Funny Bengals Tweets Vol. III

Back for round three, the 'Stache brings you the newest installment of his column that takes the least original thought!

Linebacker Rey Maualuga (Maualuga58) tweeted while driving (presumably he still has his 2003 Pontiac Sunfire), then bought himself a new computer:

• Traffic on the 71? I thought I left that in LA.
• What apps shud I download for my Ipad besides angry birds...
  

Defensive tackle Tank Johnson (TankJohnson99) finally saw Avatar, then hit up Las Vegas:

• Avatar F'n awesome *pause* need more Crown! Holy Shit I'm in Pandora
• Cmon son a Avatar sex scene how can I live on earth anymore! This shits wack
• G string wita tail #stopit
• I hate humans! Greed money hungry bastards!

• Attention Vegas! Im comin to town to take all ya doh! So if u have a problem w it better stop me at baggage claim! Cuz #imfeelinlucky
• Finna turn this 50 bucks into a few million! #trynstopme! Bet on black! And waitresses in short skirts please avoid my blackjack table thx
  

Linebacker Dhani Jones (DhaniJones) has body issues:

• I'm serious... What's up with everybody hating on chest hair... No razor, no clippers, no waxing, allow men to be men
  

Former offensive tackle Willie Anderson (WillAnderson79) offered up advice on meeting women:

• Guy just told me when he meets a woman he checks out her arms. Lol He said "Boobs, butt, eye lashes etc can be fake. Arms tell the truth ...
• Lol That's funny. My brother told me to check a woman's health history and her family's. I guess Women can and should do the same!

Rookie linebacker Roddrick Muckelroy (youngMuck38 - an awesome handle by the way) really enjoyed his dinner:

• first time really just eatting at Chipotle it was good i must say lol
  
• feel like a king an i just found my crown :)
  

Zoo Babies

Spring has sprung! The NFL draft happened this weekend, which means we get our first peak at the newest Bengals. Without further ado, I present to you the newest tiger cubs in Cincinnati:


Here's first round pick Jermaine Gresham nursing. He's predicted to be the teams new number one Tight End. He comes to Cincinnati all the way from the jungles of the Oklahoma Sooners. Hope he grows up into a mauler.









This beautiful creature is the only white Bengal tiger Cincinnati drafted this year. His name is Jordan Shipley, and he hails from Austin, Texas, home of the Longhorns. He was a third round pick, and his main position is wide reciever (as a side note - yes that's right. The Bengals drafted a white wide receiver).




And here's 2nd and 3rd round picks Carlos Dunlap (left) and Brandon Ghee playing together. Both will look to get snaps on defensive in nickel situations. Carlos is a Defensive end, and as you can see he's doing his best impression of an alligator. That's because he grew up in Gainsville, FL. Brandon wails from Wake Forrest, and he's the fastest of the new cubs. He looks to become the team's number three cornerback.



That cuddly duo on the right is linebacker Roddick Muckelroy (left) and wide receiver Dezmon Briscoe. Roddick comes to Cincinnati from the University of Texas and was a fourth round pick. Dezmon comes from Kansas, and arrives in Cincinnati via the sixth round.






These are the three biggest cubs, so no surprise they'll be looking to play offensive and defensive line. On the left is Geno Atkins, a defensive tackle from Georgia picked in the fourth round. In the middle is fifth round pick Otis Hudson. He'll be playing Guard. That cutie on the right is Reggie Stephens who hails from Iowa State. He was picked in the seventh round and will face an uphill battle to stay on the team.



It's a shame they can't stay young forever.