Funny Bengals Tweets - Vol. IV

You know the drill by now right?

Defensive tackle Tank Johnson (TankJohnson99) has strong opinions about infant wear and speed limits, then gives an intriguing incentive for following him:

• Has anyone seen those new Denim diapers??? I will slap the shit outta a lil kid if he got some Levi pampers! #Iswaretagawd
• Why is the speed limit in college school zones so slow? I mean by 18 u should be able to dodge a car with ease! #cmonASU #tightenup
• I'm tryin soo hard to get to 8 k followers! 8,000th follower gets a bucket of chicken maad wet wipes and a plunger! #fuxwitme
  

Defensive end Antwan Odom (AntwanOdom98) might be giving in to marketing a bit too much:

• Will using @OldSpice help me break the NFL sack record this year?
• Will @OldSpice keep the haters away?
• My manager said that was enough free promo for @OldSpice
  

Wide receiver/punt returner Quan Cosby (Cosby12) isn't sure if he should trust whitey:

• Big Question? White lady just saw my little girls and said u have beautiful little critters...should I b offended?? NE1 use those terms b4?

I'm really not sure what linebacker Dhani Jones' (DhaniJones) angle is:

• Ahhhhh smells... Do tell... Tell me more... Your thoughts of the best smells

Wide receiver Andre Caldwell (caldwell87) learned an important lesson:

• I learned this weekend to NEVER go shopping with 4 women it get real expensive and they take ALL DAMN DAY they never know what they want..
  

Tight end Reggie Kelly (ReggieKelly82) shared a moment that isn't so much funny as adorable:

• Ok 1 thing off my checklist finally, daughter now can ride bike by herself. Way to go baby girl!
  

Funny Bengals Tweets Vol. II

Welcome back to Funny Bengals Tweets - the column where I don't have to come up with any original material. Here's what current and former Bengals players are tweeting about.

Former Bengals OT Willie Anderson (WillAnderson79) had a fun family night at Medieval Nights:

• Medieval Times with my son and my guests
• Show blood! I paid a lot for these tickets
• My son is like "Dad you realize this is not real?" I said "Boy shut it. Its real to me!" Hater!
• I wanna live this way foreal! Fight for your food, money and you queen! lol

Former Bengals DL John Thornton had an observation about Shitsburgh, and gave some parenting advice:

• Pittsburgh nightclubs suck. All their bouncers have lil man syndrome
• Who names their kid Wellington? wtf
  

Linebacker Rey Muauluga took in some TV and some recreational sports:

• Watching 16 and Pregnant haha. I hope this show is fake. These girls are way too young
• Winton woods to play some frisbee golf [editor's note - this is probably only sweet if you're familiar with Cincinnati]
  

Wide receiver Andre Caldwell (caldwell87) offered some fashion advice and a possible idea for a start-up business:

• If you wear tall T's and extra big pants in 2010 you style is dead
• Are there any good car wash companies that come to the house?
  

Defensive end Antwan "He's Not Human" Odom (AntwanOdom98) is a fan of the OchoCinco News Network:

• @ocnnbreaking will soon be the leading news source on the planet

Offensive Lineman Evan Mathis (ergoism) expressed his loyalties:

• I pledge allegiance to the swag

Defensive tackle Tank Johnson (TankJohson99) had some thoughts about popular snack cakes:

• I bet little debbie aint so little!
  
• Little debbie is definitely Big Debrah now!
  

Until next time Dank-Gamers

Remember Antwan Odom?

Well, if you didnt remember him you will.

While I work on getting more info about Chad Ochocinco appearing on the next season of Dancing with the Stars, I have a quick good-for-a-laugh type post.

Injury-prone Bengals defensive end Antwan Odom debuted his new website via his twitter account.

Turn on your speakers (not too loud) and take a quick look. Seriously. Look at it before reading the rest of this article. Here's another chance at that hyperlink.

http://antwanodom98.com/

Yes, that's the Cincinnati skyline. And some lightning. And Antwan Odom as some sort of floating specter. And then half of him turns into a tiger.

The pictures on the bottom links of the page are great too. I particularly like the one of him in his car.

Well, Chad post coming later. Goodnight Dank Gamers!

