The MJ controversy

With Michael Jordan's recent comments that he could put up 100 points in todays NBA, I just had to chime in. This isn't the first time that an old guard player has gone off about the quality of play in the modern NBA; I've heard Oscar Robertson rip the league too. I think it is ridiculous for MJ to say he could score 100 points. I kind of hope Kobe does it just to shut him up. The talent pool for the NBA is WAY bigger now then in Jordan's time. Basketball is truly a world sport now, ironically enough thanks in part to the dream team. Look at the Lakers, their second best player is Pau Gasol. The second best team in the world now is probably the Spanish National team. When MJ played, the depth of international talent was much lower. MJ was on a whole different level than everyone else when it came to conditioning. Now I think it is a different story with many more athletes getting in better condition. Just look at Lebron, man. Don't let MJ fool you, there is still plenty of physical defense in the NBA (ahem, Ron Artest). I mean, did you watch the Finals last year? It was a slugfest!

A New Dank Game Rivalry Is Upon Us...

And it features Dank Game's top two teams from the "Who We Rep" sidebar. I thought the Thunder/Heat Dank Game rivalry was going to be legendary, but it looks like the Wade/Lebron vs. T. Ocho rivalry could be even better. I find it funny that Chris Bosh is completely left out. Maybe Bosh could be included by getting Carson involved. I'm guessing he could ball, right? Hmmm, on second thought, maybe not so much. Perhaps hoops is more of Jordan Palmer's thing. Y'know, the more I think about it, I'm starting to think Jordan wouldn't be all that great either. I think the Palmer brothers are off the hook on this one. But maybe Marvin Lewis got game?

While I'm at it, here's a clip of T.O. throwing down an oop at Rucker Park followed by some guy appropriately named Miles High dunking on him.

A Belated OKC perspective on "The Decision"

I'm not here to lampoon LeBron James and his ludicrus "The Decision" ESPN special. Dank Game, among many, many others, has done that plenty already.

Instead I've allowed a little time to pass, hopefully instilling reason into my OKC-themed reaction. So here it goes:

Kevin Durant will be the 2010-11 NBA MVP. And the runner-up will probably be Kobe Bryant.

Here's why:

James won MVP honors as the defacto leader of a Cavaliers team built around him. And it is a regular season award, so any talk of him not truly stepping up in the playoffs is inconsequential. LeBron was the undisputed focus of the team that won the most regular season ball games in the NBA in the 2009-10 season.

And the runner up was Kevin Durant, from the somewhat more team-oriented Oklahoma City Thunder. OKC was only able to muster an 8th seed in a crowded Western Conference, but coming off a truly bad debut season for the OKC franchise the year before, Durant quickly reestablished himself as a young superstar. He cemented this status by supplanting James as the NBA scoring leader and again winning the All-Star weekend HORSE competition (I know nobody cares about that, but I love mentioning it).

So now, with the "Three Headed Monster" in Miami, how can James (or Wade and Bosh for that matter) truly put up MVP stats? LeBron's points per game will almost have to go down, as the offense will no longer depend on him nearly every possession; the days of him playing point-forward should be over. Although his post-season aspirations should benefit as a result of this, the fact remains James is no longer the heart and soul of his team.

But Durant is. And unless Kobe has a season that makes him look a decade younger, Durant should easily be able to repeat as scoring champion. With the Lakers getting another year older, the window is opening for the Thunder, and I definitely see them enough games (55?) to put them in the top half of the West. That coupled with his prolific scoring ability will push Kevin Durant to an MVP season.

And Kobe, the likely runner-up, will have to watch as the West begins to slip away from his Lakers.

Steve Carrell is Taking His Appetite to Outback Steakhouse

Somehow I missed this parody of "The Decision" from the ESPYs featuring Steve Carell and Paul Rudd. I was skeptical at first, but it's actually pretty damn funny. Steve Carrell's former restaurant of choice, Chili's, has even responded to his decision with a scathing letter to its patrons typed in Comic Sans. Check out the letter after the jump.

Oh Cleveland!

Press Hop 2

This is DJ Steve Porter's sequel to his internet sensation Press Hop. This is the same guy that did those annoying ass NBA commercials that were on during the end of last season and the Playoffs. It features some entertaining footage of Ochocinco dancing shirtless on Dancing With The Stars, but sadly it only has one tiny clip of Ron Artest saying "psychiatrist" which is spliced in with Allen Iverson bitching about coming off the bench. You would think that DJ Steve Porter would have been able to milk Artest's amazing NBA Finals post-game interviews to greater effect.

