fast food drive-thrus on television. And if we're really lucky, maybe Artest and West could join forces to make a reality show of the NBA's craziest players. In fact, "Artest and West" would be a pretty good name for the show, although I do really like Artest's forthcoming reality show's name: "They Call Me Crazy."

Still No Word on Artest's Reality Show

While Teenage Neckbeard is busy wasting his time watching T.O. and Ochocinco's boring reality shows (I haven't actually watched either of them) news is still slow on Ron Ron's much anticipated and aptly titled reality show of his own, "They Call Me Crazy." It was announced around the beginning of April that Dank Game's poster child for insanity would be getting his own reality show, but not much else has cropped up regarding the show's format or debut. I can pretty much guarantee that it will be the greatest reality television ever, if not the greatest television ever. To keep your interest piqued, here's a new video of Ron Artest interviewing himself for ESPN The Magazine.

May I just say that Ron and Ron's chemistry in this interview is simply off the charts. He's so charming as both an interviewer and interviewee, although Ron Ron the interviewer seems a bit mystified by Ron Ron the interviewee's desire to go ice skating on Pluto. I don't really understand why. Who wouldn't want to ice skate on Pluto? However, Ron Ron the interviewer seems very engaged on all of the other topics which include Ron Ron the interviewee's love of Titantic and Celine Dion and his convoluted reasoning for selecting 37 as his jersey number. Lastly, I'd also like to point out Ron's beautiful new hairstyle and the fact that he minored in architecture at St. John's. I think it's safe to say that Ron is the only man alive who's minored in architecture while simultaneously supporting his college education as a pimp.

Ron!

Ron Artest is the fucking man. I almost want to just blog on Ron from now on. I'm a free agent, you know? I love how Dank Game is all free agents; being from Cincinnati we got no natural team. I stuck with Cleveland jus cause it's Ohio, but we are natural rivals. I mean when I was a kid no one gave a damn about Pittsburgh--they sucked--it was about Cleveland and Bernie Kosar v. Munoz and Boomer.

Its amazing how strong Ron looked in that series. That steal in the first half of game 7 was sick. He played so good in that game, but I think his most brilliant move was drawing Pierce into that double tech in game one. I mean, whats Pierce going to do after that? They both had a tech so they'd be kicked out with another one. Ron just manned up in that series.

Ron Artest: Champion

I don't feel like taking the time to tell you why these post-game interviews are amazing. I'll just let Ron Ron do the talking.

Butt Buddies For The Win

It's no secret that Ron Artest has a bizarre relationship with Kobe Bryant. For instance, in 2008 when Kobe and the Lakers fell short to the Boston Celtics in the Finals, Ron Ron walked in on Kobe while he was showering by himself. Artest told him that he was going to come to LA and help him win a title. I can only assume he pat Kobe on the butt on his way out.

Artest idolizes Kobe. Just watch this clip of Ron interviewing Kobe before they were teammates.

You don't even have to watch more than a minute of the interview to figure out that Ron is completely enthralled by Kobe. He seems to hang onto his every word and stroke his ego with nearly every question. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if Ron proposed that he stroke something more than Kobe's ego after the cameras stopped rolling.

Kobe enjoys the interview almost as much as Ron, if not more, as he seems to bask in every moment of Artest's idolization. Although the two have had some fierce battles between one another, such as last year's Western Conference Semi-Finals, I think it's safe to say that Ron Ron and Kobe are butt buddies. And because of this, I am cheering for the Lakers to beat the Boston Celtics in the Finals.

Classical Finale

Let me go on record as saying Mike Brown should be fired. I had a little Lebron fatigue this week because of all the coverage. Only World Wide Wes could really have any insight, but, like Gnarls Barkley, who cares? It's a lot of talk for a team that lost three straight--reminds me of Bill Belicheck last year talking about the Patriots.

It looks like another Celtics v Lakers final, which is really what the NBA conspiracy theorists should worry about. I mean seriously, only Nike wants Lebron v Kobe, not David Stern. The team everyone should be talking about is the Celtics. I know the Lakers are the defending champs, but the Celtics were sans KG last year. Last I remember the Celtics with KG, they ripped the Lakers in the Finals and everyone was questioning Pau Gasol's toughness.

Both teams are a little older; I wonder which one has the toughness to win. This is what the Lakers got Ron Artest for. Ron could be the defensive leader they lacked in 2008. I think people sometimes forget that Ron led the Rockets last year, the only team in the Playoffs to take the Lakers to 7 games. But Rasheed Wallace gives the Celtics even more toughness as well. It should be a great series, but here I go talking like the match up is already set. Damn, is Dank Game becoming the George Noory of the NBA blogosphere?

The Black Mamba Strikes Again

Kobe showed off his closing ability and truly looked like the black mamba of old. He broke down Wesley Matthews in the post several times in the fourth quarter, getting to the foul line with impunity. On the day Lebron was awarded the MVP it was crazy to see Kobe going to the line with the MVP chants rocking at Staples Center. Lebron got 116 out of 123 votes so I'm sure Kobe wanted to show that the vote shouldn't have been that one sided.

All schoolyard MVP talk aside, the Lakers looked really good defensively in this game. Odom and Gasol wouldn't let Milsap or Boozer get up many easy shots. The Lakers are finally starting to look like the team everyone was talking about at the beginning of the year with their versatile defenders. They even put Ron Artest on Deron Williams for some of the game. Phil Jackson may need to do that more going forward because about all Derek Fisher can do is foul Deron Williams. Williams torched them for 17 points in the first quarter.

I can't wait for game 2 because, despite the way the Lakers played, the Jazz had a chance to win at the end of the game. They were actually up 4 late in the fourth before Kobe took over the game.

Ron Artest's Mustache Smothers Durant/Thunder

After a convincing 110-89 game 4 victory in Oklahoma City on Saturday, the Thunder appeared overwhelmed by the Lakers last night in Los Angeles. What made the difference in the Lakers' 111-87 win? While many people are crediting Kobe's defense on Russell Westbrook, the real difference was Ron Artest's mustache.

"When Ron had the fucked up dyed hair in games 3 and 4 in Oklahoma City, I was able to get into a good rhythm. His shit just look so botched that I got into a mindset like, 'Can't nobody with fucked up hair like that stop me,' and I was able to just take it to him," said Kevin Durant in his post-game interview.

"Tonight though, I guess I just wasn't prepared for the mustache and bald head. That shit was mad intimidating. I'm just going to have to watch some tape with coach and figure out how to overcome it. He might come out with a totally new look though, so I have to be prepared for anything."

Ron Artest also gave credit to his mustache for getting into Durant's mind.

"I could tell that the dyed hair was losing its power after games 1 and 2, so I knew that I had to come back into LA with a new look that would throw Durant off his game," said Artest.

"As soon as I finished shaving my head and getting my mustache right, I looked into the mirror and said to my mustache, 'You're going to be the X-factor tonight, 'stache. Can't nobody get by you.' From that moment on, I just knew we were going to take them out. As great as my mustache was, I think my bald head deserves a lot of credit for this win too."

While Artest's 'stache proved to make the difference last night, can it continue to slow down the Thunder on their home court? Lakers' coach Phil Jackson is already planning what Artest's next look will be for game 6.

"Now that Ron is bald, we're starting to run out of options as far as what to do with his appearance," said Jackson, "but we've been tossing around some ideas on how he can come into Oklahoma City with a new, and even more intimidating look. Our first idea was to bring in a professional make up artist to make Ron look like one of the zombies from Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' music video, but that little bitch David Stern caught wind of that and threatened to fine me again. It's a real shame too, because we a had whole dance routine in the works for the announcing of the starting line-ups. At least we have Pau who basically looks straight out of the 'Thriller' video."

Because he's a big fan of mustaches and the Thunder, I tried to get a comment from Dank Game's Teenage Mustache regarding Ron's 'stache and the Thunder's loss last night. Thus far he hasn't answered his phone or responded to e-mails. I suspect that he's jealous of Ron's mustache and embarrassed by how much crazier Artest has proven to be than the Cincinnati Bengal's Chad Ochocinco.

Ron Artest Gets His Own Reality Show

I think Ron Ron might be keeping tabs on Dank Game's Ochocinco vs. Ron Artest battle for craziest athlete, because as soon as Chad made the inevitable jump to reality television, Artest was right behind him. It was announced Friday that Artest will develop and produce his own reality show called "They Call Me Crazy" with E1 Entertainment and Tijuana Entertainment. I don't think they could've come up with a better title.

According to E1 Entertainment, the show will allow Artest to "make amends for past transgressions" and help aspiring musicians with his hip hop label Tru Warrier. Artest says he's excited to show people that there's more sides to him than what you see on the basketball court.

No word yet on when "They Call Me Crazy" will start or on what channel it will air.

Artest Gets Odom Down with Orange Slices

Referee: Look out, Kobe! Artest's gonna stab you in the back!

Kobe: Huh?

Artest: I was just cuttin' some orange slices for Lamar! I'd never do Kobe dirty like that!

Odom: He cool, ref. Just helpin' me kick my Now and Later habit.

According to Lakers columnist Kevin Ding, Ron Artest has turned infamous candy addict Lamar Odom onto orange slices. Odom has taken such a liking to them that the Lakers bring a bag to the bench for every game. It seems the Vitamin C did him well tonight in San Antonio, as Odom contributed 19 points and 13 boards in a 92 - 83 victory over the Spurs.

During last year's playoffs, Odom insisted he played well when he ate candy for breakfast. Can Lamar's new found love of orange slices help him go cold turkey on Skittles and Starburst Jellybeans?

Nope.

Because Lil Wayne is Lamar Odom's dude, and Lil Wayne is also a known candy addict. Weezy's addiction is so bad that he's had a grill fitted on his teeth to hide how rotted they've become. It's just a matter of time before Lil Wayne lures Lamar back into his binge candy eating. Before long, Lil Wayne will have Odom back on Supercool.

All this talk of candy reminds me... Aren't we due for another installment of Seanz Snax?

Artest Pays Tribute to the NBA's Pioneer of Insanity

It's been a while since Ron Artest has done anything very crazy, but now he's back. For Sunday's game against the Magic, Ron Ron decided to pay tribute to an NBA legend who paved the way for him: Dennis Rodman. Recording artist Shin Shin, who is Ron's pal and business partner, suggested that he dye his hair Lakers' purple and gold. Of course, he thought it was a sweet idea and decided that he should use purple to write "Defense" in Japanese, Hebrew and Hindi.

To get the proper characters, Artest did what any American would do: consult Twitter.

Is there anyone in the NBA crazier than Artest?

As I read Teenage Mustache's most recent post mulling over potential NFL lunatics to replace the recently more sane Ochocinco, I began to wonder if I would have to find a replacement for Artest. Artest did mysteriously suffer a concussion after the Christmas day loss to Cleveland, and the story remains unclear. At first it was reported he tripped over a box and fell down some stairs, then instead of tripping over a box he was holding one, and then Artest claimed stairs had nothing to do with it and that it was "really the concrete." My guess is "the concrete" was an open hand slap from his wife. Apparently Artest said "I can't remember" fifteen times during a 10-minute halftime press conference regarding the concussion, so we'll probably never know what really went down. Other than this, Artest has been relatively subdued as of late. So I started to wonder who Artest's replacement might be if he continued to keep his nose clean throughout the season.

The first player that came to mind was Stephen Jackson AKA Captain Jack. Jackson was one of Artest's fellow Indiana Pacer teammates that joined him in the stands during the infamous brawl at the Palace of Auburn Hills, so he seemed a worthy candidate. In October of 2006, he continued to show signs of insanity as he fired several gunshots outside of a strip club in Indianapolis after having been punched and hit by a car.

Despite these promising signs of lunacy, Jackson hasn't made much noise since then. He did get this amazing tattoo of a pair of hands simultaneously praying and holding a handgun, which is pretty sweet. However, the meaning of the tattoo is that he prays his faith will keep him from ever having to fire a gun again... or something like that. So that doesn't really help me in finding a replacement for Artest.

This November, Jackson was traded to the Charlotte Bobcats where he seems to have found a new home. The Bobcats have been one of the better teams in 2010 with Jackson and first-time Charlotte Bobcat All-Star Gerald Wallace leading the team into the Eastern Conference playoff picture. Long story short, Jackson just isn't quite crazy enough... at least not anymore. Despite his controversy in the past, he also has a reputation around the league as an extremely genuine person and great teammate. This also doesn't help my cause.

Rasheed Wallace was another that came to mind, but he plays for the Celtics now so I can't even fuck with that.

Just when I thought I may have run out of maniacs to cover in the NBA, I decided to give Artest another chance and checked his Twitter account. Although I was hoping for something a bit more insane, it seems that Artest has continued to indulge in his fetish of organizing photo shoots with scantily clad women. His most recent photo shoot is with model Kim Lee, who I believe is the asian one on the far right. So I guess I'm sticking with Artest. He's bound to do something crazy again, right? If only Dennis Rodman would come out of retirement.

Durant gets the block wearing one shoe

The second best play involving a lost shoe this season. Ron Artest still holds that #1 spot.

Cavs beat Lakers 93-87

Lebron is just too strong. His 'and one' plays against the Lakers were great. That layup he put in right above Ron Artest's outstretched hand was amazing. He can consistently take three Lakers to the cup and score over them no matter who they are. I think the Lakers are still definitely the favorite in the playoffs but they are older than they were last year and not just by one year because of the Trevor Ariza/Ron Artest swap. I'm not sure that they peaked last year, but some of the other top teams (Cavs, Magic, Nuggets) that have better young star players might be improving faster than them at this point. Lebron is a better scorer than he was last year. You can see it in his jumper, which looks more confident. It is borne out in the numbers too. His shooting percentage is up. So is his three point percentage. I know it was just a regular season game, but I can't wait for the playoffs.

It's official: Ron Artest is crazier than Ochocinco

Finally, we have a winner. I'm sure the battle will still go on, but with the latest news about Ron Artest, you can now rest assured that Ron Ron is crazier than Ochocinco. In an interview with Sporting News Magazine, Artest said that he used to drink Hennessy at halftime while playing for the Bulls. Seriously. Now, I know Chad Ochocinco is pretty crazy, but with this news, he now just seems eccentric relative to Artest. Ochocinco is going to have to go to great lengths to catch up to Ron on this one. I'm talking crystal meth or PCP during halftime.

In the interview, Ron discussed other crazy shit he did in his past, like being a "single" pimp as a 19-year-old attending St. John's. I don't know why he specifies that he was a single pimp (hence the quotes), as I thought all pimps were single, unless you count their bottom bitch as a significant other.

The ball's back in your court, Mustache. I'll be astounded if you find a way to rebound from this one. By the way, what's up in the NFL?