Big Z Bolts for South Beach

Cleveland fan favorite Zydrunas Ilgauskus has followed suit to join LeBron James in Miami. Big Powder, as he is known on Dank Game, turned down an offer from Cleveland to help fill out the Heat's frontline. It's possible that he will sign a one-year deal, but Z is hoping to come to terms on a two-year deal.

I'm not sure how much he will sign for but I'm hoping it's the veteran's minimum because Miami can use all the cap space they can get. I think Z could fit in well with the Heat because his main strength is knocking down baseline jumpers and he will likely have a lot of open looks. Obviously he and LeBron have a close relationship, so it might help ease the transition for James.

I was hoping the Heat would find a center who is more of a banger down low. Hopefully there will be enough funds left to bring Jamaal Magloire back, who fits the description of a "banger" to a tee. Dwyane Wade likes Magloire, so it wouldn't surprise me to see him return on the cheap.

Ilgauskus has never played anywhere besides Cleveland in his 14-year career, so it will be hard for him to leave the city behind. He plans to keep a home in Cleveland and says he would like to be a part of the organization after he retires. We'll see how receptive Cavaliers brass will be to that since he's following LeBron to Miami.

Stay Strong Cleveland

Tom Green watches "The Decision" and enjoys Vitamin Water with Clevelandites, I mean Clevelanders.

A Miami Heat Fan's Reaction To "The Decision"

If there's one word to describe how I feel about the arrival of LeBron James to South Beach, it's conflicted. Obviously bringing LeBron to the Heat is an excellent basketball move, and Pat Riley deserves all the praise in the world for pulling off the greatest heist in NBA history, but as a Heat fan soaking this all in right now I just feel, well, dirty.

I feel dirty for rubbernecking through that entire broadcast last night, watching as Cleveland fans' hearts were scraped from the asphalt after LeBron announced "The Decision." I feel dirty because, at the expense of the Cleveland faithful, my favorite team has transformed like Voltron into a Yankees-esque super team.

While true Miami Heat fans like myself do deserve a winning team after sitting through one year of atrocious Heat basketball (2007-08) and the following two years of expiring contract mediocrity, Cleveland fans certainly don't deserve this. I would have been completely content with Chris Bosh and Dwyane Wade surrounded by role players in Miami, while LeBron continued to toil away in Cleveland. But clearly, LeBron wasn't content with that fate.

Now my favorite team will forever be linked to that ridiculous broadcast last night. It seemed as if the King was a mere pawn during The Decision, as many are speculating that LeBron's marketing team LRMR pushed him into making his choice on live television. LeBron was clearly uncomfortable and flustered with his speech, at one point saying, "One thing you can't control is you never know." Maybe that's some way out there transcendental shit that's over my head, like some George Harrison lyrics or something, but my best bet is that LeBron was so caught up in the moment that he hardly knew what he was saying.

I understand and respect LeBron's choice to join Wade and Bosh with the Heat, but the television special was a huge misstep by him and his camp. Although it did raise millions of dollars through advertising for the Boys and Girls Club of America, there has to have been another way to give back to charity that spared LeBron's former fan base. As Dank Game's own Teenage Soul Patch has been quick to point out, Kevin Durant signed a lucrative long-term contract with the Thunder without any of the hype. Of course LeBron's decision carried a lot more weight, but he certainly could learn a thing or two from Durant's humility.

Let The Madness Begin

On Thursday, the four players pictured on the left won't be able to put down their phones for a second without a phone call or text coming through. LeBron's phone will probably explode at 12:01 am on the dot, followed by Bosh's phone, then Wade's, then Stoudemire's, and then maybe Joe Johnson's. Actually, Joe Johnson will probably be sitting by his phone like an 8th grader waiting for his big crush to call him back. That big crush will probably end up being the Knicks who are only calling him because James, Bosh, Wade, and Stoudemire wouldn't sign on to play with Danilo Gallinari and scrubs.

This free agency period has the potential to alter the NBA's landscape more than any other in the league's history. The last time such a huge shift occurred in free agency was when Shaq left Orlando for the Lakers in 1996, and that signing took until 2000 for a championship to be delivered. If the three biggest names of this year's star-studded class–LeBron, Wade, and Bosh–decide to join forces to form the NBA's new big three, there's a good chance they could immediately win a championship together.

So what are the chances of those three teaming up?

Who the fuck knows. Reports are coming out from all over the place about supposed "done deals" already in place. LeBron and Bosh to Chicago, LeBron and Bosh to New York, and the latest rumor of LeBron and Bosh joining Wade in Miami are just a few of the scenarios that have been tossed around. Anyone who acts like they know for sure what's going to go down is probably full of shit. Stephen A. Smith can yell at the top of his lungs that the big three free agents are joining forces in Miami, but I won't believe it until it actually happens. Regardless, it's going to be fun to watch the pieces fall in place.

Brooklyn Thunder? Not Gonna Happen

For the first time in Dank Game history, one of our popular conspiracy theories has been lobbied at yours truly, teenage_mustache.

Specifically (if you don't feel like clicking the hyperlink above or the "read more" link on the post below), SlimMcBitchTits and some hack co-conspirator Andy "the turd" Young have suggested that LeBron's looming free agency could impact my beloved Oklahoma City Thunder. The suggestion is as laughable as the Cavaliers' defense against Garnett and Rondo.

While I appreciate Andy and Slim trying to look past the obvious - recognizing OKC, Northern Ohio and NYC interests convening at an opportune time - let's look at the facts. First off, the Thunder is one of the few teams that truly doesn't need King James. I'd like to remind you that Durant actually outscored LeBron this season. I don't see Durant and LeBron on the same team outside of the Olympics. Someone even asked Durant via Twitter (KDthunderup) if he'd like to see the Thunder sign LeBron and he responded more or less to the tune of; 'no, this is my team.'

The Half Court Heave: Witchcraft Guys

The Half Court Heave is back with our third episode. We get into the Cavs early playoff exit, the LeBron Sweepstakes, both conference finals matchups, our concept for a two-man comedy routine, bloomin' onions, dead wrestlers, and much much more.

Also, let Ryan know if he should get an English Bulldog, Black Lab, Golden Retriever, or Akita.



Download the Half Court Heave Episode 3: Witchcraft Guys

Intro Song: "Friction" by Television
Break Song: "It Seems Like Nothing's Gonna Come My Way Today" by the Outsiders
Outro Song: "Rhymes Like Dimes" by M.F. Doom featuring Cucumber

Fascinating Failure

Another year, another early playoff exit for LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers. This was supposed to be their year, but they came up short against a wily Boston Celtics team that put it all together after waffling through the second half of the regular season. While the Celtics deserve praise for how they handled the Cavs, much of this epic collapse falls on the Cavaliers organization.

Despite being the best regular season team two seasons in a row with the league's back-to-back MVP, the Cavs' personnel moves have reeked of desperation ever since they pulled the trigger on the Shaq trade this past summer. With the clock ticking down on LeBron's impending free agency, Cleveland's management made decisions that were supposedly meant to put the Cavs over the hump, when in reality they were making decisions in an attempt to appease LeBron James. Of course this is easier said in hindsight, but the Cavs made moves simply because they could, not necessarily because they should. These trades culminated in another heartbreaking season for Cavs fans that was wrought in irony.

Farewell 2009-2010 Thunder

Alas, the former champs finally did get the best of the up-and-coming Oklahoma City Thunder. Two Dank Game teams down, one to go.

Having been a lifelong fan of Cincinnati sports, this is the least I've ever felt badly about a promising season coming to an end. With the Reds and the Bengals, you always kind of know that a winning season will not be followed by another.

So maybe it's a blessing that Cincinnati lost the Royals. It frees up SlimMcFavorite and myself to become free agent fans. Also fortunate is that we weren't douchey enough to become Celtics or Lakers fanboys (or have hair like the pictured Thunder fan).

So unlike the Cincinnati teams, I know I won't have to wait twenty years for another solid Thunder squad. Only seven regular season wins separated them from the defending champ Lakers. And in their series against the best in the West, the Thunder took two games, and lost by a basket or less in two others.

And here's the real kicker: This is about as young as an NBA team could possibly be. Every core member of the team hovers within a year or so of 21. And unlike almost every other team in the league right now, the Thunder aren't about to implode amidst the much ballyhooed 2010 free agent sweepstakes.

So I feel I can safely say this team is only a few years away from at least threatening a deep playoff run - conference finals or further. Meanwhile I'm just hoping the Bengals can post back-to-back winning season for the first time in 28 years.

If Amare goes to Cleveland, how will it affect 2010? (UPDATE)

With the NBA trade deadline quickly approaching, rumor has it that the Cavs could be on the verge of trading J.J. Hickson and Zydrunas Ilgauskas to Phoenix for Amare Stoudemire. The Suns have been actively shopping Amare in fear of losing him for nothing in free agency. If the trade goes through, Big Z would likely be bought out by the Suns, probably because he'd be unable to keep up with their run and gun offense. Then again, Shaq somehow managed to keep up. Once Z is waived, he would likely be resigned by the Cavs. These types of moves have always seemed fishy to me, but the NBA allows it.

The Cavs have also been linked to trade rumors with Washington for Antawn Jamison and Indiana for Troy Murphy AKA Big Ugly (props to my homeboy Ryan Hubbard for coming up with that nickname). It has been reported that LeBron prefers Stoudemire, so there's a good chance that these trade talks have died. After all, keeping LeBron happy so that he'll resign in 2010 is Cleveland's biggest priority outside of winning a championship.

There is also word that the Heat have been actively pursuing Stoudemire, but it seems that the Suns have no interest in Miami's players. Because of this, I'm assuming the Heat haven't offered Michael Beasley, unless his off court issues have made the Suns weary.

So how might these potential deals affect the much hyped 2010 free agent market? I have my own theory, however it is highly wrought in hypotheticals. But hear me out.

If Cleveland does pull the trigger to bring Amare to Cleveland, I think Chris Bosh will realize the Raptors don't have what it takes to be true contenders, especially with Hedo Turkoglu making big money past his prime. In realizing this, Bosh will look to sign elsewhere in the offseason, with South Beach being his most likely destination. If Bosh signs with Miami and Pat Riley is able to put together a quality roster around Bosh and Wade (assuming he resigns), the Heat and Cavs would both be contenders for years to come.

UPDATE: Cleveland has acquired power forward Antawn Jamison in a three-team, six player trade. Zydrunas Ilgauskas is headed to the Washington Wizards along with a first-round draft pick and the draft rights to Emil Preldzic (whoever that is). Washington will also get Brian Skinner and Al Thornton from the Los Angeles Clippers. Cleveland will also get point guard Sebastian Telflair from L.A. and the Wizards will send Drew Gooden to the Clippers.

So, um, yeah. You can kinda disregard most of this post now.

Icy Heat: Can Miami heat up on the road?

The pattern for the Miami Heat this season has been something like this: blow out the shitty teams, get blown out by the mediocre teams, and either squeeze out wins or come heartbreakingly close against the elite teams. And where does this find the Heat as we near the All-Star break? Playing .500 ball, tied with the Bulls for the 7th seed in the East, with the Bucks just two and a half games behind.

Ok, so I could be in a worse position. I could be a Wizards fan who bought into their preseason championship hype, and then watched them disappoint even prior to the whole guns-in-the-locker-room thing. Or I could be a Pistons fan who stood by as Joe Dumars transformed the team from a perennial playoff threat to a disjointed bottom feeder. And I could be a Nets fan, just hoping that my team doesn't post the worst record of all time.

It could be worse, I know. But it isn't good. And more often than not, it isn't pretty to watch. Of course, Dwyane Wade will provide at least a couple highlight reel plays every game, but is that really worth watching the excruciatingly painful lack of ball movement that has come to be expected this season? Further, is it worth watching Dwyane's awful T-Mobile ads with Charles Barkley every fucking commercial break?

It's even become difficult to appreciate the games that they blow their opponents out because it's often flat out boring and I can already sense that they'll be blown out in their following game. A little consistency would be nice as their next 8 of 9 games will be on the road. The first two are back to back in Boston and Cleveland, with both nationally televised on ESPN and TNT, respectively. They've played these two teams well throughout the season, but have come up short twice against both teams.

Here's to hoping the Heat can start playing some inspired basketball and give the free agent class of 2010 a reason to consider South Florida. Chris Bosh, I'm looking at you.