Could Delonte Heat Up Potential LA vs. Miami Rivalry?

Rumor has it that the Lakers are close to acquiring Delonte West. Apparently LA had been trying to trade Sasha "The Machine" Vujacic and a draft pick for West to rid themselves of Vujacic's salary. West was traded to Minnesota on Tuesday and is expected to have his contract bought out by the Timberwolves, making him a free agent. If the Lakers can move Vujacic, sources say the Lakers will sign him.

This acquisition would be interesting for several reasons. First off, if the rumors about Delonte's affair with LeBron's mother Gloria James are indeed true, it will add a new layer to the potential rivalry between the Heat and the Lakers. Gloria James might be torn between who to support if the two teams end up meeting come next June.

Another reason this would be interesting is that the Lakers would have arguably the two most insane players in the NBA on one roster in Ron Artest and Delonte. West just recently pleaded guilty to traffic and weapons charges after having been pulled over on a three-wheeled motorcycle and found with a 9mm Beretta pistol, .357 Magnum and a Remington 870 in a guitar case back in September. He was sentenced to electronic monitoring, unsupervised probation, 40 hours of community service and psychological counseling. At this point, you might even say West is crazier then Artest.

Lastly, this acquisition would be interesting because it sets up a potential reality show for West if he winds up in Hollywood. Maybe it couldn't get off the ground until he's off probation, but the opportunity is there now that he's out of boring old Cleveland. I mean, who wouldn't want to watch Delonte rap in fast food drive-thrus on television. And if we're really lucky, maybe Artest and West could join forces to make a reality show of the NBA's craziest players. In fact, "Artest and West" would be a pretty good name for the show, although I do really like Artest's forthcoming reality show's name: "They Call Me Crazy."

LeBron Cavs Gear All The Rage With South Beach Homeless

According to Sports Illustrated, Clevelander Beau Miller has started a campaign with three of his friends to collect LeBron James jerseys and clothing, which will be sent to homeless shelters in South Beach.

"It's like any breakup," Miller said. "You want to give all your stuff back."

The past week Cleveland fans have been donating their LeBron gear to Yours Truly Restaurants in Northeast Ohio.

I would have assumed that they would have a poor turnout considering that the majority of Cavs fans burned their LeBron jerseys, but Miller says that the response has been "extraordinary."

Miller and his friends saw the heartbreaking situation in Cleveland as an opportunity to do something positive. In addition to donating LeBron gear to South Beach homeless shelters, they also started a website called breakupwithlebron.com, where they are selling T-shirts that say "It's Not Us, It's You." Proceeds from the $15 shirts are going to the Cleveland City Mission, although it appears the website is no longer online, so uh, never mind that.

With Cleveland's economy on the decline, it surprises me that they didn't decide to donate the LeBron gear to local shelters. But then again, you can never underestimate the pride of Clevelanders, as their local homeless would probably scoff at the idea of wearing a LeBron jersey. Even though this is meant to be a good cause, I get the feeling the effort is just as much out of spite as it is goodwill. I'm sure Clevelanders would be satisfied if images of homeless people wearing LBJ Cavs jerseys haunted LeBron's dreams as he tries to sleep in his new South Beach mansion.

LeBron James' Wrestling Career

Probably people have seen this already (as is usually my experience with YouTube videos), but this is actually pretty funny. Basically, if the NBA were the WWE this is what it would be like. It makes me think that maybe NBA superstars should talk like professional wrestlers.

Even though the AppleTalk replacement dialogue is stupid, the things that LBJ is supposedly saying about Ohio are pretty funny. My favorite part is Bosh in the Cowboy hat though.



Sorry to take you away from Dank Game's regularly scheduled content of little football helmets dotting the screen.

Big Z Bolts for South Beach

Cleveland fan favorite Zydrunas Ilgauskus has followed suit to join LeBron James in Miami. Big Powder, as he is known on Dank Game, turned down an offer from Cleveland to help fill out the Heat's frontline. It's possible that he will sign a one-year deal, but Z is hoping to come to terms on a two-year deal.

I'm not sure how much he will sign for but I'm hoping it's the veteran's minimum because Miami can use all the cap space they can get. I think Z could fit in well with the Heat because his main strength is knocking down baseline jumpers and he will likely have a lot of open looks. Obviously he and LeBron have a close relationship, so it might help ease the transition for James.

