Quarterbacking the 2011 Cincinnati Bengals

For obvious reasons, the 2011 Cincinnati Bengals will scantly resemble the 2010 or 2009 Queen City Tigers. For starters, in all likelihood the team will be coached by a man who's name isn't Marvin Lewis for the first time since 2002.

At this point not retaining Lewis is really more of a business decision for owner Mike Brown, suddenly struggling to sell tickets for the first time since the Dick LeBeau era. They have a head-coach-in-waiting in defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer however, and there remains a slim chance Marvin will actually be retained. Outside of these two options only meager speculations exist, which perhaps I'll write a future post about.

What's more fun is the guessing game that is Bengals quarterbacks of the future. Let's review some candidates:

1. Carson Palmer - Carson is due something like $12 million next year, so on the surface it would be a good time for Mike Brown to rid himself of that albatross of a contract. However, even if the Bengals take a rookie QB in the draft, it will still be most sensible to keep Palmer around as the starter for at least a little while. And who knows, having an up and coming fresh QB behind Palmer (i.e. not his younger brother) might even make him better.


2. Trades/Free Agents - Slightly troubled Titans QB Vince Young and either Eagles QBs Kevin Kolb or Mike Vick might very well be available in free agency or trade next season. Redskins QB Donovan McNabb could also be on the outs after only one season in Washington. It's not really Mike Brown's style to actually go after one of these guys, but the possibility is certainly there. The Bengals were the only club besides Philadelphia to offer Vick a contract upon his release from federal prison.


3. The Draft: There are several good, or at least intriguing, college quarterbacks likely entering the draft this year. With the Bengals choosing high in each round, they are likely to be able to land a decent one even in the second round. Stanford's Andrew Luck is widely regarded as the top of the heap. Auburn's Cameron Newton, Washington's Jake Locker and Arkansas's Ryan Mallett are other strong contenders.

The biggest key to any of these candidates succeeding is probably solid offensive coaching and a good offensive line. Cincinnati has neither in Offensive Coordinator Bob Bratkowski, or their mediocre line. Bratkowski should have been replaced years ago, but remains safe for unknown reasons. Right Tackle Andre Smith was supposed to shore up the latter problem, but he can't stay healthy. The Bengals would probably be better off getting a top flight offensive lineman as opposed to a QB, but this franchise is not known for sound decision making.

Hell, who knows. Maybe Jordan Palmer will be their starting QB next year.

A New Dank Game Rivalry Is Upon Us...

And it features Dank Game's top two teams from the "Who We Rep" sidebar. I thought the Thunder/Heat Dank Game rivalry was going to be legendary, but it looks like the Wade/Lebron vs. T. Ocho rivalry could be even better. I find it funny that Chris Bosh is completely left out. Maybe Bosh could be included by getting Carson involved. I'm guessing he could ball, right? Hmmm, on second thought, maybe not so much. Perhaps hoops is more of Jordan Palmer's thing. Y'know, the more I think about it, I'm starting to think Jordan wouldn't be all that great either. I think the Palmer brothers are off the hook on this one. But maybe Marvin Lewis got game?

While I'm at it, here's a clip of T.O. throwing down an oop at Rucker Park followed by some guy appropriately named Miles High dunking on him.

HOF Game Heroes and Villians

Hey, it's Dank Game's 400th post, right as football season is upon us! As we just celebrated our 1 year anniversary, I won't make a big deal about our latest milestone. But I think we'll have to do something for 500 posts, a la Eddie in Time Square, but better.

Anyway, I have to say the Hall of Fame Game last night could have put me in a better mood. It's still preseason and many starters barely played, but the team didn't truly look ready. In Coach Marvin Lewis' defense, the first preseason game usually comes after another full week of training camp. But either way, much needs to be worked on.

So let's get started with HOF Game Villians:

1. QBs J.T. O'Sullivan and Jordan Palmer - what was that? Those interceptions were pitiful. I realize that most NFL teams don't truly have a viable backup quarterback, but we have some of the worst. We're going to have a lot of problems should Carson go down to injury for any stretch. Which brings me to number two.

2. The Offensive Line (that's like 14 players) - As many feared, the Bengals pass protection looked unstable. None of the Bengals quarterbacks had much time to get the ball downfield, so I'll forgive a little bit of sloppy play from Carson and company. This unit is the biggest question mark on the team in my opinion, and I'm not encouraged by what I saw last night.

3. Tight End Daniel Coats - Every time Coats suits up in a Bengals uniform a little piece of my soul dies. Pray no other tight ends get hurt so he doesn't make the roster.

4. Cornerback Adam Jones (24) - He really didn't have that bad of a game, but he isn't quite ready to go against number one WRs again. Having been out of football for over a year, I think he'll be more ready to go by when the season starts. Won't it be nice when both Leon Hall and Jonathan Joseph start though?

The Bengal's Big Chance

The Bengals have become well known in the Mike Brown era of ownership for making some of the worst personnel decisions in the league. The goal appears to be simple: build an incredibly unstable core of possibly talented, but definitely combustible athletes.

The question of why Brown chooses to run his team this way is moot. But assuming insanity in Cincinnati (Cinsanity?) really is the goal, there's one obvious obstacle in his way: these players keep getting arrested, suspended, drunk, fat, or in one tragic case dead.

So each and every year the Bengals sign the newest generation of miscreants. I'll go back a couple of years to illustrate:

In 2007 drunkard Odell Thurman and general asshole Shuan Smith (who was brought back to the team for a few games in 2009) left the team. The Bengals went out and got Harvard (freaking Harvard) quarterback Ryan "Crazy Legs" Fitzpatrick. In 2008 the team lost Chris Henry to suspension. They replaced him by drafting DUI machine Jason Shirley, and signing Jordan Palmer, who runs the ridiculously nerdy RunPee. Later in the season they added Cedric "DUI-by-land-or-by-sea" Benson.