The Bengals have become well known in the Mike Brown era of ownership for making some of the worst personnel decisions in the league. The goal appears to be simple: build an incredibly unstable core of possibly talented, but definitely combustible athletes.The question of why Brown chooses to run his team this way is moot. But assuming insanity in Cincinnati (Cinsanity?) really is the goal, there's one obvious obstacle in his way: these players keep getting arrested, suspended, drunk, fat, or in one tragic case dead.
So each and every year the Bengals sign the newest generation of miscreants. I'll go back a couple of years to illustrate:
In 2007 drunkard Odell Thurman and general asshole Shuan Smith (who was brought back to the team for a few games in 2009) left the team. The Bengals went out and got Harvard (freaking Harvard) quarterback Ryan "Crazy Legs" Fitzpatrick. In 2008 the team lost Chris Henry to suspension. They replaced him by drafting DUI machine Jason Shirley, and signing Jordan Palmer, who runs the ridiculously nerdy RunPee. Later in the season they added Cedric "DUI-by-land-or-by-sea" Benson.
Brown continued the trend in 2009. After losing Fitzpatrick and TJ Houshmandzadeh (trust me, if you look right into his eyes you can see the crazy) they went out and got an established public drinker in Tank Johnson. They also drafted the red-flagged Rey Maualuga and Bernard Scott. Then mid-season they nabbed Larry Johnson, not exactly known for being a gentleman.
And for once many these picks panned out. Mike lost Larry, Shaun Smith (again) and Chris Henry (again . . . RIP), but the rest are still on the team for the upcoming 2010 season.
Mike Brown no doubt felt emboldened by his sudden success. He resigned Tank Johnson, got cocaine-fueled burnout Matt Jones, and drafted Carlos "I'm-too-drunk-and-sleepy-to-finish-driving-through-this-intersection-right-now" Dunlap. And as of today, Brown signed the poster-child of NFL run-ins with the law Adam "Pacman" Jones.
Ladies and gentlemen, what an astonishing collection of assholes!
But another big move happened to day. The Oakland Raiders gave up on former number one draft pick JaMarcus Russell. This is the Bengals chance to get what could be the fattest backup quarterback in the league. I mean, how much worse can he be than JT O'Sullivan anyway?
I actually back this move, if for nothing else the sheer hilarity. Brown has the team set for a boom-or-bust year anyway. This usually means bust for the Bengals (remember 2006?). So let's wait for the inevitable Palmer injury and see if the JaMarcus show lights it up in Cincinnati like he did in Oakland. Infrequently, with the aura of a spectacular failure on par with the Hindenburg.
Come on Mike, pick up the phone. You know you want to!
i bet JaMarcus would be happy to come to Cincinnati and get some use of that big ass ugly fur coat. Gross.
ReplyDeleteI met some Bengals fans at an ATL bar and told them about my suspicions that the Bengals could possibly go after Russell. They laughed loudly, then agreed that sadly this could be possibly. And they specifically noted the Pacman signing.
ReplyDeleteHere's the thing guys: the Bengals will either go to to the Superbowl this year or they'll miss the playoffs entirely. There's really no inbetween anymore.
im pumped. i mean, we will have a really solid defense next year. hopefully palmer will do something but it doesnt matter as much now because the defense will be high quality. but those eyes, those mike brown eyes, there is a whirling dervish behind them
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