Lamest Dunk Contest Ever

From the look of the above video, the D-League's Dunk Contest from All-Star Weekend seems like it was actually worth watching. That's a nasty dunk by Dar Tucker going over 7-footer Brian Butch and the crowd looks way into it. Throughout most of the NBA's contest, you heard more sighs of disappointment than cheers from the crowd. The NBA might as well air the D-League Slam Dunk Contest next year. It would at least give the D-League some exposure and the players would be grateful to have a little bit of the spotlight.

Last night's Sprite Slam Dunk Contest was a total bust. To Nate Robinson's credit, he actually showed up and did some nice dunks. But if Nate Robinson won it for the third time, it should tell you something about the sorry state of the Dunk Contest. DeMar Derozan had his moments too, but he basically gave up in the finals with his two-handed windmill from about 4 feet in front of the foul line. Shannon Brown and Gerald Wallace? They might as well have not even showed up. Pathetic.

LeBron, where you at?

Video via Hardwood Paroxysm

Is there anyone in the NBA crazier than Artest?

As I read Teenage Mustache's most recent post mulling over potential NFL lunatics to replace the recently more sane Ochocinco, I began to wonder if I would have to find a replacement for Artest. Artest did mysteriously suffer a concussion after the Christmas day loss to Cleveland, and the story remains unclear. At first it was reported he tripped over a box and fell down some stairs, then instead of tripping over a box he was holding one, and then Artest claimed stairs had nothing to do with it and that it was "really the concrete." My guess is "the concrete" was an open hand slap from his wife. Apparently Artest said "I can't remember" fifteen times during a 10-minute halftime press conference regarding the concussion, so we'll probably never know what really went down. Other than this, Artest has been relatively subdued as of late. So I started to wonder who Artest's replacement might be if he continued to keep his nose clean throughout the season.

The first player that came to mind was Stephen Jackson AKA Captain Jack. Jackson was one of Artest's fellow Indiana Pacer teammates that joined him in the stands during the infamous brawl at the Palace of Auburn Hills, so he seemed a worthy candidate. In October of 2006, he continued to show signs of insanity as he fired several gunshots outside of a strip club in Indianapolis after having been punched and hit by a car.

Despite these promising signs of lunacy, Jackson hasn't made much noise since then. He did get this amazing tattoo of a pair of hands simultaneously praying and holding a handgun, which is pretty sweet. However, the meaning of the tattoo is that he prays his faith will keep him from ever having to fire a gun again... or something like that. So that doesn't really help me in finding a replacement for Artest.

This November, Jackson was traded to the Charlotte Bobcats where he seems to have found a new home. The Bobcats have been one of the better teams in 2010 with Jackson and first-time Charlotte Bobcat All-Star Gerald Wallace leading the team into the Eastern Conference playoff picture. Long story short, Jackson just isn't quite crazy enough... at least not anymore. Despite his controversy in the past, he also has a reputation around the league as an extremely genuine person and great teammate. This also doesn't help my cause.

Rasheed Wallace was another that came to mind, but he plays for the Celtics now so I can't even fuck with that.

Just when I thought I may have run out of maniacs to cover in the NBA, I decided to give Artest another chance and checked his Twitter account. Although I was hoping for something a bit more insane, it seems that Artest has continued to indulge in his fetish of organizing photo shoots with scantily clad women. His most recent photo shoot is with model Kim Lee, who I believe is the asian one on the far right. So I guess I'm sticking with Artest. He's bound to do something crazy again, right? If only Dennis Rodman would come out of retirement.

More on the Slam Dunk Contest: No LeBron unless Shaq has his way

This is far from breaking news, but LeBron James' name was not included in the list of participants in this year's NBA All-Star Slam Dunk Contest. In the video above, LeBron said he was "preliminary putting [his] name in the 2010 Dunk Contest." He also thought Dwight and Nate had "great charismatic" in last year's contest. That's some sound English, LeBron.

So why won't LeBron enter the Dunk Contest? Is he afraid losing would hurt his image/brand? Has last year's loss to the Magic in the Eastern Conference Championship made him so focused on winning a championship that he can't concern himself with fluff like the Slam Dunk Contest? Has Cavaliers brass talked him out of entering the contest to avoid injury? Is this all just a big hoax to make the crowd lose their collective minds when 'Bron steps from the sidelines and rips off his yellow cardigan to reveal a Cavs jersey, ready to compete? Probably not the latter, but here's to hoping. It would certainly breathe life into a contest that was once star-studded with names like Julius Erving, Michael Jordan, and Dominique Wilkins. To Dwight Howard's credit, he has done his part in reviving the contest the past two years.

The NBA needs to bring back big name superstars to the Slam Dunk Contest. They seem to forget that the lack of superstars is what killed the contest in the late 90s. Sure, it's good to get some up-and-comers in there, but bringing in superstars is what makes the contest appealing to those who aren't die-hard fans. During the 2000 All-Star Break, the Slam Dunk Contest returned after a two year hiatus, and it seemed the NBA was finally bringing it back the right way. The contest included stars like Vince Carter and his cousin Tracy McGrady (who were Raptors teammates at the time) and Vince Carter turned in what might be the contest's greatest performance of all time. Unfortunately, the contest quickly lost steam in the early 2000s, despite great performances by Jason Richardson and other non-household names. How can the NBA make this contest something NBA fans and non-NBA fans alike look forward to year after year?

Enter Shaquille O'Neal. According to the Cleveland Plain Dealer, Shaq has promised to talk LeBron into entering the contest but, as his manager (?), he will only allow him to enter if Vince Carter, Kobe Bryant, and another big name comes back out. So how will Shaq convince LeBron and three other stars to come back to the contest? Shaq hopes he can get a big cash money prize (that shouldn't be a problem with his bloated contract), with half of the money going to relief efforts in Haiti and the other half going to the winner. Sounds like a pretty good plan to me. Let's hope Shaq can pull it off, for the good of the Dunk Contest and as another way to help ease the devastation in Haiti.

Those slated to actually participate in the Dunk Contest (unless Shaq gets his way) include Shannon Brown (it's official!), Gerald Wallace, and much to NBA fans' dismay, returning champion Nate Robinson. The fourth contestant will be the winner of the Slam Dunk-In between the Clippers' Eric Gordon and Raptors rookie DeMar Derozan. I've been hoping all season long to see Shannon Brown in the contest and Gerald Wallace was another player I had hoped to see, even though he was already in it back in 2003.

As for Nate, he's already won the Dunk Contest twice, and at 5'9", is there really anything else he can do that he hasn't already done? I hope he proves me wrong, but I just can't imagine a player under 6 feet ever topping 5'7" Spud Webb's legendary performance in 1986.

Another Preseason Posterization by Gerald Wallace

Ok, so this one isn't nearly as nice as Shannon Brown demoralizing Mikki Moore, but it's still a pretty sick dunk. The main reason I wanted to post this one was that Gerald Wallace's victim was New Orleans' Sean Marks, who HAMS once described as looking like a high school science teacher. I always thought that was pretty hilarious and true.