Throwback Posterization: D-Wade Throws Down On J.O.

I've been slipping lately with Throwback Posterizations, so I felt it would be necessary to post one today as a much needed distraction from all the LeBron James hoopla. In celebration of Miami's forthcoming return to relevance, I've decided to go with Dwyane Wade as a rookie dunking on Jermaine O'Neal from the 2004 Playoffs. The Pacers would go on to win the series in six games en route to a loss in the Conference Finals to the Detroit Pistons, who would go on to win the title.

Onto the dunk. Reggie Miller and Jamal Tinsley are distracted by Lamar Odom playing in the post, which opens up a clear lane to the hoop for Wade. Lamar Odom recognizes this and delivers the past to Wade who elevates up and over Jermaine O'Neal for the one-handed slam.

Will "The Ringleader" Follow Wade And Bosh To Miami? (UPDATE)

Finally, I can go to sleep at night knowing that I won't be stuck in NBA purgatory for the next several years as a Miami Heat fan. Chris Bosh has officially announced that he will be joining Dwyane Wade in South Beach as a member of the Miami Heat.

Now, the big question remains: Where will LeBron James wind up?

LeBron claimed in his Larry King interview that he was "The Ringleader" of the 2010 free agent class, but during the past week it has seemed that Bosh is more deserving of that title. Both Wade and LeBron have made no secret that they would like to play alongside Bosh, which has made Bosh's decision the primary domino in deciding where the other pieces would fall. Now that Bosh is indeed joining the Heat, LeBron appears to be torn between his loyalty towards Cleveland and the opportunity to form a three-headed monster in Miami. The Heat is capable of making this fantasy team a reality if they can trade away Michael Beasley's contract for cap space or if Bosh and Wade agree to take less money to accommodate LeBron.

Tomorrow night at 9 pm Eastern time, LeBron will announce his decision on ESPN in an unprecedented one-hour television special. Apparently the proceeds from the telecast will go to the Boys and Girls Club of America, which in my mind is a way to divert attention from the ludicrous ego trip this telecast truly is. As you can probably deduce from my tone, I'd rather LeBron stay in Cleveland and have Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh be the foundation of the Miami Heat going forward. My guess is that's exactly what will happen. I find it difficult to see LeBron participating in a one-hour special that would conclude by breaking the collective heart of his hometown.

If LeBron does decide to leave, what would this moment become known as in Cleveland's infamously long list of disappointing moments in sports? "The Telecast" or "The Departure" perhaps?

UPDATE: Multiple sources have reported that LeBron will leaved Cleveland to join Wade and Bosh in Miami. His television special tonight has been dubbed "The Decision" so I have to assume this will be the name given to LeBron's departure in Cleveland.

Real Free Agent Splash? The Bucks.

Lost amid all this big three talk in the NBA free agency period is the toiling of one executive, John Hammond of the Milwaukee Bucks. Most of the teams in that sweepstakes will come away empty-handed anyway. Hammond, a former assistant GM under Joe "build without superstars" Dumars with the Detroit Pistons, has made several heady moves this off-season that put the Bucks in good position to make the playoffs again in his second year on the job.

When John Salmons opted out of his contract, I thought the Bucks were done. With Salmons they went 22-8 last year and moved up down the stretch to sure up the 6th seed in the east. But today Hammond was able to re-sign John Salmons to a 5 year, $39 million deal. Along with his other low cost, low profile moves, Hammond will give the Bucks a balanced roster, albeit short on star power, much like his former boss Dumars did in Detroit. I like the Corey Maggette trade because it gives them another proven wing scorer who will take pressure off of Salmons and Brandon Jennings. Drew Gooden gives them a solid rebounding presence and he is a decent defender, which I know from his days with the Cavs.

I would imagine their starting five will be Jennings at the point, Maggette and Salmons on the wings, Gooden at power forward, and Andrew Bogut at center. The Bucks were a pretty good defensive team under coach Scott Skiles last year, but they lacked scoring punch. Adding Maggette and a solid rebounder in Gooden should help. John Hammond has done a great job developing a team that is very complimentary with the cast-offs of other teams. I think Joe Dumars would be proud. Dumars made similar acquisitions of journeymen players, Chaucey Billups and Rasheed Wallace. He turned them into a well balanced team that contended for years, and they actually won the title in 2004.

