A New Dank Game Rivalry Is Upon Us...

And it features Dank Game's top two teams from the "Who We Rep" sidebar. I thought the Thunder/Heat Dank Game rivalry was going to be legendary, but it looks like the Wade/Lebron vs. T. Ocho rivalry could be even better. I find it funny that Chris Bosh is completely left out. Maybe Bosh could be included by getting Carson involved. I'm guessing he could ball, right? Hmmm, on second thought, maybe not so much. Perhaps hoops is more of Jordan Palmer's thing. Y'know, the more I think about it, I'm starting to think Jordan wouldn't be all that great either. I think the Palmer brothers are off the hook on this one. But maybe Marvin Lewis got game?

While I'm at it, here's a clip of T.O. throwing down an oop at Rucker Park followed by some guy appropriately named Miles High dunking on him.

There's Basketball on Television Again!

Last night after playing some hoops, I was flipping through channels and stumbled across a replay of the FIBA exhibition game between USA and Spain. Luckily, I had yet to check my usual basketball websites so I was unaware of the outcome. It turned out to be a super entertaining game and has got me pumped to tune into future FIBA games. Here's some of my observations:

Spain Has Got Some Ballers

Spain is obviously the biggest threat to USA's basketball supremacy. They came close to beating the Redeem Team in the '08 Olympics, which is a game I have still yet to watch. Apparently Chauncey Billups hasn't either, so that makes me feel a little better.

Ricky Rubio's court vision is certainly not all hype. He made some creative passes in transition, and the Pistol Pete comparisons are certainly justified. He's also very disruptive with his length on defense. Former Memphis Grizzly Juan Carlos Navarro was also impressive. He appears to be Spain's go-to offensive weapon, especially during crunch time. I wish he would have stuck around in the NBA, but there's just as much money to be made in Europe so I can't say I blame him for choosing Europe over the US. Marc Gasol played a decent game, but it was also really interesting to see some Spanish players who have never played in the NBA, like Fran Vazquez and Felipe Reyes.

Team USA Was Inconsistent Yet Exciting

Besides Durant, who had an excellent all around game, many of USA's players were making some really great plays but following them up with really stupid plays. For instance, Stephen Curry at one point crossed over Ricky Rubio and finished with a beautiful floater and shortly thereafter stole it from Rubio and finished with a reverse layup on the break. Soon after though, he committed a turnover and missed a jumper on consecutive possessions. Andre Iguodala was making plays but struggled shooting. Russell Westbrook missed a fastbreak dunk after getting a steal early in the game, but redeemed himself with a nice drive and a behind the back pass to Durant on the break. Derrick Rose had flashes of brilliance, especially down the stretch, but also turned it over five times.

Overall, Team USA seems impressive in transition but they still need time to mesh as a team and adjust to the international rules, as there were several travels called throughout the game.

Lamar Odom and Chauncey Billups provide veteran leadership, but Durant is clearly the leader with Derrick Rose playing second fiddle. KD was brilliant on offense and had two crucial blocks at the end of the game, including one on Rudy Fernandez as time expired.

Props to Coach K

Mike Krzyzewski deserves plenty of credit for this win, as he switched to zone during Spain's final possession of the game. Spain wanted to run the pick and roll with Navarro, so Coach K switched it up after running man-to-man for almost the entire game. Spain's Fran Vasquez said that they weren't surprised by the move, but it did prove to be a decision that affected the outcome of the game. With that said, Durant deserves the bulk of the credit for his stifling D on Fernandez.

Also Worth Noting

Durant and Marc Gasol exchanged words at one point during the game, which is something I'm not used to seeing from either of those players. Maybe there's a chance that Nenad Krstic will have the opportunity to throw chairs in KD's defense after all.

They kept running some awful chocolate milk ad with Chris Bosh and some woman Olympic athlete. There's a close-up of Bosh talking about the benefits of chocolate milk, and this woman keeps popping up next to him to fill in certain words and phrases. When the camera cuts to a wide shot, it's revealed that he's soooo tall that she has to jump on a trampoline to reach his height. It's a piss poor concept to begin with and Chris Bosh doesn't help, as he has the personality of a rock.

