Funny Bengals Tweets Vol. I

I left out Ochocinco (OGOchoCinco) since his Twitter account is basically a constant best-of-twitter. But here's the best of what the rest of the team has recently offered.

Tank Johnson (TankJohnson99) had the following to offer:

• Watching white folks eat fried chicken may be one of my most enjoyable things to do! Its like a 5 year old w a rubicks cube!
• The don't [know] where to start or when its all done lmao! My best friend is white so I'm NOT racist! Its just very funny!
• The dismay on they face makes it soooo funny! Do I bite it, use a fork, no a spoon, let's watch Tank.
• Let's not take this outta context we talkin bout chicken mane! Chic chic chicken mane! I challenge everyone to observe and report!
  

Former Bengals right tackle Willie Anderson (WillAnderson79) noted:

• BIGGE and SHAQ stater the BIG Man is In Campaign in the early 90's. They put us on the map! Lol BIG Men rule now! Lol
• Men should make up a holiday call "REAL MEN'S DAY" For all the REAL MEN Out here that do what their supposed to Do! Lol
• And Hell Yes we expect gifts! Lol

Linebacker Keith Rivers (rivers55) made the observations:

• everyone like pulp fiction but I guess not very many fans of hollywood shuffle*

*link added by me

Linebacker Dhani Jones (DhaniJones), referencing his "Dhani Tackles the Globe" show for the Travel Channel, suggested:

• Send me to space... How about a petition to send me to the moon or anywhere else for that matter
• "Dhani Tackles Space"

Former linebacker David Pollack (davidpollack47), watching the NCAA basketball tournament observed:

• Purdue vs Duke I can't say I'm looking forward to that to much. Alot of white men that can't jump on that floor
• White men can't jump was on TV today and man do I love that movie. I never watch the ending though bc it's way to depressing

Until next time, same Dank time, same Dank place

Remember Antwan Odom?

Well, if you didnt remember him you will.

While I work on getting more info about Chad Ochocinco appearing on the next season of Dancing with the Stars, I have a quick good-for-a-laugh type post.

Injury-prone Bengals defensive end Antwan Odom debuted his new website via his twitter account.

Turn on your speakers (not too loud) and take a quick look. Seriously. Look at it before reading the rest of this article. Here's another chance at that hyperlink.

http://antwanodom98.com/

Yes, that's the Cincinnati skyline. And some lightning. And Antwan Odom as some sort of floating specter. And then half of him turns into a tiger.

The pictures on the bottom links of the page are great too. I particularly like the one of him in his car.

Well, Chad post coming later. Goodnight Dank Gamers!

The Start of a Bengal's 2010 Crime Spree?

Rey Maualuga was arrested for DUI in Covington, KY in January 2010, the first Bengal arrested in the 2010 offseason. It was also the first Bengal brush with the law since Leon Hall's DUI in the 2009 offseason. This was an isolated incident for a team which had mostly been on good behavior since the end of the dreadful 2006 campaign. I'm getting a different vibe about this offseason though.

Following Maualuga's arrest he enrolled in the Betty Ford clinic. Let's hope he recovers, and maybe that could be the end of Cincinnati's legal troubles in 2010. But then the Bengals signed Matt Jones and kicked the tires of Pacman Jones. I don't necessarily like where this is going. I've looked the other way many times on questionable character signings, but after the Maualuga incident, I'm more worried than normal.

Well, I'm probably drawing too much into this, but Keith Rivers - teammate with Maualuga at USC and now in Cincinnati - tweeted today that he's "been driving fast lately[;] 140 on the dial!!! keep that on the low though[,] not exactly street legal."

Let me state that I like Rivers. He's typically a do-his-job, keep quiet kind of guy. He doesn't get in trouble with the law, and he doesn't do ridiculous celebrations or demand to be on camera all the time. He apparently doesn't understand that a public Twitter account isn't exactly "on the low," but I'll forgive him of that.

However, the fact of the matter is that he is a black man with a lot of money (via being the 9th overall pick in the 2008 draft) living in Los Angeles. And this makes him vulnerable to the notoriously crooked LA police. I assume based on the speed of the vehicle and the payday that he is driving something nicer than a 2003 Pontiac Sunfire. If he gets pulled over going well north of 100, you can practically see dirty LAPD planting bags of Cocaine in his ride.

Long story short, then Cincinnati would be without two of starting linebackers opening day!

Again, I'm probably drawing way too much into this. It could even just be an inside joke. But I am worried about this team. And the offseason boredom has already got to me, to the point where I'm playing "who's next?"

AFC North Championship = respect

After a terrible first half offensively, the Bengals pulled together a respectable effort, beat a bad Chiefs team, and clinched their division.

As the snow began to fall, the Bengals began celebrating their second division crown of the Marvin Lewis era. Awful looking graphics filled the stadium, the Black Eyed Peas were played (I'll bet you can guess which song), and AFC-North 2009 Championship tee-shirts flooded the Pro Shop.

Chants of Who-Dey could be heard all around Cincinnati. So much so that people outside of Cincinnati finally heard the call.

It took literally the entire season, but the Bengals finally landed a prime-time game!

In the last week of the season there is no Monday Night Football game, and the Sunday Night game isn't announced until a week before the game. This is to ensure that the best possible matchup lands the spot, as many teams are eliminated from the playoffs by then. With the Jets facing a win-and-you're-in scenario, and the Bengals chasing a higher seed than the Patriots, the powers in New York decided to put Bengals-Jets in the final prime-time spot of the regular season.

I was ready to write a post about the Bengals getting overlooked by a national audience, possibly due to some sort of conspiracy theory. After all, the Browns - who finished a half game worse than the Bengals last season - had TWO primetime games, a Thursday nighter against the Steelers and a Monday Night Football showdown with the Ravens.

The Raiders got a Monday Night game against the Chargers, and the Thanksgiving game against the Cowboys despite being only a half game ahead of the Bengals last year.

A lot of mediocre teams from last year received multiple primetime games as well. The Redskins, Broncos, and Packers each got two or more despite finishing at or below .500. Was there really no room for the Bengals?

Well there is now. We'll see Sunday night if the Bengals can finish the season with a bang. If they do, it will be the final game ever played in Giants stadium, and the first time Cincinnati has ever won there.

This rant is over.

Forget the Superbowl Shuffle!

First off, BIG thanks to Cincy Jungle for posting this link, and HUGE thanks to whoever put it on YouTube in the first place.

This was the rap song made by the Superbowl bound 1988 Bengals, written by wide receiver Mike Martin and featuring the likes of Ickey Woods, Soloman Wilcots and other Bengals greats.

So bear with me as I stumble through my first Hiphop article on Dank Game:

For starters, this song kicks the shit out of the 1985 Bears' "Superbowl Shuffle." The beat is actually listenable, the lyrics are a little less trite, the chorus is catchier, the rapping is much smoother, they have one guy that can actually sing pretty soulfully, and they kept the white players out of the recording studio.

Speaking of the recording studio, it made a much better setting than the awful looking blue smoking lounge the 1985 Bears shot in. Plus the editing was actual interesting to watch. Props to Local 12 in Cincinnati for putting the thing together.

I once heard the "Superbowl Shuffle" accused of setting back Chicago's rap scene by 10 years. Alternately, I'm pretty sure this song set up the all too brief golden age of Cincinnati rap, leading to Scribble Jam, producer Hi-Tek, and that Mood group that hiphoppers from Cincy are always talking about.

Dank-Gamers, how'd I do? Should I keep writing about rap?

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Unrelated, but awesome:

OchoCinco posted a picture of the Bengals Snuggie he had made to his Twitter account: