Oh damn, there's some football games tomorrow

After about 10:00 pm tomorrow we'll know who's playing in the Superbowl!

In the first fight we've got Payton Manning & the 16-2 Colts hosting the surging 11-7 Jets. Now, the Jets have the league's best defense and some pretty damn good running backs. But the Colts have Manning at quarterback and the Jets have the mistake-prone rookie Mark Sanchez.

The Jets surprised many by beating the Chargers last round, but the Colts are just too good this year. For all the talk about the Jets' confidence after taking down the Chargers, the Colts are probably feeling pretty good after destroying the Ravens, who themselves took out Indy's arch-rival Patriots in the Wild-Card round. I think the Colts will be headed back to the Superbowl for the second time in 5 years with relative ease.

Now for the main event - the NFC Championship Game. For most of the season, the Vikings and Saints clearly stood out as this conference's best teams, and in their Divisional Round games they certainly looked the part - beating the Cowboys and Cardinals by 31 points each. I shudder to even predict the winner of this game, but with a gun to my head I suppose I would pick the Saints to advance to the franchise's first Superbowl.

Too bad the Bengals couldn't crash the party too.

Da party ain't in Cincinnati, Shayne

Looks like the only original Dank Game nickname (Shayne "Where-da-party-at?" Graham, for those who don't know) isn't gonna stick. At least not in Cincinnati. Get the fuck outta here, Shayne. Now, let's do all we can to help promote WhoDeyRevolution's nickname for Brian Leonard: "The White Weapon." It's only a matter of time before it catches on.

While I'm on the topic of the Bengals...

The latest from Chad Ochocinco's Twitter acount: "My birtday present-super truck."

Who gave it to him? Unfortunately, I don't know.

Asleep on the job, Teenage Mustache? I'm doin' your work for you now, huh? Go figure out what Ron Artest is doing for me, would ya? You owe me one.

Stakes is High

The moment of truth has arrived, and hopefully it won't be the last for the Bengals during the ensuing NFL Playoffs. After an embarrassing 37-0 blowout by the Jets last Sunday it's hard to remain optimistic, but I'm trying my damndest to have that glass-half-full outlook that has been so hard to maintain throughout this season. Obviously the Bengals didn't go all out for last week's game. Starting running back Cedric Benson was out, as well as key defenders Domata Peko, Robert Geathers, and Chris Crocker. But still, it's just really hard to go into this game feeling confident in this team. It's been a draining season for us Bengals fans, despite a winning record and the first playoff berth since the 2005-06 season. Let's just hope this team can at least manage to make it out of the first round. Anyhow, enough ranting from someone who knows hardly anything about football. Let's get ready to go out there and show the Jets why the Cincinnati Bengals are the AFC North Champs! I'll be in attendance doing my best to cheer for the entire Dank Game community. I'll also be wearing my new Jeff Blake jersey. Wish me and the tigers luck!

Put some points up on that board and win the game for Cincinnati!

R.I.P. Slim... This one's for you!

Bengals dismantle Bears, Benson gets revenge

After missing my friend's call inviting me to go to last week's game against the Houston Texans, I luckily got his call this week to go to the Bears game. I'm pretty glad I missed the call for the Texans game, as it was the most depressing game of the season and the Bears game was far and away the most encouraging game of the year as well as the most fun Bengals game I've ever attended. Beer was flowing, fists were pumping, and high fives were never ending. I couldn't ask for much more. Because there were so many Bears fans in attendance, it felt amazing to walk through Paul Brown Stadium repping the black and orange with pride. Also, initiating "Who Dey!" chants in the bathroom was totally amusing.

The Bengals just couldn't seem to do wrong. Cedric Benson had the game of his career, running for a career high 189 yards against his former team. Carson Palmer also had one of the finest games of his career, completing 20 of 24 passes for 233 yards and five touchdowns. What really stood out to me was that the Bengals didn't have any huge plays throughout the game. They just moved the ball down the field with consistency and converted over and over again in the red zone. In fact, Jay Cutler had more yards than Palmer with 251, but he was forcing long throws that led to 3 interceptions.

Because Mustache was working in Columbus, I kept him up on the game via text messages. Just for the hell of it, here is our correspondance:

Slim (4:24): TD Bengals!
Mustache (4:37): Sweet. Keep the updates coming. Who dey
Slim (4:47): Another TD! 14-0!
Slim (5:01): Another TD! 21-0!
Mustache (5:16): Amazing. Who scored? What quarter?
Slim (5:23): I cant even keep up with who is scoring. 28 to 0 Bengals!
Slim (5:31): Where-da-party-at with a field goal. 31 to 0 Bengals!
Slim (6:08): U back home yet?
Mustache (6:10): Hell no. Still working
Slim (6:11): Weak. Bengals got dis shit.
Slim (6:29): Who dey!
Mustache (6:29): Hell yeah
Slim (6:39): 45 to 3 Bengals!

What a glorious game. If only my homeboy Brett Favre and the Vikings could've pulled it out against the Steelers, it would've been the best day of NFL football this season.

Slim's Week 6 NFL Observations

Once again, I'm filling in for Teenage Mustache with NFL coverage while he's out havin' fun in the warm California sun.

First up, a bit of good news for us Cincinnatians. While Antwan Odom is out for the season and will udergo surgery for his ruptured Achille's tendon, Domata Peko's knee injury is not serious. His availability for next week's home game against the Bears (which I'll be attending BTW) will be assessed later this week. Also, rookie tackle Andre Smith will return to practice after being sidelined all season from a broken foot suffered in practice.

There were some brutal blowouts on Sunday, most notably the Patriots who destroyed the lowly Titans 59-0 in the midst of New England flurries. The Pats set franchise records for points and yards with 619. Tom Brady also had the most touchdown passes in a quarter by any player since 1950, with five in the second quarter. The Titans are the worst defensive team in the league, and obviously they lived up to their reputation.

The Saints continued to impress, remaining undefeated at 5-0 as they beat the Giants 48-27. It should be noted that the Giants came into the game with the #1 defense in the league. Not sure if they still do after this one, though. After having two straight weeks without a touchdown pass, Drew Brees got back on track with 4 touchdown passes and 369 yards. I have to assume at this point the MVP picture has been narrowed down between Brees and Peyton Manning.

Brett Favre and the Vikings also remain undefeated at 6-0, after narrowly escaping a loss to the Ravens after a last second field goal miss that would have given Baltimore a one point victory had it been good. This gives Minnesota a comfortable lead in the NFC North, with the Packers in second at 3-2.

The Broncos and Colts are the only other remaining undefeated teams, as those old school brown and yellow unis that everyone seems to hate continue to keep Denver going strong. The Broncos knocked off division rivals San Diego to maintain their surprising run. I watched most of the first half and what stood out most was Denver's Eddie Royal, who returned a kickoff for a 93-yard touchdown in the first quarter as well as a punt for a 71-yard touchdown. Phillip Rivers and the Chargers offense were looking good in the first half, but those missteps on special teams ended up costing them the game.

What do you gotta say about the Broncos now, 'stache? I thought they were going to be the worst team in the NFL. I'm sure you'll be able to call me out on my NBA season predictions, so I should probably keep quiet.

Ugly Sunday in Cincinnati

Because Teenage Mustache is on official Dank Game business in the City of Angels (make us proud, 'stache), I'll be incapably filling in with some NFL coverage.

It seemed like due time that the Bengals fucked up enough to keep the game out of reach in the final minutes. No Carson Palmer heroics could pull them out of this one. While the injuries to defensive tackle Domata Peko (awaiting MRI results on an injured knee) and defensive end Antwan Odom (out for the season with a ruptured Achille's tendon) hurt the Bengals chances of winning on Sunday, it certainly didn't boil down to just that.

The second quarter was the only moment the Bengals looked alive on offense, scoring on a run by Cedric Benson, a tippy toe catch in the back of the end zone by Laveranues Coles, and a field goal at the end of the half by Shane "where-da-party-at?" Graham. During the second half, the Bengals just couldn't get the ball down the field. The offense was simply horrendous. Something has to be done with tight end Daniel Coats, who can't catch a pass for his life. When he finally did manage to catch one, of course he fumbled it. Not only did Coats do his best to fuck shit up, but tight end J. P. Foschi did his part in fucking up as well. Just a few plays after the Bengals recovered a Texans' fumble in the final minutes, Foschi would fumble the ball after catching a pass, putting an end to any hope of a "Cardiac Cats" comeback. I thought the Bengals drafted some really great tight end named Chase Coffman. As far as I know, this guy hasn't even played. What's the deal?

The defense was looking decent prior to Pecko and Odom going down. I can't really comment on this much though, as I was chasing my dog outside for at least 5 minutes of the first quarter after she escaped through my friend's front door. Not that I would've had any insight if that didn't happen, though. I do know that Odom blocked a field goal before his injury though, and that was pretty sweet. From that point on, Houston had its way with the Cincinnati defense.

All I can say is this was a thoroughly disappointing game. Despite a decent effort from Ochocinco, he didn't score a touch down, which meant no Mexican Jumping Bengal celebration. It's my belief that had this celebration happened, it would have energized the Bengals and Paul Brown Stadium enough for them to fight through the injuries and pull this one off.

Week 5 NFL Observations

Starting with the last game first, here's Mustache's observations (stachvations? mustavations? I'll work on this) from week 5 in the NFL:

The Dolphins are back. Written off after a 3 game losing streak to start the season, it looked like Miami was in a division where the Jets and Patriots would distance themselves easily from the bottom of the pack. But after back-to-back Jets and Patriots losses and back-to-back division wins for the Fins, the pecking order has changed a little bit. But not for Buffalo. They lost to the Browns in a game where their quarterback only completed two passes.

I am probably most surprised by Jacksonville's blowout loss to the Seahawks. Seattle has been mediocre at best this season, and the Jaguars looked like a team that could turn it around after a poor start. If the Jaguars are going to be a contender this season they have to win games like this, not lose by 41 points. After a few seasons of being the best division in the AFC, the South looks terrible. After the undefeated Colts, the remaining three teams have a combined 4-11 record.

McNabb is back in Philadelphia, and I'll be damned if the Eagles don't look like a top 5 team again. The Eagle's young receivers look excellent, and McNabb threw two incredible touchdown passes. This is probably the best team to have lost a game (sorry Bengals).

Other notables:

Indianapolis, the New York Giants and Minnesota continue to look excellent, all winning in convincing fashion.

Pittsburgh had some trouble with Detroit and Dallas had a lot of trouble with Kansas City. Both did pull out wins, but these teams are not as good as many think, especially not the Cowboys.