It's hard to say how good the Bucks can be this year, especially considering that the Eastern Conference is so up in the air with the big three still out there unsigned. I think I can comfortably predict that they will again make the Playoffs, which I honestly didn't feel good about before the re-signing of Salmons. In fact, despite the "star power" of the Joe Johnson signing, I think they could conceivably leapfrog the Hawks next year in the standings.

Let the Speculation Commence - AFC West Preview

I've already half- (but only half!) jokingly picked the Bengals as 2010 NFL champions. But since this part of the NFL calendar is exceptionally slow, I've decided to go ahead and start division by division previews. For no particular reason, I'm starting in the AFC West.

Last year the Broncos unexpectedly pulled to the front of the division with a 6-0 start. They more or less proved that streak to be a fluke when they won only two games the entire rest of the season. The Chargers have held the AFC West for several years now, with the last Division champion being a very different Broncos team in 2005. And with Kansas City in the middle (or possibly even beginning) of what looks to be a lengthy rebuilding project and the Oakland Raiders still being owned by "Count" Al Davis, it will be an uphill climb for anyone to unseat San Diego.

Division Winner: San Diego Chargers

Unless quarterback Phillip Rivers goes down, the Chargers will win the AFC West for a fifth straight year. They have arguably been on a slow decline since their stunning 14-2 2006 season, but not nearly slow enough for the rest of the weak division to catch up. Their defense might not be elite, but when the offense routinely scores thirty points per game it doesn't need to be. They took a running back in the first round as their projected starter, and he'll be put in a good situation. Ten wins should be enough to take the division, but I wouldn't be surprised if they hit eleven or twelve.

Division Runner-Up: Oakland Raiders

I'm not sure any team in football has done more to improve their roster this offseason than Oakland. And a big chunk of that improvement was just giving up on former first overall draft pick JaMarcus Russell. Replacing that quarterback will be former Redskins starter Jason Campbell, who unlike Russell has actually proved why people keep saying he has potential. I think the move will benefit both the franchise and Campbell and the Raiders may actually prove competitive this year. A wild-card berth still seems pretty unlikely though; Raiders fans should be happy to hit seven or eight wins.

Division Third Place: Denver Broncos

I still don't believe Josh McDaniels is a good head coach. After he somehow pulled together an excellent first half-season with somewhat mediocre talent last year, the team tanked big time to end the season. And then they drafted Tim Tebow - in the first round. Tebow will probably take several years to develop, if indeed he ever does and with a team that proved somehow able to win now, why not let Kyle Orton continue quarterbacking and get a player that can come in a contribute right away. Had the Broncos approached their draft and free agency differently I easily could have placed them second making a run at first. Instead I expect about six or seven wins.

Division Basement: Kansas City Chiefs

This team wisely has a serious youth movement going on. No one thought the shell of the once mighty early aughts Chiefs team was going anywhere fast, so they surrounded their young quarterback with young talent to develop. It will take a few more years for Kansas City to make any real noise, but they're probably only a season or two away from getting out of the division cellar. If the Browns managed to win five games last year, the Chiefs should be able to replicate the feat in 2010.

The Offseason Sucks - But It Could Suck Harder

Have you guys ever seen that episode of the Twilight Zone that chronicles the activities of the last man on Earth? Actually, I'm pretty sure that happens in many episodes - but I don't remember an episode about Dank-Game.Blogspot.com.

Well I'm proudly carrying on, even though in spite of extremely active NBA free agency, July has been the Month of the 'Stache. And even though NOTHING truly interesting is happening in the NFL, I'm still doing what I can in the hope that there are still other survivors out there. (To be honest though, if the Heat don't acquire one of these NBA superstars I'm pretty sure SlimMcForgetAboutIt is going to shut Dank Game down out of extreme self pity).

Getting to the point finally:

Former Oakland Raiders and current free agent quarterback JaMarcus Russell was arrested for possession of a controlled substance today. Apparently Russell has a mean Codeine addiction, especially if it's in liquid form (could this be the first Dank Game reference to Sizzurp?). Even more sadly, it was apparently widely known in the Frisco Bay area that he was on "lean" (hey, I'm still cool enough to use slang right?).