LeBron James' Wrestling Career

Probably people have seen this already (as is usually my experience with YouTube videos), but this is actually pretty funny. Basically, if the NBA were the WWE this is what it would be like. It makes me think that maybe NBA superstars should talk like professional wrestlers.

Even though the AppleTalk replacement dialogue is stupid, the things that LBJ is supposedly saying about Ohio are pretty funny. My favorite part is Bosh in the Cowboy hat though.



Sorry to take you away from Dank Game's regularly scheduled content of little football helmets dotting the screen.

heat gets super shredder.

Mr. Maybe here, formaly known as young_turd. Since the Cav's left the playoffs I had really nothing else to talk about. Then Mr. Selfcentered had to rip the heart from a city that he was bred. After James bit the hand that fed him, Cav's owner responded with a beautifully written essay to Lebron that was honorable for it's own Dank Game post. Just take a look at his rough draft, he really shows his work. Gilbert guarantees a trophy before Miami by passing off the Curse of Cleveland. It appears everyone is becoming has been getting into the dank game humor and have been coming out with such t-shirt gems as these. tshirt 1 tshirt 2

Southbeach's "el heat" becomes another super team by drinking the rest of the tgri ooze canister. Miami's camp found a money tree to form the Super Shredder of Bosh, James, and Wade. Being a Cavs/Lebron fan, I am quite upset about the mutant however I know it will be fun to watch -- watch them destroy themselves. They will destroy the team by each one trying to each be the biggest star. In-fighting will start before the playoffs, and the dock will collapse on them before they can really do anything. Now along with this prediction of a Heat fail, I say that four new young stars will form under the Cavs new coaching. These four might not be able to do too much individually but as a team they will dominate in a stealthy and likable way while floating safely to the title.

I will leave you with this, if you want something to really piss you off read this article. It talks about how the super shredder had been plotting this for quite some time which makes you wonder if Lebron threw those last games to make the shredder possible.

A Miami Heat Fan's Reaction To "The Decision"

If there's one word to describe how I feel about the arrival of LeBron James to South Beach, it's conflicted. Obviously bringing LeBron to the Heat is an excellent basketball move, and Pat Riley deserves all the praise in the world for pulling off the greatest heist in NBA history, but as a Heat fan soaking this all in right now I just feel, well, dirty.

I feel dirty for rubbernecking through that entire broadcast last night, watching as Cleveland fans' hearts were scraped from the asphalt after LeBron announced "The Decision." I feel dirty because, at the expense of the Cleveland faithful, my favorite team has transformed like Voltron into a Yankees-esque super team.

While true Miami Heat fans like myself do deserve a winning team after sitting through one year of atrocious Heat basketball (2007-08) and the following two years of expiring contract mediocrity, Cleveland fans certainly don't deserve this. I would have been completely content with Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade surrounded by role players in Miami, while LeBron continued to toil away in Cleveland. But clearly, LeBron wasn't content with that fate.

Now my favorite team will forever be linked to that ridiculous broadcast last night. It seemed as if the King was a mere pawn during The Decision, as many are speculating that LeBron's marketing team LRMR pushed him into making his choice on live television. LeBron was clearly uncomfortable and flustered with his speech, at one point saying, "One thing you can't control is you never know." Maybe that's some way out there transcendental shit that's over my head, like some George Harrison lyrics or something, but my best bet is that LeBron was so caught up in the moment that he hardly knew what he was saying.

I understand and respect LeBron's choice to join Wade and Bosh with the Heat, but the television special was a huge misstep by him and his camp. Although it did raise millions of dollars through advertising for the Boys and Girls Club of America, there has to have been another way to give back to charity that spared LeBron's former fan base. As Dank Game's own Teenage Soul Patch has been quick to point out, Kevin Durant signed a lucrative long-term contract with the Thunder without any of the hype. Of course LeBron's decision carried a lot more weight, but he certainly could learn a thing or two from Durant's humility.

Will "The Ringleader" Follow Wade And Bosh To Miami? (UPDATE)

Finally, I can go to sleep at night knowing that I won't be stuck in NBA purgatory for the next several years as a Miami Heat fan. Chris Bosh has officially announced that he will be joining Dwyane Wade in South Beach as a member of the Miami Heat.

Now, the big question remains: Where will LeBron James wind up?

LeBron claimed in his Larry King interview that he was "The Ringleader" of the 2010 free agent class, but during the past week it has seemed that Bosh is more deserving of that title. Both Wade and LeBron have made no secret that they would like to play alongside Bosh, which has made Bosh's decision the primary domino in deciding where the other pieces would fall. Now that Bosh is indeed joining the Heat, LeBron appears to be torn between his loyalty towards Cleveland and the opportunity to form a three-headed monster in Miami. The Heat is capable of making this fantasy team a reality if they can trade away Michael Beasley's contract for cap space or if Bosh and Wade agree to take less money to accommodate LeBron.

Tomorrow night at 9 pm Eastern time, LeBron will announce his decision on ESPN in an unprecedented one-hour television special. Apparently the proceeds from the telecast will go to the Boys and Girls Club of America, which in my mind is a way to divert attention from the ludicrous ego trip this telecast truly is. As you can probably deduce from my tone, I'd rather LeBron stay in Cleveland and have Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh be the foundation of the Miami Heat going forward. My guess is that's exactly what will happen. I find it difficult to see LeBron participating in a one-hour special that would conclude by breaking the collective heart of his hometown.

If LeBron does decide to leave, what would this moment become known as in Cleveland's infamously long list of disappointing moments in sports? "The Telecast" or "The Departure" perhaps?

UPDATE: Multiple sources have reported that LeBron will leaved Cleveland to join Wade and Bosh in Miami. His television special tonight has been dubbed "The Decision" so I have to assume this will be the name given to LeBron's departure in Cleveland.

Let The Madness Begin

On Thursday, the four players pictured on the left won't be able to put down their phones for a second without a phone call or text coming through. LeBron's phone will probably explode at 12:01 am on the dot, followed by Bosh's phone, then Wade's, then Stoudemire's, and then maybe Joe Johnson's. Actually, Joe Johnson will probably be sitting by his phone like an 8th grader waiting for his big crush to call him back. That big crush will probably end up being the Knicks who are only calling him because James, Bosh, Wade, and Stoudemire wouldn't sign on to play with Danilo Gallinari and scrubs.

This free agency period has the potential to alter the NBA's landscape more than any other in the league's history. The last time such a huge shift occurred in free agency was when Shaq left Orlando for the Lakers in 1996, and that signing took until 2000 for a championship to be delivered. If the three biggest names of this year's star-studded class–LeBron, Wade, and Bosh–decide to join forces to form the NBA's new big three, there's a good chance they could immediately win a championship together.

So what are the chances of those three teaming up?

Who the fuck knows. Reports are coming out from all over the place about supposed "done deals" already in place. LeBron and Bosh to Chicago, LeBron and Bosh to New York, and the latest rumor of LeBron and Bosh joining Wade in Miami are just a few of the scenarios that have been tossed around. Anyone who acts like they know for sure what's going to go down is probably full of shit. Stephen A. Smith can yell at the top of his lungs that the big three free agents are joining forces in Miami, but I won't believe it until it actually happens. Regardless, it's going to be fun to watch the pieces fall in place.