Slim's Week 6 NFL Observations

Once again, I'm filling in for Teenage Mustache with NFL coverage while he's out havin' fun in the warm California sun.

First up, a bit of good news for us Cincinnatians. While Antwan Odom is out for the season and will udergo surgery for his ruptured Achille's tendon, Domata Peko's knee injury is not serious. His availability for next week's home game against the Bears (which I'll be attending BTW) will be assessed later this week. Also, rookie tackle Andre Smith will return to practice after being sidelined all season from a broken foot suffered in practice.

There were some brutal blowouts on Sunday, most notably the Patriots who destroyed the lowly Titans 59-0 in the midst of New England flurries. The Pats set franchise records for points and yards with 619. Tom Brady also had the most touchdown passes in a quarter by any player since 1950, with five in the second quarter. The Titans are the worst defensive team in the league, and obviously they lived up to their reputation.

The Saints continued to impress, remaining undefeated at 5-0 as they beat the Giants 48-27. It should be noted that the Giants came into the game with the #1 defense in the league. Not sure if they still do after this one, though. After having two straight weeks without a touchdown pass, Drew Brees got back on track with 4 touchdown passes and 369 yards. I have to assume at this point the MVP picture has been narrowed down between Brees and Peyton Manning.

Brett Favre and the Vikings also remain undefeated at 6-0, after narrowly escaping a loss to the Ravens after a last second field goal miss that would have given Baltimore a one point victory had it been good. This gives Minnesota a comfortable lead in the NFC North, with the Packers in second at 3-2.

The Broncos and Colts are the only other remaining undefeated teams, as those old school brown and yellow unis that everyone seems to hate continue to keep Denver going strong. The Broncos knocked off division rivals San Diego to maintain their surprising run. I watched most of the first half and what stood out most was Denver's Eddie Royal, who returned a kickoff for a 93-yard touchdown in the first quarter as well as a punt for a 71-yard touchdown. Phillip Rivers and the Chargers offense were looking good in the first half, but those missteps on special teams ended up costing them the game.

What do you gotta say about the Broncos now, 'stache? I thought they were going to be the worst team in the NFL. I'm sure you'll be able to call me out on my NBA season predictions, so I should probably keep quiet.

Ugly Sunday in Cincinnati

Because Teenage Mustache is on official Dank Game business in the City of Angels (make us proud, 'stache), I'll be incapably filling in with some NFL coverage.

It seemed like due time that the Bengals fucked up enough to keep the game out of reach in the final minutes. No Carson Palmer heroics could pull them out of this one. While the injuries to defensive tackle Domata Peko (awaiting MRI results on an injured knee) and defensive end Antwan Odom (out for the season with a ruptured Achille's tendon) hurt the Bengals chances of winning on Sunday, it certainly didn't boil down to just that.

The second quarter was the only moment the Bengals looked alive on offense, scoring on a run by Cedric Benson, a tippy toe catch in the back of the end zone by Laveranues Coles, and a field goal at the end of the half by Shane "where-da-party-at?" Graham. During the second half, the Bengals just couldn't get the ball down the field. The offense was simply horrendous. Something has to be done with tight end Daniel Coats, who can't catch a pass for his life. When he finally did manage to catch one, of course he fumbled it. Not only did Coats do his best to fuck shit up, but tight end J. P. Foschi did his part in fucking up as well. Just a few plays after the Bengals recovered a Texans' fumble in the final minutes, Foschi would fumble the ball after catching a pass, putting an end to any hope of a "Cardiac Cats" comeback. I thought the Bengals drafted some really great tight end named Chase Coffman. As far as I know, this guy hasn't even played. What's the deal?

The defense was looking decent prior to Pecko and Odom going down. I can't really comment on this much though, as I was chasing my dog outside for at least 5 minutes of the first quarter after she escaped through my friend's front door. Not that I would've had any insight if that didn't happen, though. I do know that Odom blocked a field goal before his injury though, and that was pretty sweet. From that point on, Houston had its way with the Cincinnati defense.

All I can say is this was a thoroughly disappointing game. Despite a decent effort from Ochocinco, he didn't score a touch down, which meant no Mexican Jumping Bengal celebration. It's my belief that had this celebration happened, it would have energized the Bengals and Paul Brown Stadium enough for them to fight through the injuries and pull this one off.