Lady Lakers to fill in for missing NBA All-Stars

It has been reported from several super trust worthy news sources that the Lady Lakers of, uh, Michigan will replace the NBA players who will sit out this Sunday night for the NBA All-Star Game in Dallas at 7 PM EST on TNT. Commissioner David Stern attempted to find NBA players to replace the All-Stars who will miss Sunday's game, but apparently every player he contacted had already planned a vacation and/or told him to "get the fuck out [they] face with that All-Star Weekend bullshit." Stern had hoped to have the following players to replace these All-Stars:

Denver's Chauncey Billups for New Orleans' Chris Paul (injured knee)

The Clippers' Chris Kaman for Portland's Brandon Roy (injured hamstring)

New York's David Lee for Philadelphia's Allen Iverson (attending to sick daughter)

Dallas Maverick/New Beginnings Retirement Home resident Jason Kidd for the Lakers' Kobe Bryant (injured ankle, broken finger, back spasms, obsessive work ethic, delusions of grandeur, unhealthy Michael Jordan fetish, etc.)

The Lady Lakers seem poised to take the court at Cowboys Stadium in front of the largest crowd assembled in basketball history with more than 90,000 expected. When reporters asked if they were ready to perform against the NBA's elite in front of a record breaking crowd, they responded in unison with a resounding "Duh!"