I was hoping the Heat would find a center who is more of a banger down low. Hopefully there will be enough funds left to bring Jamaal Magloire back, who fits the description of a "banger" to a tee. Dwyane Wade likes Magloire, so it wouldn't surprise me to see him return on the cheap.

Ilgauskus has never played anywhere besides Cleveland in his 14-year career, so it will be hard for him to leave the city behind. He plans to keep a home in Cleveland and says he would like to be a part of the organization after he retires. We'll see how receptive Cavaliers brass will be to that since he's following LeBron to Miami.

Stay Strong Cleveland

Tom Green watches "The Decision" and enjoys Vitamin Water with Clevelandites, I mean Clevelanders.

heat gets super shredder.

Mr. Maybe here, formaly known as young_turd. Since the Cav's left the playoffs I had really nothing else to talk about. Then Mr. Selfcentered had to rip the heart from a city that he was bred. After James bit the hand that fed him, Cav's owner responded with a beautifully written essay to Lebron that was honorable for it's own Dank Game post. Just take a look at his rough draft, he really shows his work. Gilbert guarantees a trophy before Miami by passing off the Curse of Cleveland. It appears everyone is becoming has been getting into the dank game humor and have been coming out with such t-shirt gems as these. tshirt 1 tshirt 2

Southbeach's "el heat" becomes another super team by drinking the rest of the tgri ooze canister. Miami's camp found a money tree to form the Super Shredder of Bosh, James, and Wade. Being a Cavs/Lebron fan, I am quite upset about the mutant however I know it will be fun to watch -- watch them destroy themselves. They will destroy the team by each one trying to each be the biggest star. In-fighting will start before the playoffs, and the dock will collapse on them before they can really do anything. Now along with this prediction of a Heat fail, I say that four new young stars will form under the Cavs new coaching. These four might not be able to do too much individually but as a team they will dominate in a stealthy and likable way while floating safely to the title.

I will leave you with this, if you want something to really piss you off read this article. It talks about how the super shredder had been plotting this for quite some time which makes you wonder if Lebron threw those last games to make the shredder possible.

A Miami Heat Fan's Reaction To "The Decision"

If there's one word to describe how I feel about the arrival of LeBron James to South Beach, it's conflicted. Obviously bringing LeBron to the Heat is an excellent basketball move, and Pat Riley deserves all the praise in the world for pulling off the greatest heist in NBA history, but as a Heat fan soaking this all in right now I just feel, well, dirty.

I feel dirty for rubbernecking through that entire broadcast last night, watching as Cleveland fans' hearts were scraped from the asphalt after LeBron announced "The Decision." I feel dirty because, at the expense of the Cleveland faithful, my favorite team has transformed like Voltron into a Yankees-esque super team.

While true Miami Heat fans like myself do deserve a winning team after sitting through one year of atrocious Heat basketball (2007-08) and the following two years of expiring contract mediocrity, Cleveland fans certainly don't deserve this. I would have been completely content with Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade surrounded by role players in Miami, while LeBron continued to toil away in Cleveland. But clearly, LeBron wasn't content with that fate.

Now my favorite team will forever be linked to that ridiculous broadcast last night. It seemed as if the King was a mere pawn during The Decision, as many are speculating that LeBron's marketing team LRMR pushed him into making his choice on live television. LeBron was clearly uncomfortable and flustered with his speech, at one point saying, "One thing you can't control is you never know." Maybe that's some way out there transcendental shit that's over my head, like some George Harrison lyrics or something, but my best bet is that LeBron was so caught up in the moment that he hardly knew what he was saying.

I understand and respect LeBron's choice to join Wade and Bosh with the Heat, but the television special was a huge misstep by him and his camp. Although it did raise millions of dollars through advertising for the Boys and Girls Club of America, there has to have been another way to give back to charity that spared LeBron's former fan base. As Dank Game's own Teenage Soul Patch has been quick to point out, Kevin Durant signed a lucrative long-term contract with the Thunder without any of the hype. Of course LeBron's decision carried a lot more weight, but he certainly could learn a thing or two from Durant's humility.

Funny Bengals Tweets - Lebron James Edition

Given the circumstances in Ohio and the chatter on Twitter I've decided to bring you a LeBron James/Cavaliers/Heat version of Funny Bengals Tweets.

Former offensive lineman Willie Anderson (WillAnderson79) joked:

• He's gon stay in Cleveland tomorrow night[.] I mean so he can Pack!
  
• My Bday is Sun. I was gon hold a hour long special to let everyone know of my decision of where I'm going.
• So Does Dwade have to watch Lebron throw powder in the air every game?
  

Former defensive tackle Shaun Smith (sjs91) chimed in:

• Everyone get over it[.] the state [o]f Ohio will never win the big games so good luck.

Defensive tackle Tank Jonson (TankJohnson99) is crazy:

• Does anyone know where Lebron went? I been on jupiter ice fishin 4 star fish! Just landed from jupiter international! #GreetinEarthlingz

Wide receiver and punt returner Quan Cosby had a good point:

• Not gonna get into this too much but LB just nailed that live interview! Answered every ? Perfect, only thing wrong was talkin 3rd person ha

Wide receiver Chad Ochocinco (OGOchoCinco, allowable only for this special edition) has a suggestion for the Heat:

• #perfect world Shaq comes back to the Heat also and Pat Riley signs me to come off the bench when football season ends, i'd average 15 pts

Former linebacker David Pollack (davidpollack47) lends me a sobering conclusion:

• What does LeBron owe Cleveland, I'm confused? He just gave Clev the best seven years of their franchise
• The Cleveland franchise is currently worth 100 million more than it was when LeBron got there.
  

Trashy Florida

I love the NBA. The real question is, can the dorky Heat beat the Lakers and or the Celts? When these dudes played together last they nneeeeeeded the BLACK MAMBA to beat the Spanish national team in the Olympics, which, ironically enough included Pau Gasol. I wonder, are they the third best team in the league now?

It seems extreme to question them like that, but the burden of proof is on the King from now on.

Will "The Ringleader" Follow Wade And Bosh To Miami? (UPDATE)

Finally, I can go to sleep at night knowing that I won't be stuck in NBA purgatory for the next several years as a Miami Heat fan. Chris Bosh has officially announced that he will be joining Dwyane Wade in South Beach as a member of the Miami Heat.

Now, the big question remains: Where will LeBron James wind up?

LeBron claimed in his Larry King interview that he was "The Ringleader" of the 2010 free agent class, but during the past week it has seemed that Bosh is more deserving of that title. Both Wade and LeBron have made no secret that they would like to play alongside Bosh, which has made Bosh's decision the primary domino in deciding where the other pieces would fall. Now that Bosh is indeed joining the Heat, LeBron appears to be torn between his loyalty towards Cleveland and the opportunity to form a three-headed monster in Miami. The Heat is capable of making this fantasy team a reality if they can trade away Michael Beasley's contract for cap space or if Bosh and Wade agree to take less money to accommodate LeBron.

Tomorrow night at 9 pm Eastern time, LeBron will announce his decision on ESPN in an unprecedented one-hour television special. Apparently the proceeds from the telecast will go to the Boys and Girls Club of America, which in my mind is a way to divert attention from the ludicrous ego trip this telecast truly is. As you can probably deduce from my tone, I'd rather LeBron stay in Cleveland and have Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh be the foundation of the Miami Heat going forward. My guess is that's exactly what will happen. I find it difficult to see LeBron participating in a one-hour special that would conclude by breaking the collective heart of his hometown.

If LeBron does decide to leave, what would this moment become known as in Cleveland's infamously long list of disappointing moments in sports? "The Telecast" or "The Departure" perhaps?

UPDATE: Multiple sources have reported that LeBron will leaved Cleveland to join Wade and Bosh in Miami. His television special tonight has been dubbed "The Decision" so I have to assume this will be the name given to LeBron's departure in Cleveland.

Let The Madness Begin

On Thursday, the four players pictured on the left won't be able to put down their phones for a second without a phone call or text coming through. LeBron's phone will probably explode at 12:01 am on the dot, followed by Bosh's phone, then Wade's, then Stoudemire's, and then maybe Joe Johnson's. Actually, Joe Johnson will probably be sitting by his phone like an 8th grader waiting for his big crush to call him back. That big crush will probably end up being the Knicks who are only calling him because James, Bosh, Wade, and Stoudemire wouldn't sign on to play with Danilo Gallinari and scrubs.

This free agency period has the potential to alter the NBA's landscape more than any other in the league's history. The last time such a huge shift occurred in free agency was when Shaq left Orlando for the Lakers in 1996, and that signing took until 2000 for a championship to be delivered. If the three biggest names of this year's star-studded class–LeBron, Wade, and Bosh–decide to join forces to form the NBA's new big three, there's a good chance they could immediately win a championship together.

