Dank Game Showdown Tonight! Heat vs. Cavs on TNT

That's right Dank Gamers, my Heat and Perkins' Cavs square off tonight at the county seat of Cuyahoga County. The Heat are coming off a tough loss to the Celtics for the second game of a back to back, while the well-rested Cavs currently hold the best record in the league as well as the longest winning streak at nine games. Will the Heat bring the energy after last night's taxing game to push their record back to .500? Or will Cleveland continue their dominance to elevate their winning streak into double digits and sweep the season series against Miami?

Only one way to find out. Tune into tonight at 8:00 on TNT.

Don't worry, it will be a lot less homoerotic than the picture suggests. Then again, Wade and 'Bron are kinda butt buddies.

Icy Heat: Can Miami heat up on the road?

The pattern for the Miami Heat this season has been something like this: blow out the shitty teams, get blown out by the mediocre teams, and either squeeze out wins or come heartbreakingly close against the elite teams. And where does this find the Heat as we near the All-Star break? Playing .500 ball, tied with the Bulls for the 7th seed in the East, with the Bucks just two and a half games behind.

Ok, so I could be in a worse position. I could be a Wizards fan who bought into their preseason championship hype, and then watched them disappoint even prior to the whole guns-in-the-locker-room thing. Or I could be a Pistons fan who stood by as Joe Dumars transformed the team from a perennial playoff threat to a disjointed bottom feeder. And I could be a Nets fan, just hoping that my team doesn't post the worst record of all time.

It could be worse, I know. But it isn't good. And more often than not, it isn't pretty to watch. Of course, Dwyane Wade will provide at least a couple highlight reel plays every game, but is that really worth watching the excruciatingly painful lack of ball movement that has come to be expected this season? Further, is it worth watching Dwyane's awful T-Mobile ads with Charles Barkley every fucking commercial break?

It's even become difficult to appreciate the games that they blow their opponents out because it's often flat out boring and I can already sense that they'll be blown out in their following game. A little consistency would be nice as their next 8 of 9 games will be on the road. The first two are back to back in Boston and Cleveland, with both nationally televised on ESPN and TNT, respectively. They've played these two teams well throughout the season, but have come up short twice against both teams.

Here's to hoping the Heat can start playing some inspired basketball and give the free agent class of 2010 a reason to consider South Florida. Chris Bosh, I'm looking at you.

Hot Grizzlies Ground Down by Cavs

The Cavs mopped the floor with the Grizzlies tonight, beating them 105-89. They held Zach Randolph to only 8 points and 4 rebounds, forcing him into 5 turnovers. The Cavs played OJ Mayo extremely well too. All night they forced him into the shot blockers, with Shaq blocking two and Lebron getting a chase down block, which he swatted off the glass. The Grizzlies are one of the better fast breaking teams in the league, but the Cavs held them on the break. Rudy Gay was the only guy who could score on the Cavs in the first half and they held him to just 3 points in the second half. Just an all around show of defensive prowess by the Cavs. Lebron even sounded like KG out there screaming at his bigs to force Zach Randolph, who likes to go left, to his right.

With 15 assists Lebron hit his career high with only 4 turnovers. He was setting people up with ease, hitting Varejao for a couple easy baskets in the lane and getting Shaq the ball with very deep position. Lebron didn't need to score much and he took advantage of the Memphis zone with his distribution skills. One thing I did like about his scoring tonight was how he took smaller defenders in the post. He got single coverage from Mike Conley Jr., backed him down in the post and hit a baby hook over him. He did the same on OJ Mayo and got even deeper position for another hook. It was positively Carmelo Anthony-esque the way he took the small guys on his back down low. I hope he continues to do this throughout the year as it only adds to his offensive efficiency.

Memphis is a great rebounding team, with the number one rebounding differetial in the league at 4.7 a game. The Cavs are one of the best too, with a 4.5 differential, and were able to out rebound the Grizzlies by 3. That is a testament to their work ethic as a team on the block. They kept one guy on Randolph the whole game and wouldn't let him control the glass. Varejao did some pesky blocking out on Randolph and frustrated him all night.

This was a real strong win for the Cavs and it puts them a game and a half up on the Lakers for the best record in the league. They also have the longest win streak in the league at 9 games. They are looking strong going into the allstar break.

I expected a better game from the Grizzlies after they beat the Lakers at home, but the Cavs won easy in a blowout. Cavs coach Mike Brown said this week that he wanted some games that weren't so easy so the team could learn to execute in a close game. It didn't happen tonight as Lebron sat for the last 5 minutes of the game. I am a little worried about his lack of 4th quarter minutes because it looked like he got worn down late in games last year in the playoffs. I hope Mike Brown adjusts his minutes as the year goes on so he can be used to playing a full 48 minutes despite the blowouts.

Is there anyone in the NBA crazier than Artest?

As I read Teenage Mustache's most recent post mulling over potential NFL lunatics to replace the recently more sane Ochocinco, I began to wonder if I would have to find a replacement for Artest. Artest did mysteriously suffer a concussion after the Christmas day loss to Cleveland, and the story remains unclear. At first it was reported he tripped over a box and fell down some stairs, then instead of tripping over a box he was holding one, and then Artest claimed stairs had nothing to do with it and that it was "really the concrete." My guess is "the concrete" was an open hand slap from his wife. Apparently Artest said "I can't remember" fifteen times during a 10-minute halftime press conference regarding the concussion, so we'll probably never know what really went down. Other than this, Artest has been relatively subdued as of late. So I started to wonder who Artest's replacement might be if he continued to keep his nose clean throughout the season.

The first player that came to mind was Stephen Jackson AKA Captain Jack. Jackson was one of Artest's fellow Indiana Pacer teammates that joined him in the stands during the infamous brawl at the Palace of Auburn Hills, so he seemed a worthy candidate. In October of 2006, he continued to show signs of insanity as he fired several gunshots outside of a strip club in Indianapolis after having been punched and hit by a car.

Despite these promising signs of lunacy, Jackson hasn't made much noise since then. He did get this amazing tattoo of a pair of hands simultaneously praying and holding a handgun, which is pretty sweet. However, the meaning of the tattoo is that he prays his faith will keep him from ever having to fire a gun again... or something like that. So that doesn't really help me in finding a replacement for Artest.

This November, Jackson was traded to the Charlotte Bobcats where he seems to have found a new home. The Bobcats have been one of the better teams in 2010 with Jackson and first-time Charlotte Bobcat All-Star Gerald Wallace leading the team into the Eastern Conference playoff picture. Long story short, Jackson just isn't quite crazy enough... at least not anymore. Despite his controversy in the past, he also has a reputation around the league as an extremely genuine person and great teammate. This also doesn't help my cause.

Rasheed Wallace was another that came to mind, but he plays for the Celtics now so I can't even fuck with that.

Just when I thought I may have run out of maniacs to cover in the NBA, I decided to give Artest another chance and checked his Twitter account. Although I was hoping for something a bit more insane, it seems that Artest has continued to indulge in his fetish of organizing photo shoots with scantily clad women. His most recent photo shoot is with model Kim Lee, who I believe is the asian one on the far right. So I guess I'm sticking with Artest. He's bound to do something crazy again, right? If only Dennis Rodman would come out of retirement.

JaMarcus anyone?

So, I'm going to need a contingency plan if Ochocinco is going to resemble a halfway sane person going forward. Fortunately, there are plenty of borderline lunatics in the NFL.

My first thought was Jared Allen, the Minnesota Vikings lumberjack/bullrider/incredible hulk of a defensive end. Video evidence:

But after seeing this YouTube video of Oakland Raider's quarterback JaMarcus Russel at an NBA game with what the announcers estimate is $1 million worth of jewelry, I think I've got my man.

And of course it makes sense. Oakland! Owner Al Davis is a lunatic. The fans are lunatics. The stadium is lovingly referred to as the Black Hole (but not when the A's play there). And the last five or six first round draft picks (usually in the top 5 or 6 overall) have been colossal busts.

But none bigger than JaMarcus. And every bit of evidence is that he just isn't trying very hard. He is supposedly the last guy to get to practice and the first guy to leave. And whenever he loses, which is frequently, he usually blames the other offensive players for not getting open or making plays.

In short, he does everything a quarterback isn't supposed to do in the NFL. But he was a first overall draft pick with an Al Davis-style pay inflation. He's too expensive to get rid of, so regardless of how bad he is, he'll be there a couple more seasons.

Oakland's last coach even got fired in large part because he didn't want to draft JaMarcus and didn't think he could work with him. And after benching JaMarcus halfway through last season, current coach Tom Cable is supposedly on the hot seat to lose his job.

The team of Davis/Russel has ruined many a pro football careers. It will be fascinating to see how many more will be ruined before Jamarcus is driven out of Oakland, likely with torches and pitchforks. It is Oakland after all.

A Newer, Saner Ochocinco

Well after getting some horrible Bengals news, here's something that might make you think the craziest Bengal may have found some sanity.

According to Bengals.com, Chad Ochocinco (I am seriously thinking about just calling him Johnson again - I am almost positive his last name won't be Ochocinco next season) wanted to do a touchdown celebration at the Pro Bowl.  Knowing that league commissioner Roger Goodell isn't too keen on his TD dances, Chad somewhat sanely tweeted Goodell to ask him if that would be alright.  Goodell responded yes, so long as it was "in good taste."

Now, for the last three years Chad has been doing touchdown celebrations in spite of league rules limiting what he was allowed to do.  His MO was that he was just trying to have fun and entertain the fans.  And a displeased Goodell would fine Ochocinco for many of these occurrences.

But this may change.  Apparently Ocho has realized that he could just ask permission beforehand - avoiding a fine and an unhappy league office.  To quote Chad "I'm going to tweet him before every game next year and run by him what I have planned for a celebration that week.  That way he can tell me right then and there if it's OK.  There's no reason we shouldn't be on the same page."

This just sounds too mature and rational for Ochocinco.  I suppose even if Goodell tells him no he could still do it though.  Only time will tell. Why does the NFL offseason have to be so long?

As a side note, despite two passes thrown his way in the endzone, Chad was not able to reel in a TD catch.

Chris Paul sidelined 6-8 weeks for knee surgery

It's been a disappointing couple of seasons for the New Orleans Hornets after they had seemingly turned a corner in the 2008 playoffs. Unfortunately, things are probably about to get even more disappointing. The only consistent force on the team, Chris Paul, is likely to be out 6-8 weeks to undergo knee surgery (welcome to the Western Conference All-Stars, Chauncey Billups). Paul had twisted his left knee in a game against the Warriors and then reaggravated it after having to save an awful inbounds pass by David West in the waning moments of regulation in the Bulls game Friday night. Paul collided with a camera man after saving the ball, which led to a basket by the Bulls to tie the game and send it to OT. A hobbled CP3 attempted to play in OT before eventually sitting, and the Hornets would go on to lose the game, literally adding insult to injury. Paul was visually frustrated with his team's uneven play.

This injury has folks on the internet imploring that the NBA finally move cameramen back to create some more space behind the basket. This has always been a contentious debate, and maybe an injury to a true elite player will finally give them a reason to create more room to play the game. Fast breaks would be more exciting as players would be inclined to run the court with reckless abandon and there would be a lot more entertaining dives for loose balls headed out of bounds on the baseline.

I know Dennis Rodman would have appreciated it: