The Future of the Cincinnati Bengals

It's time to face the music. Unless the 2010 Cincinnati Bengals go on a massive winning streak, they won't be playing post-season football this year. At worst they can lose two more games and still play January football.

Also worth noting is the staggering number of impact players for the team who's futures are in jeopardy. Some players are simply entering their prime while closing out their rookie deals, like starting cornerbacks Leon Hall and Jonathan Joseph. Other players are mid-career pickups who owner/General Manager Mike Brown likes to low-ball into short performance-incentive-based contracts like CB "Pacman" Jones, WR Terrell Owens and most notably RB Cedric Benson.

In a third category are aging superstars with long term contracts nearing their ends. Bengals fans are probably familiar with WR Chad Ochocinco and QB Carson Palmer, who is owed something like $12 million next season.

Anyone familiar with how Mike Brown runs this team knows we aren't getting all of these players back. Either CB Hall or Joseph will likely be retained along with the far less expensive Pacman, but probably not both. Unless no one else is willing to pay him, on the strength of a good season T.O. is likely headed out of town. Chad is headed into a Club-option year in his contract and will either whine for a new contract, a trade or simply for the Bengals to not use the option and give him up to free agency. Regardless of how all these lower priority Bengals contracts pan out, the team will look much different next year than it does right now.

But the biggest difference will be at either quarterback or running back. With Benson not under contract at all beyond this season and Palmer owed more money than he is likely worth at this stage in his career, it seems extremely unlikely Mike Brown will pony up the cash to keep them both. But assuming he keeps one (he really could lose both), the other position will have to be addressed in the 2011 draft.

Enter Mike Brown first round draft pick speculation:

7 Reasons the Bengals Will Win the Superbowl This Year

For serious this time!

This is as good a Bengals team as Mike Brown has ever put together in twenty years (20!!!) of being owner/general manager. If they don't get it done this year, they simply might never win the big one in Big Mikey's lifetime. And given the uncertainty of the salary cap and labor agreement beyond the current season, it's always possible the NFL turns into an MLB-style major market hell hole. No way will the Bengals compete for a championship in that environment - more likely they'd turn (back) into football's version of the Orioles/Pirates.

But cheer up, because this is the year Cincinnati gets it done. And here's why, in order:

1. Defensive Coordinator Mike Zimmer - How in the hell did we get this guy? A successful defensive coordinator in Dallas for over a decade, Zimmer got stuck in the implosion that was the post-Bad Newz Kennelz Atlanta Falcons. Cincinnati almost literally pulled a phoenix out of the ashes, and in two seasons Coach Zim turned one of the least respected units in football into the number four overall defense. Even more amazing, Mike Brown was actually able to re-sign him this offseason. There are whispers that Zimmer secretly holds the heir to the head coaching throne, as Marvin Lewis is not yet under contract beyond this season. The only (realistic) arrangement where I wouldn't be totally pissed if the Bengals lost Lewis is if they were to hand it over to Zimmer. Despite a schedule against most of the best offenses of last season, I still believe the Bengals defense will repeat their top five performance, and Zimmer is why.

2. Starting cornerbacks Jonathan Joseph and Leon Hall - These are the guys that allow the "Z-fence" to work. They are simply the best pair of cornerbacks in the NFL. Nobody is going to pass all over these two. 'Nuff said.

3. Running Backs Cedric Benson, Bernard Scott and Brian Leonard - With the TO signing and the Gresham and Shipley draft picks people aren't talking much about the Bengals running backs - but they should be. The trio is quite possible to best in the NFL, each offering a unique talent. Benson hit the mythical 100 yard mark in six games last season, adding a 100+ game in the postseason. Scott always seems ready to break off a run for a few dozen yards, and many whispers are coming out of camp that he is primed for a break through season. If he were to improve on his outstanding rookie season to the point where he "broke through" beyond that, we'd really be talking about a game changing player (I have to admit, I'm a big Scott fan). And then there's the White Weapon, Leonard, who simply wills the team to win.

4. Terrell Owens - He will not single-handedly improve the offense, but just him wanting to come here is a sign that this is a new era in Bengals football. The onus of the '90s is finally starting to disappear, and some people realize that the Bengals are no longer perpetually bad. At worst Owens is a slight upgrade over L. "I'm-not-even-going-to-try" Coles being that he is much bigger and taller. At best he is explosive enough to replace TJ Houshmandzadeh and Chris Henry, depending on where he lines up. TO will likely not lead the team in catches or yards, but his presence will allow multiple other players to have career years.

5. Jermaine Gresham - If Gresham is half of what he's advertised to be, third down will never be a problem for the Bengals. He's 6'-5" and quick as hell. But he's also quite strong, and unlike fellow tight end Chase Coffman has more natural potential to block. Given that Coffman is said to have made mighty strides in the offseason and with Reggie Kelly back healthy, the Bengals are suddenly somewhat strong at TE. But Gresham is the cream of the crop, and is expected to have an enormous impact even as a rookie.

6. Carson Palmer - Did everyone forget about our quarterback, the Heisman winning number one overall pick of the 2003 draft? Well, he's still good, if not fantastic. In the fantasy football era, people base quality of play on putting up video game numbers. Well, yes, Palmer has become more of a first-rate game manager than game changing canon-armed hot shot who had the entire team's success on his shoulder. But he won this team games when it really counted last year, and a much better offense is in place now. Even if he doesn't throw for 4,000+ yards, Palmer will win games for this team in 2010. Reports out of training camp are fairly good, and supposedly his full arm strength has finally returned after his 2008 elbow injury.

7. 2010 - It's the Year of the Tiger. It's in the fuckin' stars! Get excited people!

NFL's Biggest Collection of Jackasses?

Well, the Bengals done signed Terrell Owens. Owens doesn't have the best reputation as a teammate, though Mike Brown thought highly enough to make him a last minute addition to the team. And Cincinnati might now have the most jackass-filled roster in pro football, although it should be noted that the presence of Roethlisberger alone puts Pittsburgh way up there. On the bright side, they could very well join other jackass filled teams in Lombardi trophy history (1970's Steelers and Raiders, I'm looking at you).

So I'm taking a look at all the guys on the roster who seem like assholes. This isn't about arrests (Leon Hall is not on the list in spite of a DUI arrest last offseason for example), but I'm factoring some in.

Asshole index:

Adam Jones (CB) - HIGH - He has missed two entire seasons of football in a five year career because of off-the-field incidents - no, catastrophes. I'm honestly surprised he wasn't suspended for life. His most recent team, Dallas, hired around the clock security to keep him out of trouble and he ended up getting in a fight with a bodyguard. If he hadn't said and done all the right things since coming to Cincinnati (after sitting out last year and probably going broke making it rain too many times) I'd make a special category that only he and Ben Roethlisberger could fill.

Terrell Owens (WR) - HIGH - has called out the following teammates in public: Jeff Garcia (49ers), Donovan McNabb (Eagles) and Tony Romo (Cowboys). He has also claimed to have intentionally dropped passes when his team didn't include him enough in the game plan. He did however play nice in Buffalo last season.

Offseason Bengals Arrests Now At Three

It's not a "spree" just yet, but it's getting there:

I'm way late to report this, but Bengals starting running back Cedric Benson was recently arrested. This makes three arrests of Bengals players since the end of the season in January.

I detailed the first arrest in great fear after linebacker Rey "I finally remember how to spell his last name without looking it up" Maualuga's DUI arrest in Covingtion, KY. I specifically feared a 2006-esque Bengals crime spree.

Then Maurice "I'm sure you don't know who I'm talking about" Purify was arrested for assault or something. I don't remember for sure what the charge was, and I don't feel like looking it up. His chances of making the team next year were next to nothing before the arrest, as he was a practice squad project for a year and half and then made the roster for about three games.

But now with Benson's arrest I'm getting a little edgy. It's a weird story. Basically, he was accosted at a bar in Austin, Texas (He was a Longhorn in his college years) and possibly retaliated with a punch. The facts are very much contradictory right now, but every day it seems more and more likely he'll escape prosecution and hopefully even a suspension. Still, it's disheartening that a guy who's career was once derailed by trouble with law (two DUI's in one year) is still putting himself in bad situations.

The one thing going for Benson here is that it took a full month for charges to be pressed against the star player and that no two people seem to have their stories straight. The unfortunate thing for Cedric is that the ongoing investigation has completely derailed contract talks with the Bengals. Benson's contract ends after the season.

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To end this post on a positive, I'd like to let readers who aren't aware that Maualuga has been widely reported as talking about his DUI arrest and subsequent clinical treatment for alcoholism as a complete success. He says he hasn't had a single alcoholic drink since January, that he's in the best shape of his life, and that Chad Ochocinco helped keep him on the straight and narrow with his patented Red Bull and cranberry juice concoction.

Now if only Ron Artest could get him down with orange slices and winning championships too.

The Bengal's Big Chance

The Bengals have become well known in the Mike Brown era of ownership for making some of the worst personnel decisions in the league. The goal appears to be simple: build an incredibly unstable core of possibly talented, but definitely combustible athletes.

The question of why Brown chooses to run his team this way is moot. But assuming insanity in Cincinnati (Cinsanity?) really is the goal, there's one obvious obstacle in his way: these players keep getting arrested, suspended, drunk, fat, or in one tragic case dead.

So each and every year the Bengals sign the newest generation of miscreants. I'll go back a couple of years to illustrate:

In 2007 drunkard Odell Thurman and general asshole Shuan Smith (who was brought back to the team for a few games in 2009) left the team. The Bengals went out and got Harvard (freaking Harvard) quarterback Ryan "Crazy Legs" Fitzpatrick. In 2008 the team lost Chris Henry to suspension. They replaced him by drafting DUI machine Jason Shirley, and signing Jordan Palmer, who runs the ridiculously nerdy RunPee. Later in the season they added Cedric "DUI-by-land-or-by-sea" Benson.

I wonder how many times I could type "Who Dey" before I've used too many characters for a title

Who fuckin' dey!

Who now remains that says this isn't a great team?

They just swept division rival Baltimore. That's right, the Ravens. You remember, they played in the AFC Championship game last season. Against Superbowl champion Pittsburgh. Who the Bengals also beat this season. And who they play again next Sunday.

At any rate, Cincinnati is on pace for a 12-4 season at the midway point. No 12-4 team has ever missed the playoffs. And Cincinnati has 4 very easy games left on their schedule (at Oakland, vs. Cleveland, vs. Detroit, vs. Kansas City), which suggests an easy path to at least a 10-6 record.

To say I'm thrilled with Cincinnati this season is an understatement. This team is going to win a lot more games than they lose. They aren't putting up top of the league stats, but I'm starting to think that's a good thing. This team wins without one player having to put up a top 5 performance.

Oh, except Cedric Benson. I cannot explain the success he's had with the Bengals. Hopefully he won't be in the Pro Bowl because he's preparing for the Superbowl!

Don't be surprised if the following Bengals (in order) make the Pro Bowl either:
Leon Hall (CB)
Carson Palmer (QB)
Jonathan Joseph (CB)
Dhani Jones (MLB) - as an alternate perhaps

Final thought - The Bengals never came close to scoring in the second half, but they still won by ten. They forced Joe Flacco to two of the worst performances of his career. This team may not put up numbers, but they win games.

I'm looking forward to the Saints-Bengals Superbowl!

Bengals dismantle Bears, Benson gets revenge

After missing my friend's call inviting me to go to last week's game against the Houston Texans, I luckily got his call this week to go to the Bears game. I'm pretty glad I missed the call for the Texans game, as it was the most depressing game of the season and the Bears game was far and away the most encouraging game of the year as well as the most fun Bengals game I've ever attended. Beer was flowing, fists were pumping, and high fives were never ending. I couldn't ask for much more. Because there were so many Bears fans in attendance, it felt amazing to walk through Paul Brown Stadium repping the black and orange with pride. Also, initiating "Who Dey!" chants in the bathroom was totally amusing.

The Bengals just couldn't seem to do wrong. Cedric Benson had the game of his career, running for a career high 189 yards against his former team. Carson Palmer also had one of the finest games of his career, completing 20 of 24 passes for 233 yards and five touchdowns. What really stood out to me was that the Bengals didn't have any huge plays throughout the game. They just moved the ball down the field with consistency and converted over and over again in the red zone. In fact, Jay Cutler had more yards than Palmer with 251, but he was forcing long throws that led to 3 interceptions.

Because Mustache was working in Columbus, I kept him up on the game via text messages. Just for the hell of it, here is our correspondance:

Slim (4:24): TD Bengals!
Mustache (4:37): Sweet. Keep the updates coming. Who dey
Slim (4:47): Another TD! 14-0!
Slim (5:01): Another TD! 21-0!
Mustache (5:16): Amazing. Who scored? What quarter?
Slim (5:23): I cant even keep up with who is scoring. 28 to 0 Bengals!
Slim (5:31): Where-da-party-at with a field goal. 31 to 0 Bengals!
Slim (6:08): U back home yet?
Mustache (6:10): Hell no. Still working
Slim (6:11): Weak. Bengals got dis shit.
Slim (6:29): Who dey!
Mustache (6:29): Hell yeah
Slim (6:39): 45 to 3 Bengals!

What a glorious game. If only my homeboy Brett Favre and the Vikings could've pulled it out against the Steelers, it would've been the best day of NFL football this season.