Chad Ochocinco

SlimMcLeastFavorite,

As requested, here is my post about the NFL's #1 raving lunatic, Chad 85.

Of course after listening to Artest's song, I may have to admit defeat before beginning. But if it's worth tracking Ron Ron's every move, it is at least nearly as entertaining following 85's.

As this is Dank Game's first Chad post, I'll get everyone caught up to speed. Born Chad Johnson, he is fairly well known for his touchdown celebrations (unfortunately he only had 4 TDs last year)! For several years he also has been keeping a list of all the cornerback's he'll be playing against in a season in his locker so he can brag about how badly he'll burn past them.

Because Cincinnati has blown so much since 2006 (and for the 15 years before 2005), Chad hasn't been in the national limelight as much as he'd like. Here's how he's compensated:

He legally changed his name to a bastardized Spanish version of his number. His new name is now Chad Javon Ochocino (Eightfive as a literal translation)! This stems from a joke jersey he made for a 2006 games during the NFL's "Spanish Heritage Month."This mimics George Costanza's ridiculous idea to name his future son after Mickey Mantle's number. What makes it plain sad is that he wanted a space between the numbers, but because his legal name doesn't have one, the NFL won't let him have one. And he had to wait an entire season to debut it on his jersey due to some BS merchandising rule.

He keeps talking about his TV show. I watched it once. He sits in front of his computer and more or less does nothing. He talks on the phone and sometimes answers questions from people watching. It is exactly like Stephon Marbury's 24 hour uStream marathon, except that this is basically never ending. If he didn't have to go to practice and occasionally spend time with his kids, he'd probably do it about 10+ hours everyday. You'd think he'd lose interest in it or something, but I guess the idea that anyone is watching this thing is feeding his ego.

He has a new catch phrase; "Child please." Real people don't have catch phrases, sitcom characters do.

He was planning on tweeting during games and halftime. The NFL told him he couldn't. I have a feeling he will anyway. Shouldn't the ongoing game weigh heavy enough on his mind?

He plans to change his list this year to to Defensive Coordinators instead of cornerbacks. I guess this is probably by far the least crazy thing I've mentioned.

Last one for now: He wants to race Usain Bolt. He thinks he can beat the world's fastest human in a 20 yard dash. He also said at one point that he wanted to swim against Phelps, but I think he has since dropped this challenge.

Ochocinco is pretty entertaining, but I think I have to admit he takes a backseat Artest. For now.