I once encountered a girl at my high school that was on Codeine following some kind of relatively minor surgery. The other student that was supposed to be watching her temporarily lost track and she ran into me (and almost knocked me over - big girl we're talking about here) in the lunchroom. She then proceeded to have great difficulty remembering my name and laughed maniacally about it. So if Russell really has been on this shit it would really help to explain his quarterbacking over the last three years.

Anyway I suggested that JaMarcus would probably end up in Orange stripes sooner or later. I meant with the Cincinnati Bengals, but with their reputation Russell probably thought a prisoner jump suit was basically the same thing. I am far from the first person to make this basic joke, but I'm pretty sure no one still reads this blog anyway.

Well, at least he isn't the league's top Quarterback rapist. I look forward to watching him back up Carson Palmer (who will probably have a prosthetic leg by then) in 2014.

Funny Bengals Tweets Vol. III

Back for round three, the 'Stache brings you the newest installment of his column that takes the least original thought!

Linebacker Rey Maualuga (Maualuga58) tweeted while driving (presumably he still has his 2003 Pontiac Sunfire), then bought himself a new computer:

• Traffic on the 71? I thought I left that in LA.
• What apps shud I download for my Ipad besides angry birds...
  

Defensive tackle Tank Johnson (TankJohnson99) finally saw Avatar, then hit up Las Vegas:

• Avatar F'n awesome *pause* need more Crown! Holy Shit I'm in Pandora
• Cmon son a Avatar sex scene how can I live on earth anymore! This shits wack
• G string wita tail #stopit
• I hate humans! Greed money hungry bastards!

• Attention Vegas! Im comin to town to take all ya doh! So if u have a problem w it better stop me at baggage claim! Cuz #imfeelinlucky
• Finna turn this 50 bucks into a few million! #trynstopme! Bet on black! And waitresses in short skirts please avoid my blackjack table thx
  

Linebacker Dhani Jones (DhaniJones) has body issues:

• I'm serious... What's up with everybody hating on chest hair... No razor, no clippers, no waxing, allow men to be men
  

Former offensive tackle Willie Anderson (WillAnderson79) offered up advice on meeting women:

• Guy just told me when he meets a woman he checks out her arms. Lol He said "Boobs, butt, eye lashes etc can be fake. Arms tell the truth ...
• Lol That's funny. My brother told me to check a woman's health history and her family's. I guess Women can and should do the same!

Rookie linebacker Roddrick Muckelroy (youngMuck38 - an awesome handle by the way) really enjoyed his dinner:

• first time really just eatting at Chipotle it was good i must say lol
  
• feel like a king an i just found my crown :)
  

Offseason Bengals Arrests Now At Three

It's not a "spree" just yet, but it's getting there:

I'm way late to report this, but Bengals starting running back Cedric Benson was recently arrested. This makes three arrests of Bengals players since the end of the season in January.

I detailed the first arrest in great fear after linebacker Rey "I finally remember how to spell his last name without looking it up" Maualuga's DUI arrest in Covingtion, KY. I specifically feared a 2006-esque Bengals crime spree.

Then Maurice "I'm sure you don't know who I'm talking about" Purify was arrested for assault or something. I don't remember for sure what the charge was, and I don't feel like looking it up. His chances of making the team next year were next to nothing before the arrest, as he was a practice squad project for a year and half and then made the roster for about three games.

But now with Benson's arrest I'm getting a little edgy. It's a weird story. Basically, he was accosted at a bar in Austin, Texas (He was a Longhorn in his college years) and possibly retaliated with a punch. The facts are very much contradictory right now, but every day it seems more and more likely he'll escape prosecution and hopefully even a suspension. Still, it's disheartening that a guy who's career was once derailed by trouble with law (two DUI's in one year) is still putting himself in bad situations.

The one thing going for Benson here is that it took a full month for charges to be pressed against the star player and that no two people seem to have their stories straight. The unfortunate thing for Cedric is that the ongoing investigation has completely derailed contract talks with the Bengals. Benson's contract ends after the season.

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To end this post on a positive, I'd like to let readers who aren't aware that Maualuga has been widely reported as talking about his DUI arrest and subsequent clinical treatment for alcoholism as a complete success. He says he hasn't had a single alcoholic drink since January, that he's in the best shape of his life, and that Chad Ochocinco helped keep him on the straight and narrow with his patented Red Bull and cranberry juice concoction.

Now if only Ron Artest could get him down with orange slices and winning championships too.