So close to Kentucky

So that's it! That's what's wrong with the Bengal's front office. With the rolling hills of Kentucky so close to Paul Brown Stadium - literally right across the Ohio River PBS is so proudly perched - they must have given into temptation.

Mike Brown & co. has been drinking the moonshine.

How else can you explain yesterday's signing of Wide Receiver Matt Jones, memorably nicknamed "Moonshine" by ProFootballTalk.com's Mike Florio? Are they sitting around drunk on power and moonshine, joking that it would be funny to have a player named moonshine?

Furthermore, this explains why they have recently worked out cornerback Adam "Pacman" Jones. Perhaps they have an old Pacman machine in the bowels of the stadium that they play after downing their sweet Kentucky swill?

It also could have a lot to do with their supposed interest in former Browns wide receiver Dante Stallworth. What do these three men have in common by the way? All three did not play football in 2009 due to legal ramifications!

On the more serious now (but not totally serious), Mike Brown's tendency to find talent in the NFL's scrap heap has been well documented. Is he just goofing now, showing interest in some of the NFL's biggest fuck ups? Pacman played college ball at West Virginia with our dearly departed Chris Henry. He is often credited as the guy that taught Slim how to get arrested.

Donte Stallworth isn't nearly as big a dumbass as Pacman, but he simply isn't that great of a receiver. And he DUI killed a guy in 2009. Just stay away, it's amazing he's even out of jail already.

Matt Jones actually might not be the worst idea ever. I think TO might be a better fit, but he comes with a much larger price tag ($6 million for one season last year in Buffalo). Dude is 6' 6" and pretty quick. Although he never lived up to his potential in Jacksonville, pairing him with Ochocinco is an interesting line up, and could very well open up the passing game.

So let's just hope that whatever sociopaths Mike Brown signs this offseason limit the Bengals' arrests to hopefully just that unfortunate Maualuga DUI.