Hero Ball

You have to hand it to Dwight Howard. Playing like it was a closeout game, going off for 32 points and 16 rebounds, he controlled the glass when it mattered in the overtime period. The Celtics missed their chance to win the game at the end of regulation with Paul Peirce's errant dribble. It looked like they were trying to play hero ball. They didn't seem like they were trying to make plays for each other on the last several possessions of regulation.

Thursday Throwback Posterization: Shaq Crushes Kelvin Cato

With Shaq's future up in the air and the Lakers' recent dominance, I figured now was an opportune time to use a slam by Shaq during his prime years in LA. I'm pretty sure this is from the 1998-99 season, which was the season of the lockout.

Somehow Shaq ended up on his ass on the defensive end, and for some reason the Blazers neglected to clog the lane as Shaq storms down the court. As Derek Harper is being double-teamed by Brian Grant and Kelvin Cato, he finds Shaq as he comes down the open lane. Cato is late to contest the dunk and Shaq just absolutely destroys him.

Classical Finale

Let me go on record as saying Mike Brown should be fired. I had a little Lebron fatigue this week because of all the coverage. Only World Wide Wes could really have any insight, but, like Gnarls Barkley, who cares? It's a lot of talk for a team that lost three straight--reminds me of Bill Belicheck last year talking about the Patriots.

It looks like another Celtics v Lakers final, which is really what the NBA conspiracy theorists should worry about. I mean seriously, only Nike wants Lebron v Kobe, not David Stern. The team everyone should be talking about is the Celtics. I know the Lakers are the defending champs, but the Celtics were sans KG last year. Last I remember the Celtics with KG, they ripped the Lakers in the Finals and everyone was questioning Pau Gasol's toughness.

Both teams are a little older; I wonder which one has the toughness to win. This is what the Lakers got Ron Artest for. Ron could be the defensive leader they lacked in 2008. I think people sometimes forget that Ron led the Rockets last year, the only team in the Playoffs to take the Lakers to 7 games. But Rasheed Wallace gives the Celtics even more toughness as well. It should be a great series, but here I go talking like the match up is already set. Damn, is Dank Game becoming the George Noory of the NBA blogosphere?

Brooklyn Thunder? Not Gonna Happen

For the first time in Dank Game history, one of our popular conspiracy theories has been lobbied at yours truly, teenage_mustache.

Specifically (if you don't feel like clicking the hyperlink above or the "read more" link on the post below), SlimMcBitchTits and some hack co-conspirator Andy "the turd" Young have suggested that LeBron's looming free agency could impact my beloved Oklahoma City Thunder. The suggestion is as laughable as the Cavaliers' defense against Garnett and Rondo.

While I appreciate Andy and Slim trying to look past the obvious - recognizing OKC, Northern Ohio and NYC interests convening at an opportune time - let's look at the facts. First off, the Thunder is one of the few teams that truly doesn't need King James. I'd like to remind you that Durant actually outscored LeBron this season. I don't see Durant and LeBron on the same team outside of the Olympics. Someone even asked Durant via Twitter (KDthunderup) if he'd like to see the Thunder sign LeBron and he responded more or less to the tune of; 'no, this is my team.'

End of an Era in Cleveland?

I know, the Cavs are out of the playoffs and there's still more basketball to be played until someone hoists up the Larry O'Brien Trophy in early June, but until then, here's another post on the last Dank Game-endorsed squad to be eliminated from the playoffs. This is a collaboration between myself and guest writer/Dank Game loyalist, Andy Young.

So this is a post I have wanted to make for quite sometime and maybe it’s a bit late, just like the Cavs' performances in the last three games. Enough has been said about LeBron, but now speculations that crazy Delonte West had an affair with LeBron’s mother have begun to surface. The authorities are citing this as the reason why LeBron went from averaging over 30 points per game in the playoffs to just over 21 points and over 6 turnovers for the final three games. I mean really, West having intercourse with Miss James is like Peter and Paul running a train on Mary. (The biblical Peter, Paul and Mary, not the shitty folk band from the 60’s) The “WITNESS” shirts might have to be recalled until this scandal subsides. I’m sure West was too busy freestyling about barbecue sauce to sweet talk Miss James into something that's finger lickin' good, but then again, maybe she is trying to conceive the next greatest thing to ever happen to basketball.

But let's talk about the rest of the team. Shaq Fu, I love you but you're old. Just about as old as the original Aristotle. Like his free throw shooting, Osama Bin Shaq was just too slow to make a difference defending in the paint against Jake Sully (Kendrick Perkins looks like an avatar) and Big Baby, who won’t be crying until he faces Dwight Howard or is yelled at by Kevin Garnett. Speaking of Garnett, let’s not also forget the Big Ticket's fade away jumpers that no one could defend. Not even "Wild Thang" Varejão could stop KG, who did come up pretty big with his frantic offense and constant effort, excluding the time he quit playing because he was bleeding and begging for a foul call. Overall, the Cavs just looked about as pathetic as the Flats in Cleveland.

The Half Court Heave: Witchcraft Guys

The Half Court Heave is back with our third episode. We get into the Cavs early playoff exit, the LeBron Sweepstakes, both conference finals matchups, our concept for a two-man comedy routine, bloomin' onions, dead wrestlers, and much much more.

Also, let Ryan know if he should get an English Bulldog, Black Lab, Golden Retriever, or Akita.



Download the Half Court Heave Episode 3: Witchcraft Guys

Intro Song: "Friction" by Television
Break Song: "It Seems Like Nothing's Gonna Come My Way Today" by the Outsiders
Outro Song: "Rhymes Like Dimes" by M.F. Doom featuring Cucumber

Fascinating Failure

Another year, another early playoff exit for LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers. This was supposed to be their year, but they came up short against a wily Boston Celtics team that put it all together after waffling through the second half of the regular season. While the Celtics deserve praise for how they handled the Cavs, much of this epic collapse falls on the Cavaliers organization.

Despite being the best regular season team two seasons in a row with the league's back-to-back MVP, the Cavs' personnel moves have reeked of desperation ever since they pulled the trigger on the Shaq trade this past summer. With the clock ticking down on LeBron's impending free agency, Cleveland's management made decisions that were supposedly meant to put the Cavs over the hump, when in reality they were making decisions in an attempt to appease LeBron James. Of course this is easier said in hindsight, but the Cavs made moves simply because they could, not necessarily because they should. These trades culminated in another heartbreaking season for Cavs fans that was wrought in irony.