If Amare goes to Cleveland, how will it affect 2010? (UPDATE)

With the NBA trade deadline quickly approaching, rumor has it that the Cavs could be on the verge of trading J.J. Hickson and Zydrunas Ilgauskas to Phoenix for Amare Stoudemire. The Suns have been actively shopping Amare in fear of losing him for nothing in free agency. If the trade goes through, Big Z would likely be bought out by the Suns, probably because he'd be unable to keep up with their run and gun offense. Then again, Shaq somehow managed to keep up. Once Z is waived, he would likely be resigned by the Cavs. These types of moves have always seemed fishy to me, but the NBA allows it.

The Cavs have also been linked to trade rumors with Washington for Antawn Jamison and Indiana for Troy Murphy AKA Big Ugly (props to my homeboy Ryan Hubbard for coming up with that nickname). It has been reported that LeBron prefers Stoudemire, so there's a good chance that these trade talks have died. After all, keeping LeBron happy so that he'll resign in 2010 is Cleveland's biggest priority outside of winning a championship.

There is also word that the Heat have been actively pursuing Stoudemire, but it seems that the Suns have no interest in Miami's players. Because of this, I'm assuming the Heat haven't offered Michael Beasley, unless his off court issues have made the Suns weary.

So how might these potential deals affect the much hyped 2010 free agent market? I have my own theory, however it is highly wrought in hypotheticals. But hear me out.

If Cleveland does pull the trigger to bring Amare to Cleveland, I think Chris Bosh will realize the Raptors don't have what it takes to be true contenders, especially with Hedo Turkoglu making big money past his prime. In realizing this, Bosh will look to sign elsewhere in the offseason, with South Beach being his most likely destination. If Bosh signs with Miami and Pat Riley is able to put together a quality roster around Bosh and Wade (assuming he resigns), the Heat and Cavs would both be contenders for years to come.

UPDATE: Cleveland has acquired power forward Antawn Jamison in a three-team, six player trade. Zydrunas Ilgauskas is headed to the Washington Wizards along with a first-round draft pick and the draft rights to Emil Preldzic (whoever that is). Washington will also get Brian Skinner and Al Thornton from the Los Angeles Clippers. Cleveland will also get point guard Sebastian Telflair from L.A. and the Wizards will send Drew Gooden to the Clippers.

So, um, yeah. You can kinda disregard most of this post now.

D-Wade lights up Dallas... Again

In last night's NBA All-Star Game at Cowboys Stadium, Dwyane Wade turned in his second most impressive performance to receive an MVP award in Dallas. The last time he did it was 2006, when the Miami Heat came back from a 2-0 deficit in the NBA Finals to win the championship on the Mavericks' home court. Of course the stakes weren't nearly as high this time around, but I'm sure seeing Wade's face on the world's biggest JumboTron left the hundreds of thousands of Mavericks fans in attendance with a bad taste in their mouths. A bad taste that they've been trying to get rid of by eating Texas shaped sirloin steaks smothered in A1 sauce for the past three and a half years.

Although I haven't watched that many All-Star Games, last night's was by far the best I've ever seen. Typically there are a lot of highlight worthy plays, but it often ends up in a blowout, usually at the hands of the West. Last night had the usual amazing plays, but it was actually close throughout the whole game and competitive down the stretch. The ending could have been more spectacular, as last second fouls caused both teams to try to win it at the line. And Melo's potential game winner lacked suspense, as you could tell it was a brick the moment it left his hands.

Despite some great plays by several players on both teams, Wade and LeBron clearly stole the show. In addition to an alley-oop to himself off the glass, Wade had some jaw-dropping assists for LeBron who made Wade's set-ups look even better with spectacular finishes. Wade also found Dwight on a fast break for an unreal oop. Dallas native Chris Bosh and Deron Williams, who grew up near Dallas, both turned in entertaining performances as well.

Even the half-time show was worth watching. I can't really handle Shakira's overly produced (read Timbaland produced) peculiar pop music, but, y'know, she's easy on the eyes. As for Alicia Keys, she's both easy on the eyes and an incredible musician, singer, and performer. Her spoken word stuff at the beginning was sorta weird, but she killed it otherwise.

Lastly, take a moment to watch last night's Top 10 Plays. They don't get much better than these.

Icy Heat: Can Miami heat up on the road?

The pattern for the Miami Heat this season has been something like this: blow out the shitty teams, get blown out by the mediocre teams, and either squeeze out wins or come heartbreakingly close against the elite teams. And where does this find the Heat as we near the All-Star break? Playing .500 ball, tied with the Bulls for the 7th seed in the East, with the Bucks just two and a half games behind.

Ok, so I could be in a worse position. I could be a Wizards fan who bought into their preseason championship hype, and then watched them disappoint even prior to the whole guns-in-the-locker-room thing. Or I could be a Pistons fan who stood by as Joe Dumars transformed the team from a perennial playoff threat to a disjointed bottom feeder. And I could be a Nets fan, just hoping that my team doesn't post the worst record of all time.

It could be worse, I know. But it isn't good. And more often than not, it isn't pretty to watch. Of course, Dwyane Wade will provide at least a couple highlight reel plays every game, but is that really worth watching the excruciatingly painful lack of ball movement that has come to be expected this season? Further, is it worth watching Dwyane's awful T-Mobile ads with Charles Barkley every fucking commercial break?

It's even become difficult to appreciate the games that they blow their opponents out because it's often flat out boring and I can already sense that they'll be blown out in their following game. A little consistency would be nice as their next 8 of 9 games will be on the road. The first two are back to back in Boston and Cleveland, with both nationally televised on ESPN and TNT, respectively. They've played these two teams well throughout the season, but have come up short twice against both teams.

Here's to hoping the Heat can start playing some inspired basketball and give the free agent class of 2010 a reason to consider South Florida. Chris Bosh, I'm looking at you.

Stoudemire "50-50" on Returning to Phoenix

According to Marc Spears of Yahoo! Sports, Amare Stoudemire is "50/50" on whether he will accept his $17.6 million player option to return to the Suns for the 2010-11 season.

“I was really looking forward to my entire career being in [Arizona],” Stoudemire said. “It kind of put a hold on a few of my decision-making things. … I don’t know if I’m sure if I want to play one more year here, or be gone, or sign an extension and play here for another six years or so.

“If they are loyal to me, I’m loyal to them. I’m a loyal person and always have been. My word is bond. I’d love to stay; the Suns have been phenomenal so far. But anything can change.”

Although I don't doubt that Amare is a loyal person, nor do I doubt that his word is bond, what is going to convince him to stick around in Phoenix? An aging Steve Nash? An even older Grant Hill? Jason Richardson? Sideshow Bob? The ugliest human of all time? Phoenix is going to have to make some type of move if they really want Amare to stick around.

As a Heat fan who's growing more and more skeptical of Miami's chances of landing Lebron (like there was ever a chance) or Chris Bosh, the thought of picking up Amare is definitely enticing. Bosh would be ideal next to Wade, but Amare certainly would be more than just a consolation prize. With that said, I've always been wary of Amare's diva act, as he's constantly making a fuss about being the first option on offense. If he comes to Miami, he's obviously going to have to defer to Wade and possibly even Beasley depending on his development next season.

Another concern about adding Stoudemire to the Heat is his defense. He's never been known as a great defender and if he were to be the Heat's starting center, a frontcourt of Beasley and Stoudemire might give up a lot of points inside. Although on the other end, they could be one of the best center/power forward duos in the league.

Back to reality, Amare recently finished a 10 day recovery from a minor operation to remove fluid from his right eye that involved lying face down, staring at the floor for 22 hours a day. Stoudemire says it was by far the hardest thing he's ever had to do in his life, which says a lot considering he's had to recover from microfracture knee surgery. The operation was a follow-up procedure to previous surgery to repair his partially detached retina. According to Stoudemire, his new pair of goggles will be bigger than what James Worthy wore back in the day.

“Being cool is definitely a big thing of mine, being swaggered up,” Stoudemire said. “But you definitely want to protect yourself, man. That’s the most important thing.”