So what are the chances of those three teaming up?

Who the fuck knows. Reports are coming out from all over the place about supposed "done deals" already in place. LeBron and Bosh to Chicago, LeBron and Bosh to New York, and the latest rumor of LeBron and Bosh joining Wade in Miami are just a few of the scenarios that have been tossed around. Anyone who acts like they know for sure what's going to go down is probably full of shit. Stephen A. Smith can yell at the top of his lungs that the big three free agents are joining forces in Miami, but I won't believe it until it actually happens. Regardless, it's going to be fun to watch the pieces fall in place.

Brooklyn Thunder? Not Gonna Happen

For the first time in Dank Game history, one of our popular conspiracy theories has been lobbied at yours truly, teenage_mustache.

Specifically (if you don't feel like clicking the hyperlink above or the "read more" link on the post below), SlimMcBitchTits and some hack co-conspirator Andy "the turd" Young have suggested that LeBron's looming free agency could impact my beloved Oklahoma City Thunder. The suggestion is as laughable as the Cavaliers' defense against Garnett and Rondo.

While I appreciate Andy and Slim trying to look past the obvious - recognizing OKC, Northern Ohio and NYC interests convening at an opportune time - let's look at the facts. First off, the Thunder is one of the few teams that truly doesn't need King James. I'd like to remind you that Durant actually outscored LeBron this season. I don't see Durant and LeBron on the same team outside of the Olympics. Someone even asked Durant via Twitter (KDthunderup) if he'd like to see the Thunder sign LeBron and he responded more or less to the tune of; 'no, this is my team.'

End of an Era in Cleveland?

I know, the Cavs are out of the playoffs and there's still more basketball to be played until someone hoists up the Larry O'Brien Trophy in early June, but until then, here's another post on the last Dank Game-endorsed squad to be eliminated from the playoffs. This is a collaboration between myself and guest writer/Dank Game loyalist, Andy Young.

So this is a post I have wanted to make for quite sometime and maybe it’s a bit late, just like the Cavs' performances in the last three games. Enough has been said about LeBron, but now speculations that crazy Delonte West had an affair with LeBron’s mother have begun to surface. The authorities are citing this as the reason why LeBron went from averaging over 30 points per game in the playoffs to just over 21 points and over 6 turnovers for the final three games. I mean really, West having intercourse with Miss James is like Peter and Paul running a train on Mary. (The biblical Peter, Paul and Mary, not the shitty folk band from the 60’s) The “WITNESS” shirts might have to be recalled until this scandal subsides. I’m sure West was too busy freestyling about barbecue sauce to sweet talk Miss James into something that's finger lickin' good, but then again, maybe she is trying to conceive the next greatest thing to ever happen to basketball.

But let's talk about the rest of the team. Shaq Fu, I love you but you're old. Just about as old as the original Aristotle. Like his free throw shooting, Osama Bin Shaq was just too slow to make a difference defending in the paint against Jake Sully (Kendrick Perkins looks like an avatar) and Big Baby, who won’t be crying until he faces Dwight Howard or is yelled at by Kevin Garnett. Speaking of Garnett, let’s not also forget the Big Ticket's fade away jumpers that no one could defend. Not even "Wild Thang" Varejão could stop KG, who did come up pretty big with his frantic offense and constant effort, excluding the time he quit playing because he was bleeding and begging for a foul call. Overall, the Cavs just looked about as pathetic as the Flats in Cleveland.

Fascinating Failure

Another year, another early playoff exit for LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers. This was supposed to be their year, but they came up short against a wily Boston Celtics team that put it all together after waffling through the second half of the regular season. While the Celtics deserve praise for how they handled the Cavs, much of this epic collapse falls on the Cavaliers organization.

Despite being the best regular season team two seasons in a row with the league's back-to-back MVP, the Cavs' personnel moves have reeked of desperation ever since they pulled the trigger on the Shaq trade this past summer. With the clock ticking down on LeBron's impending free agency, Cleveland's management made decisions that were supposedly meant to put the Cavs over the hump, when in reality they were making decisions in an attempt to appease LeBron James. Of course this is easier said in hindsight, but the Cavs made moves simply because they could, not necessarily because they should. These trades culminated in another heartbreaking season for Cavs fans that was wrought in irony.