Who Knows About Computers?

Dank-Gamers.

Help me out!

Something is wrong with my computer.

It started about 11:00 pm Tuesday night. I had finished watching a movie (Thelma and Louise was terrific, thanks for asking) and decided to check out some stuff on the internet.

But something went horribly wrong. After looking at some of my favorite websites and blogs, I looked up some NBA scores. And my screen is telling me that the Memphis Grizzlies beat the Cleveland Cavaliers!

Now I'm no IT guy, but clearly I must have some virus, or some sort of system malfunction on a grand scale. Because I was told the Cavs were basically unbeatable.


HA! Go Thunder, who incidently are back in the playoff picture. Shit, they'd be a 5th seed if they were in the East (read: L'East).

2009-10 NBA Season Preview - Eastern Conference

Look no further, Dank Game is the place to prepare you for a season of losing money betting on the NBA.





Much like my colleague/arch rival, Teenage_Mustache, I shall begin this post by acknowledging that these predictions will either make me out to be a genius, or a complete moron. As of now, I'm banking on genius. The NBA season is fast approaching (thank Christ!), the NFL season is well underway, and I think baseball is probably almost over by now... but I really wouldn't know, because baseball is boring. Without any further introduction, here is my take on what will go down in the NBA's Eastern Conference.

Atlantic

As the old adage goes, if they can stay healthy, Boston is the obvious frontrunner in the Atlantic division. I expect the Raptors to bounce back this season with the acquisition of Hedo Turkoglu, while the Sixers may have taken a step back with the loss of Andre Miller to Portland. If Lou Williams proves to be capable of running Philly's offense and Elton Brand can come back strong and find chemistry with the team, they could easily finish ahead of the Raptors.

With promising second year forward Danillo Gallinari returning from an injury plagued rookie season, I expect the Knicks to finish ahead of New Jersey. The Nets seem bound to regress after trading Vince Carter to Orlando, although second year center Brook Lopez and point guard Devin Harris could have very big years.

Central

The Cavs are clearly ahead of the pack in the Central Division. They won 66 games last year and because they acquired Shaq for next to nothing, I don't see them going anywhere but up. That's not to say the Shaq experiment will necessarily work come playoff time, as I still have my doubts. I'm not sure if the Bulls will be much better than last year now that their leading scorer, Ben Gordon, has left for Detroit. Having John Salmons for a full season – barring a trade – and having a healthy Luol Deng might prove to make Gordon's departure a non-issue, though.

Putting the Pacers over the Pistons might be a bad move, but I have trouble picturing Detroit playing anything close to mediocre defense with the addition of Ben Gordon and Charlie Villanueva. The loss of Sheed and McDyess won't help that cause either. I think Danny Granger could finally break into the crop of second-tier elite players this year, which is another reason I have Indiana over Detroit. Milwaukee seems lottery bound, especially if Michael Redd and Andrew Bogut can't remain healthy.

Southeast

The Magic dominated the Southeast last season and have only gotten better this off-season, while the rest of the division – besides the Wizards – hasn't made any significant strides. My team loyalty forces me to put Miami in second, although that will probably be a mistake. The Heat should be better this season if J.O. can return to form and their young talent shows improve. It's just really hard to predict how things will shake out amongst the Wizards, Hawks, and Heat.

The Wizards will obviously be better with Gilbert Arenas and Brendan Haywood returning. Acquiring Mike Miller and Randy Foye from Minnesota for their first round draft pick should also bolster their roster. The Hawks addition of Jamal Crawford will give them more offensive fire power and Joe Smith will help their frontcourt, but I still think their core of Joe Johnson, Josh Smith, and Al Horford can only get them so far. I'll probably regret putting them this far back, but I'm going with it. The Bobcats might prove me wrong, but I have trouble putting any faith in that team.

Playoff Picture

I'm guessing my bias towards the Heat will end up messing this all up and I'm probably not giving the Hawks nearly enough credit by taking them out of the playoffs, but otherwise this seems entirely possible.

Football vs. Basketball

It's ON in Cleveland!

(graphic courtesy of SlimMcFavorite . . . it was my idea though)

Specifically, Browns "star" (he's really not that good) Braylon Edwards and Cavaliers mega-super-all-time-greatest-to-ever-wear-23-according-to-himself-best-of-all-time-floats-like-a-butterfly-stings-like-the-manta-ray-that-killed-the-crocodile-hunter-(what-too-soon?)-star LeBron James are in the middle of an ugly public feud.

So, LeBron is apparently friends with some Cleveland-area events promoter named Edward Givens. At roughly 2:30 in the morning, Braylon approached Givens, who was talking with people outside a nightclub. The conversation quickly went sour.

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer, according to Givens:

"Braylon comes up and started saying things, degrading me. He said if it wasn't for LeBron or the Four Horsemen, I wouldn't have what I have, nor would I be able to get girls. Everyone knows Braylon has a problem with LeBron. So I had to speak up for myself. The conversation started to escalate. As some of his teammates started to pull him back, he punched me. I have a black eye and a cut. I'm not a violent guy.

"As long as I've known Braylon, I've allowed him and his friends to come into our events free of charge. Whatever jealousy he has with LeBron, he felt he needed to take it out on me."

Juicy! The best part is the revelation that "everyone knows Braylon has a problem with LeBron." Well if they didn't, they sure do know! And Edwards may be facing assault charges.

But it totally doesn't end there. LeBron had more than a little bit to say on the matter, per the Associated Press:

"I've never crossed paths with Braylon before, but it seems like there's a little jealousy going on with Braylon and me and my friends. I have no idea why. I've never said anything to Braylon at all. But for him to do that is very childish. My friend is 130 pounds. Seriously. It's like hitting one of my kids. It doesn't make sense."

Not the harshest of words, but a slight escalation. Speaking later to the Cleveland Plain Dealer, James pushed the envelope:

"I know how to handle myself as a professional athlete and I take care of my friends and my family. It is unfortunate that some guys don't understand that. You are a role model to kids and you should carry yourself that way on and off the field. And I carry that. I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize myself or my family. I'm one of the guys that look at being a professional athlete at more than just being out on the court."

James more or less does seem to carry himself well as a professional athlete, but clearly this comment will only inflame this "rivalry." I shudder to call it that though, as Edwards will never have the cachet that LeBron does in Cleveland. Why he choses to carry beef with LeBron, who claims they've never met, seems pretty pointless.

On a wider scale, it seems odd that an NFL player would bother beefing with an NBA player. The NFL is currently considerably more popular. But if it were going to happen anywhere, it would have to be Cleveland. The Mistake on the Lake is probably the only city hosting both an NBA and NFL team were the NBA team has eclipsed the NFL team in popularity.

In Indianapolis, Philadelphia, Washington and Dallas, the NFL teams are more popular - no contest. As much as Boston loves the Celtics, they are nuts for the Pats. Even during Jordan-mania, Chicago seemed to more-or-less equally love their Bears.

But in Cleveland, the Cavs are the only glimmering hope for a city that is currently most famous for having low budget tourism videos written about how shitty it is (I won't even mention the Indians World Series appearance from a few years back, as baseball is boring).

But maybe, just maybe this will be the beginning of an all out-war between the two greatest American sports. Is it possible that Miami-residents Dwayne Wade and Jason Taylor carry a deap-seated hatred of each other? Could Kevin Garnet and Randy Moss fight for the hearts of Boston? Will Steve Nash and Kurt Warner prove that the old guys in Phoenix want in on the fight?

Or maybe some drunk asshole just punched some dude.

UPDATE:

Braylon Edwards was traded to the New York Jets this morning.